My Brother Is a Bully to Women He Dates

To truly help him without him knowing is going to be a touchy
thing; but you can do it....support the mother and her child
in all ways you can think of; observe closely how things
progress as the couseling progresses. (No matter what reason
he thinks he is going, the fact is HE IS GOING! A good
counselor will see right thru him and will help him learn
as well as teach them how to relate to him. That is, if
the mother/girlfriend cares enough to stick it out. This
is going to be a long, long road, but it can be done if all
parties are willing. He may balk at the first sign of taking
responsibilities for his own attitudes and actions, but if
he doesn't, there is hope for him to change. If he doesn't
see, truly see, that he has a problem, then he will never
be good for anyone on a long term basis.
You as sister (I speak from one with one spoiled little
brother) can do more than you think. Don't give him attitude
or show the "I know how you really are". Instead give him
positive feedback on any improvements you notice in him or
in wonderful things you see in girlfriend and especially
things you see in the daughter. If he says something in
your presence like "You ought to see her doing such and
such, such a brat." You might respond with, "Do you think
you were perfect when you were eight? Ask me your sister.
Give the little girl a break." Things like that can help,
because you aren't accusing him of anything. If you try
to bully back at him, you will only make it worse when he
gets home alone with them. The other thing you can do is
BE THERE for the child and mother. Let them know in little
ways that you may be his sister, but you know he is not an
angel and will be standing by if they need you. Then hopefully the counselor will do the rest, if your brother
will keep going.
Will be sending good thoughts for all involved,
G. Henderson (big sister, wife, mother and grandmother)

The good thing about he counseling is if he presents his problems if the ounselor is good they will detect that he is the main problem. IF I were you I would see how that goes. But asfar as that daugher she need to go to counseling to because she is ultimately the one who is going to suffer for all of this. Overall if he is will to get help that is more than most men will admitt and I hope that it gets started immediately. If it ever comes down to money the state offeres all kinds of free help all they have to do is ask. Weather or not you have a ton of money or no money. Hope it all works out...

First and foremost ENCOURAGE HER TO LEAVE. Those two do NOT deserve that, and the longer she stays, the longer it will take for both of them to recover if and when she gets out. Your brother needs a wake up call. Once she gets out THEN LAY THE SMACKDOWN. He isn't going to change until he is dropped on his you know what. I was in the same boat, and although his fam played him like the victim at first, they don't feel that way now!!!

And make it clear to your brother you will be keeping his g/f (hopefully EX soon) and her daughter in your life. He isn't going to get the clue til you freeze him out. Cut off contact. If you still check on him and invite him over, and he will NEVER CHANGE

Hi C. -
There is a really excellent book called "Nasty People" by Jay Carter, which is small, easy to read and absolutely fantastic. You could read this and then give a copy to your brother, who might rethink his ways.

Good luck! - L.

Well I don't have any personnal experience with this, but a friend of mine does. I don't think you should cut him out of your life. He needs you to be honest with him about his behavior, but then he'll need love a support to get through this. I do agree that you should encourage his GF to leave, at least while he works through this, that little girl does not need more drama in her life. Also maybe invite the girl along when you do something fun with your kids, it sounds like she needs some fun distractions. I feel there is some info missing, since he is your brother you know how his childhood was. There must be a reason he won't speak of it and he needs to recognize the source of the pain that causes him to act this way. It sounds like you love your Brother very much, you care enough to ask for advice helping him. Make sure he knows you are doing this with love. Good Luck!

Your husband sounds like a nice guy. Why not talk to him about it. If he says "let it be" then do so or maybe he'll want to talk to your brother. And if they are going to get counseling, who cares how they get there? It's a good thing they are going now matter how it came about. Hopefully his girlfriend will be able to have a one-on-one with the counselor so she can be honest about what's really happening. If I were you, I would just tell her to wait to marry until this gets sorted out. I'm sorry you had to get put in between all of this but your kids will turn out like YOU raise them so don't worry about his "influence". You can tell them "That's a silly attitude. Isn't it"?

Sounds like he is both immature and potentially abusive, and likely more is going on than you know. I'm glad you are seeing the bigger picture. Please, look into information on abusive men through shelters or websites, and they will suggest the best ways to handle things. If he doesn't see the error in his ways, keep in mind that the girlfriend and her daughter are at most danger when/ if they leave. It will be most comforting to her that she has help with one of his own family members. My heart goes out to you and the girls in his life!