My Daughter and "Fitting In"?

I thought everybody else had good answers. But I just wanted to mention the possibility that something else is causing her not to have friends, because I doubt if it is the lack of hair dye. Although, I see no harm in trying temporary hair dyes. My daughter likes to put on different colors of hair strands that clip into her hair. She buys them at Hot Topic. My daughter used to have problems making friends and I think it might have been because she tried to be too bossy. Anyway, I started taking her to a counselor because she had anxiety issues too. But talking to the counselor each week also helped her work out her issues and develop better social skills.

*ADDING THIS: also popular for girls, is putting "tinsel" in their hair. It is called "Hair tinsel." Its real cute and they have different colors. My daughter likes it and I let her. Any hair salon can put it in. It doesn't cost much.
Its fun. And it lasts a long time... Here is the link for it:
http://www.hairtinsel.net/
You can also find it in stores... I have found it at our local CVS store.
Even adult women do it.
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Let her... have interests... hobbies etc. or join clubs.
Then the kids will be similar interests.

I was sort of like that... I 'choose' my friends and activities. I did not fit in exactly. But I was fine.
I also colored my hair different colors (just a small area of my hair)... my parents didn't mind.
I was fine.
I was normal.
I KNEW myself and was not a "follower."
My parents were glad.
I had values.... I did not do things just because other kids were.

Not every kid... is a "cookie cutter" kid... I was not. I was my own person.
Again, my parents were glad. They recognized... that in me. They said I was "good being different..." which is the way my Dad raised me. And the way I raise my own daughter and son.
I would not want them to be... a 'template' like other kids. I value 'uniqueness' in my kids. They are happy... not bad kids.
THAT is the difference.

all the best,
Susan

Ultimately, you're going to have to ease up some. Think about it. In the grand scheme of things, what in the WORLD will multicolored hair cause, save a few tinted towels? Let her express herself so long as she's not doing illicit drugs and having orgies or failing in school! Teen years are tough enough without having to worry that "Mom won't let me do anything, so I'm going to resent her for it." High School girls are mean enough without being given reason to be mean, and unfortunately, no matter how good *your* intentions, they will view her as an outcast. Trust me, friends you consider trashy may just be her salvation of self and sanity on nights where otherwise her 15 year old butt would still be playing with dolls and a stuffed bear (which should have stopped YEARS ago.) You might ask yourself how I know all this. Your answer: I lived it. My mother was the daughter of the only doctor in town, my father; a well known realtor. On top of that, I was adopted. Expectations much? You betcha. Well, they wouldn't let me go anywhere or do anything that wasn't the social norm. Scratch that, *Their* social norm. You know, that their parents imposed on them? Well, suffice it to say that I rebelled as hard as I possibly could in every way possible once I realized that there wasn't much they could do to me that I wasn't already doing to myself staying holed up in my room with my stuff critters. Of COURSE you caught her drinking. She has no LIFE right now. She saw an opportunity and took it, because she's not been allowed to get any of her "bad" desires out of her system in smaller less destructive ways , as she's gone along, so they bottle-necked. It was "OMG I'm actually out of the *#$#$ house for once! What can I do so I'll actually feel like I've had an experience and so these people won't think I'm a sheep who lets my mommy control my every move? Drink, you say? Pass the Patrone!"
Seriously think about this. Please. Before your daughter ends up needing help you can't give her.

Let her earn a hair coloring... at least its not tats and piercings. Normally I would be against it, but all the kids are doing it these days. If you have good communication with her and know you can trust her not to sneak off to drinking parties and such you can allow her to look that part if she wants to. But with the weird looking hair comes a price and that's your carrot. If she breeches your rules her hair goes back to its normal color. I think most of the bizarre colors rinse out after a few washes anyway dont they? You might tell her that you and her can spend a Saturday playing with hair color, but it has to be you and her and a good bonding experience. If she doesnt want to play with "you", then you know she is doing it for the wrong reasons.
Find a rinse thats very temporary and just let her have wierd hair on wknds only until she decides it's boring or you decide it's too creepy and you dont like it at all or you find that it helps her to open up a little and gives her some confidence to "fit in". Usually when kids want to do these drastic little changes it means they are hiding there real self for some reason. Sounds like you just need to figure out how to get a little closer to her and find out what's up.
If she likes to read, dont worry too much about her being a loner, just give her a good book supply and feel happy she's home and safe and not running around like lots of the maniac teens out there with no supervision.

You can be there for her, listen to her, and show her your support, but you can not make friends for her. Is there an activity she is in too? Maybe she could try dance, or martial arts, or an art class to meet people. If she wants to to something fun and funky with her hair but you do not want her to damage it, they make temporary paints for the hair so she can have all the cool colors with out the damage. When I was a teen we used food coloring, but they have much better stuff at the beauty supply stores now a days.

Maybe try an after school activity, club, or sport. It's a good way to meet new people. Also if you look into the community center in your area there are tons of classes etc... Meeting people she does NOT go to school with may help. They will have no pre-conceived notions as to her personality or past gossip. Its a clean slate!

Kids think they want to 'look' odd to show their individuality, but in actuality, it IS to 'fit in' and be LIKE everyone else (instead of to be different).

Anyway, I've raised 4 children to adulthood, and I would suggest that as long as she's wanting to do temporary things to her body/clothes to fit in, let her go for it. If your kids never do anything worse than coloring or cutting their hair weird or painting their fingernails, you're doing pretty good. Better than tattoos and piercings!

Choose your battles. If it won't matter a year from now, don't make an issue of it.

Girl Scouts, dancing, gymnastics, skating, sports, church groups, arts and craft classes - there are all kinds of ways to meet people who have common interests. She doesn't have to hang out with kids who drink and dye their hair every which color there is, but it's a problem if she wants to fit in with that crowd.
We had this thing where I worked many years ago where co-workers brought in pictures of themselves as kids and teenagers. I worked with these bald/balding guys in suits and ties - and as teenagers you should have seen the long hippie hair and bell bottom pants (late 60's early 70's). Every single one of their kids tell them they looked so weird as teenagers. What ever fad comes around with the teens - you've got to make sure you get those pictures, because the grand kids are really going to get a laugh out of it someday.

Maybe direct her towards a club. I didn't fit in , in high school either but found people at least with things in common in photography club. I also found a group of people I am still friends with today that were all different in High School from each other , they only thing we DID have in common is that none of us fit in to the other groups. I bet she'll find someone like that.

The answers about getting her involved in activities are good ones. You don't say how she got together with her boyfriend and what they do together. I am a bit concerned that a 15 year old's main interactions are with dolls and stuffed animals. She may have social anxiety or another behavioral health issue. I suggest a work-up with a psychologist or therapist who specializes in working with adolescents. Good luck.

Are you a member of a church or is there a good local church with lots of youth? I would recommend finding a good church with a good sized youth group that plan lots of activities to keep the youth busy and out of trouble. Our church has some sort of activity going on around the church at all times with proper supervision. It varies from basketball, volley ball, or bring your favorite board game to actually trips to restaurants, miniature golf, laser tag as well as youth trips out of state to amusement parks or to attend or sing at a youth revival. I have seen ads for "Secret Trips" with instructions to bring "X" amount of money and to dress up or to wear play clothes. The kids had no idea where they were going till they got there. I sure they would have let parents know where if they promise to keep it a secret. We have elevators in our church and the other day I saw a youth ad for "The Ultimate Elevator Experience" where every one was asked to bring 2 of the biggest suitcases that they could find "The Bigger the Better". I have no idea what they had planned, but I assure you they had a very good time.

she sounds like shes a little immature and needs to make some friends that are younger than her. have you tried joining a ymca or going to church where she can meet other people that she has things in common with. i would tlak to her doctor too i dont know any 15 year olds who still play with dolls, it may be something she needs to see a therapist about and they can refer you

My neice had put a black rinse on her normally blond/red hair at around that age. I commented to a friend along the lines of "what do we do ?" when she saw the blue and red dyed streaks in the coal-black hair. "Let her be a kid, that's what they do nowdays." Choose your battles, hair grows, color washes out or can be re-colored. Better hair color than loosing one's virginity to someone pretending to be a friend, simply for the comfort of the moment.