New House

S.,

Ok, stop dropping hints! They are a total waste of time! lol Men don't read hints very well. It's better to make a nice dinner, sit him down and talk to him, privately. The house needs to be fixed up, and in a mans mind, he's doing his job. But, by you letting him keep his dignity, and talking to him privately, and feeding him, he'll listen better! Just remember, no accusations, be calm and light hearted, maybe just remind him of what you miss.

I widh you the best!! :)
L. Cusick

Make your family time "work with Daddy on the house" time. If he doesn't have the time to spend with you guys, YOU GO SPEND TIME WITH HIM! Your 9yo is plenty old enough to actually help out. Give your 4yo a toy hammer and let him pretend he's helping. Actually your 4 year old could probably do quite a bit more than you think he could. He can get tools for you or carry things to the trash. Give him a paint brush and let him paint a small section of wall. Make working on the house a fun family project.

I had the same problem with my husband. You have to tell him how you are feeling, he won't understand the hints, mine didn't either. Just let him know you want him to divide his time a little bit more and that you and the kids miss spending time with him, he should understand that :)

Try asking Jay if he could include the kids and you in the home "fixin' uppin'". That way he doesn't feel that he is doing everything in the house, and the three of you can spend time with him, and help. My friend is going through the same thing, but with 4 sttep kids and a newborn. that is all he does is work on the house, never gets to spend time with his family.

my DH is the same way so I instituted family night. every Wednesday after work he spends all evening with us - no house work, no gym, nothing else!

Just tell him how you feel. Tell him you understand that work needs to be done around the house but you and the kids miss spending time with him. Offer to help him. Get the whole family involved if you can. My father always did that with us and I remember having the most fun while doing it.

Hi S.
You can drop 100 hints and he still would not get it. Guys are like that. Don't drop hints just come out and tell him but be sincere. Tell him you know he is working hard to help you guys have a great house but you guys miss him. Tell him you want 1 whole day of the weekend with just him and the family not the hammer. Hope this helps. Bonnie

Maybe you could have a family planning time at dinner or breakfast and plan activities thst each child could specifically help Dad with. Or activities and projects that you all could do parallel to Dad if he is doing something that is unsafe or they are truly incapable of doing so at least you are all physically close. Plan a family picnic. Maybe if Dad heard the boys express their desire to spend time with him and you help to point out perfectly designed times where they could "work together" it may help. You may have already done that but if not...try it. You could also express how the transition would go more smoothly if everyone helped with the house and took ownership and it's important for Dad to model and give them hands on opportunities to learn and be needed by him. What better way for a kid to feel love than to feel like and know that DAd or MOM need me adn that even though they are young, they can HELP. That is improtant too.

Oh, I know what you're going through. Our house was built in the 1800s and was my husband's grandmother's house. Since we moved in 3 years ago, we have redone 7 rooms and we are working on the 8th room. First, keep in mind that men think a little bit differently about the home improvement stuff. They think that by fixing the house, they are providing for their family. I know it can be frustrating and sometimes feel like you're neglected. Also, keep in mind that home improvement is NEVER done. There will always be something to change, add, etc. I spoke with my husband about it and we agreed that he has Saturdays to work on the house, but Sundays is our family day. If he wants to work on a project when he gets home from work, that's fine, but only 2 nights a week. This way, we have family time during the week, and one whole day on the weekend. Sure, it takes a lot longer to get a project done, but it's always there waiting. Hope this helps.