Thank you very much for serving the country and making this huge sacrifice of not being home with your family. It seems wrong for the gov't to take you away from your children.
I can relate to your 7-year-old daughter--not your family situation, which may be different. But here's my story. I had an older brother, and I was 1 1/2 when my sister was born, and 6 when my younger brother was born. I was actually abandoned emotionally when each baby was born because my mother couldn't cope with more than one child at a time. My poor mother didn't enjoy mothering except the baby years. She was meant for other things --she had many talents and many interest --artist, accountant, music etc.--but in those days (1940-1950s), women had to leave home totally to have a different life. My father was the "man" although he was a poor manager of money. So my mother had to operate under the radar screen or my dad would discourage her or make fun of her.
I resented both my brother and sister because I felt that they took my mother away. They were innocent. Just like me and your poor little girl. Your daughter didn't ask for the new baby. Now she's confused her feelings of childish anger and hate toward the baby, and toward you for leaving her with the reality that you're in a dangerous place and could get hurt and she might never see you again and it would be all her fault. The poor kid. Can you imagine the burden she's carrying around. It's good that your daughter can express what I felt but never dared say to my parents. She needs help from everyone in the family.
Pictures don't mean much to a young child. Instead I would make every effort to call her and each time, make an effort to put your modesty or shyness aside and tell her you love her and that she's done nothing wrong. Anyone would feel the same way toward their sister.
You don't say why you waited so many years to have a second child. Children hear and see a lot more than we think they do. If you were trying for a child for a long time, maybe she feels she isn't "enough."
But here's how you can help your daughter: DO YOU HAVE A GOOD FEMALE FRIEND OR COLLEAGUE WHO IS STEADY, SYMPATHETIC, KIND, HONEST, AND SINCERELY INTERESTED IN HELPING YOUR DAUGHTER TO STAY GROUNDED? Your young daughter needs to be mothered by someone who has time for her and takes her to fun places and buys her a thing here and there, takes her out to eat or to a movie. I had a wonderful aunt, one of my mother's older sisters, and she was such a help to all of us. She helped me to gain self-confidence, interests, and good judgment.
My aunt told me when I was 15 that if I ever felt like I needed help because I was depressed, that it was fine to seek help. I'm working on a project that will help young women discover their skills and interests and career interested. I'm paying if forward" like my aunt did with me.If you'd like to read the story I wrote about my aunt and mother's family, please let me know.
GOOD LUCK. LOVE, B.