My husband and I have a suttiation that we would like to avoid in the future and I'm turning to you ladies for some advise. Maybe some of you have been through something similar.
My husband was married before and has a daughter who will be soon turning of age to go to college. The sittuation is that his ex-wife is a nightmare of a person, really knows how to work the system to get everything given to her. The problem is that as part of the divorse it was stated in the property settlement agreement that both parents as well as the child will contribute to her education. The thing is that she works off the books and does not file any taxes, so when the time comes my husband will have to fit the entire cost. We have been discusing this now because we have to little ones and we are planning now for their future, but if his ex gets her way my kids will have no future.
My question is what can we do "now" to prevent this? We are not denying his responsability to my step-daughter, but it should be a 50/50 contribution from both parents. (sorry for the long story)
Thank you ladies so much for your comments and wonderful advise.
Working off the books is illegal. I bet she would not want the IRS to know that she does this. Tell her you will be forced to tell them if she does not contribute half. I can guarantee you she will kick it in-or face back taxes and whatever other penalties the fed gives to people like her.
Have the daughter fill out the forms and see what happens with how much comes in financial aid, loans, and how much the family is responsible for. If he is responsible for some, then sit down with the daughter and explain what the father is willing to do for her. The mother is not going to change, so one has to stop wishing she would.
Report her!
If he petitions the court they should be able to supenoa her bank records showing deposits, bills paid etc with no income reported....it's illegal.
I would start this process now so that it can be resolved before she starts college.
Generally it is upheld that for in-state college tuition dad pays 1/3, mom pays 1/3 and student pays 1/3 regardless of their respective incomes. This can be discussed when/if you go to court to terminate child support. I would strongly suggest that your husband speak to an attorney to draw up an agreement or order wherein he pays no more than 1/3 of his child's total yearly college cost (after all grants, scholarships are deducted) contingent upon attending and passing classes (he doesn't want to have to pay for 8 years of college just because the student takes that long to obtain a Bachelor's degree). I would also strongly suggest he pay his 1/3 directly to the college and never to the student or the mother. Good luck.
I don't personally believe that parents should be responsible for their children's education, unless they are rich and really want to pay. My daughter is working and paying for her own college.
Therefore, I think you should pay the 50%, and if the mother is unwilling to pay the other 50%, then the daughter will just have to take out loans or work to make up the difference.
I don't think people should cheat the IRS, however I don't think that reporting his child's mother would be a good thing to do.
You don't have to bankrupt yourself to pay for your child's education. The daughter is going to have more time on this planet to pay off the loans than the two of you are.
You said she does not file any taxes.
So that is the problem. And that is breaking the law.
It is not something I would put up with.
Can't you report her to the IRS?
I would.
Anonymously.
Don't be wimpy about it. Don't let her law breaking habits, affect your life/your daughter's life.
Bottom line.
Common Sense.
This woman, should not be controlling things.
Stand up to her.
Report her.
Don't tell her... just do it.
This may or not help you, but all three of my kids will be paying for quite a lot of their own higher education.
In my agreement with my ex, I could not pin him down to a dollar amount or a percentage. So it just reads, 'neither party shall pay more than they can afford' which of course means nothing.
He has agreed to pay for my oldest's first year. I'm assuming he'll do the same with the other two. They all have scholarships, excellent grades, and Pell Grants. Throughout their childhood, they understood they would be paying for their own education, with as much help as both parents can offer.
I wonder whether MY ex and his girlfriend feel I'm 'doing everything I can to work the system to get everything GIVEN to me'! HAHAHA, I wonder whether they realize what it costs to raise three children, since they seem to think they DON'T have any!
:)
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As much as I despise what the ex is doing (and as much as I absolutely understand, as a stepmother with a bad "ex" situation), I would not threaten her. I would not tell her I'm going to report her.
The divorce agreement says all 3 are to contribute - father, mother, daughter. Your husband hopefully has been planning on this. The daughter needs to get a job and start going through all the paperwork necessary for financial aid (FAFSA, loans, scholarship applications from every single source). Your husband can tell his daughter and his ex what his contribution is, and that's it. The mother will have to fill out forms and provide copies of her tax returns. If she doesn't have them, that's her problem. Your husband isn't requiring this, the "system" is - and that's the system she's supposedly so good at working.
All parties should attend the college-prep nights at the high school, meet with the guidance counselor, and so on, to determine what the family can afford. Your husband is under no obligation to foot the bill because the others don't live up to their agreement. Do not raise the issue of your other children - let your husband handle this with his daughter and his ex.
I'm not sure if the divorce agreement says what percentage the kid has to pay - is it 1/3 - 1/3 - 1/3? Or 40% dad, 40% mom, 20% kid? Or just vague?
Hardly anyone can afford the cost of private colleges anymore - so there are extensive networks of aid packages from the government, private organizations in your daughter's town, and student loans that she can pay off when she graduates. It's time for her to get busy, seek out funding sources, and start applying, writing essays, and making herself look worthy of these awards.
Your job is to be encouraging and perhaps send her some links. Otherwise, stay out of it. It will backfire and make you look like you are choosing your children over her - that will NOT be good for anyone.
You need to speak to the attorney handling this case to be sure the divorce decree and agreement within the decree is enforced. If your DH pays for everything than it will be his fault!!!!!!! I don't agree to not report the EX. If you have to report her do so, she has an obligation to pay. Rather than make threats you go to court and have it spelled out and be specific to as to what is going to be paid...Like your DH pays 1/3, EX pays 1/3 and DD pays a 1/3 you know something along those lines......Let the court enforce it that's why your DH has probably paid thousands to the attorney. Get things settled that way and let the legal system work so you don't have to.
have her apply for grants and they will make both parents responsible tell mom is she wants daughter to go to college she has to sign too
Seems like there is a bit of a loop hole in this. He has to contribute but not pay all of it. He needs to say he is going to pay so much and if he doesn't cover it all they must be able to pitch for the rest. Whatever a grant can pay for is a big help but don't let yourselves give in to the ex's ways! Eventualy she will be the one giving in and putting her own expenses because if the daughter struggles a bit it will be moms fault for not putting up mula. If you end up going to court over this, make sure you have your lawyer request a bank acct statement showing that she does have money.
HI M.. I will be in a similar situation to yours in a few more years. I think the only thing that your husband can do is talk to a lawyer about what type of contribution he can make. If she works, he needs to disclose this information. Education is very important and there are grants, loans and scholarships out there. The mother should contribute, the daughter should get a job and your husband should also contribute, but not 100%. There are some nasty ex wives out there who have a sense of entitlement and feel they don't need to do anything. I strongly suggest your husband contacts a lawyer and learns his rights. Good luck.
i would honestly try to prove her working under the table (far fetched or very expensive) but maybe hire a private investigator to get video or proof of her accepting payments, or working for money under the table...you could slam her through the court walls with that :) however, according to my state if there is no provable income, all parties without income are calculated at minimum wage, so she WILL still be required to pay for her porition if that is the law where you are. i'd check it out. it wont be a 5050 contribution, but at least she'd be required to pay something still, and if dh pays for all costs to get the school the money and let the dd continue her edu, then later he can sue bm and have any and all tax's refund's garnished, etc.
the settlement should specify how much your husband has to contribute to his daughter's education. She can work and she can take loans and should get some financial aid. He should speak with his attorney. It shouldn't be an open ended thing where people give what they can - he should have a dollar amount per year or a percentage of tuition, fees, room and board that he is required to pay.
When it was set up it should have include how much each parent and child will pay. My husband has it set up with his ex for two children that each of them will pay half of everything up to four years per child. It doesn't matter what the parents make they still have to come up with half the tuition. It should say somewhere what each parent is expected to do or the state might have the guidelines to be followed. In the state my husband had his divorce from it requires the child to pay so much before the parents have to contribute, then the rest of the expenses are 50/ 50.
