My 12 Yr Old Son - Aurora,CO

7th grade is the toughest year, ask any teacher. I agree with the other Mama's that you need to have a talk with him. Be gentle but almost casual about it. Males in general communicate so differently from females that sometimes we forget that they don't necessarily want to sit down face-to-face & have a long, drawn-out talk. Get him in the kitchen with you while you make a dinner with a lot of components so you can chat (and have plenty of time to do so), but not have to look directly at each other while you're doing it. That should help break the ice with him. Then, when you sit down to eat (away from the TV if at all possible) is when you can let him know that you remember how hard these few years are for everyone & ask him if he thinks he has anything he wants to talk about or needs help with. Tell him that you love him & want to work WITH him, not against him forcing stuff onto him that he's not interested in. After dinner take him for an ice cream (which is something fun from being a little kid, but that people of all ages like) to remind him that you love him & want to have fun with him, not just be a "mean mom" all the time.

if he won't share with you, contact the school counselor & see what can be done. If you all work as a team, then hopefully solutions will be found.

We've used the counselor before & it's really helped.

Have you asked him -not really even mentioning school -how he's doing lately? Do you notice any changes in friendships or sudden "obsessions" with certain things from girls to video games to just riding his bike? You're right -he is going through a lot of changes right now, but he may have experienced something he's a bit embarrassed to discuss -having his heart broken, body changes, suddenly being made fun of in school or a certain class for some reason, etc. Gently try talking to him and let him know you're concerned and you want him to be able to talk to you, but if he has some problems he had rather discuss with someone else, you can help him find someone as well. Is dad in the picture? At this age, true male-to-male heart-to-hearts can be REALLY helpful! If dad isn't around, maybe grandad or a trusted uncle? Make sure it's someone you trust who you would feel comfortable giving advice to your child. It doesn't hurt to remind him how important it is to do well in school either. Ask him what he wants to do in the 6 short years when he's considered an adult. It will probably change, but a good dialogue could open from it.

A friend of mine is going thru this same thing with her 12 yr old son. She just had a parent teacher conference on Friday. He is now in a "tutoring" situation for 1 hour, 3 days a week AFTER school. And its not because he's not understanding the work and needs help it's just to make sure the assignments actually get finished.
They are also signing up for a gym to go to as a family, my friends thoughts were that their afternoon lifestyle had no structure, so the gym is hopefully going to bring them all together as one with a common goal.

I think it would be a good idea to talk to your son's teachers all at the same time at a table meeting. Everyone needs to be on the same page as to knowing what's going on with him, what he's missing, how he's doing in his classes, if it's just with certain classes or all of them, if he's having attention issues, and if they have any suggestions for how to help him and motivate him. You should be checking in with his teachers frequently, as in at least weekly, having conversations with them so that you know what's going on without having to rely on him.

Get him a daily planner to keep track of his assignments if the school doesn't provide one. My daughter's middle school provides one, and if they lose it then the kids have to pay for a replacement. Parents have to check it and sign it daily.

Praise him when he does well, have motivations for him to do well, and consequences for when he doesn't follow through such as loss of privileges. My daughter is in 6th grade and must earn privileges through doing homework and getting good grades. Privileges include her cell phone, weekend activities, her Nintendo DS, hanging out with friends, school dances, and other things that are not necessities. She gets to stay on drill team as long as she maintains a good grade average and she gets to stay in Girl Scouts regardless because of the nature of it (and I can't be that mean as to take away something she's been in since first grade).

We are really big on natural consequences here. Her first semester in middle school was really difficult, and she's never been so resistant to doing homework and schoolwork and obeying. And as much as I've tried to help set her up to succeed, she had a horrible semester with her grades. Well, she didn't like seeing bad grades. It devastated her. So she's turning it around and pulling A's and doing her homework again the way we're used to. She likes seeing good grades and having "extras" and privileges and praise.

I also have very close communication with her teachers and a good relationship with them, and that also makes all the difference. I do my best to support them and take their suggestions seriously.

Maybe it has nothing to do with school at all. That grade level is really hard on kids. Will he talk to you about his life? Can you get him to open up at all? It's just a guess, but the fact that his school work has never been this bad seems to indicate that there are other factors that go into this. And adding pressure about his failing school work may just make it all so much worse. If you can't get him to open up to you about what's going on, see if he will open up to someone else.
Good luck!

I suggest reading a book called "Bright Minds, Poor Grades: Understanding and Motivating your Underachieving Child". I just finished it, and we are using it's principals with both of my children (ages 10 and 6). You will be shocked at how this book will accurately describe your child (I know just based on what you have written about him). It basically shows you how to teach your child to make wise decisions and take responsibility for himself and long term success.

I never like this type of answer, however... I've been going through having my son assessed for Inattentive ADHD and Giftedness. My sons teacher complained about what she called "ADD type symptoms, but very bright." The symptoms sound exactly like what you indicated. If it is excessive and you think back to his younger years and realize there has been a trend, you might want to look into getting him assessed. My son is in 1st grade and per the Psych assessing him, most of his symptoms are coming from being a boy, transition, boredom and not liking his teacher. He is expected to "grow out" of this.

Good luck, I know it's frustrating!

That's a middle school thing for ya. They all go through this some more severely than others and some for a longer time.
What we do? Check his homework daily, make him put down a daily assignments, check the completion and the quality. Remind, remind, remind, posters all over his room and bathroom, check, check, check, call, e-mail teachers. Make him re-do assignments he did poorly. make him review his work do extra and go to the teachers with what he did (after he earned a few compliments - he liked it). We also have a computer monitoring software that lets us track his time online to the second. He has absolutely no time he cannot account for. He reads daily, he does a lot of sports. Does he like it? He is OK with it now. The beginning of the year was rough but once he figured out we are not backing off - he is on board now. Oh, I forgot, if he is doing poorly on some subject - we get books, extra worksheets, he works on it until he is better that any stupid classmate of his. Once he tasted the success - he wants to stay there.
Good luck. Be tough. If he slips now - you cannot get him back on track later.
Oh, about sanity, forget about it for a while. leaving with a teenager is as insane as it gets. It is very tough to make the kids do what they do not want to do day after day after day and feel normal. The only time I feel normal is when he is in school - the minute he arrives - it is battle ready mode :)

Does he need glasses?
This has happened to some of my daughter's classmates.

Google Search "Tween boy development." Since your son is a Tween and almost a Teen. Major changes overall.

Have heart to heart talks with him. So he can express himself and know.... that you are there for him. Not against him. But there for him.... no matter what. That you are not judging him... but care about him. That he does not have to 'lie' to you.
Some kids lie, because they don't want to be punished or embarrassed or let their parents down. It can be due to many, reasons. So hear him out first, before, assuming.

talk with his teacher. Are there any peer problems???

Or might he be depressed?

All the best. I know its not easy.
And you seem like a very caring Mom.