My 6Yr Has Social Issues That Cause Me Alot of Stress and Worry.

Contact her pediatrician for a referral to a specialist. There may be an underlying medical issue causing the anti-social behavior that's totally out of her control. Getting medical help for her early on in her school years may make a tremendous difference for her in life.

I would suggest having one child over at a time and having the girls engage in some "structured" (aka "supervised") activities- like crafts, baking or something equally short, sweet and structured. She may have a personality issue, but she may also have learned really inappropriate social skills along the way.

Teach her how to have a conversation (back-and-forth), play board games (turn-taking), work on a project with a peer (conversation, direction-following, and patience), etc.

Does she ususally get her way? Serious question here... when she turns up the drama do you cave, leave or force her to use appropriate behaviors? Some people are ego-centric, it's who they develop into. If you want to change her behavior and reactions, take a look at how you are reacting to her and see if by changing your reactions she gets the clear message that her choices are not okay.

When I was 4, my Mom was volunteering at school for my brother, one of the Nuns was watching me and looked at my Mom and said "she's very strong isn't she?" My Mom rolled her eyes and nodded. The Nun then said "And leave her alone, she was given that strength for a reason, some day she will need all of it." And I have.
You daughter is a strong person but has learned somewhere that strength is being a control freak. Look around at family and friends and see where she learned that from. Start taking your control back from that person. Also teach her majority rules if the other girls want to play hopschotch and she wants to play jump rope for instance, tell her they play what they want and she can play what she wants. If she starts to huff and puff and pout put her on a time out and tell the other girls to play. Her strength may become the saving grace for her and her friends in a fire she may know how to lead them out by crawling along the floor or may be the one to stand up to a stranger wanting them to get into his car. So strong is good but learning how to use that strength is what she needs.

My 6 yr old son has this same temperament. He's very confident, very alpha, and wants to win/be in control when playing with his friends. We talk about compromise a lot before a friend comes over to play. We also talk a lot about taking turns. One child (the guest) can choose what they play first and then my son can choose next, etc. That said, he has a lot of friends at school and in the neighborhood. One thing that has really really helped is we live on a culdesac with some older boys that my son looks up to. Often all the kids come over to our house to play. My son adores these kids bc they are the "cool big kids" to him. They don't let him get his way all the time and he sure has learned a lot by playing with them. Because they are not his same age he does not get mad and lose it in front of them because he wants them to play with him. With kids his own age he does better when it is just him and one other child. Every now and then personalities just do not mix (especially when the other child is just like he is!) and the playdate is a bust. But he has his best friends now who he pretty much always gets along with. I'm not sure if this helps at all, but try working with her to take turns, maybe just invite one friend over at a time, and maybe act out scenarios where you teach her the right thing to do or say. My son is like your daughter in that he also seems to have little empathy for others...it's all about him! It's all about his feelings! And he thinks he is always right! In the heat of the moment when he is upset about something there is no reasoning with him, and he gets alone time till he calms down. Then later we talk about what he needed to do differently. I really think this is a personality type and we have to keep working hard with our kids to teach them the right thing to do.

I agree with CAWriterMom about a possible medical problem and the potential need for resolution thereof; however, I would not hold my breath waiting for help from a pediatrician (though you could/arguably should start there).

You may want to check out (from the library preferably so you don't have to buy) "The Out of Sync Child." Some of her issues sound sensory to me (but I could be wrong). I would also research PANDAS and OCD (has she ever had strep infections?). Finally I would consider whether she has a visual processing disorder or some other learning issue. Sometimes LD kids struggle socially too. Of course NONE of these issues could apply to your child.

Without more information it is hard to say . . . but I would definitely dig deeper. Kids who are struggling physically or neurologically often do have issues with social situations. It makes sense to a certain degree - most of us are unpleasant when our bodies are not working properly for us.

I would also see if your area has any social skills classes (OT's know about these sometimes).

IMHO there is a difference between being strong-willed and being highly socially unpleasant on a consistent basis. To me the latter indicates a problem (humans are social creatures by nature, though to varying degrees of course).

I'm not a health care provider of any kind - this is just my "mom" opinion.

Wishing you and your daughter luck . . .

It may be her personality and temperament.

I have a sibling, that was like that.
Really not easy.
Had hard time with friends.
Real Type A and Alpha type person.
Not easy.

Your child is young... so you need to teach her social skills and role-play with her etc.

How is her sense of self? Her confidence? Her sense of self-reliance?
Some kids are like that because they are insecure or lack a sense of control, so they try to control everything and everyone around them. For example.

Teach her Empathy. It is a 'learned' skill in some kids.

Teach her Boundaries, rules etc.

Don't 'compare' her to others, but somehow, teach her how to get along. Coping-skills, how to communicate with others, how to say things etc. You NEED to teach her, that. Kids don't automatically 'know' those things on their own. They don't have automatic problem-solving skills.

One of the first words I taught my daughter was the word "Compromise." For example.

all the best,
Susan

Terrific response from Krista re: how you can respond to your daughter to show her that her choices are not good ones.

I would add, be calm and very quick: When she grabs something on a play date and dramatically yells she won't give it back (for example), give her one warning, be very clear that it's her one and only warning --her chance to give the toy back -- and when she won't, leave! Swifly, no discussion, you're out the door. It's tough on play dates but if you tell the other parent that this will be the reaction immediately upon her acting a certain way, the parent will understand and help you out, I'm sure. I've seen it work in our old playgroup.

Say to your daughter, "You had your one warning and you're choosing not to play nicely, so we have to leave now. Goodbye (other mom). I'm sorry but we can't stay because Sally can't play with others well today." Then leave. If Sally decides, seeing she's about to be hauled off, that "Mommy, I'll give it back! I'll be good!" that doesn't matter - don't back down or cave in then, even if she's yelling that she'll be good; the deed is done, and you just have to smile sadly and say, "Sorry honey, you had the warning, you didn't listen and give back the toy when asked, and we still have to leave." A few times of very swift, non-negotiable departures from play dates, birthday parties, the park, and any other fun situation may show her that she will miss the fun if she goes for the drama. I hope it works for her strong-willed self; I have seen it work for other kids. It's hard on the parent, though, especially if she's wailing in the car afterward and pouting the rest of the day.

Is she in first grade if she's six? How does she manage at school? Are the girls she has trouble compromising with girls she sees there, or girls who have been longtime friends outside school? If she's in first or K, talk to her teacher about her social skills during the school day. The teacher may observe things that will surprise you, like finding your daughter compromises more with other kids at school than you see her compromising with her friends outside school. If not-- well, the teacher and you could work together on building her skill at playing more cooperatively.

You've gotten some very good responses already. I just wanted to add that groups are especially hard for some kids who struggle socially. Try to set her up for success by planning playdates and social outings to meet up with just one friend at a time. If she acts up, give her one warning, then leave. I'd also point out that if you do have to up and leave a social event because of her behavior, I would point out that her friend would probably choose to invite someone else the next time.

Keep pointing out to her that she is not being friendly. Ask her how she would feel if someone did that to her. Start leaving her alone and let her peers handle it. She is going to be in first next year? They will get backbones and stand up to her, or they won't play with her.

MIne is 15, and still like that. We have several jokes about it now ONe being, S can't enlist in the Army unless she can be General.

I have always picked my battles.

My 5 y/o son has been the way you are describing your daughter, but only since he started school this past Fall.

I role play with him A LOT, especially before a play date. I correct his behavior and talk him through to appropriate behavior.

I bought the book “share & take turns” by Cheri Meiners. She has a great series of books.

My son will even ask “why” he can’t act like this or that. I explain it him, and even tell him that his friends will not want to play with him if he cannot be fair. My son has been notorious for getting mad if his friends do not want to play what HE wants to play. He has even gone as far as trying to order them to play HIS game.

He has improved quite a bit. He also loves the role playing. It helps when he has examples on how to act and treat his friends. We will even role play what can happen when he does act like he’s the one in control. He totally gets it.

If what I've been doing wasn't working, I would plan on talking about it to his pediatrician.

I hope it all works out for you!

I feel your stress and worry and I think CAWriter has a great suggestion only because I have a almost 5 year old and is having similar issues on the playground at preschool and when we have playdates. I decided to see a specialist (refered by our kids doctor). We had him tested, he has ADHD but until he's 7 they wont make it a certain diagnoses but retest at 7. No medicine was recommend, both specialist recommended behavorial therapy. Boy has it made a huge difference found out alot was us parents and how we need a very consistant rountine. End the end our lives have changed dramatically even a preschool he's shown some major accomplishments. Is she in Kindergarden? If so is she planning on being a young 1st grader? My son will be starting kindergarden at 6 due to his struggles so rather than holding him back we will keep in back and do a transitional kindergarden. He is very intelligent (basiced on the testing 98% smart in his age range and testing at Kindergarden & 1st grade level) but he'll never survive emotionally until that is developed. I have learned so much and am trying to keep my life structured and w/o drama. All I can say is I'm so glad I did the testing and got help. So much was helpful that it was in the last 3 months changed our life so I highly recommend talking to your kids doctor about testing, if nothing comes out of it you know that and that's the best answer otherwise you have something to work with if you find something out in the test. Good Luck Worried Mom and I pray you find some help soon. Take care, K.