My 5-Year-old Son Is Bored, and So Am I. But, He Won't Go Out!

I have my children follow through, but if they don't like an activity, they don't have to sign up again after the session is over. My mother had the same rule...if you don't like it, fine, just finish, because I paid...and then you don't have to do it anymore.

Not necessarily the nicest thing, but I remember my mom used to offer this as a solution to many of the parenting problems we presented her with-

me - "my brother won't share the legos"
mom- "if you two can't work it out, we'll have to put the legos away. One of you can scrub the toilet, the other can scrub the grout."

me- "i'm bored"
mom- "i'll give you five minutes to find a way to entertain yourself using your books, your crayons, your blocks or your imagination. If you can't come up with a solution, you can peel the zucchini, that will cure your boredom and give you something to do."

Me- "I'm bored."
Mom- "Pleasure to meet you 'bored', my name is Mrs. F. B., how do you do."
me- "no mom, I'm feel bored."
Mom- "glad you are in touch with your feelings. you can't figure out what might be entertaining for you, you can go play outside, or you can sit in your room until you feel otherwise."

Mom was unrelenting. That said, we were enrolled in, and willing participants in a number of activities. Not sure when we found time to be bored. But then again, kids will be kids. Poor Mom was probably exhausted keeping house, playing taxi, and wasn't willing to shoulder this problem too.

Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

My son is this way too and it has to do with anxiety like the poster said below. If he's really throwing a fit I sit down for a few minutes and talk about it. I ask if he's worried he won't know any one there/not be able to do the activity/won't like the teacher. He usually tells me he's nervous for one reason or another and I reassure him I'll be there in the waiting room/watching and that I wouldn't take him somewhere he wasn't safe. He's also a bit of a perfectionist so if he doesn't get something on the first few tries he quick to throw in the towel. I remind him we all have to practice to get good. There have only been a few classes that I let him pull out of - gymnastics being one of them - but I sat in on a class and couldn't believe the instructor and how he spoke to the kids. I was furious and even talked to the owner. Everything else on the way there if he's complaining I say "after today you will only have X more classes and then if you don't want to do it again you don't have to sign up. Does he have a friend he can sign up for something with? Sometimes that helps get them interested in going and feel more comfortable. Other times I don't even give him an option of anything. I tell him this is what we are doing today and I expect every one to get along and not complain.

Just take him out to play, especially parks and other places where kids gather. You don't need to do anything structured or organized. I grew up in Iowa and I loved to play outside during the winter. Finding a hill to sled on was fun and great exercise (you had to keep walking back up after all!) After a few hours outside go home and make some hot cocoa.
You can also go to the library and just snuggle in the kid's corner and read books. Fast food indoor play places are a cheap and easy way to burn off some energy, he can play while you read a book (that was one of my favorite guilty pleasures when my kids were little.)
As far as staying busy at home my kids loved making indoor forts out of large empty boxes, couch cushions and blankets. They also like helping me cook and bake.

He is 5.
Of course he does not have any follow through :)
He is pure impulse - he sees something and wants to do it. Since he is 5 he has a limited concept of time - so doing that thing next week is not a concept he understands. He wants to do swimming NOW. So when you sign him up and take him next week - the impulse has expired and he no longer wants to go.
Drop the swimming and gymnastics for now.
Focus on things that the two of you can do together - parks, museums, bowling, roller skating. One time events that you both can have fun doing together.
Work on his follow through when he gets a little older.
Oh, and since he is 5, don't ask him, "do you want to go the museum" tell him "we are going to the museum together to have fun".

So..you sign him up for activities then he pitches a fit when it's time to go? You might want to start recording his requesting the activity and his promise to participate. When he whines, play if for him, tell him to cut it out and put his jacket on it's time to go.

If you have a fenced back yard, then bundle him up and push him out. Lock the gates and the door to keep him out for at least 30 mins. Of course, don't just leave him out there with out checking on him. I've actually done this with my daughter. Sure, it may not seem like the nicest thing to do, but it sure beats loosing my temper and yelling at her for getting in my hair every 5 mins whining about being bored. I watch her from inside the entire time, she's safe and secure, bundled up warm and out of my way while I get some much needed dishes or laundry done.

Good luck.

While YOU are still in charge, take him out to a "good" pre-school or day care and walk away. You BOTH need the ME time.

It seems to me that if he were REALLY interested in these things there would be no battle. I would take him out of these activities and just spend time with him outside.

And don't blame his dad. Your son may have inherited this behavior. I was amazed at how many mannerisms/attitudes/behaviors my daughter had like her father, yet she had NEVER been around him!

I can understand feeling frustrated. Maybe it's time to take a break from the activities that cost money? I would. Why waste your money on activities that he is not going to AND not wanting to go to? With that being said, I would do OTHER activities. Things that don't cost a lot of money. I would encourage and require that he get out and do something. A child can't sit inside all of the time. Too bad that he wants to sit inside. You have to MAKE him do it. It's not healthy for him and for anyone else involved to be indoors all the time. You may encounter resistance, but too bad.

He sounds like a normal 5 year old. If he is absorbed in an activity he doesn't want to budge to go do something else.Best things to work for me:

1) Never ask if he wants to go. In the morning tell him where the 2 of you will be going. Then give him a 15 minute warning, then a 5 minute warning, then get him ready to go. No choices allowed.

2) Put the emphasis on activities that don't cost much money or are free. Storytime at the library, a walk, playground, have a membership at a children's museum, indoor play area if any in your area.

3) Make sure once you are doing the activity with him that he gets to make a lot of choices and that you take it at his pace most of the time. Let him explore, ask you question, flit around, or stay focused on one thing for a long time...whatever works for him.

4) He sounds like my son in that organized activities like a sport lesson or a class don't hold his interest. Pick one class at most to keep and then change to a different activity at the end of each session. He is 5, he doesn't need to get "good" at anything yet, but trying different activities will help him learn what he enjoys and doesn't enjoy.

5) Talk with him afterwards, ask him what he liked and didn't like. Ask him if he would like to do that activity again in the future.

6) If you like to have him in a class because you like "me" time, then hire a sitter occasionally instead.

Have fun :)

The rule in our house you have to do something. She can pick what she wants to do though. And what she picks she has to finish through the season. It can sometimes be something once a week or something 2 to 3 days a week. She has done gymnastics, Karate, swimming, dancing (all different types at different times), soccer , tball, softball, you name it she has tried it. She goes through phases and will do gymnastics for one session then karate for the next and even go back to gymnastics again. Its about trying activities and finding what you like and enjoy it. some work out better than others. In the end she has ended up a well rounded child.

My friends daughter was like this and it turned out she had anxiety around going out of the house.

My son used to do that at age 5. I'd sign him up for an activity (of his choice) and make him go. Yes, he'd often kick and scream and put up a huge fuss...but then once we were there he always enjoyed it. It was such a pain. He just did not like transitions. He outgrew this for the most part. He's 8 now. I say make the rule that he HAS to do one (or two) activities. I told my son beforehand if you make a fuss and do not cooperate when it is time to go then X is your consequence. He often still had the meltdown and then had the consequence (for him it was lose time on a video game he liked...lose a day he could play). Gradually over time he stopped doing this...but it took a while. It must be a maturity/stubborn thing for some kids!

i dont think its a matter of him not wanting to do things i think its just a matter of getting him up n out.. this is going to sound mean but id make him go.. carry him to the car if you have to.. i think once he's there he will enjoy himself... could you maybe tell him you guys have to go to the store just to get him out and in the car and then just bring him to swimming or gymnastics or whatever the class is

Clearly your son is not ready for organized activities. Many children are not at age 5. Invite a friend over fro him to play with, take him to a park or indoor play area. He'll grow and change, he'll figure out what he really wants to do.