My daughter is 2.5 years old - will be 3 at the end of July. She has always been a really good sleeper - started sleeping through the night at 7 - 8 weeks old. She has just been the type of child you could put right into her crib and she would happily go to sleep. Unfortunately, that has changed over the last 7 days. She has started really fighting going to sleep. She has screamed and cried every night for the last week every time we put her to bed. We have been letting her cry it out and it usually takes 20 minutes or so - but she drifts off to sleep - saying "mama, mama" and it is extremely difficult. Once she goes to sleep - she is fine the whole night. But I just can't understand what is causing this or how to get it to stop! Nothing out of the ordinary has happened recently. I have noticed she seems to be learning a lot of new things lately and she is starting to remember a lot more. We have been pushing the potty lately because she is extremely resistant to using it (even though she can) and we have taken some toys/privileges away until she decides to start using the potty. I am not sure if any of that is related - like maybe she isn't ready to be a big girl?? I am wondering if this sleep thing is a stage as well and I have just never heard of it?? Thanks for your replies!
Thanks for the advice everyone! I actually need to clarify the potty training thing as so many of you have responded about that. She is definitely ready to use the potty. She tells us she has to go but does not want to use the potty. Sometimes she will use it - all on her own - no prompts or anything. But it has to be her decision. She will not use it if you prompt her. The fact of the matter is - she uses it when it pleases her and that's the extent of it. This is not acceptable! We have tried the positive reinforcement route - stickers, small treats, large treats, reward charts, DVD's, dolls - basically everything. But the bottom line is she is only motivated by rewards when she chooses to be. So we tell her - the decision on whether to use the potty is hers. But if she makes the wrong decision - then there will be negative consequences such as no Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. She totally gets this and even told me this morning that "no potty means no TV". And then I asked her if she was ready to use the potty and she said "not yet." She is holding out. She did this when I took her bottle away at 10 months. She refused to drink milk out of her sippy cup for 2 weeks!! But she finally relented. So it really isn't like this big negative thing. We have been doing the positive reinforcement for about 6 months with very little success so we needed to try something different. She isn't even really upset about the no TV rule because she seems to realize that it is her choice. We don't make it a big deal - it is simply a rule that TV is for big girls and big girls use the potty and that is the end of the story. Some people may not agree with this but everyone knows what works for their own children. This approach was even recommended by her teacher at school because she sees too that my daughter is just being extremely stubborn about only using it when she feels like it. I do appreciate all the advice though and I know I didn't really expound on the potty training issue in my original post so I wanted to clarify!
I went trhough this with my son, and he was just testing the limits. However, I don't think taking oys and priviledges away because she is resistant to potty training is the right answer. She may not be ready yet
Our daughter is a little over 2 and has been a sleep fighter her whole life. We have an established bedtime routine, 3 books and 3 songs, and she gets in bed for the last song. Daddy kisses her good night and leaves the room. I talk to her for maybe a minute or less and then tell her I'm going potty and I'll be right back. I'm back for long enough to tell her I'm going to the living room to sit with Daddy and I'll be back in a few minutes. I return in about 5 or 10 minutes, depending on the noise she's making, tell her everything's fine, I'm going back to sit with Daddy and I'll be back in 5 minutes. This has worked for us. When she was younger she would cry it out but then fall asleep in like 3 minutes, so that worked great. We had to start using this method when she switched to her toddler bed and got out a lot. I found that this was easier on us than walking her to her bed 10 times, and she gets much less upset. When we first transitioned her I would stay with her a little longer and pat her back for a few minutes before I left, and I wouldn't be gone as long. Now on most nights I can leave quickly and only come back once or twice before she's asleep and there's no crying. Sometimes I have to stay for a minute or so if she needs to be calmed down, but over 90% of the time it's a few seconds in her room and I'm out again. You can test the cry it out using a timer. Decide how long you can take it, watch the timer, and if she falls asleep first, great!
Pushing the potty may or may not work, depending on your kid. The thing is, you can't make a kid go on the potty. On the other hand, a friend had a kid who refused to go poop on the potty until a spanking was on the line, and they had tried EVERYTHING else, and she was almost 4 years old, so you know what will work for your kid.
I have a 2.5 who will be 3 in August. He has always been a great sleeper, too. Lately, when I say it's time for bed, he runs to daddy or says, "2 minutes, mommy." So I got creative. I found ways to make it seem like it's HIS decision. The bottom line is he WILL be going to sleep now, so that's not a choice-- so I give him a choice that means zero to me but means a lot to him because he is getting to make a decision. I ask him to pick an animal to sleep with (stuffed animal or other safe toy). He would happily run and pick one and then go right to bed with it. After a while, that stated to get old with him, so I said, "OK, do you want ME to pick the animal for you tonight?" and he said no HE wanted to pick it so I gave in-- of course he thinks he won a battle with me so he was happy-- picked the animal and went right to bed. Now that's getting old so the new thing is I ask who he wants to put him in his bed (it used to be only me-- now he can pick between me, daddy, his big sister, or his big brother.) The idea is to be creative in picking something that is a CHOICE for your daughter so she feels like she has some control.
Also, something I haven't had to do with this child but worked well on my other 2 around the same age-- put her in bed and tell her you'll be right back. Tell her you need to go do something boring like wash dishes or do laundry. Go back in after a few minutes like you promised, kiss her and say good night. If she gets sad, tell her you'll be right back again. Make the time between going back in longer and longer.
J.,
As a mother to 3 boys, I know that it can be very difficult. However, on the potty training issue. Unless you are doing it to get her into daycare, don't force it. It will make her not want to do it at all. Gently try to get her to go to the potty. If she wants to great, if not that is fine also. As for the sleeping issues, my youngest son went throught the same thing. It was just a stage. Unfortunately it lasted about 2 to 2 1/2 weeks but he eventually got over it. I just let him cry it out. Once he figured out that I was not coming in to get him, he would either play in his bed, talk to himself or fall asleep. As long as she isn't hurting herself or getting hurt, let her cry it out until she falls asleep and eventually she will start falling asleep when you put her down for bed just as before.
Good luck.
S.
36 y/o SAHM of 3 boys
14, 6 and 3 (soon to be 4)
I don't know if the potty training thing is related or not, but from everything I've read, I don't think it's particularly effective to remove toys/privileges at this age, especially for potty training. Toilet training should be extremely positive! I've heard people say, you can't force them to eat or use the potty! That's where they will exert their control because they can. I would definitely give her LOTS of choices in every aspect of her life, and be as creative as possible to make her feel like she's making most of the decisions even though you're really guiding her to do what you want anyway.
As far as the potty training, I'm no expert, but I NEVER pushed my daughter, and she decided one day at about 34 months that she wanted to wear underwear, and was fully potty-trained (during the day) in about 5 days.
I think you'll find the whole atmosphere of the home change if you "forget" about the potty-training until she's willing to do it and when you're giving your girl as much "power" as you can, and maybe then you'll see a change in her bedtime behavior. It seems like if you take away that anxiety and out-of-control feeling by doing those things, and focus on giving her lots of positive attention, she won't be so anxious and needy at bedtime.
Hope this helps....of course, I don't know all the details! :)
I don't think I would use punishment (taking toys or privileges away) as part of the potty training process. I only used a reward system, with lots of praise and affirmations.
With my daughter, we always made sleeping a wonderful time. We would talk about getting cozy and we would read a couple of books, and start winding down about an hour before bedtime. I hear some moms threaten their kids with sleep, like if you don't straighten up, you are going to go to bed early or you'll have to go to bed and take a nap, or you need a nap. I think these kinds of statements make sleeping into a kind of punishment.
i would definitely say it's a stage thing. my daughter went thru it at that age and my son who is now 2.5 is also going thru it. he doesn't scream or cry but he tells me he's scared. he had always slept with the door closed when going to bed with a dim nite lite. now i leave the door open a bit and have 2 nite lites in his room. i was even having to check outside the window. i wouldn't personally lay down with your daughter only bc i know with my son if i were to do that it would become an every night thing and it's just not feasible. good luck.
Hi J.,
Although I am not an expert, I have 5 children and 4 grandchildren and what you are describing sounds quite typical to me. All of our children have done this at one time or another in their lives. My grandchildren as well. As long as your daughter is not sick, then she will be fine. These little ones are so smart!!! They continuallt try to see how far they can push it and won't let up. It's not being bad, just being a kid - totally normal. Some will push it more than others. Good job on the potty training!!! Stick with it - that is the key, WE must be willing to potty train before they get trained - it's always up to us (all of my children were potty trained between 15 and 18 months). This too shall pass. Keep up the good work!! P.
Seems like you hit the nail on the head: she might not be ready to be a big girl. After all 2.5 is a little early for some. Wait a couple of months and try again.
You can sit her on the t. seat first thing in the morning, when she wakes up. That's the easiest one. If she doesn't pee right away, open the faucet. Don't punish or yell or rush. Make it look like a game. Enjoy your little angel.
Sounds like she's really pushing her independence. Whichever your decision, make sure to stay consistent. The stronger and more firm you are, the shorter this phase will last. :)
has she maybe seen something scarey on Tv that you and hubby were watching and she passed through the room and seen it?
has someone a sibling or family member maybe did something to scare her of the dark?
mine never went through a stage like that. so i am thinking more alng the lines of something scared her. maybe she had like a bad dream and now is scared of the dark or going to bed alone.
has a sibling or older cousin told her the boogie man comes out at night like maybe trying to scare her?
i do not think the potty training thing has anything to do with it.but if she likes you reading to her or likes books try buying a "potty time book" this is a book she can ONLY look at while pottying so make sure it is like a book she really wants.and the only time she can look at this book is while sitting on the potty.and a daycare owner/friend of mine had one of those M & M characters that you put M & M's in and the hand comes down and shoots out the candy kinda like the gum ball machines. her kids only got them after they made potty. they love to make potty just to get to pull the arm down. so you might consider some of these things for pottying instead of taking toys away.
and maybe snuggleing and reading a book at bedtime.and they know they have to go to bed but do not say it's bedtime. say something like ok lets go pick out which book you want mommy or daddy to read for your bedtime story.
Hello! I hear that babies/toddlers go through so many phases. My daughter is two and her sleeping patterns have changed a few times! It gets frustrating- I know! I am sure she will overcome this phase and get back to normal soon. Maybe she is very attached to her mommy right now- I think that is very typical for a two and a half year old. She may not want to be away from you!
Best of luck!
M.
Maybe she is having bad dreams???
J.-- my son started going through the same thing around the same age, and prior to that he had been an excellent sleeper as well. He would happily go into his crib awake, and could fall asleep on his own with no problem. Then he suddenly began to say that he was afraid of the dark and that there were monsters under his bed or in his closet. I wasn't even sure where he got the monster thing, but he was definitely scared. I can really understand the tough love thing about crying it out, because you need some time to yourself for your sanity. But I'm a marshmallow, so I started laying down with him for a while. I can see why you wouldn't want to start something like that, because a year later I'm still doing it, but I've come to really enjoy this time with my boy. We read some books and then turn off the lights, and I really enjoy the conversations we have. For instance, the other night, after we read a book where a character made wishes, I asked him what he would wish for, and he thought about it and said, "Mommy and Daddy." It was so sweet! I don't think I could have conversations like that with him during the day, because he's too busy running, climbing, and jumping around. At bedtime he's really calm because he's sleepy (unlike the daytime when he's a wild man), so I get to enjoy a different side of him, whne he's not bouncing off the walls. And he falls asleep pretty quickly, and then I get up. I know some people would say that I shouldn't do this because I'm not teaching him to fall asleep on his own, but I'm not worried about it. I know these days will be over before I know it, and he'll soon be a teenager who won't want me around. But I am a firm believer in doing what feels right to you. As I said, I can completely understand needing to teach her to fall asleep on her own so that bedtime isn't a drawn-out process and you can have some time to yourself.
She's young and growing fast in a scary world. The potty thing: My oldest did very well on the "reward system"...a sticker for every time he went and at the end (about twenty stickers were on the chart) he got the firetruck he saw in a store window...My second son wanted nothing but a treat each time he went.
Bottom line, why are you fretting over this? She is a baby and babies hurt while they grow, (just like adults)...teething, changes in their lives, separation anxiety, then she'll get older and have a broken heart over her first crush; but hopefully, a joyful life!!!
Perhaps a favorite stuffed animal or a blanket will release some of this anxiety at bedtime and give you some rest
Blessings
Hi J., I have a daughter that will be three in June and went through the same thing. I think it is because they are learning so much now and are trying to learn what they can and what they cannot control. Things like going to bed and using the potty are perfect examples. I am sure if you keep doing what you are doing with the bedtime i.e. letting her cry, she will learn that you are not going to change that rule!! It took my daughter a long time but her daddy had just left for a 6 month deployment and i think she was just having a hard time. I began to let her take one book to bed with her and that kept her occupied till she drifted off to sleep. Hang in there I am sure it is just a phase just stay consistant and she will learn.
Fondly,
L.
