Need Reasons for Wanting a Third Child

The fact that he wants you to have a good reason makes me feel like he does NOT want a third. I'm only guessing. If he was totally onboard he'd just say "let's go for it" when you brought it up.

For me, it IS about the size of the house. LOL - we won't try for another until we have a larger house (only 2 bedrooms now).

For me, it's about envisioning large family holidays and having several kids running around, demanding my attention, etc. I've always wanted a large family - and to me that is 3-4 kids. However, I won't do it if I don't have the money/space. That is not fair.

I want my kids to have sibling(S) to play with.

I think you wanting a third just because you want a third is good enough for me!! I want another one and besides the reasons i put above, I cant' really explain WHY...I just know I WANT another one!

We did not plan on our third, in fact we had taken every precaution to ensure that there was not going to be any more than the two we already had. But sometimes you get a surprise. I will not lie, I was not a very happy person through out the pregnancy. But once they put my third child in my arms I was in love...I never knew until I held him the first time that my family was incomplete...even with all of our struggles...Alex has had serious delays, he is on the Autism spectrum...I would not change any of it. Alex has brought our family closer in so many ways, even on his worst days he brings the brightest glimmers of sunshine to my day. It is a highly personal decision to have another child. I think you should do some soul searching...

I had 8 kids. I only wanted two. My mom and dad only had two. I'm so glad we had more than just two.

One of the reasons you can tell your husband is that when you have two and one gets mad and doesn't want to play, the you become the playmate. With three, when one doesn't want to play, the other two will play. The mad one gets over his mad so much sooner. Three helps them to play together better. Lots of childhood games play so much better with three than two. When they work on a project, three ends up with a better result than two. Thrre argue less and are less stuborn in their opinions.. "Two against one" helps the one to adapt his opinion to the two. It doesn't work so well with adults, but it does work well with kids, especially little ones.

Then again, I've heard it said, "Grand children are the reward for raising children." And I think its true. I am very happy we had 8 kids. We had lots of fun as a family. We played baseball as a family and had a wonderful time. Christmas, and Easter and all the holidays were so much fun for us as a large family. I can remember hiding all those eggs ad having the kids lined up ready to come in and look for eggs. We'd let the youngest in first, then the second youngest, etc. Generally speaking the youngest got to find an egg before we let the next one down, etc. Thanksgiving was a very special time.

As adults, My first two live over 1500 miles away. My 3rd just moved 700 miles away. My last two moved 700+ miles away, so now I have only 3 kids and their families that live close. They come over for dinner almost every Sunday. If I'd have had only two, my life would not be very much fun.

I hope that's enough reasons. Good luck to you and yours.

It doesn't sound like your husband really desires another child at all. I'd be real careful with this issue because even if he "gives in" it may come back to haunt you later when you might hear words like "YOU just had to have another baby" somewhere down the road when parenting gets really tough. And with 3 or more, it will.
My husband and I had 2 kids in our mid to late 30's, decided we were content and then 10 days after our decision not to plan another child, God blessed us with a positive pregnancy test. We were faithfully using contraception and it failed. We are so incredibly thankful for our "surprise" baby" now, but honestly it is a lot harder having 3 kids than 2. There are moments when as a SAHM I feel that there is not enough of me to go around to all these little ones and their needs. No longer can I hand one kid off to my husband and deal individually with the other. There's always one extra. It takes a lot of time, committment and energy to really give all 3 what they need.
All of us women go through a stage of grieving our youth and our fertile childbearing years no matter if we really want more children or not. Even though I don't desire any more children (but would lovingly welcome them if God creates more despite my efforts for family planning) I still get teary-eyed when the baby toys and baby clothes are passed on and when my last baby now 17 months weaned. I'm 37 1/2 and my husband 42 and we don't feel it's wise to continue childbearing given the risks and our age . Entering a "babyless stage" is as intimidating to me as reentering it again. But I know all good things must someday come to an end. I must move on to the next stage of having preschool and school age children.
Make sure your desires are for raising another child and not just an attempt to relive those sweet newborn moments or hang on to your youth. Parenting is a huge 24/7 responsibility and it's a lifelong role of guidance/mentoring.
I wish you the best, whatever you and your husband decide. I am not anti-children or even against large families (I'm 1 of 7), but I just want others to know that you can be a parent and be selfish, but you can't be a good parent and be selfish. Children need your time, your attention and your love, not just money and a nice home. Your baby needs you and your husband's time and attention---all of it. If you can't give up your job, your current lifestyle, or whatever else it would require to give your baby a full-time parent, maybe it's best not to plan to have more kids. I'm glad you are considering the financial impact of another child for that too is important. Before planning another child, make sure you are ready to follow through on the commitment of parenting. Midwife Mom of 3

They have to be your reasons, not ours. If you are searching for reasons from a group of strangers, then maybe you should rethink why you want another one. You & your DH have to make this decision together, and for your own reasons, and no one else's.

It does sound like your DH isn't really into the idea of another child, though, so I doubt we're really going to be able to help you.

My mum used to say she had children for 2 reasons:

1) So she could go to Disney Movies without being looked at funny

2) "Minions" (As in people to fetch the mail, wash the floors, etc.) The more minions the better, in her opinion.

Yeah... my family is big on joking. I'm still not entirely sure she was, however.

That aside, men often seem to 'need' reasons for everything, don't they? Even for things that really don't 'need' a reason.

Give me 1 good reason to have sex. Ummmm... because I want to?

Give me 1 good reason to eat dinner tonight. We won't starve if we don't. Ummm... because I want to?

Give me 1 good reason to own more than 1 set of clothing. Ummm... because I want to?

Give me 1 good reason to go to school to become a doctor rather than a lawyer. Ummm... because I want to?

Give me 1 good reason to choose blank over blank. (Pick a hot button issue, religion, politics, geography). It's all personal preference and what we feel is 'right' for us.

PREFERENCE, and 'feels right', and 'want to' are all highly subjective things that one can make up reasons until the cows come home, but that's all they are. Made up to justify a personal desire. IMHO, desire is just as valid a reason as anything else. Because there is no NEED to do anything else beyond make sure you've got food/shelter/air. Everything else is a desire, and it's based off of our own subjective WANTS. How we WANT to live our lives.

because your husband loves you, wants to keep you happy, and you will feel complete after you have your 3rd child and feel like you are DONE having children......... Need I say more?

Here's a thought: Have you considered adoption? Then I can give you a solid reason.... Because you'd be rescuing a child from "The System" and teaching your sons a valuable lesson while expanding your family. It was a wild thought that breezed through my brain, so I thought I'd share it.

As to your husband requiring a reason to have another child.... I find that a little bizarre. It's not like you live on a farm at the beginning of last century where you needed more children to help with chores. Children, these days, are more like a luxury than a right.

<sigh> If you really want to have another baby, I would play it up to hubby that it is so wonderful that he provides so well for his family and you want to revel in it. Expensive jewelry and fancy cars don't mean so much to you have being able to have children and provide well for them. And he's so virile and such a manly man, you can't help but want to perpetuate his genetics. See if that works for ya.

If you have to "come up with" reasons to have a child...doesn't that say something really important? It's not a toy. You shouldn't just have something, "because you want it." That's how children think when they want something. If there are true reasons for a child, and you can only think of "just because," I wonder if your husband doesn't have a very good point. If you REALLY wanted another child, wouldn't you have actual reason? Not just "because?"

We are wired to biologically desire children. We are also given the wisdom to know when it's a biological urge, and a need.

A good solid reason is that you want another baby! What else is there? lol.

Well, my friend had another because if one died then her other child would be an only. A bit macabre but, nonetheless, a 'reason'.

Or how about this-kids are awesome! Kids make life better! Kids complete us! More kids=more fun! Seriously though-WTH? a reason? You aren't a company that needs a reason to hire another employee for goodness sakes. And your particular reason should really be good enough for him. That you want another one.

Psh, maybe he should have to come up with some reasons why he DOESN'T want another child!

Both of your wants are valid. Someone will have to compromise.

Sorry.

:(

K.!!

OOOH to be in this situation!!! my hubby and I wanted 4 kids...got pregnant 5 times but only have our two gifts from God to show for it..

If you feel you can handle a third - like my mom used to say - one is fun and two is like 10!!! SMILES!!! I'm the baby of 3...but my mom ran a tight ship and things were good...

If you have the room, can afford another one and have it in your heart - most important - then go for it....

I wish you much luck in making this decision!! if I could've had more, I would've!!

You want a larger family for bigger family affairs like holidays.
Your boys will have one more sibling to grow up with.
Another kid to help out when you guys are to old to care for yourselves
You have all this baby stuff might as well get more use out of it.

We ended up going with 3 kids and at first it was pretty chaotic. Now that the littlest is 2 things are getting better. I finally feel the family is complete. My middle child has a another to play with, when my oldest is doing older kid stuff. I am also looking forward to them all coming back for holidays one they have kids and families of their own.

Plus we did it with not having much room. They all share one small bedroom and we have a 900 sq ft house.

because you want a bigger family. Becuase you want to increase your chances of having lots of grandkids. Just in case there is a traggic death in the family, drug or alcohol addiction, mental illness, you won't be left without healthy children and grandchildren. Along the same lines, to increase your chances of having at least one healthy capable adult child. To have lots of people to love you and care for you in your old age. To keep things interesting.

I think this is kind of rigid on your husband's part, but I can sort of see where he's coming from. My husband is very similar in that he needs a pro-con list for every major life decision!

So... make a pro-con list together and then discuss it. I'm of the belief that if you both want another child, then do it! If he doesn't want another child, then don't. However, if you really look at how your life will change (positive and challenges) and it still seems like a plausible option, then
"happy trying"!

Your reasons are perfectly valid. You ought to turn the tables a bit on your husband to offer you valid reasons to not have another baby. But be prepared for him to honestly say that he's done and doesn't want any more children.

We have 2 beautiful girls. There are times I wish we had a 3rd--traveling, having giddy family times, so the kids had other siblings to play with. There are also times I'm happy we don't: When they're fighting, when I'm dog tired at the end of the day, when I'm paying for activities, camps, clothes. :)
We didn't have a 3rd because I knew it would put me over the edge (my husband was not good with babies and young children, he will admit that) so I did most of the work.

Ask your husband what his reasons are for being on the fence. What are some good reasons NOT to have another baby? See if the pros outweigh the cons. This is a big decision that impacts the rest of your life--good luck!

my personal opinions about family size aside: in the end, it takes both of you, and if he is against it he has veto power. just like you would if the situations were reversed. it would be best to respect his opinions, enjoy and appreciate your boys, and think of them instead of your baby-making drive. good luck...we all feel the pull, and we have to get past it too. there are more important things. if you are not feeling "fulfilled" or "happy" the way things are, you won't, having another baby. promise.

Why do you want another one we can't answer that for you this is your personal life your personal decision as it was for ours.I have 3 my first two were planned my third was whenever she deicided to join us.Him wanting a solid answer on the reason to add another child & it being good enough really.Ask him why he doesn't want another one ask him if it happens then what ask him if he thinks 3 will be too many is he happy with 2,is he complete with the 2 & adding another will not make him happy.Women are made to make & have babies it is natrual & it is also natural to say that we are done with having them for our own reasons.

We have two. If my husband wanted a third, I would want to hear some very good reasons, too. Just wanted to defend your husband a little ;-). He doesn't sound bizarre or unreasonable to me (as some people have suggested). It sounds like he's a clear-thinking and responsible guy.