My 4, Soon to Be 5, Year Old Expereinces "Accidents."

my son had afew accidents and then he got sick with a sore throught and high fever with a chest cold. Maybe she isn't feeling well? I don't know but my son stoped the accidents ever since we started him on his antibiotics. Just a thought. Also my sister would get bladder infections easily and she wouldn't go to the potty when she had one because it hurt and would end up having accidents. Good luck. ~V.

My daughter went through the same thing at that age. She still has the occasional accident now. But I was able to determine that the problem was simply that she wasn't taking the time to go potty before it was too late. She wasn't telling me not because she thought I would be mad and she would be punished but rather because she was embarassed. Talk to your daughter make sure there are no medical reasons for hte accidents, ie blatter infection. But reassure her that it's okay to talk to you about it. Also be sure you explain to her that if she doesn't tell you and stay's in the soiled undies that she can get a rash or sores.

My 5 yr old also had accidents, both at scool.Both time it was just as recess was ending, she didn't want to stop playing and held it in until it was too late. I explained to her that she needs to go right away, as soon as she feels she needs to go.I asked her how does it feel when the other kids see her do this, she said she was embarrased. I told her to keep from getting embarrassed she needs to go right away. Maybe your 4 yr old is having to much fun to stop.Try explaining why its important to go right away and that you can go and then get back to playing and dancing when she is done.

Hi R.. Wow. Are you a guy? lol, It doesn't matter sweetie, we are here to help you.
A lot of children have these "accidents." By now, your daughter is old enough to be ashamed or embarrased by them. that could be why she won't tell you. And if you are a male (your name made me wonder)maybe she feels uncomfortable with telling you.
There can be a lot of reasons for the accidents. It could be trauma in the home. But you just said that there isn't yelling or hitting so I doubt its that. Sometimes, they are having so much fun at the time that they sort of...forget about those tingly little feelings. THink about this for second. She's only been potty trained for what...2 yrs. at most? You've been potty trained a lot longer. So when those feelings strike you, you know HEY! now is the time to go pee. She's so little, she might not want to stop what she's doing.
I would just be pantient. Do not get mad at her for these accidents. Let her know that she has to stop and go to the bathroom. If this continues, it might be a medical condition. My cousin, God bless him, peed the bed every night. We always called him mean names like pisspot, and The Buzzard. It was horrible to think back on because now we know.....it wasn't his fault.
I hopw you w/b soon and let us know how this ends out. Good luck. Give your daughter an extra big hug for no reason. Best Wishes, T.

sometimes they get to caught up in their playing and wait too long to make it on time.this happened to mine in k as well.just let her know its ok if she has an acct. but to try to rember to go sooner before it happens.maybe she didnt tell u because she wasnt sure how u would respond or that its ok if it happens..

Three questions come to mind. First, how recently are you divorced? If it's pretty recent, it might have something to do with your daughter's security level regarding living/custody arrangements, or wanting to make sure that you will love her even though you are divorced (for some reason, many children feel that if a parent can stop loving the other parent, maybe that parent will stop loving the child). Maybe just talking and reassuring her will help.
Second, could she have a urinary tract infection? This is very common at this age, as many girls forget to wipe front to back. Bubble bath can also irritate some girls, causing UTI's. It's very easy to check this, she just needs to pee into a cup at the doctor's office or the lab. (I couldn't use bubble bath or scented laundry detergent with my 3 girls, or they would get urinary tract infections. Also, I could only buy very mild soap, like glycerin soap--unscented!)
Third, did anything upsetting happen at the playground or dance class? Some children are extremely sensitive to unkind remarks. If she was truly upset enough, she might have wet her pants, either because she was SO upset, or because she thought you would notice and "rescue" her (take her away from the situation).
Hope this helps!
J.

Hi R. ~ You know, she's probably just having fun and doesn't want to stop or might not know the right time during dance class to let her instructor know she needs to go potty. Like the other ladies said, you should talk to her and let her know that if she is in class, she needs to tell the teacher when she has to go potty; and if she is playing, it's okay to stop to go and then she can continue playing. Let her know that when she has accidents, she has to stop completely what she is doing and if she just excuses herself, she can always come back and there will be no embarassing moments. Maybe where the playground is concerned, she feels if she stops, she can't come back or if she does someone else will be where she was. Just have patience and communicate with her. Ask her if anything is troubling her and reassure her that she can talk to you about anything. Kids need to believe this about their parents. Communication begins now and will be extremely helpful in the pre-teen and teenage years. Best of luck to you and your little girl.
L.

Hi R.,

She may be embarrassed to tell you because she knows she is a "big girl" so is ashamed about the accidents, or maybe fears she will get into trouble.

It might very well be as simple as her being too busy to stop and get to the bathroom in time. My stepson was like this at about that age (and not just pee sometimes, ugh!!) and I remember being 4 or 5 and wetting pants because I waited too long (my mom remembers me doing it too!).

If she were my daughter, I would talk to her and gently ask why it's happening, and one thing to suggest is for her to go pee more frequently even if she doesn't much feel like it (like go before dance class, before going out to play etc.) just to be sure her bladder doesn't get too full. Kinda like we have kids go to the bathroom before going on a car ride, you know?

One more thing I would consider is talking to your child's doctor, especially if the accidents continue happening regularly - your little girl might need to be checked out by her pediatrician for a bladder infection or some other problem.

My daughter is 2 so we are just getting into the potty training stage.... :) .

Best of luck, and good for you for being an involved parent even following a divorce...(I'm guessing by your name you are a dad rather than a mom)...

S. M.

I heard this from another mom's doctor and it seems to make sense. When kids exhibit an unexplained spat of potty accidents, it's often because they are undergoing a growth spurt and their bladder has changed size (as well as everything else about their body). So mentally, they need to reset the "I need to go potty" trigger.

I'm guessing it'll pass in short order.

-S.

My son Zachary had this same problem, right at that age. He is now 7 years old soon to be 8 has grown out of it. His Dad and I were separated at the time and now divorced. So I had a difficult time trying to potty train him because of the back and forth. But right when he turned 3 it was like bam he had it down. I was so proud. Because all it took was a little pep talk and he did the rest. But a year or 6 months later his Dad and I, along with the home daycare that he was attending, started to notice that he would wet his pants and not tell anyone and it became a habit. We tried taking toys away from him and even not letting him play during the day because we noticed that he would do this when he was in the middle of something and that he would wait till the last minute to go. It got so bad that we would just talk about it and a 30minutes later that night he would do it again. I was so frustrated I just stopped making a big deal about it and he adventually stopped. So basically my point is that I really regret getting so mad at him all the time when all it took was a little patience and time. And it sounds like she is the same way it happened twice while she was in the middle of something. She should be okay by the time she gets to school. Just make sure that you let her know that it happens sometimes but you need to try harder to not let it happen. And use a voice that is understanding and calm like you are giving advice to a friend. Kids tend to listen more when you talk to them like an adult. And always let her know that this happens to other people to. So she will feel better and she can understand more. I believe that if you talk to your kids with love and understanding and try to explain why things happen. They will behave better. because I have be told countless times that my son is so well behaved and he plays well with others. And all I can think of was the many conversations I had with him. Especially when it was just me and him. I think it made him feel special. Don't get me wrong my son does have his moments and he can be a little sneaky because he is so smart. Well I hoped I helped!!! Good luck!!!

R.,
I HAVE 2 GIRLS THEY HAVE DONE THE SAME THING BUT IT'S BECAUSE THEY DON'T WANNA STOP PLAYING AND WANNA WAIT TIL THE LAST MINUTE. THEN THAT'S WHEN THE ACCIDENTS HAPPEN. YOU JUST HAVE TO LET HER KNOW THAT SHE NEEDS TO GO TO THE RESTROOM.LET HER KNOW WHATEVER SHE IS DOING AT THE TIME WILL STILL BE THERE WHEN SHE GETS BACK .THEY FEEL LIKE IT'S GONNA GO AWAY AND THEY ARE GOING TO MISS OUT ON SOMETHING.

Dear R.,

Well, you could make sure that you check with her before leaving the house and after getting to the dance class. They get interested and do not want to leave the fun to go to the bathroom.

Tell her that you will go with her so that she won't lose much time away from the event. Then you go with a companionable attitude. So that it won't seem like punishment.

Grgreatgrandmothers have this problem too, and have accidents for just the reason I gave you above.

You could reward her too when she agrees to go to the bathroom. It is not spoiling when you reward good behavior, it is spoiling when you give them something that they did not earn.
Sincerely, C. N.