My 3-Year Old Cries Constantly!!!

not really advice b/c i too am in the same boat..except mine is quite 2 yet...will be glad to see any and all responses to this as well..

Mom to 5 yr old and 20 month old ..boys

Have you tried just ignoring him? I am sure my son wasn't that bad about crying when he didn't get his way at that age and just a little bit younger, but he did do it a few times. One time, I was in the middle of Wal Mart (not the super center LOL), and he decided he wanted a toy or something. I told him no. He began to bawl just as if I had hit him. I pushed my basket to the side, close to a place I know one of the associates would see it but it would be far enough out of the way, picked up my bag and him and left. I lived more than 15 miles out of town so showed up at a close friends (practically a sister) and asked if I could borrow a bedroom for a minute. Still without saying a word, I laid him down and then shut the door on him. My friend and I drank a cup of coffee each and were chatting, all the time ignoring his hissy fit. After only a time or two of that after that particular event, he stopped. The whole key was staying calm as if nothing was out of the ordinary and just not giving him the attention that he was trying to get until I got the behaviour I wanted.

She understood b/c my baby brother was like that. It worked on him; although, it did take quite a few more times.

just keep ignoring it. i mean no attention go on doing what you are doing,,, he will soon realize that it isnt working anymore....stick with it!! dont do it one day and not the next.

Hi M.,
Well, he certainly is getting your attention. I really think that "middle" child thing, plus his age and gender play a big role in all of this. Here's a thought, perhaps it may benefit you and your husband to get on his eye level and ask him if he wants to play ".........." fill in the blank. Change the subject so to speak. It really doesn't take much time or energy to implement this to get a better result. Can your 5 year old take part in this diversion? Ring around the rosey, choo choo train and he's the whistle blower using his high pitched voice. Honestly, that is what I do with my 3 year old grandson...I change the subject and get him laughing. He really forgets what it was he was crying about, actually there usually isn't a reason, it's for attention to tell the truth. Sometimes it happens when everyone is doing something or busy making dinner....it takes only a few minutes to change his mind and focus it on something else. I give him a pot and pan or a wooden spoon to pretend he's mixing something or I ask him to dance or hop as I flip the switch on the radio. I speak loudly and get a bit animated when he starts doing what he does right before the crying starts, and my voice is happy, unlike his tone, and I expect him to join in some kind of fun by changing the subject. I pay no attention to him crying and act as if it wasn't happening. I've even asked him to "please help me fix" whatever is in the area.....what is accomplished is usually a messy t-towel drawer or pots and pans now cluttered, but he does forget that he was about to start crying. Believe me, I'd rather clean up the messy drawer or clutter he creates than deal or punish a toddler for crying. It is just too stressful, because they don't even know why they are crying, but I do, they want attention. I feel like it's as if you're trying to talk sense to a drunk when dealing with a crying toddler. They will actually do something to get that "no" response from you to get the attention they want. Does this help at all? It's easier to actually see this from a "grandmother's" eye. Not so easy when you have three little ones. I really hope this helps a bit. I really believe that when you change the way you look at things the things you look at change. Good luck and hang in there.

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Sounds as if there are some other issues involved. He is the boy, and the middle child. Maybe he needs a big fuss made over him for awhile. Like, "oh you poor baby, come and let mama love you while it hurts". Maybe because he is the boy, he is expected to be the "man". Try some different approaches for a mo, and see if anything works. If the crying still seems exorbitant, see a therepist and have him evaluated.

Hi M.,
I can certainly empathize with you in this situation. Our issues go beyond the crying of the little things though. I wonder if maybe you are dealing with other temperamental traits as well. Is your son an introvert or extrovert? Are his reactions extremely intense in other ways aside from crying? My daughter is very strong-willed or for a nicer label - SPIRITED. I recently found a book titled Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. After reading this book, it seemed as if the author had been living in my home for the past 4 years. It has given my some great insight and we have started implementing some of her suggestions. Of course, things don't change overnight, but we are seeing some positive results in just a very short time. There is also a workbook. I am going to get it for more help.
We had tried sending DD to her room to "cry it out" but that never seemed to work. Actually most of the time she would just get worse. We have also tried many of the other tactics you mentioned. However, Raising Your Spirited Child has given us better ideas.
If you would like to talk please feel free to contact me. It is always nice to have someone else to commiserate with since it seems difficult to find others in the same situation.

Maybe he is already under some stress and the added stress of any little thing just sends him over the edge. He could have a sensory integration dysfunction that keeps him in a constant state of stress because it takes extra work to do what we all take for granted. Just a thought, since my son had some si problems and is also highly functional autistic. You could get him diagnosed and/or read "The Out-of-Sync Child" to see if he fits the picture.

My son also gets overly emotional if he eats red food coloring. When he was younger he would cry easily after eating it. You might check and make sure that food colorings are not in his diet, it's even in some yogurts and some chocolate snacks.

Also, you might ask him if anything hurts. I knew of one little boy who had a constant headache and never said anything because that's all he knew. He had one round of Cranial Osteopathy (CranioSacral Therapy is similar) and said 'my head doesn't hurt anymore' and that's the first his parents knew that it had hurt.

Good luck.

It sounds like you have done lots of good things, so there must be something going on that you aren't aware of to describe to us. Seek a professional's opinion, which should be based on observation of you, your son, and you and your son together. This wouldn't have gone on for 3 years unless both sides were contributing to the situation. Good luck.

I just want you know my husband and I feel your frustration. Our son is 4 years old and still does this. We are hoping he grows out of it. He has not cried the last 2 days:)I really believe it is emotional problem that he can't help because he is a sweet and intelligent boy.

Since what they are wanting is attention you have to take that away from them. What I did is IMMEDIATELY take my little one to our guest bedroom. I told her tt was her special crying room,she could cry all she wanted in there and when she was done she could come out. I did not send her to her room because it had too many distractions. She only stayed about 5 minutes before she came out. If she was still crying I made her go back. It took just a couple of times before all I had to do was say do you need to go to your crying room? She didn't want to and we had no more problems. When she realized she wasn't going to get attention it stopped. ALl the other stuff is attention.

There is a child like this who is 3 at my daughter's preschool, the parents do not discipline or seem to care about his behavior but the teacher's think he has some sort of sensory issue b/c everything bothers him....I would suggest a doc visit to explain what is going on. Catch it now before it stays with him as he gets older.

Your child's diet can affect his disposition. Check out www.feingold.org. Feingold is a 30yr old non-profit organization whose purpose is to inform the public about petroleum-based artificial ingredients in our food supply. These harmful additives cause ADD, ADHD, OCD and many other emotional, behavioral and physical side effects. Feingold is a leading authority on this suject and has helped thousands of families over the years. Our oldest daughter becomes an emotional wreck when she eats food dyes and the preservatives TBHQ and BHT. Feingold was a Godsend for us. Best wishes.

Make sure you have ruled out any medical conditions. My neighbor's son has sensory issues and seems to be very emotional. Hope for your sake it ia a phase he can grow out of or you can modify the behavior.

I did the same thing the last mom did but I put them in my bedroom. Someplace that isn't fun but they won't get hurt. We've used a bathroom too.

First, try to make sure there's no medical reason for his crying.

Does Daddy ever take your little man out for one-on-one 'man time'? That might help. It doesn't sound as if explanations are going to work.

I'd say to do something purely positive (praise, hugs, etc when he's just being a happy little kid, the 'daddy dates', etc) and/or completely ignoring the bahavior -- even if you DO have to put him elsewhere. I'd also suggest to read something by Kevin Lehman (Leman?). He'd probably suggest that you matter-of-factly put him outside on the porch with no fanfare a few times (even in the cold). He can ONLY come back in WHEN he quits crying (not 'if', but 'WHEN'). Maybe that sounds cruel, but if doing it consistently for 5 -10 times would break the cycle forever, wouldn't it be worth it? He evidently wants attention, and the more he gets over this, the worse he's gonna do it.

My younger daughter loudly cried a LOT for years on end, but for a different reason (not about discipline, "no" etc) but the result is the same. It is stressful for her and for the entire family. It is distressing!!!

So at age 2.5 we taught her that as soon as she starts crying she must run run run into the playroom or her bedroom and then she can cry all she wants until she is done.

She actually was pretty good at getting there before she completely melted down.

I have to wonder... how is your son sleeping? Not sleeping well can significantly lower frustration tolerance. Also allergies... in general, simply not feeling well can.