Consider trying the Total Transformation Program. http://www.thetotaltransformation.com/ I've used it, and it made a big difference. The program is based upon teaching--and insisting upon--RESPECT and SELF-CONTROL. It would probably be good for you for learning about enforcing respectful boundaries with other people, as well. It was for me.
I strongly urge you NOT to send him to live with his father for several reasons:
(1) You say that your son's father is selfish. There isn't much hope for a good outcome if your son lives with him. One of two things is likely to happen: either his father will crush him emotionally OR model very bad behavior traits. Maybe both.
(2) It sounds like your son is not showing any respect to you, and probably not to others. A selfish man cannot teach respect.
(3) A selfish man isn't likely to enforce boundaries with your son, because it's too much trouble. He may let your son go wild and do as he pleases, or they may have a battle of wills about who is going to "be in control".
(4) His father is likely to reject him after a while, because this is a difficult, thankless job, possibly sending him back to you. Whether he rejects him verbally or completely by sending him back, this would be very damaging, leaving your son feeling that no one wants him. That never improved anyone's behavior.
Read about narcissism and see if those symptoms ring true about your ex-husband.
This must be really, really hard for you! (understatement!)
If you decide to give the Total Transformation Program a try, they are doing a study on the effectiveness of their methods to be able to advertise it, and thus, are offering to refund the entire purchase price (about $300) for people who complete a questionnaire. I did this a few years ago, and it's true, they really do issue a refund quickly. The questionnaire was about 10 pages long and took a couple of hours to complete, which I did over several days in small segments. http://www.thetotaltransformation.com/faqs/ This is legit. I teach communication classes at the college level, and I've incorporated some of their principles into what I teach about conflict.
I've read reviews, and most people know within in a couple of weeks if it's going to work for their situation. If you'd like more information about my experience with this program, send me a message.
After reading some of the other responses, I'm wondering whether you might be able to find a good church-based program where he can have some GOOD male role models and experience some unconditional love from people (in addition to his mother) who will hold him accountable and help him learn to be a man of honor, in combination with the Total Transformation Program. It would be like a team approach to getting your son on the right track without uprooting him. If you decide that a temporary live-in situation is what he needs, then get some wise counsel in how to handle things when he returns and some encouragement for yourself. His life is just beginning, and this period of turmoil does not have to define him!
I wish the best to both of you!