Need Potty Training Help!!! - Ashburn,VA

Popping in a toilet, consistently... is often mastered after peeing. MANY kids do not poop in a toilet... right away.
But if you force them.... or punish them for not doing it, they will start to "withhold" their poop... which means:
1) they will get constipated... and this is a problem in and of itself.
2) Constipation causes PAIN for the child, internally and externally because hard constipated poop hurts as it comes out.
3) then, once both #1 and #2 above, happens... it will turn into a vicious cycle of the child NOT even wanting to poop. AT ALL. And they will "withhold" it even more. Then,
4) if their poop does not come out and gets harder and more constipated internally... it can bulge the intestines or cause "Encopresis." This is another problem in and of itself. Medically.

Do not turn pooping into a battle. It cannot be won... nicely.
The child will just get more anxiety about it.

I mentioned all of this because: My daughter had to see a Pediatric Gastroenterologist... all because of pooping... .in her toilet training period. We did not force her to poop in a toilet... but emotionally, it caused her anxiety and stress... then the above things I mentioned, happened. It is then not fun for either child or Parent. It causes the child a lot of pain when they are constipated.

The Specialist we saw, says that if that happens, pooping then becomes a (1) emotional issue and, (2) a medical issue because constipation has to be treated and can take up to 3 months or longer... to remedy.

Kids will regress in pottying at times... because they are not ready or because of stress etc. And yes..... Night-time dryness and during naps... is a WHOLE OTHER type of thing. Night-time dryness can take up until 7 years old... to attain. It is Normal. Per our Pediatrician. At night... a child can wear diapers. Until their body matures. It is about their bladder and BIOLOGICAL maturity and development. It is NOT the same thing as day-time pottying.
Of course at this age, he will STILL have accidents and pee... and need diapers at night or for naps.

Put it this way for perspective: Even Kindergarten kids have accidents and wear diapers at night. NORMAL. Even my Daughter's Teachers said the same thing. It is biological development...

Your boy, is normal.
My son, is 3.5 years old... only recently did he start to pee on a potty. He sometimes poops on it, but not all the time. No biggie. We do not pressure him... especially after what happened with our daughter. Even without "pressure" a child can get a lot of anxiety/stress about pooping on a toilet.
The main thing is: that they can poop. Unless you want them to get all hard and constipated internally and "withhold" their poo and not poop at all. And its hard to undo that.

I personally have never been able to poop on demand... LOL
I don't think a child can either. My Mom used to tell me: that it is not good for the body to "force" a poop... and it can lead to other health problems. That is why, they never had us sit on the toilet, for a long time, just to poop. Its not good for the body to push and push and force it, if it does not happen naturally.

All the best,
Susan

My started potty train my almost 3-year old son when I had my second end of last June and he only totally trained the beginning of April. By fully training I mean staying dry and clean all day and all night.

My son was probably really not ready to train, but liked getting rewards from it like he did with Grandma. So we continued for a little while and then took a break from it.

He mastered peeing long before he got the pooping down. When it did happen it was like a light bulb went on because literally in 2 days he got down pooping and staying dry all night.

I found the more I let him alone and did not pester him to use the potty the more he did it on his own. He liked the independence and having ownership.

It will happen with time when he is really ready. Don't push things. My SIL pushed potty training on my nephew because she wanted to start him in school early and it was pure HELL, lots of temper tantrums. He is 7.5 and still either throws a fit or gives his mother a very dirty look anytime she tells him to use the potty.

Hi E.,
It might help a little with the patience you will need in this situation when you realize that your son doesn't have a problem with potty training, you do. If you reread your post, you will see that you are not potty training because he is ready, you are doing it because you are having your second child and want things a certain way. It sounds like your ds is really trying to please you, but just can't get his little body to perform what you want it to do yet. If you see it that way, they you will have the sympathy you need for him when he doesn't make it to the potty in time or asks you for a "diaper." Good luck and congratulations on your growing family!

Hi E.,
I feel your pain. My now almost 7 year old daughter was the same way and now my 3 year old is is too. I am doing with him exactly what I did with her...I just kept telling myself that it will happen eventually on HIS time. Yeah, yeah, I want everything on my time and I want the POWER to tell him what to do. I just don't think it works that way when it comes to pooping on the potty. He goes over to the pull-up drawer and pulls out a diaper when he needs to go. I know...seems like a set back, but my daughter really did do the same thing for what seemed like forever. Honestly, I don't remember how long it took, but we're talking months and months after he was pee-pee trained. We would always just say, "next time you can go on the potty." One day she just came out and said, "I have to poop on the potty." The rest was history. It's frustrating, but it does NOT last forever. I just accept it and then I don't get all crazy. That's always a good thing. Good Luck!
M.

Takes many kids longer to figure out pooping on the potty. There are just more complicated signals and sensations, so for many children it's a whole separate step in training. I find myself wondering whether, if he's distracted by watching a show, he may actually not learn to recognize the urges and timing as quickly. Just a thought.

Congratulations on not trying to lay too much on your son at once. Even if you got him trained before the sibling arrives, it is extremely common for kids to regress when their parents are suddenly having to meet the needs of a newborn. So, what if you were to just lay down your hoped-for schedule and back away gently – for awhile. Give your son a chance to adjust to the new baby so he doesn't feel that he's been "cornered" into having to learn this new skill before he's ready.

Ditto SH. Your sitter may have to follow your son around with the potty handy, and putting it in an easy to get to place may help, but some kids don't really know that they have to go until they are almost already going, and they can't do it faster out of convenience. It's OK, he'll get there, he is still young.

If he says he has to go, make sure you turn off the TV if it's on and help him stay fully aware of himself until he's ready to go. That's not the same as making him sit on the potty and try to go, it's more that, if you have an early warning, try not to let him get too distracted and absorbed into something else so that he misses the signal that says "OK it's really time."

Give him time. It takes them a long time to figure out the sensations and the timing. If he is going right after being taken to the potty, he is having some performance anxiety. The best thing you can do is just say "tomorrow you will do it. I have no doubt." Believe in him and being 100% positive in your support.

i understand the impatience. this is a hard phase to live through. you really do have to keep in mind that he is not careless or lazy or trying to frustrate you, he is figuring out for himself how his brain and his involuntary body actions can work together. for us it seems a regression to go back to diapers, but remember that diapers aren't a judgement. they're just something we use sometimes. a useful tool. you don't get downgraded as a mom if you use a tool you thought you were finished with. take the pressure off both of you, and don't turn this into a battle.
good luck!
khairete
S.

Hi,

We've just potty trained our 2.5 y/o daughter on Easter. Both my husband and I work full time and she is in daycare full time. I've found that when she says she needs to go and something tells me its a #2, I sit with her on the floor while she's on the potty and we draw on her Magna Doodle. She likes for me to draw a circle and she fills in the eyes, nose, hair and mouth, etc. Her dad likes to read while he doing his business so I guess she takes after him. ; )

I think it takes her mind off of the chore at hand. When we first started training she would say she was scared. So this distraction with drawing or playing has done the trick.

We took off her last diaper on 4/2 and haven't turned back. She had 3 #2 accidents that first week, wet her bed twice and one pee pee accident about a week ago when she couldn't find either of us to take her but other that that, she's figured it out. She's in panties 24/7. I'm so proud of her and she is proud of herself.

I bought a book on line called "3 Day Potty Training" by Lora Jensen a couple of months before we started and I can honestly say I didn't expect it to be this easy. It was $24. Maybe check it out.

Good Luck.

My advice is time, time, time. Your son will not go to HS prom in a pull up!! Be consistent and buy a lot of laundry detergent! I would not go backwards into pull ups, just my opinion. Keep praising him when he is successful and just help him clean up when he is not. What seems to work at our presschool is going into the potty every hour to try to pee/poop. Usually, you can tell when a kid is pooping, they get the "concentrated" look on their faces.... with my son, we did exactly what I said above and bought a whole lot of underwear and laundry detergent. Once he was out of diapers, he was out. He only wore pull ups at night. daytime was never an option, once he began peeing in the potty. Good luck!!

we used suckers my 5 year old is developmentaly delayd close to 2 years so we never really pushed the issue but when he turned 5 we started to and got in a routine he has to tell us when he has to poop then he actually has to poop in the potty and if this happened he got a dum dum and now he doesnt always ask for the reward and its rare that he has an accident

Every child is so different so hopefully you can figure out what works for you. My son loved rewards. He would have similar problems with saying he had to go and then sitting on the toilet and not going and then having an accident a few minutes later. We just had to figure out how to get my son to hang out longer on the toilet so since we don't let him watch much tv we told him that he could watch tv while he sat on the potty. If he got up then the tv went off. It gave him the time to relax and recognize the feeling. Within several days he got the hang of it at 20 months and has been great every since. Good luck!

Both of my sons were potty trained before they turned two. With the last one, grandma bought a few pair of spiderman/superman underwear and he wanted to wear them. I told him that "big boys" wore spiderman underwear and didn't use the bathroom on themselves. He said he wouldn't and he didn't for the most part. Once he did wet his special underpants he didn't like the way it felt. They were both pretty easy.

my 3 1/2 yo is still mastering the poop thing. He will go weeks with no accidents and then wait until he has a diaper on during bedtime and go (he still wets at night so we have to put something on him). If he is awake he will go. We rotate the rewards, make a big deal out of him going in the potty and give him lots of fiber. I found that plum juice with fiber works great. It softens it so he can get it out easier. I think it is just more natural for them to go standing or lying down, and if they ever had a hard one, it can backtrack them for weeks. I will sit with him when he goes it he wants, and he talks to it, "come on poo, come out of me. come to the poop party." Then we flush it down and he tells it to have fun at the party in the toilet bowl. Whatever story works. Hang in there, it may take a while, but he will get it. And don't go back to diapers during the day.