Need Advice to Survive Terrible Twos!!

Time-outs do not work at this age.
They don't understand the concept.
Spanking doesn't do any good . . .
unless you enjoy how it feels to you.

About the "Terrible Twos" in general . . .
my first suggestion is REJOICE!!
Congratulations!
He is developing exactly as he should.
If he weren't struggling against authority,
he might be headed for a passive, non-functioning life.
Perhaps forget cutting hair for a while.
For bathing . . . how about in the shower with Daddy?
================================
Please don't TRY TO READ
the book "The Happiest Toddler on the Block".
Just READ it.
Trying doesn't do any good.

It can be tough---I agree with the reference to "Happiest Toddler on the Block" but I recommend the DVD----easier and quicker to understand since Dr. Karp models it on the video.

Also, when giving choices, give two that you are happy with instead of one being the one you want him to do and one being a consequence. Example, Do you want to stand in the bath or sit in the bath? Do you want bubbles in the bath or no bubbles in the bath. Both choices you are fine with----that is a true choice.

I also highly recommend Love and Logic, for the lil' ones I recommend "The Magic of Early Childhood" book. Great real life examples and solutions.

As for spanking, I feel more at peace now that I have read "Shepherding A Child's Heart" on this topic. If you feel bad afterwards, you may find peace in this book and the specifics he gives on doing it in a healthy way.

Love that lil' guy and know that this too shall pass.....you will find yourself saying that as this parenting journey continues.

Hang in there.....

Try to read the book "The Happiest Toddler on the Block", it's a very easy read and has a great way of helping us understand our toddlers. The methods in the book really work! It's made parenting so much easier for me. I highly recommend it! Good luck!

This age is hard and frustrating , I am going through it now with my 3rd child (she had a major meltdown and my daughters preschool today) fun....not!!!!! Anyway I just wondered how old his sister is? Is she a recent addition because some of it could be jealousy , and as he is only 2 he has limited vocabulary so cannot express it other than screaming/crying/throwing himself around. For bath I would wash him standing up and make it really quick , or try a shower instead? Time outs at this age are hard , because yes they do get up , I put my daughter in her crib (some people don't like using the crib) , but this is the only way she will stay put , once she has calmed down I get her out and tell her how proud I am that she calmed down and also tell her why she went to time out. I am not against spanking , and do use this method on my kids if I feel everything else has failed , but one thing that stood out to me in your post is the part where you said he get's a warning and then spanked if it is something serious like hitting you or his sister , you can't tell him not to hit and then hit him yourself as punishment , it just doesn't get the message across in the right way , more of a contradiction.

Anyway the best advice I have it always follow the same rules/punishment about what you will/will not accept , this is a phase and you will get past it.

I used to cut both my boys hair (15 and 20 now!) and saved a lot of money. I didn't let them have a lot of treats but that was one time I did. A bag of M & Ms can do wonders. They still didn't have long to sit still though . Find another way to bathe. The shower is a possibility. You seem like you are trying to find other ways to distract and ways to show him not to be afraid. Sometimes it is just hard! I will say the calmer you are with him the calmer he will be. You are going to have times when his need to listen will be immediate and you need to save "that voice" for those times. Keep yourself healthy and take breaks for the benefit of both of you! Keep it up, you are doing ok, it is hard for all of us. Don't worry what others think!

I read somewhere that kids that used to like baths can suddenly change and be afraid of them. Does he act afraid if you put him in the tub without water in it? If not, sponge bathe him in that manner until his fear is over.
As for the acting out, my dd is the same way at times. Swats don't seem to phase mine though. She hasn't decided to escape the play yard yet, so I do time-outs in there once in a great while. Only when her tantrums are uncontrollable. I tell her calmly that I love her and I will be back in a few minutes when she calms down. After 5 minutes of alone time, she calms down and I am able to go get her. I have found that ignoring tantrums stops them most of the time.
I also try to avoid tantrums altogether. My dd will start acting out if she is thirsty/hungry/tired. If I can head it off at the pass, it avoids meltdowns. I also try to give her choices whenever possible. Clothes, dvd's, games, toys, etc. I think the more control they feel they have in their own lives, makes it easier on us as parents. I have also found that diversion is one of my best friends. When trying to cut/fix my dd's hair, I make sure that one of her favorite shows is on or I have someone diverting her attention. My dd loves to brush her own teeth and will NOT let me help in anyway shape or form. I usually take advantage of this time to do her hair. LOL. I call it creative parenting. Hehehe. Try to think outside the box. If it works, go with it. Food is another good diversion.
Good luck. Hopefully we both will get through this. :-)

I learned to approach things differently. Playful Parenting is another great book. Do things so they are appealing and life gets easier. Once you get the hang of it, it takes no time at all.

With the bath, can you just swab him down with a washcloth without being in the tub. Also, see if the shower with dad is more appealing.

I feel your pain! I am in the Terrible Twos also. First, lets remember that this will not last always and find some peace in knowing that:) LOL! For me, sometimes a distraction works. In a struggle to take a bath, or not wanting to leave the toy store, I try to always have access to one or two things that he REALLY loves, like a snack, his favorite toy and distract him with that. Then other times I just understand that I can't do anything about his frustration and just let him cry, kick whatever until he gets it out. He eventually stops.

Basically, its trial and error. Each child is different. Do whatever works for you at this time. Good luck and enjoy even this stage because they grow up so fast!

I didn't read all of your post so sorry if I repeat something... I've used time outs with all three of my boys starting at the age of two and they worked just fine, I followed the "Supernanny" approach to time outs, I let them know what I expect of them, then if they do what they are not supposed to do get down on their level, get eye contact and give one warning, then if they do it again I place them in TO get down to their level and tell them why you are putting them in TO, then if they get up I tell them to get back in time out as I place them back in time out, then if they get up again I say nothing and place them back in time out, if they get up again I say nothing and place them back in time out, and continue that pattern till they sit the TO, after the TO I release them by asking for an apology (which they must give sincerely, or stay in TO) and I remind them why they were put in TO, with some kids it can take sometime so start doing this when you have the time to follow through, plan an easy day at home to start doing your new TO procedure correctly. I highly recommend watching an episode of Supernanny, as she reviews this on almost every episode, it is on ABC I think and also on the InStyle network, or you might be able to catch episodes online but not sure.

as far as Terrible twos the main problem is communication, a lot of times they can not communicate what every it is that they want/feel/need. you might want to explore if he is able to express himself easily or not, my nephew has terrible allergies that affected his hearing and he was very "two" till they figured it out. another thing that worked well for me is I always gave my kids the expectations that I had, for ex. if I knew he didn't like the bath I would give him the "expectation" I'd say something like "okay son in 10 minutes it will be time to get cleaned up for bed, that means we will either have to take a bath or a shower. you can play for 10 more minutes and I'll come and get you" then when I'd go to get him I'd say "okay it's time, do you want to take a bath or a shower? what toys do you want to take with you?" "can you help me get the water to just the right temperature?" and if he fights it, let him know that it's not okay and if he continues he will have to take a time out on the potty (but if you do TO at this time make sure you have the TO already established and he is relatively compliant, not running off the TO spot)

hope that is helpful in answering your questions, I always try to share the control of the difficult issues by giving them choices, but all choices will include doing what I need them to do... (like "bath or shower," and "now or later" is not one of the choices... it never works!) :)

I agree with Lesley S. Consistency with whatever form of discipline you employ.

And oh boy.....the two's will feel like a walk in the park compared to three LOL.

I feel your pain, I think most moms do! I tried a lot of that, spanking and time out and the one thing that works for my 4 year old is putting a little drop of vinegar on thier tongue, of course that was for her mouthing off, but it works. Better than soap and it can't hurt them.
Oh and by the way, 3 was worse, they say terrible 2's well it is 3's you should worry about. Good luck

I agree consistancy is key, but also pick your battles. If he doesn't want his hair cut, it's not going to hurt to let it grow long, doesn't want a bath, give him a shower (takes less than half the time). Hitting and rude behavior cannot be ignored but alot of it is learning how to avoid situations that will start a battle of wills