Mother Leaving Baby with Gma, Turning off Phone, Unable to Find Her!

I understand that you love your sister. You want her to do the right thing and you want good things for her. The hardest part, especially when we love someone and are so invested in them, is accepting the fact that we can talk, warn, beg, plead and cry but only they can choose. Her life is not going the way she planned and she is still reeling from that. No, she never wanted to or planned to be a single parent. She is overwhelmed and doesn't want to be alone. So even if this guy she is seeing is a bad dude, she might be more than willing to ignore the warning signs because it seems so much better than being alone with the overwhelming responsibility of a child.

Which brings us to the real issue here. This little baby is at the mercy of her moms choices. As much as you don't want to do this, CPS may need to be brought in the next time mom disappears. She can't be passed around and she can't be brought into a situation with a potentially violent person. She may only get the big picture when her family stops enabling her and allows her to face the consequences of her behavior. And it is probably the very best thing for that baby. If CPS gets involved and is the baby is removed, the family has the option of taking the baby before she is put in fostercare. The state would also provide financial assistance, medical coverage, daycare if necessary and any intervention that helped keep the baby with the family.

Just some thoughts,

L.

She may be someone who needs a tough love lesson. If she ditches the baby, gma could call CPS about abandonment and your sister would have to deal with proving she is a good parent to get the baby back. To prevent the baby from being sent to an unknown foster home, gma could become licensed for family care and keep the child in her custody.

Sometimes people need to learn the hard way. This way at least the baby would be out of harms way if the new boyfriend is abusive.

I agree with others about getting CPS involved, she will probably feel betrayed but it should honestly be about whats best for your neice, and a mom that disappears without contact is not what is best. The poor girl will soon know when mommy abandons her and who knows what that will do to her. Figure out who in the family could take custody if anyone and maybe even warn your sister that this will happen if she does it again. Your mother needs to set ground rules and follow them, like she needs to come back at a specified time, tell her exactly where she will be, and have a cell phone or number for the place she'll be at. Maybe if she's threatened with having her daughter taken from her then she'll clean up her act. Or she will go along with it and didn't really want to be a mother after all.

I don't think it was you or your brother's place to threaten the man she is dating regardless of his past. Your sister chose him and its up to her to leave him. She is technically an adult and can make these decisions, the child in the picture is who needs protecting. As for your sister's love life you can only advise and make her aware of what you know.

Tough situation.
My thoughts are:
1. Your sister might be abusing drugs. Many people self-medicate for depression, bi-polar, schizophrenia, etc. Could this be?
2. I would call CPS. This is not something to let slide. Even if it is your sister.

It might be worthwhile to call child services the next time she does her disappearing act. She is endangering the welfare of her child. I understand that you are concerned about your sister, but if she will not seek help on her own, then perhaps the fear of losing her child will wake her up enough to seek help. Barring that, the professionals at child services will hopefully recognize that she is in need of services and help her access them.

How irresponsible! i would definitely send somebody of the family your sister cares about to speak with her in person. A classic standing-up,eyes-on-eyes, back-against-wall discussion that will and MUST open her eyes. Somebody that will paint the horrible picture of this unfit mother who is ruining her, and consequently, her daugther's life.If she is coming from a loving, caring family (and I think she is since you are her sister and are very caring) and she grew up with a good example of motherhood (your mother is watching her baby so she is there for her), then she has all she needs to "feel" like a mother should - therefore, since she is acting irresponsibly, it may just be that she is sick (depression or other mental/emotional disorder) and lost- She needs professional help to get back on track. Abandoning her baby and getting together with an unfit man SCREAMS mental instability to me. On the other hand, if she lacked good example or if she comes from an unloving home (which I don't think it's the case) then she needs to LEARN how to be a nurturing mother to this baby...that requires professional help too if she's not willing stay at home with her family. I think you are a great sister and will find the way to help her and her baby...good luck.

Sadly she just has to do this on her own you really have to let her handle it. i know it sucks but its true your mother can refuse to watch the baby but then you really wont know whats going on so it just really depends whats harder on you all.