My Daughter Is Introverted and Stubborn

Does this bother her? If not, I don't think you have to do anything. Some kids are more loners, quiet, observers, kind of sitting back and taking it all in. My son was very much like that at 3,4,5, now he's almost 8 and he's much more socially aware of what's around him, has tons of friends,very popular. But his *core* personality is quiet, pensive and observing. Nothing wrong with that. This world needs all types of people!

There was a question on here today with some similarities to this. People are all different. Some are introverts who had rather spend a good deal of time alone than in groups or with friends. I was a lot like this as a child. I DID enjoy playing with other kids and I had friends from school, but more than anything I enjoyed playing by myself and reading for hours on end -by myself! I still do! As I got older and "blossomed" into a young woman during my teenage years, I did start enjoying going out more and dating and going to parties, etc. In fact, most anyone you asked who has known me for the past 25 years would NEVER say I was introverted! But a big part of me still is -I long for alone time. It's the thing I miss most from my pre-children days. And I don't mean a few hours -I mean days! It's just my personality. I have lots of friends and a really well-rounded life, but I was like your daughter. Don't push her too hard. Try to be more accepting of her personality. Be proud of the fact that she has a great imagination and can entertain herself. SO many kids are lacking that these days. I've ALWAYS hated "group activities" at school, and despise the push in all education to make everyone constantly work in groups. The excuse is that that's the way it is in the work world, and I don't find that to be true. You may be part of a "team" in many jobs, but you are usually doing your job on your own as part of a larger team. Let her know there are some activities and things in school she has to cooperate with, but also remind the teacher that not every child learns the same way -and that's why they're supposed to break up the day into different learning segments. You can start trying to find sports she enjoys and get her involved in something like that to help her with group work. I played a lot of sports -although the ones that were individual pursuits always suited me best.

Ask her if she would like to be in Girl Scouts or some type of class or social group where she might make some friends. She will eventually, but it is harder for introverted people. Just try to gently guide her instead of feeling like something is wrong with her. She WILL pick up on that!

Not every kid likes to join in with groups. It could be she'd get along with kids who are a little older than herself. My son was that way all through elementary school and now in middle school he gets along better with his peers now that they have matured a bit.
If she likes to read, see if she can be another childs reading buddy (reads out loud with another child) to help with their reading skills.
Sign her up for an after school activity where she can meet more people out of school. She'll find a friend sooner or later.

Oddly, your daughter sounds like she may be gifted and super bored with her peer group and kindergarten. (Before I had my kids, I taught school for 13 years and had gifted and talented classes.) Have you had her tested? She may need a more challenging surrounding to peak her interests and keep her attention. Worth a try. Good luck!

I would try getting her involved in some activities that are more focused on working in groups. Drama or dance for example or team sports -- soccer, t-ball, etc. Something where she has to interact and be a team player. She may not make friends right away in an activity like that, but she will learn that sometimes she has to temper her will to get along with others to complete a project or reach a goal. Her will is not a bad thing. Since she is obviously very intelligent, she will probably end up being a leader, but a lonely one if she doesn't learn to also be part of a team. Once she learns how to function in a group activity, she will probably open up more in school and become more social.

I've been dealing with this a bit with my 3 year old son. My husband is very introverted, and I'm pretty extroverted. I was hoping he'd be more social than my husband, but he really does better one-on-one instead of in groups. Maybe you should ask your daughter if she'd like to invite a friend over after school, or on the weekends. She might enjoy playing one-on-one because it's less intimidating, or just easier to play with one person. That might be a start. I agree with the others that you just have to accept where she is. She might not always be this quiet. She might enjoy a dance class, or music class, or maybe ice skating? Just a few thoughts from a mom who is right there with you.

T.
Barefoot Books Ambassador
www.ReadandGrow.com

she sounds great to me. a kid who doesn't need to be constantly entertained, doesn't whine for the latest toys or to be ferried around to other kids' houses endlessly, who isn't subject to peer pressure or princess drama. 'stubbornness' is not appreciated in littles, but it's a great trait that will save her from being swept into bad situations.
you can't force friendships. offer her potential fun activities like dance or riding lessons or skating, but allow her to develop friendships at her own pace. there's nothing wrong with her. appreciate her for the unique, interesting, unusual little individual she is, and that will help her appreciate herself.
khairete
S.

You have some thoughtful answers here - but I'd like to add that you may want to speak more with her teacher about this. Maybe the teacher can recommend a girl in her class that you can try foster a friendship with (invite her over, etc.). My son does not like group activities, but has blossomed when he has one child from his preschool over to play with. Just a thought...