New Baby Excitement or Resentment?

Google gender disappointment and maybe you will get an idea of what he is feeling. And I think sometimes it is harder for men to have it, for they don't have any connection with the baby until it gets here. And that connection we have with a baby while in utero is amazing...we are so attached right away. Its not like that with men.

Let him grieve the loss of the dream of him having a daughter. It doesn't have anything to do with the new baby. They are two seperate issues. He will get over it. It may not be quick, and may take until he sets his eyes on his new son, but he will.

I differ a little with the other responses, but it sounds like he is grieving the loss of what he thought he was going to have. I would give him a few days to let the news settle in and then talk to him about it. If he is really upset and resentful, maybe he should talk to a doctor/psychologist about his issues. Better to get it worked out before baby comes-----I am not sure what you meant by snapped, but if you feel you are in danger or he may hurt the baby---get out of there and of course take your son with you and get to a safe place. Good luck!

M

You shouldn't drop it. If he is aggressive with the baby after he is born then you gotta get the hell outta dodge babe. I wanted a boy and was disappointed when I found out she was a girl but got over it and when she was born I loved her so much. So if he doesn't fall in love with the baby and is still resentful and aggressive, get out before he hurts that baby. What do you mean when you say it snapped something in daddy? How resentful is he? Talk to him, why does he want a girl so bad? Just to have a daddy's girl or something?

Ummm, how about a talk with Dad and see if he will open up about how he is feeling? I mean, to some degree, it's normal to feel disappointed when you were hoping for one gender and get the opposite but really, eventually he should be happy to have healthy children. I would not leave it be, because if he is resentful about something, and he doesn't talk about it, it's only going to get worse with time. How old is Dad? I don't want to assume anything, but it seems pretty immature to be resentful toward a fetus. And when you say that something "snapped", that gets me concerned.

Just let it be. Your husband needs to adjust to having another boy since his heart was set on a girl. Give it time, he'll soon be very excited to be having another son once he gets used to the idea.

I went through this myself. When I found out my second son was a boy I literally cried all the way home from the ultrasound, I had convinced myself I was having a girl. I really do understand how he is feeling, and he only found out today. You need to give him time. Not only did I feel sad about having another boy but I also felt terrible to be having these feelings towards my own unborn child. He does have a lot of time to get used to this. I agree with other posters who said he has to have a little time to grieve the "loss" of the idea that this baby would be a girl. I think I really only felt the sadness for a day or two and then I got used to the idea that I was having another boy and thought of all the positive things about having two boys that could do so much together and be close as brothers as they grow up.
He is entitled to his feelings and he needs to work them through.
I think if he isn't showing signs of coming around to the idea of another boy in the next week or so you may need to put a bit of pressure on him to talk about his feelings, let him know you are not judging him and you just want to try and help him. Men tend to bottle things up rather than talk about them and that could be a problem. I was able to have a good cry and talk about it to a couple of my girlfriends and then move on and enjoy the idea of another son. Your husband may need some help from you if he does not feel he can talk about his feelings, he might feel awful (like I did) to feel the way he does but he can't help what his heart wanted (a girl).
I really do think he will come around sometime soon and realise what a blessing this little boy is.

I would be concerned. We don't get to pick the gender of our babies....your husband needs to open up and talk to you. Men have a harder time with pregnancy because they are not the ones going through it. They are just outsiders, watching their wife so understandably, he doesn't have the bonding that you will have. Tell your husband your concerns about his behavior (resentment). Reassure him that he will love this new baby just as much as the first born, and include him in everything from letting him feel the baby move to encouraging him to come to your prenatal appointments.

Odd - is your husband the second son in his family? Or was he the first of two brothers? This is bringing up some deep insecurity. Maybe he's intimidated by having to be the man-example for two boys? maybe secretly he feels inadequate?

He need sto be reassured that he'll be the best dad ever. Reassure him that he is and will contine to be a great dad. One day when you're not discussing baby, bring up the conversation - non-confrontationally. Make sure to seem it's abot your feelings. men like to be needed and provide answers. Tell him you're feeling a little insecure and are worried that maybe you're picking up vibes that can't be right - you must be making a mistake - but it seems like you're kind of upset that this new baby isn't a gril - am I imainging thing? See where the conversation goes...

What do you mean by "snapped?"

It could be that he's grieving the idea of having a daughter and it will just take time for him to get used to the idea it's a son.

I'm only feeling some concern because I don't know what behavior you're eluding to with the word snapped. Snapped can mean he reacted in either a positive or a negative way. Snapped tends to have a serious negative connotation. At the same time you seem to express not knowing how he's feeling. Ask him and let him talk it out. Get professional help if you're feeling unsafe. Otherwise let him work it out for himself. Accept his feelings. Let him feel grief so that he can let go of the idea of having a girl and accept his boy.

my husband and I also wanted a girl with baby #1 but a week or so after we found out it was a boy we both were very excited with the sex of the baby. I'm sure he will change his tone soon. Good luck and congrats