My Son Acts Different When I'm Around

Hi M.,

You have a very smart little boy and he's got your number. Of course he would like to have all of your attention all of the time. You are his fave and the constant in his life. He does this for you and not for anyone else because in some way it works. Eventually you do answer him, or you probably get upset when he is upset and he is getting something that he thinks he needs. He is as important to you as you are to him. Of course, you know that and you tell him that and you obviously show him by taking time out everyday to spend with him. He just wants the further proof. Plus it's about power and when he does these things he has alot of it. I would do three things. I would get an egg timer and use it to set boundaries and also help him transition. When you sit down to color, set it for however long you have to do that activity. Then tell him you are going to be able to color until the timer goes off and then you have to cook dinner, or whatever else you have to do. About ten minutes before the timer goes off, let him know that the time is winding down. Then at five minutes do it again. When the timer goes off tell him you have to (whatever you have to do) and give him a choice of continuing to color or picking up the mess and doing something else. Then follow through. If he gets upset, then pick up the coloring stuff, put it away and go about your activity. Do not give him attention for throwing a fit. When you are done with your chore return to him and tell him when he calms down you will help him find something to do. If you know you have to leave to do something, set the timer for 10 minutes before you have to leave. In that ten minutes help him find something to do, a special activity like play dough, bubbles, coloring. Have daddy get involved with him, doing the activity so that he is engrossed. Then when the timer goes off, put on your coat, hug him, tell him you will be back in 30 minutes or however long and leave. Don't look back, don't be apologetic, be positive and upbeat. Ignore all temper tantrums. When he sees they have no effect they will subside. I would also start rewarding him for using his words and making good choices. Ignore the bad behavior and praise the good behavior lavishly. The exsessive praise and attention will bring home to him that he gets what he wants from you when he behaves appropriately.

Hope this helps,

L.

I have the same issues with my 23 month old daughter. She is at day care from 8 to 5 and that causes her to be very clingy to me after work. Don't give up on the potty training. Our daughter is pretty much fully potty trained. She has accidents every once in a while, but she loves the fact that she wears training pants now instead of diapers. We have a Fisher Price potty chair that makes music when she goes.

Hi M....:) i don't have an answer for ya, but you're not alone in this. from my experience, your lil boy is right up there with the rest of our children. But we love them to pieces. GL

Lisa put it pretty well. This is his attempt at gaining what he wants--you. My daughter did and still does sometimes do this when I drop get off at daycare. I simply tell her I love her and I'll be back to get her tonight. I have noticed distraction works well. Sometimes she plays with an item at daycare othertimes she gets fed.
I did notice a small increase in her tantrum the day after we retuned from a trip (after spending 4 straight days with me). But eventually we got back in the swing of things with our normal routine.
Just remember your son loves you and will thrive with good boundaries (and a little heartbreak on our part).

M.,

My boy turned 2 in June... so he is about the same age as your boy. Lately my boy has been very "attached" to me... he is always wanting me to carry him around, sit on the conter or stand on a chair in the kitchen when I cook, always wanting hug & kisses (sometimes almost knocking me over to get them), hanging on my legs, spends a lot of time sitting on my lap, hidding behind me when anyone enters the house - even daddy, and throughs fits if I try to leave without him... that is till he sees the car pull away.

The only thing that changed in our house is the "roles"... in July I lost my job (company closed the day before I had in 12 years). So, atm I'm a stay at home mom & hubby who was a stay at home dad is now trying to make what we need above my unemployment.

All of his actions are new... he was a very independant little guy before I got laid-off. Now it seems like he can't be without me. My other 2 (now 4 & 5 yrs old) both went through a phase similar, but not as extreem as my littlest. Plus, my neighbors boy now 3 1/2 has been doing the same stuff for a little while... I think it's just a phase they go through. Some are a bit more extreem then others... for now, I'm just giving my little guy the attention he is asking for - it won't last long and then he won't want much to do with me. Then, I'll got through "withdrawl".

Personally I just think it's part of the terrible two's - lol.

Good luck with your little man!!! And I'm glad that you and your little guy found someone special that looks at your son as his! I wish you all three all the happiness you can handle!

I have had this happen from time to time with both my boys. My DH used to travel a lot and we really felt like our son was *fighting for attention*. So we both really try hard to make one-one time with each child, as often as we can. I wold just try to give him some just mommy time alone and focus on something fun, not pottying.

He's doing it for attention, and he might be a little jealous of the fiance' too.

You're going to have to set boundaries. You're also going to have to spend productive quality time with him.

I do remember seeing a "Supernanny" episode where this happened - of course I don't remember the family's name, but I do remember this going on. Supernanny was able to teach the mom how to engage the child into an activity, and then go start dinner, but periodically check back in - "how are things going?" and just a sec here and a sec there - just as a means of acknowledging that you remember he's still there and doing stuff - seemed to make all the difference.

As far as potty training - yes, he may be a very bright boy, but potty training at 2.5 - someone grumped that you must love diapers...she must have too many stars in her crown - the gleam must be clouding her judgement! I challenge most people who proclaim their kids to be totally potty trained by 2.5 - I do not believe they have no accidents! (I did agree with the other comments she made.) I do work, and while my child was the ONLY child my neighbor watches, we still waited until she was closer to 3 because the "level of understanding-conversations" about pottying just worked better then. My other neighbor has twin 5 year old boys and had trouble with potty training even at 3.5-4 years old. My oldest daughter is 5, and sometimes still will wait too long to go potty and have an accident - she's in kindergarten. I remember kids in my first grade class having issues with pottying (not me, but still). SO - don't give yourself a hard time about that.

BUT suggestions for potty-training:
1) pick a weekend of your choosing, when you think the time is right - and set the timer every 20 minutes for him to "do the deed." Let him have a minute or two on the pot, and give him praise whether he potties or not.

2) while doing that, at any point during the day, if he's coloring and wants to watch a show, or if he's watching a show and decides he wants a drink, or whatever the case is - enforce the "POTTY FIRST" rule... "you can go color, or you can have a drink...or you can go blow bubbles, but you have to potty first!" Then make a mental note - reset the timer for 20 minutes, and at 20 minutes, it's potty time unless he wants something prior to that. That way, whatever it is he wants becomes the reward (and you don't have to worry about giving him an M&M or other prize because the prize is that he gets to do what he wants to do - there's not much better incentive to do something than to get to do what you want to do).

For what it's worth, and good luck!

1. "Trying" to potty train at two-and-a-half...?!!! You must love diapers. IMHO - That should have been done before now.

2. He's trying to get to you (make you feel guilty for leaving him) and it's working. You are giving him exactly what he wants - attention. It doesn't matter if the attention is good or bad - it's face time with you. YOU need to decide how you want to interact with him. YOU are the grown-up.

Positive reinforcement works really well with small children. In other words - you do not respond to behavior that you do not want to encourage (whining, screaming, throwing things...). This bad behavior needs to result in either no response from you or in a time-out... some sort of isolation or change of scenery (being confined to a specific chair, a specific step, a play pen, their bed room...). WARNING - This will most likely become a war of wills. You have to stand strong. Be firm and consistant but do not yell or get angry.

The flip side is that when he is behaving in a way that you like - you want to encourage that behavior. Encouragement does not mean bribery or things. It means giving him your full attention, smiling, laughing, hugs, talking to him and really listening, playing a game when he asks nicely or waits patiently... that sort of thing. I know it probably sounds nuts but you might want to watch an episode or 2 of "Super Nanny". She has some really good ideas.