Needs of the Mother to Be and New Mother

I think another big issue is the lack of sleep while dealing with all the new feelings and responsibilities of having a new baby. And sometimes they do not learn to sleep through the night for sime time (I was lucky). The advise that I got from many many seasonsed parents is to sleep when the baby's asleep. But that is near impossible with all the extra laundry, etc. In the first weeks I would call my husband starving requesting he bring home food. I just didn't have time to make something.

Individual therapy should also be done with Couple therapy becuase, in my mind, the relationship can't grow if you are the only one reaching an understanding (I hope that makes sense).

I know my biggest trouble is dealing with depression. I think many women don't even realize that is what they are dealing with. They assume they are just tired. Also keeping the romance alive!! It's hard to feel sexy when you're covered in spit up! I find group therapy great because you can see other mom's are going thru the same things. It is easier for me to bring my son since I am a sahm.

I was unprepared for how much I would love my daughter, and ironically, the stress that has caused me. I lay in bed thinking, "What if something happens to me?" and "What if we can't give her everything she wants." You name it, I am stressing about it. I am an older, first-time mom (38) so maybe it's unique to my age but I think if someone had told me: "these are some thoughts that will cross your mind and it is normal," I would have felt a lot better. Luckily I have friends all the same age and older doing the same thing so it's helped.

I am a new mom to a 4 month old little boy.

Let's see here my biggest problem is finding time to take care of baby and keep my house clean. Also my husband and I have been having isues. I feel a little unapreciated because all I hear from my husband is what did you do today? What just laundry and taking care of Ben and making diner? You should be able to do more than that. Also my husband and I have arguments all the time on how we should raise Benjamin because we have different parenting styles. And ofcourse there is the lack of intimacy issues that most new moms have.

I would like to go to group sessions where I can socialize and get advice from other moms. I would want to bring my son because I'm a SAHM. I think I could also benifit from couples therapy, but realistically my husband wouldn't go. Allthough I would like a doctor or a group of mom's or both to tell him it is unhealthy to let a newborn baby cry!!!

Interesting project, good luck!

I am a new mother to 4 month old twins. I went from being a full time career woman to being a stay at home mom. That transition was rough, since now I don't feel like I contribute financially. My main problem or issue that I have been dealing with is that I am with the kids all day long, when my husband comes home I want to be able to have some time to myself and let him take care of the kids. He doesn't mind but some days it is a battle because he says that he has been working all day and then he comes home and has to deal with crying babies. I know that taking care of the kids is my job now, so I feel like I shouldn't pawn them off onto him when he gets home. I hope I am making sense...

Good Luck!

Here's one issue that seems to never receive any attention -- all of the parenting and women's magazines have articles about how to get the woman's sex drive back after childbirth (i.e., "What to do if you don't want him to touch you", etc). But what do new moms need to do if their HUSBAND is the one whose sex drive doesn't come back? How do couples work through that one?

When I was a new mother I felt like I never had a single moment for myself. I would deffintly have prefered to leave the baby at home, but there was no one to babysit. I wouldn't have wanted to do group either, because when ever I got together with a group of new mother's the only thing they ever talked about was their baby. I needed somewhere where I could take a break and remember who I was.

Hi, M.. I have a Master's Degree in Psychology, Major in Child and Family Development which I got from the Philippines, but has been evaluated here with an equivalent MA in Psychology. I work in a church and am looking for another job where I could put to use what I have learned. I am interested in becoming a therapist or assistant but I just don't know where to start looking for job openings. Could you please help me out? You could email me directly at ____@____.com so we could at least communicate better. Thanks so much for your help. I am a mother of 2 kids as well. God bless!

In all honesty, I was tired, worn out, and a bit frazzled like all new mothers, after my son Ian was born in Feb. 2005.

The biggest surprise to me was that, breastfeeding is hard. I thought it would come much more naturally, and would not be so painful. In the end, it was worth it, of course. But at first I thought I was doing something wrong, or that I wasn't a made to be a mom, because it was soo hard. I didn't realize such a tiny person would have the suction power of a Dyson vacuum in their little mouth.
I thought maybe I wasn't cut out to be a mom, for a long time, because, it wasn't only breastfeeding that was hard. I was soo tired, Ian didn't want to sleep, and would have breastfed around the clock, if I let him. I was the first of my close friends to have a baby, even though I was 30 at the time, and in retrospect, I learned that my frustration, is the same that many women have.
I would have really benefitted from a support group of women with newborns, who were feeling all of the same doubts, and had the same issues that I had. New mom's, just trying to get a hand on all that is going on. It would have been great to have a group that met in a comfy atmosphere, new babies included,(not a dr's office or coffee shop), where women could really express and be themselves. It is soo hard to admit you're having difficulties being a mom, because outwardly, it seems no one else is.
***My personal tip w/breastfeeding--a lanolin balm if you & your baby aren't sensitive to wool products, and as much bra/shirt free time as your lifestyle can allow is very helpful.

How about How not to repeat the mistakes of your parents. Or how to forgive your parent or parents for things they did to you as a child. It seems to me that when I am pregnant I start to remember things from my childhood both good and bad. Personally I would feel most comfortable in idividual therapy without any children with me.

I think it would depend on the needs of the mom, but the best thing I did as a new mom (I didn't really have any issues other than exhaustion and a general lack of knowledge) was to join a group that they have here for new moms. It's a six week "class" (for lack of a better term) where new moms bring baby and a facilitor guides the discussion, but the moms do most of the talking. We got to share our joys and challenges each week, compare ideas, and we also learned about different things like infant massage, baby sign language, and other fun things. Just knowing that other moms were having the same or similar problems and sharing ideas was huge, and we continued to get together after the group ended.

For moms who are having a hard time adjusting I think that individual therapy without baby would be best. I know I would have a harder time venting my frustrations in front of my child even though they don't understand. Plus it would give the new mom a little break.

One issue I think should be addressed is how the new dad is reacting to the baby and how a mom can deal with that. New dads can have such strange reactions (strange to the new mom) to pregnancy, childbirth, and fatherhood. They fear for their wife more than the child and worry more than we do about how we are. Some are jealous of the new baby. Some have preconcieved notions about fatherhood ("I will never change a diaper," etc) that may not mesh with the expectations of the new mom.

I know I'm kind of rambling, but one thing that many moms have a difficult time dealing with is the change in their lifestyle. It bothers me just a tiny bit that I can't go to movies by myself anymore without finding a sitter or waiting for my hubby to get home, and I can't just go sit at a coffee shop and read for a few hours.

I found that having group discussions with other moms really helped me out in the beginning. I wish I still had those weekly meetings but I had to go back to work. We talked about everything from the baby and all the things he or she was doing to us as moms and how we were feeling. I really think we all became a support system and I don't know if I would have gotten through the first year without all of them. A few of us are still really good friends and our kids play together on weekends. We also had a teacher in class with us who had a new topic everyweek to discuss and she gave us advice on any questions we had. Group discussions work great as long as everyone is open to sharing and everything said only stays in that room. Hope this helps!

B.

Hi M.,
My son is 5 now but when he was born one of the biggest problems we had is figuring out how to have time together as a couple when you're both exhausted. Once the baby was a little bigger I found some resentment from my husband because the baby wanted to be with me or because I was spending so much time focusing on the baby. Another big issue is differing parenting styles. You don't know what kind of parent you'll be until you actually have the baby and my husband and I have very different parenting styles and that sometimes causes friction...

Hope this helps.

I think individual therapy, couples therapy or group of moms would be a good idea. I think the most important thing to address would be self-esteem/confidence of the new mom. When your baby is newborn, you receive SO much feedback from others, even when you are not looking for advice. People think they are trying to be helpful, but it can make you feel like a failure. Maybe in a presentation, if you could focus a little on how to deal with well meaning grandparents and caregivers who do not want to follow the rules set by the parents. Those were just some of the concerns I had when my baby was a newborn. To give you an example, my baby's grandparents were concerned about my baby's weight and did not seem to be satisfied with what the dr. said. They weighed my baby on a kitchen scale and when they let go, his head hit the counter.I was really upset by that and ended up not leaving him alone with them and even put him in daycare because of that...I felt like daycare would at least listen to me/my rules. (Sorry if I am rambling, but that gives you an idea.) Good luck with your practice and your work with others. I wish you the best.

I am not a new mother, I have a 2 and 4 year old, and LOTS of mommy friends. I think the biggest issue for new moms is the transition from only being responsible for yourself, to being responsible for a whole other life. ALL DAY LONG! You technically lose all your freedom for quite a while and that is a HUGE adjustment that leads to a lot of resentment towards a spouse whose life really doesn't "change" much. I try to remind my firends that the baby DOSE eventually become more independent and the spouse will become more involved at that time, but its very hard to see the light when you're up to your ears in crying, poop and spit up!

I personally think group would be better because its always nice to know EVERYONE is going through the same thing.

When I was a new mother, it was a bit of a shock at how intensive the job was (me alone at home caring for an infant). I felt like I had no time to myself. I sought out other mother's groups (I didn't mind hanging other mothers, I LOVED it) and that's how I made new friends. It was essential to my sanity.

Childcare with an infant is difficult, I vote bringing the baby with you if they are young and portable. During the toddler stage (when they are walking and exploring) is out because then and only then I found it difficult to concentrate on a speaker.

As far as topics - parenting disagreements with spouse (that was big with us).
- making an effort for self-care (what can you do to take care of YOU - physical exercise, hobby, reading, etc...) I have an 8 yr old and 4 yr old and I marvel that I could have taken Pilates all these years (head bang on desk) but I didn't!

- couples therapy, group therapy (other moms) or individual therapy are all good.