My 6 Year Old Son Wont Sleep or Even Stay in a Room by Himslef What So Ever...

I have a 6 year old son who enjoys sleeping with his Mario or his Doggy(stuffed toy). Does he have anything he can hold onto or is he completely alone? What about school doesn't he go to Kindergarten or 1st grade? Is this behavior recent or been going on since he was little? Sounds a lot like anxiety...Is the only time he displays this behavior when he is at home? This may be something that if not able to control you might want to think about the idea of seeing his doctor. Good Luck and I hope something positive comes out of all of this for you.

I'd make him a little spot in my room on the floor and let him sleep. I'm sure this is anti everyone else's opinion, but stuff like this isn't a big issue for me. I don't care if they sleep in my room if they have to. That being said, mine do now sleep in their own room, and when my 4 yr old boy gets scared, his older sister will sleep in bed by him. I think you said you had a daughter, would she mind sleeping in bed by him? He'll outgrow it one day, but I think right now it's really insecure and things like this will be helpful...in my opinion...hehe. And, I'm sure most everyone will disagree! But it's what we've done.

Did you ever think that he is doing this because you give into it? when you validate a childs fears you are validating a reason to be afraid. He's not ruiening your relationship, first of all he's not your sons father so your son comes first, now with that said children should not we allowed to reffuse what they are being told, by you stating he wont, you give him a lot of power in your house and THAT'S probably what is bothering your current husband. Is your son worried about his dad, could he had see on the news about soldiers being killed? there's a lot to look at. J.

Have you tried talking to him? What exactly is he afraid of? Take some time during the day when he is calm and talk about things that are going on in his (and your) life. Sounds like there's a lot for both him and you to feel anxious about right now.

i do suggest counseling, he is obviously traumatized by his dad leaving. kids are smart, they see the news, hear people talk to i'm sure he is well aware of the danger his dad is in and knows the fact that he hasnt heard from him could mean something bad. i really dont think you should be lying to him though and telling him his dad is in a safe place or that he wont ever be without you. you cant say that for sure.

and even though he is scared, he has also learned that he gets a reaction out of you, so maybe start to ease off with the interaction a bit when he gets like that.

Ah, with your update it helps.

Of course he is completely concerned about his father. He is feeling helpless because he does not have control over this. He is afraid of the worst nightmare any child can have. Their parents will die. He can not save him. He is worried also that what will happen if something happens to YOU.

This is just as important of a conversation as what if his father is killed? He is keeping you in his sights, so he always know where you are. He probably thinks if he can see you or be next to you, nothing can happen.
Have you spoken with him about how you are safe? About how he is safe? Have you spoken about how moms used to be daredevil girls growing up but now that they are moms, they are extra careful so they can be healthy and hardy to take care of their children?

We live in the tiniest house. 2 bdrm/1 bath, but our daughter could easily get spooked even during the day. We purchased a pair of walkie talkies for her to use. These were no to be used at night. Night is for sleeping.

At night we played soft music or played a book on CD, so that she could clear her mind of the scary thoughts that ran through her mind. She is an extremely creative child so she could think of all sorts of horrible things.

We also used "Dream coins". These are magical talisman that when placed under his pillow will give him a good sleep. They protect him from scary thoughts and dreams. (purchase some foreign coins.. (have multiples in case they get lost). Give it to him during the day and have him place it under his pillow so tonight, he can see it is still there. He will be able to sleep with his hand under his pillow on the coin and know he is safe.

My mother used to relax our daughter when she was too antsy to sleep by turning off all of the lights and starting with her hand, soflty touch our daughters head and very slowly and calmly say, "it is time to rest, rest your head".. Then she would move to her "forehead, with a slight touch "it is time to rest your forehead.". She would continue all the way to her feet.. She did this each night our daughter slept over at her house..

Eventually my mother says once she got to our daughters chin, our daughter was out..

Therapy for all of you is going to help. This fear is real. I do not blame him. Remember to children, their parents are their whole world.

I think for adults if their husbands, wives or children are in the military, it takes a lot of effort to not shut down and want to sit in a corner and weep till their loved one comes home safe. So imagine the terror your son is feeling. He has not control over anything, except staying as close to you as possible. He needs some tolls to help him feel safe.

I agree with Linda. What exactly is he afraid of?

Sounds, the darkness, under the bed, the closet?

How long has this been going on?
How long has his dad been in Afghanistan?
How long have you been remarried?
How long have you lived in this house?
Did he just start school?
Is this week his first week of school?
Has something changed?

Once you have heard from your son and thought about what has changed.. then you may have a better idea of how to help him.

We need more info.

Has he told you what he's afraid of?

I'm no professional, but it sounds like it could be related to his dad being gone. He might be afraid that you'll leave indefinitely, too. He might not know how to express himself properly.

Will he tell you at all why he's scared, or what's wrong? It's worrisome to me, because kids are normally over that stage by that age.

What about taking him to talk to a professional? It couldn't hurt. Especially since you are at your wit's end & you can't figure out what's going on.

Sounds like at 6 he's a little insecure due to the family dynamic. It will take time for him to feel secure, be patient with him, reassure him that your family and home is a cozy, safe place for him to be. I'm sure the disappearance of his Dad could be part of the root of the problem.

Rule out any trauma. Is this a new fear? Is this about his absent Dad? Does he have a good relationship with his step-dad, or is he afraid of him. If he is afraid, why? Does he hear or see anything and are you in a new environment? I believe in ghosts and kids see what we don't.

After that last thought, if you don't think I'm too out there, I'd suggest you go with your gut. If you think this is serious, seek professional help. Protect your child if you have to. Otherwise do you best to be patient and push him into minor victories in fighting his fear.

Even bribe him a little. For example you might tell him, "If you think you can sit in here and watch t.v. for 10 minutes by yourself while Mommy is right in the next room where I can hear you I will let you watch your favorite video with your favorite snack!" Even if he only makes it 5 minutes praise him and remind him all went well!

If you have been sitting with your son and sticking by his side on his terms, then you might consider not making it so comfortable for him. For example, "Okay honey, I understand you are afraid but I have things I must do. If you don't want to be alone you will have to follow me around and help me clean the house...... You will have to sit and be quiet while I talk on the phone..... You will have to sit quietly because Mommy needs a little nap." The hope would be he would evidentially get bored and take some risks that would in turn become successes at being alone.

This site is a wealth of information and has links at the bottom of the page to refer you to more resources. Counseling is available to him free of cost as his dad is deployed.
http://www.k12.wa.us/operationmilitarykids/Resources.aspx

God's blessings!

Poor guy! My son had to have his room blazing with all the lights on all last year (the year he was 6). Now at 7 and a half he will finally let us turn off the lights. I read in a child development book that it is the year of imagination and fears and so naturally at this age (6-7) a lot of kids will develop fears of things. Obviously your son has a fear of being alone. Besides the dark our son suddenly had this fear of "bad guys" and he would worry often about bad guys getting in our house. We had to talk about it a LOT and I totally downplayed the fact that there really are bad guys out there. What made him feel better is we talked about how we'd use his toy guns and sword and whatever to kick their butts!!!! And our dog would bite them and he would karate kick them, etc. This made him smile and laugh and stop feeling afraid. For a little while he would pile his toy guns and stuffed animals around his bed as protection. I would ask him why he afraid to be by himself sometimes. Is he afraid you are going to leave? Maybe you can help him to feel safe and protected... for example, my son loved his toy spy gear alarm you can set up in a doorway. If it were my son, I would probably lie down with him at night and snuggle while he fell asleep. I bet having his dad be gone in Afganastan is quite unsettling to him even if he does not vocalize that. I would reassure him daily that you are going no where and that you need your own sleep in your own bed. Maybe work on a path using baby steps to praise him for sleeping in his own room. Let him earn a new toy or something for accomplishing these steps. Good luck!

You must "prepare" his central nervous system for sleep and maybe some other activities during the day depending how sensory sensitive he is. PLease PM me so I can go over the simple body prep ideas with you. It will help him tremendously.

I ditto Teresa C.

Just have a spot on the floor for him, in your room.
We do that for our kids.
No biggie.

Even kids this age, they get generalized 'fears' of things. My kids do as well as all my friend's kids.
It won't make sense to an adult... kids have active imaginations. We cannot turn 'off' their imaginations nor their feelings.

How is a child, who is fearful of the dark and possible abandonment issues due to his Father up and leaving - be the reason for a relationship between 2 adults to be going downhill? If I were the Mom, I'd ask for my current husband to be more adult, mature and understanding towards my child - not to mention to be more Fatherly.

It's horrible you are trying to place the blame of your failing relationship on your young son.

He needs help processing and releasing the source of his fears - perhaps you can speak about it with him during the day when he is calm and can use his rational mind to consider whatever circumstance has triggered this anxiety.