New Baby coming...and Feeling a Little Sad About Son's Reaction

I haven't experienced this, but you're expecting an adult reaction to a child's reaction. If you can take that in, it might help you not be sad. Even adults can be ambivalent with this issue.

Don't stress. My oldest has always been excited when I got pregnant. The first time he found out, he hugged me and said, "Thanks, mom!" like I was giving him a present.

When we told our 2nd (5 at the time) that we were pregnant with #4, he just looked at me and said, "Can I go play video games?" He finally came around.

All of them have been at their sibling's births....and there is no sibling rivalry. They watch the baby born and come over to kiss it....rather than having the mom leave and return with a baby, like the child is being replaced.

Breathe. There is plenty of time...and he's 5. Don't expect him to react like an adult.

He's ambivalent! No big shock there . . . there's no way a 5-yr old can grasp the monumental nature of this news, yet he is old enough to understand that something is changing.

Kids are very egocentric - it's not personal. Your baby will be too! The only difference is that your baby will know "normal" as life with older brother, whereas older brother can remember life without baby.

I would not worry about it at all, and I would not project my own (normal) ambivalence on my son.

Congrats and good luck!

Don't feel sad. He just learned some news that he had hoped for for a long time and is trying to figure it out in his own way. He is happy but he can't see the "bump" for baby and it is not real to him yet.

I remember when I told my son that I was going to have a baby. He told me baby sister. So I said, "Oh, okay, we'll call it baby sister." He was right. But that is how referred to my tummy. I asked him about names and he gave one and then I said just in case it is baby brother what would you call it and he gave a name. To make a long story short he has baby sister with the names he picked with a bit of modification.

It is normal and all will work out.

The other S.

Kids have mixed feelings about the arrival of a sibling, especially one they can't see yet. I also think boys have a harder time accepting that they'll have to share their mommy's love with someone else.

When I was expecting #2, my oldest (a girl) was pretty excited the whole time I was pregnant. She was both happy and jealous when her brother came. When I was expecting #3, my daughter was ecstatic and my son was pretty ambivalent, but would ask me if I was still going to love him when I had the new baby. I can remember bawling when he came to see us at the hospital because he must have asked me 20 times if I still loved him. I still cry when I think about that. I just kept reassuring him and when the baby came home, he never showed any signs of jealousy.

Just keep assuring your son that he'll always be your baby too, that he's special because he's your first baby and always will be. At 5 yrs old, he should be able to help quite a bit too with caring for the baby. Include him in as many things as you can. Everything will work out fine.

Well I just have to add that I'm wondering if he knows what "I don't care" really means. My daughter is 4.5 and uses this phrase inappropriately all the time. I mean sometimes she does, she's not completely cluess ;) but other times she's only close to the actual meaning and it doesn't make sense for the situation so I started asking her what she meant by that and her explanantion made a lot more sense! So maybe next time he says it you should ask him what he means and it's possible you might be surprised by the response.

And, I do think once he gets used to the idea and you start showing, etc. he will be a lot more excited...it'll be more "real"!

So normal on all fronts!! When we told my 4 year old son first found out about the little sister/brother he is due to have he was mad and wanted to put it in the garbage. Eventually that lead to the 'guest room' until he could could used to it (which was the process we did with a 2nd cat coming into the home earlier). When he found out he was going to have a sister he cried and said he wanted a brother. We included him in many aspects of planning, as much as he wanted to be involved in ... he even helped paint the bedroom. He also won the name game ... we chose his name suggestion. We made him feel a part of the process and that this was HIS baby sister. (Never called her the 'new' baby.) When I went to the hospital he cried and said he didn't want a little sister. But, really, when he first saw her he fell in love and has been the best big brother ever ... and my little Charley Ann adores him right back!!

Its not a concrete thought for him yet, he is going to go back and forth until he realizes that it is real.
The best thing you can do now is help him prepare. It helps if you refer to the baby as "our baby" or "your baby brother or sister" Not "my baby or the baby". It will help give him ownership in the sibling relationship. He will feel there is a bond before baby comes. Let him pick things out and give him options about baby stuff. Talk about what he will be able to do with the baby; help feed him, hold him, maybe even rock him to sleep. Talk about all the things he will teach him, talk about how you taught him all the things he can do, and now he can can teach his baby all those things.
Stay positive and try not to react at all, and especially don't act sad, when he says he wont love baby, or he doesn't want it, or doesn't care about you having another child. This will just feed it, and he will do it more because he will see that you give him a reaction. When he does say nice things about anything baby, then give him a positive reaction.
also it might be fun to take him to the ultrasound so he can see it moving around, that makes it more concrete:)
good luck!
E.

Our two older boys were 4 and 3 when we had our 3rd boy. They were always excited, but that could be because they already had each other and were excited for a "baby" and then we had our last boy 3 monthes ago. Probably being the only child for 5 yrs, he maybe a little hesitant to have a sibling. He's happy but also scared all together. Just always try to let him help out, and he'll do fine. I let my boys go w/ me when we had our ultra sounds so they could see their "baby brother". They were also there when we found out the sex. They also went to some of my appts when I knew they would only check for the heart beat and measure my tummy. They loved it. :)

Don't be. Show him tons of love. Make sure he knows he'll still be your "baby". It's a little "unreal" to kids when you're not showing and honestly, up till the baby's born. Including him is a great idea, absolutely. Get him a special big brother shirt, etc.

Don't be sad, it's a big change for a little kid, and a conceptual idea that hasn't come to fruition yet and won't until they see the belly, then the actual baby. I don't think they really get the impact til the baby is home. He is just processing and making sense of what you have shared with him.

I'll also add that my 4.5 y/o also uses "I don't care", 'I don't mind" and "it doesn't matter" interchangeable. They don't really know what those phrases mean! Sometimes she'll indignantly say "I don't mind!" when she is really meaning she doesn't care what we are telling her. and vice versa.

Get used to the ups and downs of siblings. There will be MANY sweet moments between the two. And some not so sweet moments.

You're probably just having pregnancy hormones, that's why it made you sad. (I know, everyone hates to hear that, but it is so true).