Need Advice... - Fort Benning,GA

Is he abusive? Why do you want to leave? You could get help from family if this is a serious situation, or the best thing you can do is start getting your education.

All good advice, but I'd have to disagree with Peg. Depression can very much be related to the situation you are in. I've gone through three bouts of depression, none medicated, that were completely brought on by college, job, relationship over the years and once those things changed, I came out of it. The best description I have heard for my kind of depression was 'anger and confusion not expressed'. That was exactly what it was for me. At one point the doctor wanted me to take Paxil but it made me nauseous so I couldn't take it. It would have just been covering the real problem. My living situation changed, or myy job changed, and I ended up meeting the man I married and I got much better and back to normal in each case. I haven't suffered a bout for years now because I prayed about it. I was tired of it! Counseling is good, meds fine, if needed, but prayer and getting out of a bad, hopeless situation - even better. Anger, used properly is good and it's telling you something. Of course, I would love to see all marriages work, but I know that many times, one just has to get out for many valid reasons.
You will make it. I keep you in my prayers

I know what it is like to wear those shoes, only I did leave my husband, and even though I am not a college graduate and have not worked in the longest time, and yes I am having trouble finding a job, it is okay because I feel better about life now that I am not in that situation where my daughter or me were in possible danger because of my husband. It is hard but isn't being in a bad marriage hard? I am praying for you to find the power you need to do what is best for you and your kids. If you need to talk feel free to send me a personal message, I know what you are going through to the T. Good luck

You atrribute your depression to your marriage. Rarely is that the case. Depression is a chemical imbalance that affects all of your life including your relationships. Until it is effectively managed you will remain where you are. Diet, exercise, medication and counseling are critical. Finding joy is important. A spiritual connection will also prepare you for hard future choices. Check with your children's pediatrician and school to see how your depression affects them. You will be surprised to see that children often reflect their Mom's depressed mood. Please get as much help as you can for all of you.

Hi M.,
I am sorry to hear what you are going through. Are you two just "done" with your marriage, or is there a chance to give it just one more shot? I can share with you something simple that saved my marriage 4 years ago. It cost $18 and 8 weeks. Let me know if you are interested in hearing about it, I'd love to share it with you. I feel motivated to "pay it forward" to anyone who really wants to have a great realtionship!
S. K

Hi..
There are online courses for Medical transcription, billing and coding. They don't charge much, they give you course completion certificates and some also offer placements. This is a very good career for moms as you can work from home. Pay is good, initially around $1000 a month, around $3000 once you master the field. All you need is a computer system, headsets and typing and listening skills. You can work in your own schedules without leaving home.
I am in the same field for last 6 years and am loving it. Hope this helps.
Take care.Good luck!! Believe in yourself ..You CAN do it.

How about getting yourself a degree and I do not mean a 4 year degree. You could go and take medical billing course, beauty shop course, etc Something that you like. This might help you with your depression since you are studing something you want to work later on and doing something useful for yourself. After you graduated start looking for a job and things will start falling into place Good luck

Ive been in the same boat and the only thing I could suggest is family. If you have parents then talk to them, stay with them if possible. Maybe in that time, look into some schooling, your community colleges should offer a hope grant and thats what I did. Do whatever it takes because staying in a relationship where you are unhappy will eventually make the kids unhappy, they are smart! Let me know.....good luck! S.

It is not going to be easy, but I know you know that. i am sorry to hear that you are not happy in your marriage. You knwo itis time to get out when you need medication to stay in!! But there is life after a divorce. Since you are a SAHM, you should be able to get alimony in addition to child support. Hopefully, that will be able to keep you afloat. Next year your baby should be starting pre-K. I would take that opportunty to get back intpo the work force. many moms start by working in the schools as para pros (teacher's aids). Once you youngest in in school, I would either use that time to take classes or work.

You may have to rely on social services for a short period of time if your alimony and child support is not enough. Do be ashamed, that's what it is there for. Once you are gainfully employed your tax dollars will go towards helping the next woman in your shoes who will need the services.

I wish you all the best. Making the choice to call it quits is hard, but the next phase will also be a challenge. I wish you strength and peace.

Im a single mother, in (full time right now) school and working. Where there is a will there is a way. I have a friend who also stayed with her husband because he financialy supported her. She has two kids and he recently served her with divorce papers. I would suggest to you, if you plan on staying with him for a bit longer, go back to school. She regretted not finishing school while she had the chance. Ideally it would be great to get that degree before you divorce. But if it doesnt happen that way, you CAN survive. I get grants based on my income, these are rewarded to you when you file simple financial aid forms. (http://www.fafsa.ed.gov/) Also, the state can help with WIC (milk, cheese, eggs etc) and food stamps, even childcare assistance if you qualify (I didnt). If you divorce, you will also get some alimony from the father, which is good. Another good thing about it is, if you divorce, at least the father will be able to help you with the kids part time. Maybe you could arrange for him to care for them while you take a night class. You could work during the day and put the 3 yr old in daycare, or stay with a family memeber? Theres always options, but everyones situation is different. My daughter's father is not in the picture, I can only dream that he would actually help me out with watching her and giving me a break, or helping me finish school. He claimed he would help me on Saturdays when I work 8-12, but then he came up with a lame excuse that he couldnt change her diapers and she needed to be potty trained. Well she's trained now, and guess who comes to work with me on Saturdays??? Haha. But I do just fine on my own and with the help of friends and family. (Like today I have a late class and I get girlfriends to switch off on picking her up from school). If you are truely unhappy, doing what makes you happy, ultimately is whats best for the children. Good luck! I know its a hard to take that first step and also going to be hard on your own.

PS- I have been in school for 11 years! I will finally get my degree next spring and with no help from him, which is the ultimate achievement and self satisfaction for myself. But if he offers help, take it! If you want to go to school, go for it! Look it up online, see what you need, it might not be as hard as you think. I also get loans out, but it helps us survive, and I think it will be worth it in the long run when I make better money...Also sit down and write out a budget based on what you would have to pay monthly and where you would get that $...Good luck! Take care of yourself.

Dear M.:

I completely understand where you are coming from accept I am a mother of three and was married to their father for right at sixteen years. I lived through pure hell before I had finally had enough. All I can tell you is this, it is never easy out there as far as being on your own. I work five days a week and at that time went home and still worked to take care of my children. Financially, it has been very hard, but God has always seen my family and I through it. Just remember you have to crawl before you walk and always put one foot in front of the other. I have found you cannot jump around things, you have to go through each step and face it head on. Emotionally it seems almost impossible at times, but then I stop and say oh my gosh, it has been almost nine years since I left and eight years since we divorced. Talk about feeling a sense of relief. But then you face the responsibility of being both the mother and the father. You can do it I promise. Somehow God gets us through it and makes us stronger for it. I do not believe anyone was as emotionally and financially depended on their husband as I was. He seen to that, but you no what, I am a single mom, yes my kids are pretty much grown up at this point, I work, have a wonderful boyfriend that has supported me through my toughest times and you no what? I even have a home of my own now. Yeap, I promise I am living testimony that you can do it and I believe you will.

Good luck and remember, alot of tears, prayers and family and God will see you through this dark time in your life.

go and get a medical assistant or dental assistant certificate only about 2-6 week program. u can get decent job with insurance. and u will get child support . u will be fine. i promise. i did it yrs ago.

I was a single mom for the first 3yrs of my daughter's life till I met my hubby. {{HUGS}}

Don't think that asking for any type of help is a handout. There is a difference of being on the system to help take care of yourself and the kids verses having kids left and right with no job to stay on the system! If you've worked in the past-you've paid into the system. You filed taxes with your husband-you've paid into the system. Don't be afraid to ask for help from the system. At least till you are on your feet, have a job and a roof over head! There is no loss of pride by providing for your kids! You can have WIC for your 3yr old, possibly food stamps for all 3 of you and TNAF. The court could possibly order him to pay you spousal support since you haven't worked for so long till you finish school or what not. Or you could try to stick it out and finish school while you are still there.

I'm sure there are even more things out there that hasn't been mentioned-help for child care cost, housing, etc. To really find out all the benifits there are to help you and the kids, go to your local social services office. They can help you with medicaid for the kids or get you steered in the right direction for other things as well.

Good luck, keep you head up and always look forward!
S.

You can get your college degree at home if you get a hold of the book about how to take the Dantes and CLEP tests. Get the college text books (used) and study them, then take the test. Voila! 3 credits!
The book is Accelerated Distance Learning by Brad Voeller.
He gives a great word picture for how and why he did this himself (by the age of 20 or so, by the way!!)
Work through a real college, Thomas Edison College in NJ.

Thomas edison was declared ineducable, a dunce, too stupid for teachers to waste their time on. So he creates thousands of inventions like the light bulb, electric iron, movies, plant based polymers, etc. in his lifetime.

get the book:
http://www.amazon.com/Accelerated-Distance-Learning-Colle...
Here's the associated consulting service:
http://www.collegeplus.org/howitworks/distancelearningcol...
They have a service you can pay to have them counsel you and get you through, or read the book, maybe get their advice at first . You can take online classes. These are real degrees, not the fake ones.
Here are some additional sites, I'd read everything you can and go with someone you trust. Call the
see www.testingoutofcollege.com/
www.freeuniv.com/whycbe.html

M.,
Hey Im R..This is my first time on this site.I feel like we are in the same boat.My advice to you is I have been a single mother before and its so very hard.You will miss out on alot.Babysitters cant be trusted.Most of all now isnt the time to be job searching.I am remarried now and we just got my husbands child from his first marriage and he has created so many problems for all of us.By us I mean my son from my first marriage hes 12 very out going and my current husband and I have a 5 yr old daughter who refuses to grow up.and now my stepson who will be 12 next month.I want to leave too.But I remember all to well how hard it was.Your 7 yr old is in school so that would give you time to work,but you also have a 3 yr old that you will have to depend on someone to keep.Have you tried church groups,thats what I was looking for when I found this.

Find a job, either bookkepping (Computer at home, or otherwise), or even babysitting. Save some money (hidden from husband). When you have enough to pay on an apt, and utilities, then make your decision. Even with a job, it's hard. Don't expect it easy. Have a support person (female) to cheer you on.

I am a mother of 3 two girls and one boy.I truly believe God will not take you through something you can't handle. your husband want you where he has you.Let go of the pride,pick yourself up and tell your self you can do all things through Christ that strength you M.. These are not just words to say there are true words of God.It can be scare to leave your husband and have to raise two kids on your own.Iam raising three on my own,every day want be peaches and cream. I have to believe in God,the word of God is great encourage to me and it can be to you.I'm not trying to push religion on you,it's just that it took God and an church that truly believes in the word of God.Don't let the Devil take your life.Youmust be strong for the little ones,there looking at how mama handles the situation between you and your husband.Try praying and believe in what you pray, even if things don't look like there changing;prayer does work.find an church to attend,most of my answer's came from listening to the pastor speak,especially when I never told him what I was going thru.It was like he was right on point.When your three year old start school,start looking for an job sometimes you must start low to build up.I did it so can you,I am not going to give up on my dreams.My kids sucess depends on how mom did it.If I achieve I believe they will.Don't let your husband prey on your weakness.Rise up and be the woman God call you to be.

M. I have 2 kids and I am a full time student working on my Masters, I just completed my Bachelors also with two kids and I was pregnant during this time. Mind you I working full time the ENTIRE time and still is. Honey don't make excuses for yourself. You have to be the first to give yourself the confidence otherwise others will see it and "kick" you while your down. Take baby steps first, see if you can live with a family member first just to get a roof over your head, then get a job to get some income coming in. Girl once you get in the swing of things you will be fine. Trust me, you've got to step out on faith honey. It can't be any worse than what you are experiencing. Piece of mind is precious and works wonders. My heart goes out to you. Good Luck

My advice sounds quite simple, but depending on what type of husband you have can be difficult.

First off, find a job while you are with him. That in itself could give you more "oomph" than you'll ever believe. Once you begin drawing a paycheck, sock some of that money away in a personal, private account somewhere. Don't touch it until you have enough to actually do something productive.

Second, meet with an attorney to find out exactly what needs to be filed and how long it will take to get custody, visitation and child support arrangements cleared. Some attorneys will advise to remain in the marital home until the divorce and financial arrangements are made.

Once you've done those two things you'll be well on your way to freedom. Don't go overboard on anything, especially a place to live. Find something suitable and comfortable, but still within limits.

Good luck and God bless!

It seems your pride is in the way, keeping you from doing anything for yourself or your family. Why not let people help you? You been taking hand outs all this time from your husband............get with it, whats more important Pride or Freedom from a life you say is miserable.You owe your kids more than that. You owe them by showing them what your made of. Not by what someone made of you.If u want this bad enough you have to learn to lean on others as well. It will not be easy but life is hard at times due to the choices we make. go make a good choice.

If you feel as though you have tried everything possible and are still not happy and things are not working out, then it is definitely time to leave. That is what I did 10 years ago and it was one of the best decisions I have ever made. I had to suck it up and go back to my parents for a little while at first. I was able to get through nursing school and get a decent job, which I would not have been able to do without their help and support. Sometimes you have to set aside your pride; there is nothing shameful in asking for help in order to better yourself and be able to better provide for your children.

I have a work from home opportunity that may take some time but what you put in it you will get out of it. Go to my website. http://www.themomteam.com/klassymom . I would start calling Churches in your area and ask them for the resources available to get on your feet.

Hi M. how r u doing i read your message i am going thru the same thing been checking on resources will let u know when i get info

I would suggest you get a job and try juggling your responsibilities with the full time job and 2 kids. It is not easy or fun. It may help your depression though and you might be able to hire someone to clean the house once a week in addition to paying the day care expenses. No one ever gets enough child support to live without working full time. You might also try finishing your degree. Many classes may be available on line which would not require a baby sitter. Be very sure you want to be a single mom with afull time job and 2 kids before going forward. I've done it both ways and can tell you the signle mom life is not easy and there is never enough time in the day to do much for yourself. V.

In some cases, the husband is made to pay for the wife to return to school, so that is something you should look into when talking to a lawyer. If your husband is a blue collar worker, more than likely you will be on your own, though. It isn't easy, but if you are determined to make it work, it can work just fine. Put your pride aside, though, and ask for whatever help is necessary to keep your children in the lifestyle they should have. You don't want handouts, but do not look at your husband's contributions now or in the future as being any kind of handout. Getting a job right now is not easy, so perhaps you might want to wait to do this when the job market is a little more conducive to actually finding work. As for doing medical transcription, that market is very very competitive, and most jobs require you to have hospital experience. I managed a service for that for 20 years and we rarely hired anyone right out of school. You might have better luck with the medical billing, though.

I went thru the growing pains before kids. You Loved him eneough to married him and have 2 children with Him, all for a reason. We are happy or unhappy from the inside out. Work on the inside. I found myself feeling overwhelmed a few years ago(I started my family at the young age of 36, and a set of twins at 39) I joined a ladies Bible study at a local Church, where I am still not a member, it helped me discover there is a bigger plan and it's not all about me all of the time. I know My family is enjoying me much more, I am less stressed and I have the best relationship with my husband that we have ever had. (this doesn't mean we don't ever fight)
you know training another husband from scratch, I just don't know if I could do that.
Just food for thought.
Good Luck in whatever road you are lead down.
I usually do not answer these questions, but I remember how you are feeling, and IF you think there is a glimmer of hope, I sure would hate for you to miss out on where I am at in my life right now.