I Must Have Done Something Wrong

I see that you've answered others questions. Do you read through the rest of the responses? If you do, you'll see that the nastigrams aren't just happening to you. You'll also typically find a pattern as to who leaves those nastigrams ...

In many cases, other moms aren't trying to be mean. They think they're being honest and blunt - and if you can't appreciate that then it's not their problem. In fact, there was a question on here from somone asking that exact thing.

This is as safe as a place as you'll find. But you'll also find honest opinions. If a mom thinks you're doing something wrong or being overly protective, it's likely that mom will let you know without mincing words or tip-toeing around it.

I have found this to be the absolute best place for getting opinions of all kinds to START or complement my additional research. Sometimes I just need validation. Sometimes I need a wake-up call. You'll get all those things for the same question.

We all choose to do things differently. We all feel strongly about certain choices. We don't all know how to diplomatically express those opinions. And, sometimes, even when we do, we get impassioned to the point that we don't realize we're making others defensive rather than helping.

You've got to remember that there's such a wide range of personalities on here that they're almost all going to be represented. And you're not guaranteed to like every single response you ever get. Please also remember that it's very, very difficult to read tone when there's limited space to write and you can't see the person behind the screen. You can't read inflection and you don't know why they're responding the way they are, just as we're kind of clueless as to why you're suddenly writing a Goodbye Cruel Board post when you've asked some good (and innocent) questions and received helpful responses.

Well, you know what they say about opinions. They are like -ssholes. Everyone has one and some people feel the need to act like one to get theirs across. Don't leave over a few bad apples. Take a break for a bit but stay on. This site works because of the variety of voices which can be heard. I may not like what I hear but it does remind me we are all individuals with different views, opinions, lives and experiences. Variety is a good thing even if it is rough at times.

I just looked through your questions and you haven't done anything wrong. Don't let one person drive you away from this site! Good luck with your baby and it is okay to remain on the email list and ease your way back in if you feel like it in the future.

I looked back at your questions and I believe even the negative comments were people trying to be helpful. We aren't going to like every response we get.

A couple of days ago someone seriously told me to quit crying. And 3 people agreed with her! lol But that's ok. I WAS crying over spilled milk. Her response was still helpful.

Please try to think of it like the advice new moms tend to get from every direction. Some of it is good and you keep it, some of it is crazy voodoo and you just listen politiely but let it go in one ear and out the other. I like to think that you mst have gotten some good advice on this site?? Enough to make up for people stepping on your toes?? Quitting would be cutting off your nose to spite your face.

Shake it off, k?

There are radicals everywhere. Please don't let a complete stranger who may be having a frustrating day, or her own agenda make you ditch the good stuff.

Roll your eyes, scratch your head and wonder, and face palm.

But don't let it ruin your day. Really. Please?

Pretty Please?

:)

I'm not sure what specifically you're referring to, but I think we all have buttons that are pushed on here from time to time. What usually helps me is to step back for a while, or just to lurk for a while without posting or answering many questions. Past the craziness, there's some great info on here. It's all about what you take from it. I hope you re-consider! :)

I hope you don't. I enjoy your advice. You've contributed thoughtfully, carefully.

Hi Mama,

Like 90% of the moms on this site are AWESOME!! 6% are quite rough around the edges. And then there is the 4% who are plain old nasty.

I would suggest that you stay on. I took a look at your questions and they are all valid - you got some great responses. And when you didn't, you said so (good for you).

Don't leave - it seems like you need a site like this right now. You daughter is about 6 months and you are still reeling from the pain of losing your sons. There are lots of moms on here who are in a similar situation as yours. Lean on them. And I can guarnatee you that when you post, even the moms who can't ever imagine what you are going through will send a quick note of support!

Hang in, don't leave. Really, it's a great site.

ooh my!! you are taking things here WWWWWAAAAYYYY to personally!! Shake it off - be like a duck and let it roll off your back!!

I have a target on my back from one mama on this site - I don't let her scare me away!! I think of her as a small person. And I don't let small people bother me. Think of them as sad people who aren't getting the love they need.

So to the people who have been rude - oh well - their loss.

You are going to get all kinds of answers, good, bad, great, horrible. Take what you need from it and press on..

Don't let the small people scare you away from this site....

Don't worry about it. You don't even know these people, and they can't hurt you! I saw one response you're probably referring to, and I have no idea why someone would take issue with you asking baby-care related questions on a site dedicated to baby, child care and mothering. When you get something like that, just roll your eyes and read the ones that are actually helpful and turning you onto something you didn't know before.

I had to check and see if I was the big meany, nope.

The problem with posts like this is they tend to make people think they were right to be mean in the first place.

Not sure why you would let a few bad moments drive you away from the community..... So you pushed someone's button, you are human, they are human....none of us are perfect. :)

Aw I wouldn't leave honey.
I have gotten some great advice on here.
A few snarky comments here & there but I just tune out those mean ones.
A couple of times, I have spoken my mind in defense of a child but it's always with the defense of the little one in mind.
Never, ever anything meant to be offensive or rude.
Hope you stick around! :)

Sometimes a question from someone hits a nerve with someone else, and emotions grow high. Sometimes both questions and answers are misinterpreted (often for the same reason: they hit a nerve). Sometimes the anonymity of this site makes people believe they can answer in any words they choose; after all, the person receiving the answer is unknown and therefore not quite real.

And some folks are just naturally rude.

Sorry you had a bad experience - unfortunately, those messages and responses are par for course. You ask for peoples opinion, and they give their honest answers. What people say (positive or negative) is part of the experience.

I've had people give responses to my questions I thought were rude or out of line, but the vast majority have been very helpful.

The groups answers are normally a pretty good litmus test to see how "in the normal range" your own thoughts and feelings are. The group will give mostly similar answers on most topics, with a random wacko response thrown in the mix (which can be rude, ignorant, tactless..). On some topics (working mom/at home mom, breastfeeding/formula feeding, spanking) you will definitely hear from moms in both camps and some people will have very strongly worded opinions.

You are right, though, that this community should be helpful and supportive, and if the responses are making you feel worse about things, it may be better to take a step back. As singlemomma pointed out, we ARE all a bunch of strangers and you may feel more comfortable getting advice from friends and family, who know your situation and may be more tactful and sensitive.

I'm sorry you've had a bad experience. Enjoy your precious little baby!

Your questions look typical to me. I don't know why anyone would have answered them negatively. It's too bad you had a bad experience.

There are usually a couple of negative responses to any question, but overall this is a helpful site.

awww. don't go. you will find good and bad people everywhere. just like here there are very intelligent women and then some...not so much :)
you get people PMSing daily, and then those who do once a month. but really, in general, it's a pretty good site.

Are the rude messages and comments thru the private message option?
Are they about your questions or your answers?

I haven't seen any particularly nasty comments but then I haven't read all your questions or answers.

I've been on this site since before it was Mamapedia (many years) and have found that overall, I learn much from being here. I dismiss the hostile comments as being from a person who is having difficulties of their own. Every once in awhile I do comment on the negative response. I'm not intending to mean. I'm wanting that person to know that there is a different way of looking at their situation or suggesting that they're looking at the question in a non-productive way. When I feel strongly about something I make a comment back. I'm more sensitive at some times then others. For me the action of responding lessens my irritation.

I do try to respond in a courteous and thoughtful way. I view your questions and responses as courteous and thoughtful. If someone takes offense that is their problem. They needn't tell you their feelings but that is what people do. Even negative responses are communication. We don't have to take them personally. I don't know if that is what is happening for you.

I just would hate for you to leave this site in disappointment because this site is useful and you've added useful information to it.

Don't go!
Just take a break...that's what I do and I rarely even ask questions! Lol.
Trust me it helps. :)

I am sorry you are leaving the site. Please keep in mind that you are getting responses from all walks of life, at different stages in their lives, and everyone has their baggage...all of which colors their opinions, judgement, and responses. Best advice I can give you would be to not take it personal...even when it seems nothing but.

You shouldn't let a few negative responses scare you away. Just ignore those and take what you need.

Why would you let a few bad apples keep you from , what I have found to be, a terrific wealth of knowledge?

It's (basically) an anonymous internet site.....don't give the negative posts any of your mind-share!! Pull your big girls pants on and move forward! I think you'll be glad you did.

I have found the same thing, I try to leave in my question what I am specifically asking for and yet others feel they need to assume the worst about me. I personally don't answer the question unless I can be helpful and supportive. I refuse to answer a question to berate someones lifestyle. If I don't agree I move on to another question. Treat others the way you want to be treated. Too bad there are too many people out there who haven't learned this yet.

I truly believe some like to give the best advice they know how to on this site...they might not be right...but it is their opinion. And some get upset when reading a question and be hasty in their reply...but mean well...I am guilty of this. Then there are the very few that think they are know-it-alls and type whatever they want to get a rise out of someone....LOL....those I ignore. I think you should too....you are intelligent and should know by now to ignore ignorance! Please stay!

Hi babysmama-

I am not sure 'what' happened...

Sorry to see any mom leave here because of a negative experience...

Best Luck!
michele/cat

Aww that is really sad, you feel that way. I am not sure what messages, or posts you are speaking of but i'm sorry!

You are right, this place is supposed to be a site where you can get good sound advice, and it usually is.
But there will always be some of those people who are rude just to get their kicks and feel better about themselves. The majority on this site are pretty nice. Its a shame that the bad ones ruined it for you :(

If you are going to be a part of this site, you will get all types of responses. My advice is to take the good & let go of the bad. Why let a group of strangers dictate how you feel? You're giving them too much power. Let it go & focus on the positivity that can be found here.

Also, tone is hard to detect in a typed word. We all have different sensitivity levels. I've learned to not read too much into what anyone says. Some people just are miserable & will spew it all over their keyboard & screen that they're hiding behind.

Don't leave! I've been there too. In the past I've asked questions that I never thought would warrant nasty responses and have been truly hurt by some of the responses I got. I almost left too. But I thought you know what? I am an adult and I'm not going to let some petty b*tchy women chase me off of here.
Take it with a grain of sat girl. As women, we know that there are PLENTY of nasty, catty, plain out mean women in the world. And unfortunately they decided to grace us with their nasty prescence on a sight that SHOULD be about support and constructive criticism. I've seen questions that were totally ridiuclous and warranted a little back lash. But I've also witnessed genuine concerns be attacked. Screw 'em!!! Stick around. You CAN get some really great advice here!

I am so sorry to hear that.

People are insensitive and sometimes, love my comments and sometimes totally disagree. Sometimes I get awesome answers, and sometimes, I am offended.

All in all, it is nice to have additional opinions but you have to remember, they are just that. You are the mom and you make the difference in your child's life. These people are strangers - not your BFF's or family. They don't know the entire situation. It is vague.

I hope you do stay and that you report the inappropriate comments and messages because it is the only way to get these moms to stop what they are doing. If you are having this problem, other moms could be in the same shoes with the same people.

Stay and help us :) If not, I wish you the very best and will say a prayer for you. I am sure you do not need us but I am personally thankful for finding this site regardless of bad apples out there. Let me know if I can ever help with anything - I would be glad to give you my email and my opinion but it is just that - an opinion :)

Hugs

I am sorry to hear that. Like everything it seems you get the good with the bad.