Need Advice on How to Get Our Toddler to Sleep in Her Own Bed

Try getting her into a routine. Dinner, Bathtime, Storytime, Night Night time. Give her a special stuffed animal to keep her company and reward her if she sleeps in her bed all night. When she starts pre-school, she might tire herself out enough to want to be in bed by 8. I have a 16 year old that still falls asleep at 9 pm just because that was her routine growing up. She has a later bedtime but that's her habit now. Good luck. It will get easier.

I highly recommend the book, "Secrets of the Baby Whisperer for Toddlers" by Tracy Hogg. I could outline all that she says here but it would be MUCH better if you read the book. I am not very good at getting things across as gently and clearly as she does. Her methods take a little more time than just "let them cry it out" but they are gentler and really work!

www.thebabywhisperer.com

My oldest daughter slept with me most nights until she was 3. I finally had enough and decided she had to stay in her bed. For about a week I would sit on the floor in her room while she fell asleep. I would read a magazine or book or something (laying next to her nightlight!) and refuse to talk to her. It took probably two hours at first, but gradually got so she was asleep in almost no time. It is hard I know. I remember the tears and crying and pleading. But it is worth it in the long run. If she comes in your room during the night just make her go back immediately. I don't think there is an "easy" way. If you are consistent and persistant about it, this will be a bad memory before you know it.

Hi H., I have a Child Develoment degree and I am a Preschool teacher. There are many different parenting styles, one of which believes that there is no problem with having a "family bed". The do this in many different countries outside the USA and it is "normal". This causes a problem when it is interfering with your life. It is heartbreaking and I am speaking from experience. It took my son 7 years to get into his own bed! When he was little, it was easier and we all got sleep. That is really important. But as he got older, it started to be a problem. The longer you wait, the harder it is. What we did, was we told our son he had to sleep on the floor. He did this for about a year. He was so uncomfortable, he finally decided to sleep in his own bed. Then I knew he was ready. I have friends that actually locked their children in their rooms and let them scream it out. Eventually, they would fall asleep from exhaustion. After a few horrible nights, the child would eventually get use to it but you CAN NOT give in. You have to show your daughter who is in control and show her love. A routine is great and Mom & Dad can give a bath, read a book, etc and put her in HER bed, stay for 10 minutes and then leave. If she gets up or screams you have to tell her how it is. This Is very difficult. Keep on putting her back in her bed. The problem with children falling asleep with their parents is habit forming and then they can't do it w/out them. If you sleep w/ a pillow every night and your pillow was taken away in the middle of the night and you woke up. Wouldn't you look for it and want it? It is the same with children. They just have to get use to doing it on their own.
Don't worry I doubt whe will be 16 sleeping with you.
Hope this helps.

This is not uncommon, however it is something that needs to be taken care of before it gets out of hand. Hate to put it to you like this, but you need to jump into your "parent shoes" and take control of the situation. There is a power struggle going on & you're allowing a 3-year-old to win! If you want change, as the parent in the situation YOU WIN!!!! I am a mother of 2, so I understand how hard it is to hear your child scream & cry & know that if you just hold them, they'll stop, but it's for their own good. They need to learn INDEPENDENCE, especially with the upcoming event of entering into preschool. Start talking to her about how she's a big girl and going to sleep in her room through the night in the morning and keep reminding her throughout the day. When it finally comes time to say goodnight, let her cry and scream if she wakes up and wants to come in with you. IT WILL PASS & get easier with time!

Best of luck!
K., RN

I know it's difficult, but you absolutely have to withstand the crying and the screaming. Children are very intelligent and they know exactly what they are doing when they are screaming and yelling - they know that it will get their mother's attention. Fortunately, my husband and I understand that we are a team when it comes to making decisions about our daughter, and we realize that even though she is persistent with crying and screaming, we understand that in the long run, it's better for her not to sleep in the same bed with us. My daughter is 2 and she still has her moments when she'll put up a fight at bedtime (which is 8pm) or when she'll come in our room at 3am - hoping that she can get in our bed - but no matter how tired we are, either my husband or I will get up, take her hand, and tuck her back into her toddler bed. Once she realizes that no matter how much she tries she'll end up right back in her own bed, she gives up for a few weeks. It's all about being consistent. You as the parent must be consistent eventhough it's difficult because researchers always say that keeping a child consistent is better in the long run because then they are easier to discipline. I know it's tough, but you can do it!!! You already proved that when you went through natural childbirth! YOU GO GIRL! :)

please do not mind the use of lower caps; i have my baby sleeping in a carrier and it is too hard to use caps. there is a great book by dr. jay gordon called Good Nights; family bed advocate. another book called The no cry sleep solution for toddlers and older children. Having our children sleep in family beds is the best thing for them and us. they are safer and sleep better. worldide most children sleep with their families; especially babies. the crib is more of a western thing. our 4.5 year old still sleeps in a little twin attached to our bed and our 9 week old is inbed with us. if you really are ready for her to transition out; try putting her bed next to yours. But the best ideas are in one of the above books. follow your instinct. allowing a cild to cry-it-out is very difficult for them and bad for them; especially if the are ignored. It stresses their adrenal glands. what happpens is they eventually give up and usually exhaust themselves to sleep and figure they are not being heard. a kinder way is to stay with her in bed and rub her back and remind her that she is safe and is not alone. Dr. gordon has a ten day no crying alone method that may be helpful.

just remember why you have your baby in your bed and that it is a great thing. and once she is ready to be a big girl she will leave and most likely will rarely return. life is short; cherish those mornings waking up with little feet in your ribs and sweet voices.

best of luck.

please check out www.drjaygordon.com; great pediatrician; he was our doctor when we lived in california.

When my daughter as about 18 months old, she got her big girl bed, and we were really worried about the transition so here is what we did. We let her help us set it up and put it together so she feels like it is her own and she did it by herself. I realize your bed is more than likely put together,take a couple of hours on a afternoon and take it apart and let her help you put it back (i know pain in Butt) but just think how much easier it will go together the second time! Then taker her to target or walmart and let her pick out her own new sheets and a blanket. And let her help you put them on. We also put up a baby gate infront of her door so she can't get out, because she sleep walks sometimes and her room is on the 2nd floor. Make bed time a big deal. Pick a day she is going to start sleeping on her own and tell her about it that whole day to get her excited. And when she goes to bed, start a ritual of story and kisses time. When my 2 and 1/2 year old goes to bed we say good night, blow kisses and I tell her I love her and I will be right here if she needs anything.Start your own thing, that is bed time only. It is really about routine and sticking to your guns

Hi H.,
A couple of suggestions that worked for us. First find out what time rest period will be at her preschool. Then figure out what time she will need to be up for school. Once you have that you can figure out what time bedtime should be by how much sleep she will need. Once that is done you need a firm bedtime routine.
Our son did the same thing until he was 5. He still gets up and will give me a hug or kiss in the middle of the night combined with the occasional puppy eyed look. I just tell him it's bedtime and he needs to return to bed and he does.
Bedtime routine suggestions that worked for us. We start winding down about an hour before bed. No t.v. or video games. Just anything soothing. Then about 30 minutes before bed we run a warm bath (I still use Johnson's Bedtime Bath), PJ's, read a book, and then a song. Both my kids have radios in their rooms that play soft music very low all night. I found it helps them stay asleep and a big help during thunder storms.
I also gave in many times before we got firm about it. Our son we didnt start till 4 1/2. He's 6 now and still gets up but at least goes right back to bed. Our daughter we started much earlier and she sleeps all night and is the last one up in the morning. She wont even sleep with us when she's sick. It's not easy but stick with it. When she gets up just keep putting her back to bed without a word. She will get it. And everyone will get more rest. She needs to learn to sooth herself. This will help her with the preschool transition as well. Good Luck!