My Daughter Needs Help. She Is a Single Mom

Send her to "Coach" Tomer. He'll show her how to get rid of all her stresses and make it possible for her to stay home with her child more.(www.ytb.com/gdwtravel) or (www.ytbtravel.com/gdwtravel). Tell her and if she doesn't see IT than she'll have to keep fighting her stresses.

You might see if her area, usually through the school district, offers a Parents as Teachers program. Mentors will come to your home and talk to you about how to play with your child, work with your child, etc. The purpose is to get them ready for school but that would also give her someone to talk to about such issues. There also are probably parenting classes at the local hospital which could give her a point of connection. You didn't say how old the child was which would affect what kind of discipline was appropriate. Also, your daughter should talk to the daycare and the dad about how they are handling discipline so everyone can be consistent. The purpose of discipline is to encourage the child to make right choices. Your daughter might look at the book "Positive Discipline" by Dr. Jane Nelson. Typing in "single mother parent resources New Mexico" in Google gave a long list of websites that might be helpful.

I have worked in daycare for 15 years and usally when a child starts to bite it is because of frustration. Your daughter needs the teacher of your granddaughter to keep a log of when she bites for a few days. Is it during tansition time or when she is getting int trouble, or is it before lunch and nap time. Once you find out the time and what is going on during that time it can help make fxing it that much easier. As a preschool teacher I found that if I could get them to stop biting for a straight seven days that we would be on the road to it stopping. Hope this helps with the biting but also know that if she is changing daycares there will be other issues with another change. I hope her new school works with mom a little more.

I am also a single parent and it can be a bit stressful at times, luckily I have family close by. My daughter's father wasn't in her life until she was about 3 or 4, so I didn't have those issues, but she did have fits when leaving the babysitter, all the kids there did. I didn't take it personally, I was just happy that my daughte was so happy there that she didn't want to leave. I worked in daycare, and I'm sure that your grandchild is disciplined there, otherwise the kids would be running the place. Kids like order, so I really don't think that's the problem. Rather her child may be feeling her stress, she needs to relax, and just enjoy the time she spends with her daughter, and not take her child acting out personnaly at all, it's a child afterall, they don't understand preference or feelings of their own much less how what they are doing affects others. Perhaps your daughter should consider therapy. It seems like she's putting way to much emphasis on what a child is doing. I know it can be hard at times, but like I said, I was just happy that my daughter was happy and felt safe at daycare, it was much easier when she cried when we were leaving than when she cried when I left her there.

Where does your daughter live? Would it be possible to get her to move to where you are so that she at least has family support?

First of all, please tell your daughter that this is a phase her daughter is going through and it will pass. I know it's hurtful. But I've been doing this for 21 years so I think I might have some insight. Whenever I've seen kids that are biting other kids and rejecting their mothers, it usually is at a time where their behavior overall is crying out for help. The little girl is really missing her mother and wants her. But she is so upset by the time her mother comes that she doesn't know how to show her mom anymore that she misses her. She's mad because the days seem long to her.

Your daughter needs to find a way to spend some quality time with her little one and maybe even back off on the dicipline for awhile. No one wants to feel like they are raising a brat. But sometimes we just need to love on them. After all, they are just little and don't understand work and time and bills. Even if she likes the daycare she is in, she may still get tired of being there everyday. Sometimes this is evident by watching the kids and observing their behavior over the course of a week. Many of the kids come in a bit grumpy on Monday morning because they were passed around at relatives and had a lot of attention. It can be hard for them to go back to being part of a group. So Tuesday and Wednessday may be their best days at daycare. But if they had a fairly normal or non eventual weekend, they may come in bright eyed and bushy tailed and ready to play. They may be happier on the first couple of days and increasingly grumpy by the end of the week.

One of my moms just called me and told me that she's playing hookie this morning. I'd say all my moms do that from time to time. On those days they just spend some time with their kids and I always see a big difference in their overall attitudes. Moms need a break too.

If this job is stressing her out it may be time to find another and if money is too tight, she may need to find another young mom to live with and share lifes struggles with. They could take their kids to the same daycare, exchange babysitting services nights and weekends or even exchange daycare period if they work opposite shifts. Sometimes we just need to be creative to survive in this world.

Suzi

Sounds like a problem at the daycare or someplace else. Your daughter should consider taking a less stressful job. In the meantime, take a day off, spend time with her daughter and see what is going on in her little mind. Small children can't always verbalize problems, but I don't think discipline is the answer, the child is crying out for something - attention, structure, normalcy... I'll be praying for the situation. God bless you. Is there a church daycare that has openings? Or contact a strong Christian church and see if there are ladies with an in-home daycare.

forunatly when i was a single mom i only had to have my son in daycare for about 6months when he was an infant still. but we would both get stressed at times. i know this sounds odd but my son and i would sit on my bed and have a scream fest as i called it. we would just yell AHHHHHHHHH we would do this for like 5 min or so till we both felt better. tehn we would have a tickle fight or a pillow fight. i would pretend that he was actually tickleing me and then i would jump back at him and start tickling him it was soooo much fun. i still disciplined him but we had our fun as well. make sure your daughter is still having fun with her daughter that is a mistake some single moms i know have made. they are so serious and concentrate on not having a braty kid that they forget to have fun with the child. good luck with your daughter and granddaughter

I agree with the other response. Also, I know this sounds trite, but counseling can work wonders. My niece (who lives with me) and I are going to Lutheran Family Services and our counselor is just wonderful. She's there for my niece, but I come into the sessions from time to time and every session I have learned something. I learn how to deal with my niece's problems. And it's really relaxing and assuring. It's nice to get feedback from a qualified professional who understands the problems and does not judge.

I agree with the responses here about playing with your kids and spending quality time when you don't have quantity. Her kid will not be a brat if she is playing games and loving on her. That will be modeling loving behavior and kids pick that up.
Also, I would recommend she join a mommy group that has lots of playdates. There are a couple here at www.meetup.com. With lots of playdates to choose from she can pick ones when she can go. The reason I suggest this is so she can get to know another mom of someone her child's age. Then she can ask about trading back and forth during the week. I do that with a mom friend. Our kids got along and so I take them once or twice a week and then she takes them. When you have the kids, they usually run off and play and you can get things done that you have to get done anyway like cleaning while they run past or play nearby. Then when the other mom has the kids you get a real break.
My only warning is that she may need to ask a few moms before she gets a yes and not to get discouraged. Eventually she will find a mom that is as motivated as she is. Hope this helps.

Hi, My name is M.. I have a 2 and a 4 year old and pregnant again.
Children react off of you. They can really read your vibe. Always let the child know you love them. Your probably tired and don't have the energy to really interact with her at the end of the day. So, I went out and got an activity book for eace of my kids and when I want to sit and relax. I pull out those activity books and start them on it and glance down occasionally and either help alittle or tell them what a great job their doing. The girl will grow to want to recieve more approvals from mom and try to please her more. Or get out play-doo and sit at the table and praise her for all the things she can create. She may be rejecting you to protect how she feels about others spending time with her and praising her. She needs this from you. The more I interact with my kids (can be just sitting) and praising my kids and talking to them. The better acting and loving and relaxed the whole house is.

It sounds to me like she is unhappy about something,I would talk to her calmly and ask her what is bothering her. She could be doing it for the attention. I think she just needs her mom's attention, one on one, playing card games-ABC's,coloring,reading to her. Just let your daughter know who is in charge calmly-just try that. S.

Your granddaughter is struggling because she has no father figure in the home and her mother works and is away from her for most of her waking hours. In my opinion, the best thing she can do for her child is to move in with her mother (you), and work nights so she is with her child during the day. This is difficult to do, but it is an investment in her child's future.

Some children just don't transition well. I'm a daycare provider and I see them cry in the morning when parents leave and again in the afternoon when it is time to go home. It would help if she picked her up from daycare at the same time each day so the provider can start getting the child ready and the child understands a transition is coming.
Biting is very normal, although a real hassle! Just keep saying "biting hurts" and redirecting her to something appropriate.
I would guess that the child is feeling stress. Mom needs to keep things as routine as possible in the evenings. Maybe sit and read a book first thing when they get home to have some calming and cuddling time that they can both enjoy.

When my son was around two-years old he was going to an in home day care. He was biting other kids and leaving marks on the kids. I was totally embarassed by this. The sitter and I tried what we could do to get him to stop. The thing I found that worked the best was giving him a little hot sauce. I know that this is probably not the best thing to do, but I could not have my son biting other kids and leaving marks on them. We would first slap his hand a couple of times then we would sit him down and give him the sauce. After a couple of times, the sauce did not fase him. My sitter said she picked the grossest thing she thought he would not like. After a couple of times, he finally stopped. It is a rough time.
Have you thought about looking into home day care. That is what I have been using and I have had three different sitters. Only because the first two retired. Every one of my sitters has been excellent and less expensive.
I wish you good luck.

B. H in Hazelwood