Need Some Sleep!

Pump and store the breast milk in the fridge. Your husband can then take turns with you bottle feeding your child the breast milk at night. He will then, I promise, become more flexable about other methods of getting your child to sleep at night. Do not put off letting your child cry herself to sleep. You go in and check on her every 15 min. until she falls asleep. This may go on for hours, but it is better than training your daughter's brain to depend on food for comfort. The longer this goes on the more likely your child will develope an unhealthy relationship with food.

I would say if your husband is insistent on not letting her cry it out, pump some milk before bedtime and let HIM get up with her a few nights a week. He may change his ideas after losing a few nights of sleep himself.

Deborah: First, in my opinion, your little girl is plenty old enough to stop breast feeding altogether!

Speaking from experience, part of the process of getting the little ones to sleep all night and in their own room, is crying! Remember, crying is a natural thing with children, especially when they do not get exactly what they want! As for the hubby and his "firm no crying it out policy", well, there is a pefect cure for that! Pump some milk for a bottle for her when she wakes in the middle of the night to be fed. Then, explain to your husband that you have not had a good night rest since the baby was born, so you are going to prepare the bottle for her, but you need him to get up with her in the middle of the night when she is hungry! I gaurantee you, after a few nights of this, he may just agree to a bit of crying! :)

Know that "crying it out" is part of the process and it only takes a few weeks. She will start out crying as if she is in terrible pain and, again in my experience, the first week will be the worst. But, as she begins to understand that her crying is not allowing her to get her way, she will slowly, but surely stop! This is healthy therapy for little ones and is actually their first real lesson that they learn about crying; That crying does not accomplish getting their way!

Good luck and I hope you can get a full night's sleep soon! Also, I would love to hear how your husband feels about getting up with your daughter during the night! :) It seems that as we, as women, as we go through the process of teaching our babies, we also have to train our husbands! :)

Much luck

S.

My husband (and partner in raising 9 kids)said exactly what Geana said, let him bottle feed your pumped milk...he'll change his mind!

Check out this article by Dr. Gordon about night weaning:
http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp

Wow! Kudos on the nursing - that's awesome! Do you currently use a pacifier for her? If so, try the first few nights just giving it to her instead of breast and do your usual routine to get her back to sleep without eating. If this works, you can proceed to giving it to her in her crib and patting or rubbing her back (or whatever you do at feeding) til she falls back asleep. In a utopian society, this should work. With my second, I restricted "binky" time to bed only from 6 mos on so that it would be a nite time soother if needed. She knew the drill, and spit it out on her own as soon as she got out of bed. But she was also very good at putting herself to sleep and played quietly when she woke up. I hope this helps. :]

I am sure that you have been told that the night feeding before bed is usually the last to go. I nursed all 4 of my kids and when the got a bit older like yours they ate regular food during the day but still wanted to be nursed at night. My advice would be to maybe give her a bedtime snack some cereal or something than give the a warm bath and let her play for awile to get good and worn out and if you don't already use it the bedtime lotion works wonderful with my 2 daughters (age 1 1/2 and 2 1/2) than nurse her a bit just so she can get comfortable and start getting sleepy than snuggle her up and put her in bed when she is not quite asleep but well on her way. Than she will begin a new routine that will make it way easier for you in the long run, when they are used to being put to sleep when they are sleeping they continue wanting that my son did it way past the time that I quit nursing because that is what he was used to. Good Luck!

Oh, here's your answer: The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. It describes this to a T - and how to fix it!!

In it, she answers lots of sleep issues that can come up through childhood, but this one in particular stood out in my mind.

Basically, all you have to do is remove your nipple before she's totally asleep, and place a finger under her chin to gently hold her mouth shut. She might root a little, but just wait and see. She might not actually wake up. If she does, and/or starts to get upset in any way, no problem. Just give her the nipple back. Then, wait till she's drifting again, and try it again. What she's learning, even if she wakes, is, it's ok: if she needs to feel the security of your breast, she'll get it. So she'll start to relax with this process and sleep through it.

It might take a few tries, and it might take a few naptimes and bedtimes for it to work, but it does!

While incorporating this into your routine, you start to add other sleep aids, like rocking her or whatever you want. You are starting the transition. Gradually, those other aids will be all she needs.

I'm only giving you the very bare-bones description of this. Really, get that book asap and get some sleep :)

Just another voice saying go get The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. And actually, you probably want to get The No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers. I think that's what it's called. It has all kinds of great suggestions and is very encouraging.

I would also say try not to guilt trip yourself about "I caused this." It sounds like all you need are some tools to help you change a situation that is hard for you, and good for you for searching them out! I think before, you were just doing what worked for your family, what was easiest and helped you get through the day and night, and now that it's stopped working, you're ready to look for other solutions.
Good for you!

Also, remember that kids go through growth spurts and tougher times at the half-year mark, so it might get a LOT better even on its own if you can power through another month or two...but if you try the Pantley suggestions, then when it does get better, it might get TONS better. But then again, it might take longer for them to work than they would if you were trying them at age 1 or age 2. For sleep trouble stories and info about growth spurts and challenging ages, you might google Ask Moxie. I love that site!

Best of luck~

At this point she should be getting plenty of nutrition during the day taht she should not need to eat at night. MOre than likely it is a habit and/or security issue. I suggest when she gets up to let dad rock her to sleep. Then progress to patting her back in the crib, then to just keeping your hand on her back, then to standing next to the crib, to sitting in the room and finally leaving. This works well if it is a security issue. Some have found that letting dad give her a bottle of diluted milk or water at that night time feedint works well at weaning them from waking up at night if it is a habit. I suggest the book= No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Panter She has one for infants and one for toddlers, and after reading the book, if you have questions you can e-mail her.

I did this with my girls and now they have followed through with their children. Let them cry - do not enter the room - sit and hold each other so neither one of you give in. Only breast feed for one week at bed time. Then only use a cup. At 18 months old you can skip the bottle due to enough nurturing and bonding that you have already beautifully accomplished. Night time is a long process of: Bath - Story - Laying out clothes for the next day including pull-ups(even when being a sahm, like my girls are)- Prayers - Lights out and shut the door. When this is done as a couple the child will see that the team is all united on this and that they are playing their part. PRAISE! After a week or ten nights, start trading off and you will see that all three of you are better. If the child wakes show them that a toy is in bed with them and needs a story ONLY THEY CAN TELL TO THE TOY. But, that we stay in bed till the sun wakes up. Then we wake and dress ourselves. It has worked for five children ranging from now 31 years to 2 1/2. Mornings run smoothly. I was in the home of both girls in February and grand kids and I were ready to greet the day at 7:00 each morning. IT WORKS

Ohhhh, those night nursings! *sigh* :)

"The No-Cry Sleep Solution" is one of THE BEST books ever for advocates of gentle parenting and attachment parenting who want to get some SLEEP! It has a lot of practical information and is pretty short and easy to read for us sleep-deprived folks with the attention-span of a goldfish LOL

Night-weaning is tricky with a child who doesn't cooperate. There are a couple of things to remember:
1.) They do quit eventually. Usually even before college LOL So, courage!
2.) Some babies do need those night nursings a bit longer than others. She might be looking for the closeness of you, the taste and smell and security of you in the night. Or she might really be hungry :)

Is she "really nursing" at night, or just topping-off, so to speak? If she's filling up, you might try to encourage her to nurse longer right before bed to try to fill her up. And offer a filling (but healthy) bedtime snack. That helped a lot with my son when I was night-weaning him around 13 or 14 months. I'd give him a banana or some whole wheat toast or something quite filling, then nurse. And, when he'd start to doze off, I'd jiggle him awake and get him to nurse a little longer.

I also started wearing his daddy's t-shirts to bed, instead of breastfeeding pjs or no shirt to make it more uncomfortable for him to nurse at night. He usually would get tired of wrestling with all that fabric after a minute or two and decide to go back to sleep.

The final step, once I'd gotten him to the "try to nurse, give it up and crash" stage, was just not nursing him at night. His bed was set up as a cosleeper beside mine, so I could reach over to lie him down and pat him and be near him without having to get up. I could doze while he fussed and wriggled, and he didn't (usually) cry or scream. If he started really wailing, I'd sit up, pick him up, put his head on my shoulder (but not let him get in the nursing position) and sway and pat him until he calmed down and I could slide him back onto his bed. He was comforted by closeness, although he's always been prone to fit-throwing over not getting his way, so a couple of nights were a little noisy.

From deciding I just could NOT deal with two or three night feeding anymore until I actually got a whole night of sleep was about 2 1/2 weeks. I just tried to lead him to night-weaning while still addressing his need for comfort and closeness at night. A few nights, he nursed, a few nights he didn't, and then, one magical night, I didn't hear him all night long!

I've now moved his bed further away from mine, and he still mostly sleeps through. Granted, I'm up right now because of him, but his tummy was upset (gas) LOL

After he'd stopped nursing at night completely, he got a horrible stomach bug. My milk was the only thing that stayed down at all, and he wanted to nurse all day and all night for about 4 or 5 days. I was afraid that he'd fall back into night feedings, but he didn't. As soon as he was all well, he went right back to sleeping all night.

Good luck!!!

I nursed my son until 13 months. At that point he was still getting up every night at 3 am to nurse and I was SO tired. At that point, when he woke, instead of nursing I offered him a sippy cup of cow's milk. It did the trick. I don't really remember him crying, though he might have fussed a little. After 2-3 nights of this, he stopped waking up in the night!

First off- YEY for you for wanting/being able to nurse so long!!! I nursed my dd until 22 months- 2 months before her 2nd bday. When I cut out night nursings, I would just go in and nurse her and before she fell asleep I would take it out and just hold her and rock her. That way she had the initial comfort (and nutrients) and then learned to self-soothe in other ways. Good luck and Congrats!!

Right on to the ladies who want hubby to get involved. I think that is the first best thing you can do. It sounds to me like you may not be 100% sold on the no crying, in which case, hubby can be the one who jumps up to care for her needs in the middle of the night. Pumping is good, but like many ladies said, she likely has no need for the nutrition, it's just a comfort thing. You might be surprised to find that she'll settle herself back down, if you give her the chance w/o rushing in to feed. Another less ideal poss. is to go in tell her it's not morning and to lay back down (so she knows you're there but that she won't be eating). I've also heard of people who have had success w/ setting an alarm clock and gradually having it go off earlier. I.e. if she gets up at 3, set it for 2:30,& wake her up to feed her, then gradually set the timer closer to bedtime until her tummy no longer signals hunger in the middle of the night and is content with the dinner feeding.

You are entitled to a good night's rest. Whatever method you choose, enlist hubby to help, and don't give him an option. (Obviously if you want his help, you'll have to get him to agree on the solution - but whatever the choice - make him participate and stick with it.) So, if he is adamant about no crying, then he MUST take on some of the feedings or, if you decide to not feed, then he MUST get up and rock her to sleep. Whatever decision you come to, don't allow him to direct the activity and escape the burdens. Best of luck!

One more thing...she's old enough now, she would probably respond to some up front discussion of how things are going to work. You might save yourself some heartache/crying if you tell her straight: "You're a big girl now, you don't need to eat in the middle of the night anymore. When we eat a dinner (tonight/at some short interval in the future - long enough to give her time to get used to the idea, but not longer than 1 week) will be your last chance. If you wake up, there (will/will not) be a sippy cup with water if you're thirsty, daddy (will/will not sit w/ you/ give you a bottle/rock you until you fall back to sleep, etc." You might be surprised to see how much she understands and is able to deal with it if you give her the chance.

i nursed my daughter til she was 22 months, and my son til 20 months, and i have to say, most of that time they woke up at 2 and 5 to nurse. and i nursed them to sleep. try reading "the no cry sleep solution for toddlers" by elizabeth pantley. she has tons of little suggestions that you can do to help her learn to sleep better while still nursing. great book.

in the short term, have you tried cosleeping? we kind of did a modified co sleep, with our child (which ever was nursing at the time) starting in their own bed, then when they would wake up i would go lay down to nurse in their bed and usually fall asleep. then whenever i woke up, i would go back to my bed to sleep more, then the next time they woke up i would bring them into my bed to sleep, that way they weren't exclusively sleeping in my bed, and i could still get some sleep, no matter which bed i was in. both are in twin beds, by the way.

hooray to you for still nursing your baby, and meeting her needs. you are teaching her love and respect, and you will never regret it. good for you for not letting your baby cry. it will only do harm, and never good. if there were more like us out there the world would be a more peacful, loving place!

Kudos to your husband on his "no crying" policy. I know how you feel. I practiced extended nursing with both my children, now aged 21 and 10. They were still waking at least once a night at 18 months. I'd say they probably started sleeping through the night when they were about 2. I don't regret it for one minute. They're only young once and believe it or not, you may actually miss those days when they are gone. Not trying to minimize your situation at all, because I know how tiring it is. Hang in there, if at all possible, it will get better...and you can be proud that you met your daughter's needs day and night.

~A.

Hi.

I was stuck in the same situation with my second. Here's the deal... my ped told me that she was waking because she was accustomed to getting milk in the middle of the night, kinda like our tummies tell us it's lunch time around the same time each day, because that's when we eat. He told me to get up and rock her 'til she falls back asleep, but don't nurse. After about 4 nights, she stopped waking up expecting nutrition, and I guess her desire to be held was not enough to wake her. A full night's sleep in blissful!
Good luck,
~K.

I suggest pumping your breast milk, putting it into a bottle and tonight when she wakes up kick your husband, tell him the bottle is in the fridge and to not forget to warm it up.

D., if you don't have one already, get a breast pump, get some milk set aside, and tell your hubby he has to help! If he's already got milk on hand to give the baby, then get a bottle with realistic nipples and make him get out of bed a couple of nights a week and take care of the baby and let you sleep. Let him share the responsibility.