Negativity or Realism or Only Positivity?

You can be honest without being negative.
"Do you think I'd be a good manager?"
"I think you'd be a better salesperson, as I think you have stronger people/persuasion skills than administrative skills."
It's not hard to be positive and real at the same time.
Nobody likes a Negative Nelly.

When offering constructive criticism (should there ever be any other type?) I teach my girls this:

First find something positive to say about the person or situation. Next point out what you think would improve on their strategy. Use words like "I think..." or "Maybe you should try...". Lastly, offer a simple solution to the "issue" you brought up.

It's a fine line between "realism" and negativity. I try to consider whether or not what I'm going to say actually helps the person or will just bring them down. There is always a place for being honest, it's all in the delivery and offering of new ideas.

I don't know your situation, but maybe it's a question of stating things incredibly carefully and tactfully -- of "padding" the bad news with a lot of positives?

I've also sometimes asked myself: "Why do you want to say this? What effect is it going to have? Will it really help the person, or do you just want to be 'right'?" If whatever I want to say passes this test, then it "wins" and gets to be said. Otherwise, no.

I used to be so much more negative or as some call it "real" when I was younger. I thought it was "real". Sure, I had hardship and lived in poverty and struggled for a good ten years on my own before my work was somewhat stable (but still very low-paying) and my perspective on life was "legit" form being on my own in big cities under stress...But honestly, since I've become more positive about things (and it isn't because life got easier-to the contrary I had even bigger tests and decided to shed a lot of "justified" anger during those) the world has opened up hugely. I finally really believe that when something doesn't happen, it wasn't meant to, and when something sucks, you can make the most of it somehow.

If I had a job interview today, I would attack it with beaming positivity and a "can do" personality. It would be genuine. And if I did not get the job(s), I would be OK with that and chalk it up to doing my best but it wasn't meant to be. If I was in a terrible work environment (as I have been many times in the past) rather than focus on the "real" problems, I would do everything in my power to focus on what I can do that is worthwhile and positive and avoid the drama. It did not used to be that way, I would have been and have been entrenched in the naysayers feeling like the positive people were naive dummies "who must have it easy in life".

When is it appropriate to be negative and real? Once in a while. But usually it makes things worse not better to focus on the negative.

I don't understand your questions lately.

Okay - the context helps. Thanks!

Hmmm... this was a great question, it really made me think.

What really is positive or negative or "real"? I believe it is all in the perception of the person looking at it.

For example, I am very passionate about freeing families from pain both physically and financially. My team and I are blissfully productive every day I introducing what we do to families to show them there is a better way, and it is easier than they think. We love what we do and we believe that every deserves to know more about what we do.

Now some may look at me and say, "wow, she sure is passionate, look at her drive and ambition".
Someone else may look at me and say, "oh my, when will she stop. She never takes a break, she works way to much."
And someone else may say, "great, she sure is good at what she does."

Three different perspectives and they could be positive, negative or "real".

Honesty is best, always. My grandmother used to say to me, "B., always tell the truth, then you don't have to remember what you said". I think that is pretty good advice.

I choose honesty.

B.

To one person positives may not be what they think are positive.
To another person, realism is negativity and criticizing.
To another person, they think they are helpful with their "tips" but the recipient may not think so.

The thing is, this is all subjective per the tip giver and the recipient, and it can be capricious or it depends on the relationship the recipient has with the "tip" giver.

It is just all subjective.

I know some people that are just always negative. But they think they are being helpful and real. I'm sure we all know people like that.

And some people think they are always positive! But they are not.

It is just endless.

People was to hear positives because they want to be hopeful. When you want something (like a job in your field of study) then it's easier to look when you are optimistic that things will work out. I don't think there is a place for negativity unless someone has a high school education and is looking for a job that requires specialized education or training only obtained by going through further education.

I think it's because looking for a job is demeaning and dejecting enough.

It can be very depressing to keep putting yourself out there and having things fall through or getting straight out rejected or not called back with no explanation. There are a roller coaster of emotions when looking for a job- excitement, anxiety, hopefulness, indecisiveness, worry, overthinking... interviews can be brutal.

So, yeah... I would send nothing other than positive vibes and encouragement to any friends or family member I knew going through the process.

Can you tell I am having flashbacks from all the times I've had to look for a job? Ick.

do you mean the person looking, or the person hiring? i'd need a little context in order to give this a useful answer.
khairete
S.

Why didn't I get you for my college counselor?? I had all As & Bs in my classes of which half were honors and a 1150 on my SAT (cold first try with no prep).

I was told I shouldn't apply to even second tier state schools and that I should look into cosmetology or secretary courses.

I applied and was accepted into two top tier state schools...got my Bachelor's of Arts and then went on to receive a Master's of Science (my GRE scores were so high they tried to talk me straight into a PhD program).

My sister with a low IQ horrid grades and no love of learning was pushed pushed pushed into college where my parents spent a ton of money trying to get her to just to finish a few semesters at our local community college. She barely got out of high school on a wing and a prayer. She never even took the SAT. But the counselor (same one as mine) was all sunshine and flowers about her college prospects.

Anyways...with family and friends they need encouragement and maybe some gentle help. I don't want my school counselor to tell me to waste money and time on college when my child isn't going to be able to hack it.

Sorry typed this on my phone before my first cup of coffee and the school counselor thing still really pushes my buttons. If I had listened to her instead of my own inner voice saying I could do it...no telling where I would be...

If course there's a place for realism! I'm not going to encourage a nephew with a GED to be a neurosurgeon, but I might list out the LONG list if prerequisites if he showed an interest.
I mean could it ever be good to tell someone constantly "their loss, they made a big mistake passing you up for that position!" if you KNOW something about the field/career/industry first hand?
I think a mature person could complete process and appreciate comments or advice like "that's a highly competitive field" or " you might have to start at a less glamorous position and prove yourself to something better."
Am I understanding your question? Lol

Who is giving the job seeker the negativity/realism? Is it potential employers or friends?

I am in the process of job hunting. It can be quite demoralizing. I would be happy to hear criticism from those in the hiring position who have decided that I am not the applicant they are looking for. But I don't know how much negativity or realism I could stand to hear from friends. Constructive suggestions are always appreciated. But I wouldn't want anyone to tell me that I'm not qualified for a position, can't do the job, or shouldn't apply unless they had direct knowledge of the position.

One nugget of negativity/realism that I did get was from a friend who is an ex-chief of police for a couple of large cities. I told him I was contemplating going back into law enforcement. He told me he would NEVER hire a divorced woman with kids unless he was ordered to do so by law. Good to know ;-)

Depending on how close I am to the person, I will give real feed back (such as what to change or re-word on a resume). If you and the other person are grown-ups and that person what to apply for a head of surgery position and they are a HS drop out (no medical degree) they will not get hired. You can tell them they do not meet the requirements and suggestion another position to apply to in the hospital.

Now if you have a friend/family who is applying to be an account executive and requires an outgoing personality you do not need to give your opinion and say "You do not have a personality that would be good for the job."

Some people are stuck in the phase of live that sees all things wrong instead of how to help improve.

A person's hurtful opinion is not 'The Truth.' That same person can change their opinion if their mood changed, if the knew more background of the situation and so on.

We all want our children to do and be the best they can be. However, there are times when their best is not always going to give them the wanted results as in your example.

If there is a way around the acquired score (850) and the required score (1200 to 1600) to get in, then it might be best to suggest a retesting to see if the student improves. If the student does not improve, then the suggestion of another area of medicine may/might be in order.

The student as well has to have a desire or drive to want to go and do the work. If mom and dad are pushing, then it will not work and the financial drain and loss with be evident.

My son, on a whim, took the SAT and got a similar score. He did not study and went in cold turkey. However a few years later he applied for and got the GI bill and is now a journeyman electrician. He did not get the license on the first try but did on the second. I suggested that he study the area he had trouble in and when he studied with a new group who were testing for the master he was passing the test. When he called and told me what he did I told him he had it. It was difficult because he never pushed himself prior to study for the vocation but understood when I meant when I told him to study really hard and concentrate.

So this young man may, in the future, find his calling and be productive. You just see the sides of the fence at the same time as a counselor and hope that he will make a positive choice. Whatever happens, he will be all right.

Have a good weekend.

the other S.

I think negativity should come in the form of constructive criticism, which is not always well perceived. *****I just read your SWH and understand your question better, in this case, I think it is your professional duty to be honest and frank. It sounds like my husbands struggle in the car business days. He would get a young cute girl with BMW taste and a Corolla budget.*****

There are many other factors that go long with it as well. In our house, there is a lot of negativity, however in a joking manner. That just makes everyone laugh, but the bottom line is it is negative. If it were a sensitive situation, we are careful with the feelings.

One of my job functions is as an employment specialist for individuals who are disabled. I have to be completely honest in my job, in all of my functions, or else I can't actually help people. I can still do that even when reality is not what people want or like. I use as much positive language as possible, even when doling out news or opinions that aren't what people want to hear. Being supportive doesn't mean blowing sunshine up skirts.

So I supposed what I'm saying is that when you have an opinion or news that could construed as "negative" it can still be presented in a constructive way by using positive language.

"Your SAT scores may not be high enough to get into your first choice, or second choice, college but you still have some options. Your third choice of college will take that score because they know that some people get anxiety when testing (or some other legit thing). You could take a break before starting and wait until the next round of SAT testing and study the areas you had the most difficulty in. See how that goes. In the meantime, why don't we start thinking about some alternatives?"