Need Help Weaning Older Toddler

My friend’s Mom put band-aids over her nipples and said she had a “boo-boo” and there was no more milk, a concept a 2+ year old could understand. Apparently, that was the only thing that worked

i didn't breast feed, but a friend of mine did...and the way she did it was in the beginning she would distract her son. start off with "oh, mommy's busy right now, here's a bottle/cup and we'll do it next time" and would breast feed when the next feeding would be. she started with 1 or 2 feeding times a day doing this, then went to do it through every other feeding time. and then for a few more until one day it was just breast feeding right before bedtime...then nothing at all. she just made sure she would give him a bottle/cup (depending if he was taking a nap, or going to run around after the feeding) when she would tell him she had other things to do. she also made sure she would clean, or whatever she had to do to show that she in fact DID have something else to do...even if she had to find something to do. hope this helps, oh, and i think it took her a couple of months to have him completely weaned from the breast...but she took her time on it. good luck.

Hi A., congratulations on such as long and successful breastfeeding relationship.
I'd suggest making sure to wear clothes that are not breastfeeding friendly and doing things with your daughter that keep her active. Notice what her breastfeeding triggers are and avoid those situations.
Let her know that you plan on there being a dealine and offer her a special weaning celebration - she should be old enough to understand.
Good luck!

hi A., and great job. my dd was so not ready to stop when i got preggo with #3 and my doc wanted me to stop. we got down to nightime and morning fairly easily, just kept busy. then for the morning ones i would have something fun to do as soon as she woke up. nightime was hardest, in the end, i had her sleep at grandmas a night or 2, then hubby put her to bed for a week or so afterward. it worked very well, it was a lot harder on me than her. best of luck to you.

It might help to wait a little bit until she's dropped a nursing or two and is mostly at bedtime and in the morning, just so it feels more natural to her. But, in any case, I found it very helpful with my toddler to set a date in the future and talk about how "three year olds don't nurse" and "after you turn three, you'll stop nursing" and "big three-year-olds don't nurse anymore". It'll feel far away when you start talking about it, and with luck, she'll get used to the idea. Maybe couple it with something three-year-olds do get to do that's really cool? And then make the break completely on her birthday. This worked for me, I hope it helps!

Last month my 26-month-old son weaned and it was not nearly as bad as I had feared. We had tried to do a natural/gradual weaning for months, following all the good advice of "don't offer, don't refuse", keep him busy, start with night weaning, etc., but it just made him feel frustrated (and me). Finally, we picked a day and talked about it coming up and that after then there'd be no more nursing. I got him a "lovey" and spent extra time with him so he wouldn't miss the cuddle time or feel rejected. It went amazingly well. I think for him, it was less confusing for it to be absolute. He had a temper tantrum or two on the first couple of days, but after that no problem and he hasn't even asked to nurse for weeks. Honestly, I think he's a happier little boy these days (less frustrated) and that's made for a happier family, too. Good luck and if you do end suddenly like I did, be sure to take care of yourself, too. My breasts were uncomfortable for days and I was still producing milk two weeks afterwards. Some of my ducts enlarged a little which made me panic because I felt lumps in my breast, but after a visit to my OB to check it out, I was assured it was all fine. Good luck and congrats to you and your family for providing your daughter such a great start.

A.,
I breastfed my first daughter for 22 months, certain that she needed it and wouldn't be able to stop. Like you, we had cut down quite a bit, but it wasn't until I left her with my in-laws for an evening that she finally went to bed for the night with a bottle instead of my breast. The following night we were on an airplane at bedtime, so she fell asleep again without being nursed. The first night back at home was the only tough night - she asked for "boobie" and I had to have my husband get her to sleep with a bottle instead. It was much harder for me than for her and it was done in three days. I couldn't believe it! You may not want to use a bottle at this point, but offer a sippy cup of warm milk and make it more fun than nursing - i.e. -- she can sit up and read books while drinking from the cup. Also, if you can make yourself unavailable for bedtime for a couple of nights in a row, it made a huge difference for me!
Best of luck and good for you for sharing this bond with your daughter for so long.
-S.

If you really want to stop , OFFER her a cookie
or something like a treat,

as a distraction,

Other than that I think she will wean herself when she is ready, I am not totally against letting her have a boob from time to time as needed.

I do understand some folks might make comments,
so just don't tell them.

When my son was 2 he nursed more than ever to the point that I thought I would go mad. I just HAD to stop it. So I did, just like that. Yes, he cried and raged, but I just held him through it, knowing that he would be much worse off with an insane mother than with an end to nursing. In general, I think that children are a lot more resiliant than parents, and you need to give plenty of weight to your own needs in the decision. I think that all the literature giving one the impression that children are so fragile and that any little deviation from the La Leche League/Attachment Parent model will doom your child to life of crime or psychoanalysis not only underestimates children but is disrespectful to parents.

That said, I still nurse my daughter who will be 3 in May. I would just as soon be done with it, but she doesn't harass me like my son did or demand it 24/7 as he did. She also goes long stretches without. She also has slept on her own since day one, and (though it's a topic for another disussion) this arrangement made ME much happier, and she is a very happy, well-adjusted child and we have a very close relationship.

In conclusion, I think that your daughter will survive an end to nursing, even if it is not her choice (and really, I think they might nurse through retirement without a little outside pressure). Have some faith that your relationship is based on more than the breast. You may be suprised how nice your relationship is WITHOUT the nursing (after the initial "trauma" of dropping it). She will still love you and need you and this will not cause harm, irrepreable or otherwise.

It sounds as if you are aware of the natural weaning phase that children go through and when that happens, so I wont go into it! And may I say a big fat WAHOO to nursing this long! You are awesome for giving your baby the very best for such a long time. So many women wean much too early and I'm sure I dont have to tell you what a wonderful thing you are doing! I would not suggest abrupt weaning. As you said, you dont want to damage her emotionally. She comes to you for comfort and security, so a gentle approach will always work best!

Here are a few ideas. A friend of mine (She is a homebirth midwife) put band-aids on her nipples and told her baby her "milkies" was all gone. This satisfied the baby and that was the end of it! I don't know if I'd take that approach because you run the risk of the baby having a meltdown, but it can work. Maybe as a last ditch effort?

Does she still nurse at night? If so, start night weaning. The key is to do it gradually. Try telling her its only for bedtime now. Try beginning to limit it to "special circumstances." Like bedtime, when she gets hurt, etc... And remember that distraction is a great thing! Have a few interesting things on hand (play-doh, paints, clay, other crafts...you get the idea!) and when she asks for "num-num's" (or whatever she calls it...they all have cute little names for it, dont they?) tell her "Not now, but look at this great new thing we can do!"

You can make it work! You've done such a great job so far and I can tell you've been sensitive and respectful of her needs. Thats so great! Don't stop now...gentle and gradual is my motto. She will be much better adjusted than if she were abruptly weaned! If you need any more help, drop me a line.

If all else fails, you could always get pregnant!!! (*wink*) Babies often don't like the change in taste,lol. (kidding) Good luck Momma! :)

Try making it just at specific times - Only when she goes to bed, and gets up say - and not on demand. That will make a good transition.

Then, after she is used to that, have your husband get her up in the morning (or put her down) and have a special ritual that he does - since she won't get the nursing. This could be anything from a quick puppet game with the blanket to singing a special song. Then when you start doing it again - pick up his ritual instead of nursing. Its not about food anymore, but special bonding time. If that is replaced by something still nice and bonding she will be able to forget the nursing.

And don't feel guilty! You have given your daughter a great gift by nursing for so long; when you feel you want to have your body back then its the right time. You don't want to get to the point when you resent the nursing. When my son would ask me for it after I stopped him at 2 years, I just told him that I loved it too, but there was no milk left and so we would just have to snuggle instead.

Good luck.
J.

I nursed my dd until a little over 2 years old. We ended up going cold turkey.. with the most difficult time being bed-time and night-time... but it worked for us. She still asks for "nurse-nurse" sometimes and it's been almost 6 months! I think she really means cuddle-time when she says it though!

Some tips I've heard are:

time it... say only 5 minutes of nursing and then move on to another activity...

-major distraction techniques

-bandaids on your nipples and say they're out of commission or something of that nature.

check out www.kellymom.com for some other tips... i wish you luck!!!

darci

Hi A.,
I weaned my 2 year old when I got pg with my second baby. Like your daughter, he was VERY into nursing. I simply told him one morning when he woke up that he drank all of the milk and that it was 'all gone'. He understood the concept and was fine with it. He did ask to nurse once a day for about a month, but after that he was fine. I was also nervous that he would want to nurse again seeing the new baby nurse, but by then he was completely over it and just fine. Just an idea! Good luck!

K.

Just stop. It's time. You need to just say no. Saying no to children does not leave scars. It promotes healthy development. Get her a teddy bear.

I nursed my son for 26 months. I followed a friends method when I weaned my son from certain feeding times. And I thought she was off of her rocker until I was desperate to cut down. Basically, I offered him hot cocoa instead of nursing. I gave it to him from a bottle which he had never used before. After a week of hot cocoa, we swithched to warm milk. This worked great. He may have been on the bottle for 6 weeks. When we weren't nursing anymore and he remembered to ask to nurse, I told him that we get our milk from the refrigerator. This satisfied him and he went to the fridge and helped himself. My friend also used Hershey's kisses. This worked for her because their diet was always very healthy and included few sweets. At almost 5 years old, my son still enjoys the occasional hot cocoa but he barely drinks half a cup.

Best of luck to you.

I truely beleive that this is you not your daughter,because at this age she should be learning so many other things to distract her from nursing,I beleive you should sit down with her and explain to her there is no more milk in your breast for her and she needs to drink milk out of a glass like the big girls do. I think that type of bonding leaves the child so dependent that it may bring them problems later on in there life. Weaning does not work because you are still feeding her. You just really need to stop it.