My 12-Year Old Drives Me Crazy!

I would think it would be a comination of both (age and baby on the way). My 16yr old daughter was 9 when her younger brother was born. She seemed excited at first, but once that wore off, it was more of a jealousy thing. She still doesn't really like him. But on the other hand, IMO, 12yr old girls are the most difficult to deal with....lol! I would suggest spending the day/afternoon just with her and see if that helps. And then maybe having another one once the baby is here and you're back to feeling a little better. Good luck with her and the new baby.

I'm going to copy and paste my response to a similar question someone asked earlier today re attitudes in young girls. Hang in there mama!!!

It has taken me many painful years to learn this (my girls are now 12 and almost 16) but sometimes we moms make the attitude worse without even realizing it.
Kids, especially girls, do not like to be micromanaged. Reminding her to put her name on her homework is a perfect example. That's HER responsibility, not yours. If it's a problem, that's for she and her teacher to deal with. She will learn from it, and you will avoid yet another confrontation.

Think of it this way, imagine someone was constantly reminding you to do things, or telling you how to do things you are trying to figure out on your own. You'd get pretty annoyed, right?
Our girls get frustrated because they are trying to grow and learn and be independent but we well meaning moms are constantly trying to "guide" them. I have found that backing off and giving them a longer leash makes a huge difference. I have also found it helps to let them do things in their own way, which has been very hard for me because I can be pretty fixed in my opinion about how things "should" be done. It's hard at first, because of course mother knows best, lol! But honestly my girls and I get along so much better when I am able to let them figure things out on their own.

She might be feeling "left out" if your main focus has been the baby and the three year old. Maybe a mom/daughter date would do you both some good. Good Luck!

Spend some time with her--just you and her.

I wouldn't want to be 12 again! It's a rough age.

A lot of the disagreements could be partailly resolved if you pick your battles. She is learning and growing up. Its a tough age. If she had your wisdom she wouldn't be making those mistakes or arguing about them.

Being 38 weeks pregnant is a tough time too.

I found that when I had to correct the behavior of my teenagers, it helped after I learned (by accident) that they weren't really listening to me. They were formulating their response to what I had to say and therefore missing much of the things I was saying. So, I'd stop in the middle of a thought and ask them what I had said. Then I'd tell them that I wanted them to listen to what I had to say rather than trying think of how to refute what I was saying. It made them listen a little better and think a little clearer.

Just a thought. Good luck to you and yours.

Being 12 is like having PMS 24/7.. She is all over the place. Still a scared little girl, but wants to be treated older, but cannot control her emotions.

She wants attention, but will never admit it. Acts like she wants to be ignored, but if you ignore, her feelings are hurt.

Speak with her about what is exactly going on with her. Let her know you understand but for the next few months, she is going to have to communicate with you, because you will not be able to listen to whining, demanding and eye rolling.. (Yes, eye rolling is whining).

Give her some more responsibilities because "you know she can handle them".. Then allow her some freedoms when she does well.

Let her know you are proud of her, but you just need her to hold it together a little longer.

Speak with her in a calm and quieter voice than usual, so she will calm down and have to be quieter to hear you. If she is whining eye rolling or yelling, ask her to go to her room and find her "mature self"..

Hang in there.. This is "normal" but you are just not in a place to have the patience right now.

Tis' her age.
Tweens, are from 9-12 years old.
SO she is on the cusp, of being a full fledged TEEN.
Do a Google Search on "Teen girl development" and many good articles will come up. Read it.

Have her, help at home more and do chores and be RESPONSIBLE for things. So she does not get an attitude of "entitlement."

Get the book 'How To Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk."
HIGHLY recommend this.

And sure, ANOTHER baby is going to come onto the scene.
Anyone has to adjust to that, no matter how old.
Teens just will not or cannot express that.

The human brain, is not even fully developed until 25-26 years old.
Your daughter is only 12.
They get, surly.

Here's a big hug for you! I know you need it. Girls are very difficult in the pre-teen, teen years. Everything you said was dejavu and mine wasn't getting used to the idea of a sibling! My daughter would actually change her opinion so we would argue. For example, I said black, she said white. So then I would reconsider and say okay, white. Then she would change to black! It seemed that the argument was what she wanted. And like you, I got so tired of EVERYTHING being a problem. You could try taking her out for a mother/daughter lunch, dinner, or whatever and telling her how you feel. I tried that; it didn't change anything but I felt better knowing that I had at least told her how I felt! Good luck, mom!

I would love to be one of the people that says "oh, it's just her age and that she's a preteen now, etc." But my 8-year old BOY is exactly like what you're describing!!

He makes it his life's mission to argue with me, give attitude to me, complain, whine, roll his eyes. The insanely frustrating thing is that this behavior is not accepted in our house and yet, it continues to be his first, instinctive reaction.

Our latest response is that if he asks for something and doesn't like the answer but he chooses to whine/complain/yell/disrespect as his initial response, he will get exactly what he DOESN'T want. Or if he whines before I've even answered, the answer will be NO. We're working through it now and he knows that if he disrespects, he won't have the opportunity to get what he wants.

We may be mamas, but we are human beings, too!! And we are to be treated as such and anything to the contrary should have ramifications. It doesn't matter what age or what gender. Our kids need to learn that their lives will be much better when they treat us appropriately!

First off regardless of WHY it's happening, it's happening. I was like this with my mom and I can most certainly tell you she doesn't give a flying flip that you're yelling at her. It's just making her feel justified in her attitude. What my mom should have done was start taking things away. Explain to her that you know she may be frustrated with you but under NO circumstances can she disrespect you that way. So each time she does take away a toy or a privilege. Stay as calm as you can and just state "that is not acceptable behavior so this weekend you aren't allowed to go stay the night with so-and-so" or something like that. It's going to piss her off more that you are calm and so matter-of-factly. Make it very clear attitude = no fun for her. When she's NOT having an attitude try to spend as much one-on-one time as you can and talk to her, joke with her stuff like that.. My mom figured this out about a year too late.. Stay calm, stay FIRM and I promise you'll get through this. She has to know that under no circumstance is it okay to communicate with an adult that way, sit her down before it happens again and say "you don't have to talk but you will listen to me speak, your attitude is unacceptable and that is not the way you communicate with adults, you will respect me and any other adult or you will face the consequences" give her a heads up that things are changing and she's either going to be on board or really really unhappy and bored. Good luck!

Added: Just because a baby is coming gives her no excuse to disrespect you.. she needs to learn to deal with her emotions in a productive way and you can help by spending time one-on-one with her, but not until you see some improvement on the attitude.. trust me if you don't do something about it now it will only get so much worse once she hits high school.

Tell her it is rude to roll her eyes and contradict. Don't get upset , they like that. Do something special with her before baby comes that isn't baby related. She is still a kid and needs attention too.

My 11 yo granddaughter and her mom are having the same difficulty. It's no new, tho. Been going on for 3 or 4 years. So it's not related to the birth of her little sister 5 months ago.

She loves her baby sister and enjoys the responsibility that goes along with taking care of her.

My daughter has decided to get counseling for her and her daughter. It seems to be helping. I see my daughter being less confrontational and more mature in the way she responds to her daughter.

I think it's both.

In addition to addressing those with her, I think that you shoudl jack her up one good time. It still works for kids and spouses to think that you might be a little crazy and could just snap in an instant. If you grab her by the throat and slam her into the wall and talk between clenched teeth right in her face, she'll calm down.

OH boy!!! Lucky you!! A newborn and a hormonal preteen in one house. Been there. It isn't fun.

Go into her room when she is enjoying herself, sit on her bed and just start talking about nothing in general, who dates who, what the cafeteria served for lunch.
Then ask how she feels about the baby coming.
Reassure her that she is still so very special.
Let her know that she is NOT the babysitter and don't make her be the babysiiter. UNless of course she wants to be.
Take her out for a mani and have some girl time, without sister or baby.
Keep communication open.

And 12 year olds drive everyone crazy. My friend used to say their brains are sucked out at 12 and gradually restored so by the time they graduate from college you actually want to spend time with them again. :o)