Naps and Night Time

Hi C., get "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Marc Weisbuth (sp?). Excellent book and worked very well for us.

Read Dr. Sears' Nighttime Parenting and Baby Sleep Book, and Elizabeth Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solution. My baby was exactly the same way and all I can do is reassure you that sleep will come. Some babies just need more reassurance during the night. I contribute my son's neediness to the early medical issues he suffered from, like your son's RSV.

The frequent waking after bedtime with a need for you to respond is a phase my son also went through. You could also make sure you stay with your son until he's in a deeper sleep - when you think he's asleep, stay for another 10-15 minutes or so.

Naptimes, start going in and being there about 10 minutes before you think he'll wake up, and lie next to him. This may be enough to keep him asleep, or you may need to nurse him through that lighter sleep cycle. Either way, he will get more sleep.

BABYWISE!! If you really want your kids to sleep read this book and do it, it is great. Mine also had RSV when he was 4 months but when he was all better I put him back on his routine and he went back to sleeping 10-12 hours a night.

I haven't read through all the responses, but I will be soon. I just wanted to encourage you! I have two kiddos that don't sleep either. I was told "If your first wasn't a good sleeper, your second will be!" Whoever came up with that load of hoey, I would like to meet! Hang in there and know there are others like you! I guess we can sleep when we die!

What I learned and helped me a lot in the same situation is the EASY plan. EAT have them eat as usual, ACTIVITY then do some activity to keep them awake (this could be changing clothes, changing a diaper, playing, etc.) Then SLEEP try to get your child to sleep on his own (try gradually moving away from your child a foot each different sleeping time). Then you have YOU time...get some rest, get things done that need to, etc. This might take a couple weeks, but it is sooo worth it! This plan came from the book, The Baby Whisperer. Good Luck!

Please read Elizabeth Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solution. You'll be so glad you did! It won't happen overnight, but you'll feel good about how you did it, and it offers advice to help your non-sleeping older child as well.

You need to break the cycle now. You created a habit which is fine, now if you really want to get good sleep you have to break it. It won't be fun, it is hard hearing our babies cry but you have to suck it up and stick to it if you really want everyone to sleep well.
He is old enough to go all night without needing to nurse. He is using you as a human pacifier. It will take some crying it out but if you want to teach him good sleep habits, put him in his own room, in his own crib and do not nurse him to sleep. Sounds harsh but cosleeping at his age is a huge habit that is a hard one to break. I totally get sleeping with them as newborns, or if they are sick but now he has to have you there. He is older, can get up and it isn't safe for him to sleep with you. You aren't getting the sleep you need, you and your husband deserve a space that is "kid free" and nobody is going to rest well until they all settle into a new routine.
He will learn to fall asleep by himself, he will cry a few nights, but you have to stand firm. Make sure he is fed before bedtime, snuggle him in his crib, then after hugs and kisses walk out and let him cry for a bit.
If you go back in at his age, he knows your breaking point and it will never stop.
Try a new music box, nightlight, fan noise or white noise but do not feed him to sleep and do not hold him until he is sleep.

The best gift you can give a child is the independence to self soothe, to get a good nights sleep alone. I know all those that co sleep beg to differ, but at 10 mos he can fall off the bed, get up and you are never in a deep sleep as you are on mental alert and you aren't truly sleeping well. He has to learn to fall asleep by himself. You and your husband truly need your own space too!! Plus you deserve to get where you can just relax after kids are in bed. That is so important as it appears you get NO downtime. Start with naps if you have to.
Once you get over this hurdle, which could take a few days you will be so much better off and everyone will be getting the sleep you need.
I am a firm believer after the newborn stage, kids sleeping by themselves is the best way to go for everyone.

I allow my kids to sleep in my room when there are illness, bad dreams or thunderstorms. Otherwise since day one they have slept in their own room, in their own cribs, now their own beds and I can say we all are more refreshed and all sleep so much better in our own beds. My daughter told me the other night how she loves snuggling in my bed but misses her bed when she isn't in it! She is seven!

You don't have to let your little one scream all night to break the habit, Heather recommended the books I would. They take a little more effort then locking yourself in the basement to get him back on track, but it will happen, I do agree that his waking needs to be adjusted. Just realize it tooks months to get here and it won't stop over night.

Get the NO Cry Sleep Solution. It is a book that has been very helpful for me. My first child was not and has not every been a good sleeper. She liked to be nursed to sleep and to sleep with me. She is now 3 and still is not sleeping through the night on a consistent basis. We are working on it and she is doing better. I also have a 4 month old and this book is helping me train her to be a better sleeper. I highly reccomend it! Know that most babies do not sleep through the night and that many families go through this. It is normal and you are not the odd woman out. I hope you enjoy the book and it is helpful. It has been the best thing for our family and I have read many other methods. This book is more in line with my feelings and what I am comfortable doing. She takes a caring and loving approach in teaching your little ones to help themselves fall asleep without all the screaming and trauma. Good luck!

let him cry. that's what i've done. we're down to two to three wakings a night

this might be a tough habit to break and of course, you want to figure out how to do it w/ a minimum of sleep disruption to everyone else. My suggestion would be to have a "sleepover" for your older one and husband (or you)away from where the little one's crib is (setting up a tent in the basement might be fun). that way, the screaming can go on w/out making everyone cranky the next day. Or try a white noise machine. Ok, now that at least a couple of you might sleep through the screaming, time to tackle the habit. there's tons of books out there and you'll probably get tons of suggestions. Mine came from my peditrician. Wait a minimum of 10 minutes the first night before going in each time he wakes. Seriously, use the clock, do not cave, it will seem like all night but really he can't be harmed psychologically or physically w/10 minutes of fussing/screaming. then, if you must, go in, say "night, night" and put him on his back, then walk out. DO NOT NURSE. Also, while I didn't do this until I was ready to wean, you might want to mix up the sleeping routine to nurse, then read a book, then laying in the crib. that way, sleeping is not automatically associated w/nursing. You might have to cut nursing short if he's falling asleep to read the book - that's okay for a couple nights - he won't starve. Anyway, after the first night, increase the time before going in by 5 minutes each night, so 15 minutes the second night, 20 the third, etc. depending on how stubborn your little guy is, this could be a couple of nights project or a week or more - just be prepared for that. And, it might help to have your husband be the one to break this habit and do the going into his room. No screaming for nursing if nursing can't happen :).

as for the naps - don't worry about the length. neither of mine took naps longer than 45-60 minutes from 6 months on. if you get good sleeping happening at night, the naps aren't quite as needed.

It is so hard when you are tired... and when kids are tired. I loved the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child." It helped me understand what my kids need and what kind of schedule they need. But my baby had to have a bottle to go to sleep until he was about 15 months old. But it sounds like yours need more than one bottle. Good luck! When I was finally extremely desparate, I really stuck to a routine (bath, massage, stories) for a while, and then I did "cry it out." I swore I would never do that, but it worked. You have to put them to bed really early when they are overtired. At least that's what finally worked for me. Best wishes.

It's okay to nurse him to sleep at night, and maybe once during the night, but don't use it to get him to stay asleep - he's probably got teeth now and its not good for them to spend the night bathed in sugary milk.

I see no problem keeping him in your bed if you are ok with it (we did with our boys until each was about 2 years old). Try a warm bath with lavendar/chamomile (Johnsons & Johnsons has a good baby bath) and a quiet story to calm him down for bed. Let him nurse, and after he's done, rock him a bit more. I always sang softly to my kids - it helped them calm down. Lie down with him for a while. He may be having trouble getting fully asleep - maybe your getting up disturbs him (he might just be a light sleeper). For a few nights at least, have dad take care of other evening things and you plan on going to sleep with your baby - you could probably use the extra rest too! Do the same with naps. It's 'quiet time' for everyone in the house (your older child too). Take him into your room with the lights off and rock and sing to him until he's almost asleep. Lie down with him, and maybe allow your other child to be on the other side (or let him/her watch some quiet kid videos in your room). Let you all have this rest time; take an hour to start and see if you can stretch it.

Like you said, he's overtired. It may take some time to 'reprogram' his sleep rythms. But it also allows you time to rest up as well.

I want to put in another vote for The No Cry Sleep Solution book, and a strong warning against Babywise. You could read each one and see which one resonates with you. I just know that when I read Babywise, it felt very wrong and went against every mother instinct in me. Letting your baby cry it out is not the only way and IMO not the best way.

Chamille,

10 months is a perfect time for your little one to start learning to fall asleep. The route you take will depend on you and your baby, and what works for both of you.

I was not into the cry-it-out method, so "The No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley was a lifesaver. That being said, there were times when I would let my girls cry for a short while. I will qualify - it was only a short while (five minutes or less), and I paid close attention to the difference between angry crying and really distressed crying. The few times I ignored the "distressed" cries and tried to rationalize them away were the times that I came in after naps to dirty diapers or a leg caught in the crib bars. However, for the most part, I didn't have to let either one of my girls cry very much. Both of them are great sleepers now, and everyone is much happier.

If you are interested in the cry-it-out method, I have heard good things about Mark Weisbluth's book. I think it is called "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Babies."

The best thing we did at this age was to break the nurse-sleep association. I continued to nurse my babies at night, but I did not nurse them to sleep. After they nursed, we added another activity between nursing and bed. My oldest loved to have her daddy read her a book. My youngest likes her daddy to rock her with her sippy cup and stuffed animal. It took a little while, but once that association was broken, they were both putting themselves to sleep without problems. I think the most important thing is to remember that it is going to take time for your little one to learn to self-soothe in a healthy way. Just because you let a baby scream for two hours a few nights in a row, then they stop, doesn't mean they have learned to self-soothe. I think it means they have learned that you aren't going to answer them, so they might as well stop asking for help. Give your son some time, some patience, and some sympathy. Never fear - he will learn to sleep!

Best of luck,
S.

a sling during the day may lengthen his naps. don't worry about him being dependent on nursing for naptime, but have you considered giving him a pacifier when he comes off the breast? i had to pull a "bait and switch" with my daughter for naptime and a lot of times even at night until age 2, nursing her to sleep, laying down with her still attached and then quickly breaking suction and sticking the paci in her mouth. i know it's frustrating not to be getting the sleep you need, which is probably making the situation more frustrating because you're tired too. hope some of this helps.

i 3rd or 4th, recommend healthy sleep habits, happy child. your son id using you as a pacifier and he should not need to eat at nigh now... around this age we had to go cold turkey and let my daughter cry it out... the biggest problem was that i would nurse her down at night (so then when she woke up she couldn't go back to sleep without it). anyway, there are several methods oulined in the book... not just cry it out, if you don't like that approach. it only took 3 nights with my daughter... and was the best thing i could have done. she is now 21mo and goes to bed happily most nights.

the biggest gift you can give your child is sleep independence and being well rested. they will be happier, less fussy and so will you!

You have a lot of great advice here. Just keep in mind that learning to fall asleep is a skill....so you and your baby are going to need to learn how to get him asleep. My son was similar due to having heartburn issues. Once on medication he slept much better but we still had work to do. I would start with creating a very consistent evening and nighttime routine (write it down take pictures and hang it on the wall where your older one can see it). Then hang in there it may take a while, read the books mentioned and figure out your plan and a back up. Keep in mind your son may be having teething pain, you might try pain reliever if you believe that may be the problem at bedtime (my daughter could not fall asleep/stay asleep while teething without it).

Good luck! YOu'll make it!
R.