My Son Is a Hitting machine...HELP!

Your son sounds like a "sensory seeker." These kids' nervous systems require intense physical input. They may appear quite normal when all is well, but when they feel the least bit agitated, they will seek control by getting physical. I agree with the comment about giving appropriate outlets when your son is upset. I also think he will benefit from a purposeful plan to provide outlets even when things are smooth. This will help direct this need before the agitation.

You may want to google the term "sensory integration" to see if your son fits the profile of these sensory kids, and get some ideas about how to adapt to his unique wiring.

If he's just that physical, he needs a safe physical outlet for his anger/frustration - so instead of telling him he can't hit, offer something he can do instead, like clapping his hands or stomping his feet, or teaching him the sign "angry" The suggestion for sign language is a good one - it'll give him more ways to communicate.

The more consistent you can be in your response to him, the quicker he will get through this. (easier said than done, I know!) The laughing is always the hardest thing for me to ignore and handle calmly, but I think with my kids they only laugh like that when they know they're caught and they don't know what else to do, so it's actually almost an admission of guilt as opposed to defiance.

You have just described my son, except he was a hitter AND a biter. It will get better as he can communicate more but until then here are my hints:

We had some success with the following phrase:

"Mommy doesn't like to be hit. Hitting hurts. Mommy likes hugs." And then I would offer a hug. It took a lot of repetition but he reached the point where he would start to hit or bite and then just turn it into a hug. With the diaper change (as well as other things), I started offering him choices at about 20-21 months. "Time for a clean diaper. Would you like me to change it with you lying down or standing up?" (One note however, my son was the master of the third option...his response at 21 months was, "Sitting down, mommy." LOL...a little hard to change a diaper with a child in a sitting position)

There is also a book, "Hands are not for hitting" that might be good to check out of the library. Also teach him some sign language if you haven't already.

Addition: I just read Jim's response up above and I have to agree. My son turned out to be a sensory seeker. We have learned that the hitting and biting often times was a signal that he was over stimulated (other times it was just him needing to feel some control in a situation). Daycare was a horrid experience for him and we had to pull him out. When preschool didn't go any better, we sought help and received some help through occupational therapy. "The Out-of-Sync Child" is a great book to start with for figuring out if your child has sensory integration issues.

The best thing to do is react neutrally, without a big to-do. He loves the reaction is he getting, good or bad, and he is laughing because your face looks funny to him all scrunched up and mad. He will stop eventually when he knows he isn't getting the response. I bet it will take about 5-7 days with no attention.

Make sure he is safe, and walk away. Give NO attention. That is all they want, no matter positive or negative.

Good luck!

My son often reacts physically to his own emotions as well. We found it surprising because he is generally an active, but docile kid. As he has aged (now 3.5) and his emotional repetoire has expanded, we find he goes through a new physical reaction each time he learns, or deepens an emotion. For example, when he "learned" fear he started kicking. When he started experience more frustration as he was learning things like walking, he started to hit. Learning baby sign helped immensely. I also have REALLY appreciated the advice of the author Harvey Karp. His book "Happiest Toddler on the Block" has been a lifesaver. Although I thought some of his ideas about how to talk to your child in "toddler ease" seemed nuts at first, it worked like a charm immediately. We've put our own twists on his ideas to fit our son and ourselves, but its a great starting place.

My son use to stomp away and then slam his door and my peds doctor told me to just ignore him cause they know that they are getting my attention and that is what they want. Tell you the truth we did ignore him and not even look at him and he stopped. It's frusturating.

Good luck hope it stops soon.
Missy

If you get any useful information please forward on to me. I have the EXACT same problem. My boys are 3.5 and almost 2. My youngest does the same thing as yours and has also not developed language skills yet. I am leaning towards the thinking that it has to do with the frustration of not being able to be understood due to the delay in language. But that does not make me feel any better when he is hitting and such.