Nobody Likes Me

Hi G.,

Sorry it's been a bit tough for you lately. Are you getting any help with the kids? It's good for you to have a little time away from them too and have some "G. time." It will help you feel refreshed and a lot better.

Hugs to you.

I went through hell after my 1st son was born. After my 2cd still wasn't so much fun. If you ever need anyone to talk to you can ____@____.com luck

i only have one son and he's just over 2..also a SAHM and am single and 43! ugh! and sometimes i'm so frazzled that i feel how you feel..i do have my one really good friend who listens to me b*tch a lot..but my best friend that i had for years totally dumped me as a friend about 6 months after my son was born..i set her up w/ my guy best friend and they both don't talk to me anymore. at least you recognize that you're caustic..i spot it out too and i try to relax and knock it off. lately i've been taking little field trips to the beach in the mornings and to museums w/ my son and it feels like i'm getting a little vacation too. i also met a mom at an indoor playground and we've totally started bonding. try talking to some moms..i know a lot of them can be stand offish...it's odd..but some are really cool and friendly..take action* are you in LA?

Hi G.:
Wow, nothing like a good jolt to bring you to your senses!! We just had a 5.8 earthquake here in California.That perked me right up! lol I'm not saying thats what you needed G., But it sure helps remind us,that someone out there cares and watches over us all.Believe me, you are far from being alone.There are plenty of mothers in your position. You are still that funny,fun-loving G.. Shes in there,you just got so preocupied,with being a mother, and taking care of business,that you forgot about (YOU)I visited a counselor once, when I was feeling over-welmed with it all. The first thing he asked me, was "What makes J. happy? I sat there,pondering. He was waiting for an answer and I couldn't think of one. He said,ok, "I'll make it a little easier"."What do you do,that you alone get enjoyment from?I umed and awed and still couldn't think of anything. I was so embarrassed,and felt extremely pathetic.What must this Dr think? I don't have a life? lol Thats exactly what he was thinking.He told me,that I was not alone.That he sees this on a daily basis.He said, that so many of us mothers feel we have to sacrifice (everything) to be dedicated mothers,and wives.He told me, while commendable,that it wasn't healthy. Not only for us,as mothers but it wasn't healthy for our own children.It benifits everyone in the home, when you are happy,and enjoying life along with them.If you aren't,then they begin to feel guilty for doing all the taking and not feeling the satisfaction of making you happy,or seeing you enjoy life as well.You need to take some time for G..Loosen up,and let that funny girl out! Children feel safe and secure,when their parents act responsibly,but they also love to see that silly side. That carefree, I don't care what anyone thinks side! You have many compassionate friends,right here. Mothers, that share some of the same overwelming feelings you are experiencing today. We are good listeners,and are willing to lend a shoulder,when needed.feel free to e-mail,if you just need to unload G.. I wish you the very best. J.

Ohhhh sista, I so feel you. I was a successful executive, lots of friends, funny, outgoing, active....gash darn it...people liked me..now, I stay at home (about to turn 40 as well) with my beautiful, funny, smart as all get out son (15months) and I have lost all my friends either because they moved or they dont have kids and just faded away. Now I feel like I am pathetically begging my neighbors to hang out with me or spend any time with me so I can actually talk to an adult other than my mother on the phone long distance. (none of my family lives near me) I am tired, overwhelmed, cranky, most likely suppressing a bucket full of rage....but, when I go to bed at night feeling sorry for myself and lonely...I remember that I am very lucky that I have had the chance to stay home with my son and I enjoy every second. Lord knows that wont last forever and he will only be where he is at today...today.SO, yes, I do get that feeling and dont get me wrong, most of the time I am feeling pretty joyous about life, but boy is there a hole that could be filled with some friends. I just keep reminding myself, once he is in school, I will be so thankful that we had this time together and that he was what filled my world (thou a tad out of balance, I know). We will get back to ourselves someday and daily I just try to do something that is just for me and gives me a break from my son. I just keep hoping that the supermarket checkers, Starbuck Baristas and the nail ladies dont get sick of me too soon for they are now the ppl that hear my stories and thankfully, are being "friends"....Bless them!Look out Mr. Mailman, beware UPS guy, your next for the next episode of "Days of
My Life"...guess what I am saying is try to have a sense of hummor about it all...thats all I can do....till I make some new friends.

Hey G.,
I know how you feel....I am currently a SAHM I have a 13 year old, a 2 year old and one on the way. I am constantly feeling overwhelmed as all of my family and friends are in CA and we live in WA state. I consider my husband my best friend but it's just not the same. We are currently trying to sell our home and move as I feel our lives have been toxic since being so saturated in my in-laws drama. My husband is the only boy with three out of control sisters, I feel very used by them, and my mother in law is a whole story in itself. I felt very overwhelmed after the birth of my 2 year old, I think it was post partum and I didn't really have anyone to turn to, and I kind of feel it coming on again. Just know that you are never truly alone, I called anyone and everyone I could to make sure I was not going crazy! How are you and you mother? Is she someone you can confide in? I have recently started to tell my husband...you know I am feeling kind of crazy and I really need some help here, whether it be with housework or watching the kids so I can go shopping, get a massage or WHATEVER it takes to gain my sanity back for a minute. I don't know if you believe in God or not but I find praying and thinking positve thoughts get me through each day. Well I hope this help a little and you can always email me if you need to vent, as I think it's a healthly way to get things off your mind. You will be in my thoughts.
H.

You are not alone. I get frustrated and "angry" a lot and I'd grown apart from a lot of my friends. Partly because few of them had kids so I felt very along in that. I LOVE my kids and husband but sometimes it feels like too much and I need some space. I started going to the gym or for a walk alone for at least 1/2 an hour when I felt that it was getting to stressful. I also joined the women's group at my church. Not really for the religious aspect, just to have a breather. Eventually over time I opened up again and have made some wonderful friends there and was able to get back a number of the friendships I had lost. It gave me an outlet besides my family. You may need something like that. Being with other people, even if some irritate you, can help and you'll find people understand what you're going through.

I don't have any advice for you that hasn't been given already. I just wanted to give you a hug. You don't have to be "sweet", just be yourself. (((HUGS)))

Oh G.,

You are not alone. Nothing like having little ones to take a good look at yourself. What and who you liked before kids often changes when we are faced with the reality of being in charge of raising competent and healthy productive members of society. I remember feeling totally ill prepared for the job and having some of the same thoughts!

There are so many things to say to you but I have three suggestions and please...keep it simple. (try these for 6-8 weeks and then seek some professional help maybe)

1. spend some time ALONE in the morning...rise before your family. Exercise...take a walk of at least one mile...come back and stretch and give thanks for all that is good in your life.(verbally...just let the thankfull ideas flow....during your stretching.
ie: thanks for my beautiful kids, thank you for the man in my life, thanks for my health, thank you for a soft place to lay down at night...thank you for beautiful flowers to look at....keep it simple...

2. grab a blank notebook and write one sentence that is most on your heart.
ie. i am worried that noone likes me
ie. I need help being positive today
or...please put me in front of people who can be my light today. Please help me find joy in the mundane ( my favorite is ..thank you for my family..for which I have to constantly change the toilet tissue for....)

3. if you have a church...try to get there one day during the week and just sit for a couple of minutes...your boys will likely balk at this...bring them a brand new coloring book and crayons or something quiet that only gets taken out during your quiet visiting God times...
maybe even give them a stop watch and tell the 5 year old that it his job to let you know when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5(for example) and that he can tell you this by setting his hand on top of yours. Call this your appointment with your boys...( I recommend St. Edward in Dana Point..killer view and the pews are soft for the kids)

Daily care for little kids can be so overwhelming...throw in a husband that has expectations and it can all get to you.

Try these and later...you can add doing something to brighten a neighbors day or another moms day...a note, a kind word, a flower picked from your walk.

You do not even have to like them to do this.,,,but you will find that the more small kind things that you do for your family and those around you,,you will be more happy with yourself.

Blessings in Him,

C. R

G.,
You are NOT alone, because I'm in the same boat you are! I swear you are describing exactly what I've been experiencing on and off for the last 4 years! I am (was) a funny, life-of-the-party gal before I had kids. None of my "close" friends have children, and they have by turns completely ditched me, stopped inviting me along, gone out w/o me and then tell me what a great time they've had. UGH! Because none of them have kids and they all work, I feel like I have NOTHING in common with them anymore. Geez I could go on and on.
I think this has made me a bit P'd off, maybe slightly bitter. It makes me depressed and then I'm really no fun to be around.
I do have faith and I work on actively practicing positivity. I find that excercise helps alot (when I can find the time to do it). Of course I am positive around my children and keep them and myself busy. It just BUGS me! And hurts my feelings. I DO think the best 'revenge' is success....although I haven't figured out yet what success looks like or how to get it........
I totally relate to what you are talking about.
I live in Redondo Beach. We should go for a walk or get coffee! We may hit it off! Maybe we can commiserate our way out of this mess! I have a (almost) 4yo girl and a 6 month old girl.

Take care girl, you are not alone.

E.

I'll bet your children ADORE you!!!! Please as soon as you can get to see a counselor. When my little one was 5 months I didn't feel that likeable either. My friend and I were talking and she had a 3 month old - she said "I feel like all of my charisma has been depleted". Of course!!! You're exhausted with those 2 little munchkins and I found where I used to have a lot of tolerance for people, once I had my lil one, she got all of my patience and I felt like the adults needed to grow up and deal!

One of the best ways to make friends is to actually like someone (yourself most importantly). That's what makes people want to be with you, they feel good, needed, wanted, connected or have something in common with you. You sound like someone who would do great with just a few quality, close friends.

You are not alone. Please do seek a counselor to sort out your feelings - you are precious to your beautiful children and you deserve to be happy!

I just want to say, simply, that by you sharing this with us... you are showing yourself to be very likable person already. Sometimes people appreciate those who are honest with themselves, rather than putting up a facade. That just makes you raw and vulnerable and it means that you are just like us...flawed.

You're not perfect. Don't let others make you feel like you have to be more than you are. That is probably why you feel like you're an inconvenience to others because you are allowing others to make you feel like you have to live up to some sort of expectation, when you are already do your very best. Hang in there and let go a little. You can't please everyone.

I wish you the best.

Aw G., try not to be so hard on yourself. It is difficult to raise children these days. I raised two, my daughter is now 20 and my son is 10 1/2. I started young, I was 24 when my daughter was born.
Anyway, yes, it sounds familiar to me. I've often felt that way. I have to ask if the babies Father is in your life? Because if he is, then maybe you just need some attention from him. If not, then maybe you can get some help from your family. Perhaps babysitting so you can take some quality time for yourself. They (the babies) will be there when you return.
See, the thing is, our society expects us (women) to do it all. I am still learning that it is really important to ask for help at times. Surely there must be someone in your circle who wouldn't mind, would even love, to help you out a bit.
I mean, all you might need is an afternoon to yourself, or an evening out. Get a meal, see a movie, take a drive to the ocean, go shopping. Whatever makes you relax. Whatever is good for you.
I know about this stuff, believe me, and you may feel guilty about it, but really try not to. Your babies will benefit from a Mom who is happy, healthy and cheerful. You know what I mean.
As for nobody liking you, well, you may not like yourself right now, so find what it is that you would like to do for yourself and then ask for help in doing it. Changing your attitude will help you to bring people who care into your life. I'm sorry this is so lengthy but I read your story and my heart just went out to you. Take care, it really will be o.k.

Take heart! There could be nothing more challenging that staying at home with two children under the age of two. You probably feel alienated because you don't get out much. I bet you miss grown-up conversation! I don't know what your babysitting situation is like, but you sound to me like you are very close to burnout here, which can happen just as easily at home as it can at a job. But if you don't take care of yourself, you won't be able to take care of the kids. I would recommend taking a break from the kids once or twice a week and joining a group of some kind: an aerobics or yoga class, a ladies bible study group, a mom's group, anything that would get you into circulation, talk with other ladies, and not feel so alienated. As a side note, most people like me, but in the workplace I tend to be strict. Consequently, I had a guy quit on me recently citing my micromanagement. You know, you win some folks, and you lose some folks. Don't be discouraged - self study is a promising step toward improvement and developing better relationships. Take care!

Oh G. your sooo not alone.. A few days agao i totally felt like you, My husband and i were fighting and my kids were bugging me i felt so alon eand over whelmed,, But i talked to ( I have 4 ladies i call friends) and i emailed 2 of them and both made me feel better and left me feeling better and let me know i'm not alone. I know some days are hard and consantly feeling like you have to htake it all on and do it well becasue failure means you are letting your child down .. But thats not true, if you don't do things 100%all the time things still go ok,, and they let me know i needed time for myself to unwind and relax,, You need to give your hubby the reins somedays for just a few hours leave the house and just be, get a pedicure, go window shopping, Go sit at a park and breath.. Your attitude or being a not so sweet person doesn't mean mo one likes you becaseu some where out there is a person who will click with you, you just need to talk to more people you see everyday or find a mom's group to go to so you can vent more often,

G.,

I'll second Julia M.'s comments and add to them. But everyone has great advise.

Thing of yourself as a penny bank, lately everyone has been taking penny's to buy gum. No one ever thinks about the penny jar getting empty until it is. But, no one want's to add to the penny jar because someone else might take your penny's. So guess what, it's the penny banks job to walk around while everyone is sleeping to find more lost pennys to add to the bank.

Reality: No one realizes mom needs a refill, but mom. You just become the mean one or the your no fun anymore. Julia mentioned finding something you like to do. You'll be greatly surprised at what 10 to 15 minutes can do for you.
When your putting the baby to sleep and you have a few minutes to think to yourself. Think of something that would make you happy right now. (Hot Bath with candels and no kids) (a shower) (a walk) (scream in a pillow) (Music super loud while you dance and sing) (a clean room in the house) (reading) (Painting) (sewing) etc. Then think of a time you can do this. (when kids are napping, when hubby gets home, when the neighbor can watch them). And do it.

I don't know who is telling you your no fun, but most likely your friends don't feel that way, and if they do call them and explain the feelings you are having, and tell them you will trade a play date. If your breastfeeding
you can still leave your baby. Just do your thing right when your done feeding you should have at least 2 hours. Whether you go shopping alone or go home and clean, or do whatever will make you happy now, you will love your time off and time for yourself, this doesn't make you a bad mom this just gives you time to fill your love bucket (Penny bank).

The first time I left, I felt so guilty, but when I got the kids back I was happier and had more love to give them. And really liked the way this made me feel.

It's getting to hot to do park days unless you go early but this is a way to meet other moms and get out of the house. You also need to talk to your spouse about having time to find you. Tell him that you need him to take the kids for 15 to 30 minutes, the minute he walks in the door, and go for a walk or run. Clear your mind and think of things that will make you happy, and how you can make those things happen. I know my hubby hated this idea. He wanted to come home and veg. He worked hard all day fought the traffic coming home and now I wanted him to baby sit. But here's the thing-you have also been working all day and you didn't have the time in the car on the way home to think or calm down, you didn't get your 2, 15 minute breaks, or a half hour to an hour lunch to think about or talk to friends/work buddies. He may throw in that you had time while the kids are taking their 2 hour nap, But explain that this is the time to clean or do laundry or dishes and while they maybe sleeping your mind is still thinking of them, (do you hear them, are they still breathing, is this the time you will find them dead in their beds, (sorry about that but it was a common scare and thought to me) what will they need when they wake up, this list of worries can go on forever). Explain this to him and and say look, I trust you to take care of them, this is a time I can relax and not worry about them, I need this brake to pull myself back together So that I can deal with the rest of the night and tomorrow, remember I'm not getting a full night or un-interupted sleep and I need my break too.

Plus this half hour is a great bonding moment for dads, the kids are excited to see him and know that dad is all theirs for a half hour of fun time. Then the kids are yours again he can go in the bedroom and take his personal time, the kids will most likely leave him alone because they had his attention and are done.

Do a girls night out with your old friends, you might realize they went through the same thing and they will understand and want to help you. Like I said earlier, trade play days, pick a day that works for the both of you.
She watches yours one day you watch hers another, and another day you have park day or McDonalds day. Where you can be with your friends.

If none of these things pull you up then definitly go get some help. If you need a friend I'm always hear I live in Corona California. Just email me back and will get together
whether it's on the phone or in person. Remember you are Wonderwoman, you do it all everyday. But even wonderwoman needs time to fix her crown. Best wishes. J. P.

I'm soon to be a mother of two under 2 and understand what you mean. After my daughter was born (now 16 months) a lot of my non-mom friends kind of disappeared on me. It may have been my lack of interest in their lives, or the other way around, but now my friends are all other moms of young children. I'm pretty much a stay at home mom and that is really isolating, because now no work friend either! Do you have any friends with babies your kids' ages? I met one at a Little Gym (like Gymboree) class and the other one I knew from school and started talking to after she had her son. Are they in any sort of classes or do you have a favorite park? It is really hard for me to do this, but maybe you are more of an extravert, pick a potential friend and invite them to meet you at a specific time back at the park. I've conceided to the fact that my friends are pretty much going to be moms of my kids' friends, but for now it works. Good luck!

Hi G.,
I'm sorry you're feeling this way, but now that you want to change, it will get better soon. It sounds like you're experiencing more than you are able to balance and the result is exhaustion & bitterness. It's all perspective, G.. You aren't an inconvenience to people, they seem to be one to you. You are out of energy for friends and fun so you're not taking an interest in other people and they, therefore, are loossing interest in you. It happens. It's a growing experience to find a balance of time & energy for everyone we love. I suggest you make a list of the people you aren't willing to loose & the events you aren't willing to miss (including events for your husband & children & yourself). Try little by little to integrate the content of your list into your daily routine until you find that balance you need. Don't be afraid to be honest with and/or apologize to those you have neglected but truly love. When there is a will, there is a way. You have the will, now find your way. You'll be happy & you'll spread happiness. Take care & good luck.

Hi G.,

I do know how you feel. Not because of having babies. I did okay with that. I lost all my friends when I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue. I guess they just didn't understand what was happening because on the outside, I still looked the same. I miss them very much, but if you dwell on it, your moods will just get worse. Do things that make you feel good, always think positive thoughts and watch comedy or funny shows when you have the time. I used to love watching cartoons with my son when he was small. We bonded and it made me feel like when I was a kid, which is a great feeling. Get outside with your kids and go to the park where other moms may be hanging out and get some fresh air and Vitamin D (Sunshine) : )

LAW OF ATTRACTION: Ask yourself, What does my energy feel like?

Become what you want to attract: positive, up beat, enthusiastic about tomorrow, determined, forward-moving, out there swinging the bat, participating, initiating contacts!

I know you are very busy with the kids, but have you ever thought about starting a home based business? It's a great way to meet other moms who are going through or have gone through the same thing you are and to create lifetime friendships. I work with an incredible wellness company from home, if you'd like to know more just email me.

Best wishes to you and your family,

T.
www.sharethecause.com/T.

Hi G.,

You are not alone, I have two under 3 and I totally relate, only I'll add to it by saying that some days I can't stand my husband too - and I swear he doesn't like me either...but that isn't reality. The truth is I have friends, a great marriage, and a nice family...I'm just overwhelmed.

If you feel like your friends don't like being around you right now - reach out to them directly and let them know you are feeling really "off" and need them a lot right now.

It will get better, hang in there.

G., I know sorta how you feel. I was moved to action by your words: "Nobody likes me." I have felt that way since I was a child. I know it is not true but I hear those words in my head over and over. What helped me get over that was the book called The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale. Get a copy of it quick and read it immediatly. He will give you the answers to your problems and more. Everyone should read that book at least every couple of years. It is a God send. Pray if you believe and keep on praying. I will pray for you. Jeanne

My thought is to find out what you love to do and to do it. Then you're laughing, enjoying yourself, you feel better about yourself and people are drawn to that confidence. Bowling, swimming, reading, Starbucks, whatever. I know that "me time" is not realistic with two small children, but neither is being alone or lonely. If you take time away from the kids, you can come back freshed and happy FOR the kids.

Good luck to you!

Sounds like you might want to see a therapist. Also, are you making time for yourself, without the kids? Let your husband take them and go work out, etc.

Sweetie-
I, too felt like your description: A burden to one and all!
I had a nervous breakdown!
Please don't let it get out of hand!
Also, I, too-still do not like a lot of people. I find mankind
not very kind at all! People are relatively stupid and self centered. I do not have much patience for that. But--am a very patient person. I am disabled because my mom took a drug called DES. It has caused female organ cancer(now had a happy hysterectomy) 11 times. Degenerative bone and disc disease...
So, I am a professional patient! They said I'd never have a baby but, after 1 full term still birth, 2 years later had a 6 and 1/2 weeks premature baby boy! He is 26 now and just as beautiful as any mother could ever ask for!
Although I would have loved to have had another--My health
would not allow for it.
Consider yourself an extremely luck woman!!! I think this just may be a delayed postpartum depression.
You are a worthy person and anyone should be proud to know you!
My email address is:____@____.com
I will correspond with you--if you'd like??
If you don't wise up to the fact that you are just as wonderful as any of the rest of us--maybe it would be time to get some help.
But--don't let them put you on anti-depressants like"Cymbalta"
It has a side effect of -thinking of suicide and every drug does have a side effect!! Some are not a very good trade off.

I believe you are not alone.....
I wish you the best of all life has to offer!
C. S.

Hi G.,
I feel for you, that period can be tough...perhaps no one comes to mind, because you are used to being fun and funny and you don't want to burden others with your problems...so don't....call them and have FUN with them...
--make funny faces with your kids in a mirror...that will get you laughing and enjoy the moment.
--get more rest, more exercise, more healthier foods and a beauty treat
--sign up for mom's clubs, mommy and me classes to meet like minded people
-- a local park before lunch is also a good way to meet new locals
-- be brave go out with the two boys, the worst they could do is cry, the best they could do is enjoy the time
--try to remember why you wanted to be a sahm....its the best job in the world
-- everyday, tell yourself you are great, fabulous, you love yourself.
--sign up for daily comics or jokes in your emails
--try to like other people, and yourself
--listen to the "last lecture" on youtube

Hi G.!
I usually just lurk but I had to post this time... I know how you feel and can relate... I too was never considered the nice one, more of the meany, say what's ever on your mind type of person and loved to party and hang out but now as a wife and mother and now older my priorities have changed from many of my friends and my life is my family and when I do go out with friends it's super weird. I feel like my personality has changed and I'm no longer that person I used to be and now being a SAHM makes it even harder to reconnect with myself. I was feeling a little down on my life and myself after having my newest LO. I too have a 5 month old and I have a 4 year old as well. It's different and I feel like I have to re-find myself all over again and connect with new people who fit who I am now...

I actually have no one to really talk to either so I use these boards to vent, get advice and ask questions and it has kept my sane. I'm a member of another mother's board with mommies who all gave birth in february 2008 and so we all are going through similar things and experiences with our LO's.

Well, if you ever need to vent again to someone who can relate you are free to hit me up... Good luck and try not to get so down on yourself.

-J.

Hi G.,

It sounds to me as if you're right about the Post-partum depression. Don't let the "depression" term fool you. It's a whole range of things including feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and as if things are, as you said, going downhill.

I'd definitely talk to your doctor about it and ask your husband what he's seeing in your behavior and mood. If you don't think he can be impartial about it, find someone else who knows you well and ask them.

Please keep in mind, if you're suffering from PPD, your perceptions are probably "off" right now too. Your comments about feeling like an "inconvenience" fall right in line with that. It may be that your perceiving things differently than you normally would. I know that when my PPD was bad I almost felt like a teenager again with the whole "Nobody likes me" syndrome.

Please find some help. Please don't feel alone. There are those of us who understand and you just have to get yourself better to be "you" again.

Best of luck and health.

M.

Hi G.. I think it's hard when you have little ones to have fun for yourself. I am a SAHM with 6 kids. It wasn't until my 5th kid that I realized I needed to get out once in a while without the kids. I've made some friends with others who have young kids. We have play-dates. And once a month, we have a girls nite out while the husbands babysit. It has really helped me to lighten up and enjoy life again. It is so important to have your friends! There's things you can talk about with friends that you wouldn't talk to your husband about because he doesn't have the same experiences with the kids. It is like an outlet for you. When I had 3 kids under 4 years old, I was just like you. I didn't get out much because it was too hard with the kids. But now I have more and I get out out all the time because I'll get depressed if I don't. You have to take care of yourself in order to take care of your kids. You could make some friends through a kid's swimming class or something else. After you start hanging out again, you'll start to like people again. And get out once a week alone with your husband too. Pretty soon, you'll start to feel fun again! Just keep your head up! Maybe, you could also find a hobby like: gardening or a class or just a walking group of friends. It does get better. I've been battling the baby blues for 11 years now! You're not alone! We all have similar issues. Take care.

Hi G.,
We're the same age and I have a 2 year old and am expecting a second baby this fall. Listen, we all go through ups and downs. Everyone! It sounds to me like you're stuck in a rut and don't have a support system going. That is difficult!

You should start by doing something fun for yourself (shopping, geting your hair done, pedicure, spa, etc.) And you should have a plan on steps you can take to feel good about yourself. Maybe eat foods that give you energy, do exercise, work out, take a dance class, etc. And when you feel good, people want to talk to you and be near you. I know it sounds like a chiche, but its true!

You should also consider trying something on a deeper level to make real changes in your life, perhaps meditation, therapy, journal writing, a spiritual path, etc. Think about what is really going on with you, and accept yourself, or make the changes to be the person you want to be.

Being a mom without support isn't easy. But look to yourself first.
Best Wishes!

Hi, G.. There is some really great advice here. The only thing I might add or reiterate is attitude is everything. I think when we feel unworthy or unloved, we tend to isolate which only fuels the insecurity. Find mommy groups and get involved in a church if you aren't already. It's a good way to meet good people with similar values. Don't dwell on negative, but try to counteract those thoughts with positive thoughts. Surround yourself with people who build you up and support you and your marriage and family. Have your actions be positive and uplifting and your emotions will follow. If you still feel down or depressed, more than you think might be normal, or if it gets worse, see a doctor so that if you have postpartum depression or similar condition, you can get appropriate treatment to be healthy and happy.
Best of luck.

I know how you feel. I am also 37 years old, and I have only one toddler, but I do feel alone and overwhelmed some of the time. It's very hard in California to have close friendships, unless you grew up here. We joined a synagogue in our neighborhood, mostly because I was craving friendships with couples with young children. I just want to find that one friend whom I can call at a moment's notice and hang out with.. with or without the kids. Bonus if the husbands get along. Hang in there and know that you are not alone. Just look at all of these responses you got! Feel free to email if you want to talk.

G.,

A little recipe for joy...with, hopefully this won't deter you, some Biblical background...

I believe one of the first, maybe THE first commandment God gave Adam and Eve was to "multiply, replenish, and have joy and rejoicing in their posterity." Alert: THIS IS A MATHEMATICAL PRINCIPLE. Notice something, if you replace the word replenish with deplete, it becomes a recipe for discouragement and misery instead of joy and rejoicing. So we multiply (have kids), add that to replenishing (a lifestyle of restoring our reserves), which then equals joy and rejoicing in the kids we have borne.

So, replenishing...getting good sleep is replenishing, it is a vital thing to teach our kids. Growth hormone and neurotransmitter repair only happen in deep, uninterrupted sleep. Eating whole foods replenishes us. Getting daily exercise oxygenates our body and builds our metabolism. Taking whatever kind of attitude (or temper tantrum) others dish out to us and adding faith, hope, and charity replenishes us and builds the relationships at hand. Setting aside money for a rainy day, wise use of resources, living within one's means, reading, singing-even if it's the blues or very loud opera about what bothers you, it replenishes us. These things also naturally release endorphins.

Motherhood is an invitation to master the lifestyle of replenishing and the outcome is joy and rejoicing. Sign up on the right list and you will be fine. I recommend replenishing. It is the ride back up on the roller coaster of life.

First, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! You are a superhero in my book because I have one child under the age of two and I find it difficult to cope at times. I can only imagine how overwhelming your home and life must seem at times. But please don't beat yourself up too hard, you are only human. We, as moms, can only do our very best and sometimes that may not seem like it's enough, but that's all we can do. We will get sad, angry, depressed, and frustrated and we need to let ourselves be okay with our feelings. Then we do our best to show our kids our love in everyway we can and try to do and feel better tomorrow. As far as not liking others, why do you feel that way? Are you angry, jealous or envious of others who are seemingly more free than you are? Are you making mental comparisons between yourself and others? Try not to focus on the "bad" and look for the "good" in yourself and others. It may not be easy to do but try; it will be worth it, I promise. Happiness is a learned habit; it does not come naturally to most of us and not only will you benefit from "learning" to be happy but your children will benefit as well because "children learn what they live." You seem like a likable person to me and you also sound like a mom who's a little lonely and a lot overwhelmed. If you need someone to talk to, you can always reach out to me and your other "mom" friends right here. You will always find someone to listen, support and share with you. Good luck and God bless you!

You are so funny, I totally understand and am somewhat the same. I have one dear friend whom I love, but on my terms and my timing.
You do need friends at your stage in life and I would suggest you join a MOPS group (Mothers of Preschoolers, age birth to kindergarten)at one of your local churches, Valencia Methodist has a great one, you don't havae to go to church there to attend. Call the church office and get the name of the person in charge of that group, they start in September and always have a huge turnout. You will find a friend among them I am sure.

So normal, I think, I feel the same way..overwhelmed and with nobody to confide in or talk to. My friends are so "busy" with their own lives and they dont make the time to connect with girlfriends and its frustrating. I too feel like a huge inconvenience when I need to talk, like I am keeping them from something else. I am 38 and have just realized that life sometimes takes over and you cant always control who comes and goes from our lives. I have grown closer to my husband thru this transition, but nothing replaces your girlfriends, so its hard when you feel like there arent any...I know.

Ever try to give yourself a treat for all the hard works you do with the boys? Do you have family members that you can talk to?

G., do a search on Yahoo groups for playgroups with like-minded mothers in your area. Making new friends is hard, but once you start getting out there and meeting people, one or two will stick.
Call some of your old friends and get together with them. Have Dad spend time with the kids while you're out.

I know how you feel - when my daughter was born I felt invisible because all of my friends have older kids. I didn't/don't have the same freedoms as they do.
Also, it seems like a lot of moms only want to hang out with those who have kids the same age. Moms need play dates as much as kids do - and I don't see anything wrong with kids learning to get along with others of different ages.

I've been trying to spend more time with the few friends that I have with kids at least somewhat close in age to mine.
It's been tough finding new Mom Friends because sometimes you just don't "click." It's discouraging but that one or two that you do click with make it worth it.
I had postpartum depression but flat out refuse to use pharmaceuticals. I switched to a mostly organic diet and make sure I get outside in the sunshine and get some exercise every day. Nursing helped also.
Whatever works for you, do it!

Start by getting out of the house for a little bit each day. Then the rest will come more easily. Good luck to you.

Hi G.

You can turn these feelings around and help yourself and your kids by making a list of positive affirmations.

What you think about, you bring about!

Some suggestions might be:
people like me
I like to help people
I love being a Mom
I am a good friend

If you say these 10 times a day like you mean it (even if you don't at the beginning) I am convinced good things will begin to come into your life.

J.

I hear you! I have a 5 month old and no one seems to understand that my priorities have changed. My problem is that all my old friends are still child-less or single and can't understand that I'm not up to going out to bars to the wee hours of the morning. So needless to say I've lost touch with most of them.

I finally joined a Mommy and Me group where I could get advice and be around others that feel the same way I do. You might want to look into something like that. I found 2 ladies that now call to chat and we meet once a week for lunch and walks. It helps that they are willing to lend a hand and seem to take into stride when I'm at my wits end.

Good luck! If you need someone to chat with give me a holler at ____@____.com

Hi G.,
Just an idea and I'm not sure of your faith, but when we moved here and didn't know anyone, we got involved in a great church. It's non denominational, multi cultural and Bible based. I'm not sure where you live, but we go to Oasis Christian Center on Wilshire and Highland. We live in Porter Ranch and it's a 40 min drive but way worth it. They're actually starting a relationship series this Sunday! Non judgmental, amazing people who have been through a lot and are willing to walk you through stuff in your life. oasisla.org. Let me know if you'd like to meet there. 10,12, 2, and 6 Amazing childcare. I have a 4 1/2 year old and 15 month old they love it.
God can do some amazing things of transformation in your life to move you in the direction you desire to be. Feel free to contact me to talk more.
A.

G., Do yourself a favor and have your thyroid checked just for the heck of it. I sounded very much like you last year and sure enough it was my thyroid. I started taking a daily pill and within days I was back to my old self and it was much easier to deal with my kids and my life in general.
Good luck, don't give up - there are so many ways to help yourself.

Sounds like what you are thinking is coming true. Find out why you don't like many other people and you will find out why you don't have friends. If you are thinking of yourself all the time you will never have friends. No one wants to hear about you, they want to hear about themselves. Kind of a dog chasing his tail. Try being a friend.

Hi there, As the mom of three I can tell you from experience that our childhood "baggage" gets exacerbated. It sounds like you're a pretty forthright gal, so I'm going to be forthright with you. Get yourself into psychoanalysis. Yeah Freud, yeah, couch, but until you clean out your old garbage it's hard to move forward.

Sounds like you're at a place where you recognize some real issues and are ready to deal with them. Frankly that's half the battle. Sort of like hitting rock bottom for an addict.
You've already done the hard part - reaching out. Now you need to follow it up with action. Best of luck!

Maybe get involved in some mom's groups, try Meetup.com to find some free playgroups in your area. You can meet moms that feel the same way as you.
Try to be positive, what you feel on the inside will project on the outside. So if you feel that you don't like anyone and no one likes you then that easily becomes the case. Maybe try to be more understanding of others and more excepting of people.
If you feel it may be depression, see a doctor asap before it gets even worse.
But really try to love yourself and others and friendships will begin to form. It's never too late to be "sweet" or nice. Good luck to you.

Hi G.- I am not an MD but I have had a lot of recent experience with PPD since I have a 7 month old. My PPD was pretty severe where I not only had zero desire to talk to any friends or family but I also had no interest in my own baby girl, husband or even my dog who is one of my favorite beings on the planet! It wasn't just a "people" thing either, I felt very hopeless and down about everything and nothing could cheer me up or even give me the feeling of happiness, reward or pleasure (not even chocolate and I love chocolate :). This lasted about 5 LONGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG months and over the last 2 months has lifted significantly, THANK GOD! I am now back to my old fun self laughing, loving, cheery and pretty content with my life. Don't get me wrong, my life is far from perfect but I am just thankful that I no longer feel as if life is "just a waste of time". I may sound like a wierdo but I am not, I am a pretty normal 31 year old first time mom who went through a pretty common but very scary experience! Not sure if this helps you feel any better but if I were you I would go talk to your Dr. and tell him your concerns. I also lost my appetite during that time, could not sleep and when I did I had really wierd dreams, I even felt as if I was a little "out of body" at times as if I was there physically but my mind was caught up in the clouds. Often times I had rapid thoughts of dying (not hurting myself or anyone else) just dying in general. I felt as if it was going to happen at any time and the scary thing was I didn't even care if it did happen? It is all so ridiculous to me now that the clouds have lifted and I can't imagine missing out on watching my daughter grow up.

If this is a case of PPD it is a serious condition that needs to be addressed ASAP! You don't nessesarily need meds to ward it off (although I take Cymbalta and I truly believe it helped speed up the process) but you can also seek Talk Therapy with a Psycologist (which is what I still do to help me cope with it). Knowledge is power, therefore if you have a better understanding of how the mind and body work (hormones) you are able to treat your symtoms instead of being afraid of them. You owe it to yourself and your family to feel good again and to enjoy life. We do not have much time here as is so don't waste another minute being sad. Go talk to someone who can help you and NEVER FEEL ASHAMED!

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers :)

Sincerely,

T.

G., Oh my gosh, your note is so sad. OK, 1st of all, my kids make me cranky, too! This is totally normal (and it doesn't make you a bad person, so don't stress about your children sometimes bringing out the worst in you. There's no such thing as a perfect parent, and raising two kids is a ton of thankless work, so there's good reason to be grumpy sometimes!). That said, if you think you are struggling with postpartum depression, talk to your ob/gyn about it to be screened. If they agree that you have it they can work with you to help you feel better. ... Medical issues notwithstanding, you are becoming your own worst enemy if you're constantly telling yourself you are a burden to others or they wouldn't want to talk to you. At best that attitude makes you awfully negative to be around and at worst you are eroding your own self-confidence. So when you find yourself thinking these thoughts, try to shake them out of your head. You WILL need to develop a circle of friends and/or relatives to rely on for help sometimes (child-care swaps, backups for emergencies), and good friends do not see these needs as burdens but as part of the give-and-take that comes with close friends who are all raising kids at the same time. It sounds like you need some quality fun time for yourself. It will give you a physical and emotional breather from your kids. If you feel you have no friends, try at least scheduling some time to yourself when you can find a good laugh -- rent hilarious DVDs, read funny novels, whatever makes you feel good. (Exercise will also do wonders to lift your spirits and boost your confidence in the long run, so if you are not already working out on a regular basis, find some kind of physical activity you can do at least three times per week to give yourself a lift. See www.strollerstrides.net for a list of mom-and-kid classes near you that have the benefit of a good workout plus social time. But if there are no classes near you, find an alternative workout!) ... Also long-term, to develop more friendships, don't pressure yourself. Close friendships take time, and there's no rule that says you have to have a zillion friends anyway. Some people feel more comfortable with a very small circle of dear friends, and maybe that's more your thing than necessarily being Miss Popularity with everyone in the zip code. Go to events where you are likely to encounter other moms with their young kids (story time at the library? Gymboree classes? A church group? Get a membership to a local zoo or science center?) and eventually you'll find the same group of moms are showing up at the same time. Try to start conversations and keep things light at first. Maybe you do have a quirky personality? But that makes you interesting, and there are definitly other people out there who appreciate that and who would click with you. Just try to avoid falling into the downward cycle of staying at home under a dark cloud because you're feeling intimidated. Baby steps, no pressure, take it slow, but do something for yourself or do something, no matter how small, to advance this goal, pretty much every day. Good luck and God bless!

I totally understand your feeling overwhelmed, a little depressed, and out of sorts. You have a lot on your plate with a 2 yo and an infant. You are sleep deprived and your hormones are still trying to get back to normal. AND you have TWO kids to care for.

You aren't alone. You aren't an incovenience to others.

I have a 3yo rambunctious son and a 15 month old cutie patootie with a temper little girl. My house is always a mess no matter what I do. I barely have time to pee alone during the day and am always too tired at the end of the day to spend any realy quality time with my hubby. But, I am grateful for all that I have.

And I make sure to have some "Me" time once a week. Usually my good friend and I spend Thursday night grocery shopping together. Being Moms we are always trying to get as much done as possible in the shortest amount of time. So we gossip and vent about our hubby's and kids while getting our grocery shopping done. That 2 hours of escape really does wonders for our minds (too bad our tired bodies pay for it the next morning). I know it feels like you don't have any friends right now, but I bet if you ask one of your friends to meet you for coffee or to go shopping or to go for a walk once a week without the kids and hubby, they would love it as it would also give them a chance to get a break too. And you can both enjoy each others company.

Plus we all need a little Me time. Since we as moms are always caring for the needs of others, it stands to be true that we also need to care for ourselves once in awhile. Because if we aren't "together" and healthy, then we won't be able to care for our families the way the deserve.

The hardest thing that you need to do, is try to change your outlook on things. It sound corny, but it's true. If you think positively, more positive things will happen.

Another suggestion would be to join a Mommy's group or eve a post partem support group or a lactation support group, or even a Mommy and me class with one or both of your kids. Just find something that gets you out of the house once a week or once a month where you can be with other Moms that are going through similar issues with you. You can try to find a mommy group at meetup.com in your area. Or try a local church (they will often have programs like MOPS or mommy meet ups for the whole community and you don't have to be a member of the church). Once you find a group to meet with, you will soon find that you are not alone in what you are going through.

If you are in the San Diego area, I would definitely recommend the North County No Drama Mama's meetup group on meetup.com. There are always a lot of meetups that you can choose to attend and lots of nice Moms and kids to meet as well.

Another suggestion would be to see a psychiatrist or therapy person to listen to you, if you aren't comfortable with talking to friends/family or meeting new people right now. That way at least you can get stuff off your chest and maybe get some good guidance.

I hope you find the support that you need soon!

Try meetup.com I know it helped save me. :)

Hi G.,

I am sorry that you feel like an inconvenience to others and probably feeling lonely. If I were in your shoes, I would approach some people that really know you well and ask them for the truth. How do you experience me? What differences do you notice in me since I have had children? What do I need to work on? It could be likely that there is a medical component like postpartum depression. I noticed significant changes in people close to me and there is help out there.

I think significant change starts with reality and the first step to that is asking others for their honest evaluations. Just listen, resist being defensive and then when the truth rolls in, ask for help. People usually want to help someone who is honest, humble and willing.

Blessings,
Amelia

Hey G.,

You are totally in the middle of Mom overload. You should check out this website, if you want a book that makes you laugh. (www.somebodysalwayshungry.com). It's all about motherhood, and how crazy and alone you feel. I've been there! Hang in there, ask for help, and remember that these desperate feelings will pass. You aren't invisible!!

I also have two kids under 2 years old and being a military mom with moves to brand new places when each kid was about a month old, I can completely relate to starting from scratch on the friend deal. The International MOMS club (search on the web to find out more or locate a chapter in your area) really saved my bacon both times. Also, have met some nice moms at my toddler's Gymboree class (with the added bonus of some "nap insurance" for TNT Toddler...) It was a challenge to get them both out of the house when we first started, but now I can't go a day without getting them out at LEAST once (TNT Toddler makes me pay...) :-) Also, getting out and about helps de-tox MY mind from giant purple dinosaurs and furry red monsters with annoying laughs... Finally, when the thin toddler TV show plots get to the point of being so grating you are ready to throw the set out the window, download a classic book on tape from the library. I about lost my mind from general boredom and fatigue with my first but this seems to help keep my mind from becoming uncomfortably numb this time around. Hope this helps!

G.,
It's funny, I have a friend who sounds just like you. It's wonderful that you are reaching out and want to to make friends. My suggestion would be to try to find a Moms Group in your area. It also sounds as though you are struggling with some major self esteem issues. I, too, have struggled and found that the best solution for me was to find a good therapist and work out my issues. I love myself for who I am now and have a healthy and happy outlook on life. There is hope! Clearly you want some change in your life and it's up to you to make it happen. As for a good therapist, I would recommend asking your family doctor and going from there. It may take a few tries to find a good fit, but don't give up!! Also, Borders has a great self help section, so you can start there too.
Good luck!!
T.

G.,

You are not alone. I battled through feeling like I was worthless as a mom to being angry at my husband for breathing wrong. Your hormones are in flux, you had a baby 5 months ago. There were even times when I felt like my friends were sick of me and I was alone even with my husband and child in the room. I did not take any medication; I just worked through it myself. Everyone actually understood and where there for me even when I didn't think they were. I had to voice my frustrations and emotions to someone (my mother-in-law) and found while I was feeling what I was feeling my hormones were the culprit!

M. P

PS I too get annoyed with what I call "stupid people", I have a high value system and those that do not meet my requirements don't get the real me. I realize this and sometimes feel as if I'm being to judgemental of people but there are people out there that understand and really do care about you!

Hi G.. Where do you live? Maybe we can be friends, as I sometimes feel the same.....
I am in Palmdale.
D.

G. I think you may just feel this way because your priorities have changed. Your day runs differently now with 2 little ones and having to think of what you need to do for them and not yourself.
I bet your loads of fun but now to your kids. And if you had frinds with kids the same age you and they would relate to eachother.
For example, I kept my friendships with the friends that also had kids. The ones that were or are single don't identify with what I do so we speak very little.
You are not alone, things will get better. By the time they start going to school I deffinetly know they will get better. They did for me. Don't give up, be yourself and enjoy your kids in the stage they are in.
Good luck.

Wow, what a variety of great responses for you. My thoughts are you should start doing what you love to do! Nurture yourself and you will begin to be a happier being. Find your creative outlet. Is it dance, some form of exercise, writing, etc... It is so important to make time for yourself, that way you are more at peace and happy.

Vanesza

Hi G.. I kinda know what you are going through. I didnt read the other responses, but im sure you've got great advice already. I have noticed a personality change in myself too, post partum. Its not a huge difference, but enough for me to notice and not like it. I am a lot more temperamental, grouchy, and easily set off at times. Its like all my attention and all my patience go to my daughter and whats left for my husband is usually thin patience and sometimes even irritability.
My husband and i are best friends and he's my release. We talk about everything together. Ive spoken to him about how i feel sometimes and he is just so supportive-i dont know what id do without him. Its when he is away like at work or doing side jobs when i feel alone. So i can totally relate when you say "so now when i search my mind for someone to talk to, NO ONE comes to mind."
A lot of my friends arent married yet and have no kids, and the ones that do, im not really close to anymore. They have their lives and i have mine and would not trade my family (or life) for anything or anyone. The thing that always gets me is when i think of how selfish i may be acting towards my daughter and husband, then i cry it out to my husband. He is always there and always makes me feel wanted and loved. Hope this helps, and just know you are not alone.

You should talk to your doctor ASAP! I believe that PPD can last about a year.
In the mean time, try to take some time away from the kids. Have somebody watch them and go for a walk, see a movie, do some shopping, etc.
I hope you find some happiness soon! :)

First, I think you need to start with you liking yourself. What did you do for enjoyment before kids? Sure, you have less time now but with a little time management you are sure to find some time for yourself. For me, it's once the kids are in bed for the night. Use that time for yourself to read or do some sort of hobby or exercise. Start to feel better about yourself.
Next, you have to be a friend to have a friend. Friendships don't just happen. You have to have something to offer, be it compassion, a listening ear, good conversation, comic relief. Be yourself but don't be a martyr. Don't make friends for any other reason than to have a healthy support group. Talk, let people in, let down some of those walls. People need something to relate to. I think just by opening up some and finding people with similar interests will keep your friends around.
For example, my best friend and I are opposite in many ways. We grew up in different cultural backgrounds, we have different styles, like different music, etc. but we both have a strong family ties, similar sense of humor and similar views on parenting. In her I admire the way she sees good in everyone and compliments everyone's strong points without even trying and is truly genuine. On the other hand, she has also told me that she wishes she could be more like me and just tell it like it is and be more straight forward with people and not be afraid to stand up for her beliefs.
What I'm getting at is that givers are given and takers are taken. It's ok to not like many people but before you decide not to like someone, figure out why you don't like them. Is it fear of them being different from you? Maybe you should try to drop the fear and accept other people's differences.

Hi G.,
Kids do have a way of bogging you down! It does sound like there are some hormonal things going on. I am a health coach, if you'd like to explore this email me off list.
K.

I am 41 with a 3 1/2 and 1 yr old boys!!!I love them dearly but sometimes they drive me crazy!!!!! I work part-time so I think that helps GREATLY!!!!! Men don't understand at all!! I feel like a maid most of the time, always have to clean stuff, laundry, make dinner AND clean up, change the diapers almost ALL the time. bathe them..etc. I feel overwhelmed too. Try some heavy vitamin Bs, especially B6 and take care of YOURSELF first. Maybe anti-depressants?? I joined a mom's club and found a bunch of moms that understood and helped!!

Hi G.,

You are not alone. I once had two under 2 and it can be life-altering and isolating. You might benefit from professional help, as it can be very uplifting. Other things that you might consider are to take classes through the parks and recreation where you are celebrating your babies, smiling, dancing, laughing...just getting out. Also, it is really good to get out exercising and meeting up with other moms, as you will likely find one or two in the bunch that you relate to and that can be quite supportive. They might not turn into lifelong friends, but they do show compassion and understanding and can be comforting. I wish you luck...we can be just as depressed as we are overjoyed with love sometimes, and it just might take some professional intervention to help get through it. Whatever a shining stars we were before parenthood can return, but even brighter. All the best.

Hi G.,
I have a 2 year old boy and after his birth I experienced major post-partum depression. I wasn't diagnosed right away because I didn't know what the symptoms were and where to get help. I was like you, withdrawn but also had major anxiety and severe mood swings. I went to my gyno and they referred me to a psychiatrist who treated me with therapy and meds. Best decision I ever made. Talk to your Dr right away, it may just be a mild case but your kids deserve to have the happy you back. Let me know if you have any questions: ____@____.com Hope this helped!

You are not alone. You have a lot of people. You have us. If you think you are depressed, then perhaps you are. If you are interested in some natural ways to elevate your mood with food I'd love to cht with you.

One thing I will share is 2 handfuls of cashews has the same medicinal effects as 1 Prozac.

Would you like to chat?

____@____.com

You’re not alone! The one I get the most is "your no fun anymore..." which is not really the case, but to a single younger person, it might seem so. When you become a mother your priorities and your life change. And others that are not parents might not be able to relate to that. I feel as though I lost many good friends over the years as well. But I have also made some new ones along the way...granted I am not quite the social queen I used to be. And that’s okay. I have a few close friends (also mom's) that I can chat with, complain to, trade advice with, and so on. But even with them, I sometimes get that feeling of being alone. It is much MUCH harder for me to meet new people and get close to people NOW, then it was for me 10 years ago.
I think it's important to really build on the relationships you do have. One really great and close friend is worth 10 (or more) in my book. Maybe you can think of ways to get closer to some that you are just "acquainted" with.. someone you can really picture yourself becoming great friends with..then maybe set up a few coffee and play dates.. and take it from there?
Hang in there!!

A

Dear G.,

No one likes you because, you don't like them. Or at least that's how I felt. It's a two way street. You have to make an effort to go out there and open yourself up to friendship. Your babies are growing up and now you realize that you have more time to socialize and no one to hang out with. Go out and meet other Moms and start to make yourself approachable. I went through the same thing. I had to make an effort to go out for coffee and try to get to know other Moms. It's not easy, but I found out that some people are better once I got to know them.

Good luck,

V.

Actually, I think that everyone is ignoring one comment you made about yourself. You know that you are caustic. You have the ability to change your perspective and your behavior toward others. You don't have to be sweet to be liked. You do need to have friends who have the same priorities and issues that you have. You have to make an effort. I know that sounds difficult when you have two small children, but remember, no one made you have 2 small children so close together. These are the choices you made. You have to remember and focus on the fact that they wont be this age forever. Find something every day where you can enjoy yourself. It may only be for 15 minutes, but you need to find some time. You still need to take care of yourself. Be kind to yourself, and like yourself. Others will be too.

Hey G.!

Get out of the house! Go to the park... meet other Moms!
Find a Moms Club in your area. They will assign you to a playgroup with kids that are your ages. It may be a bit scary at first... but soon you will have so many friends, you will not know what to do with yourself!

What area are you in?
M.

Hi G.,

It is hard to be a sweet, nice person when you are probaby running yourself ragged chasing after two very young kids, not getting enough sleep and probably not getting enough nurturance yourself. It's time for you to carve out some time each day to reconnect with who you are (without kids and husband) and start making it a practice to do something nice for yourself each day like painting your nails, taking a bubble bath, lighting a scented candle and relaxing, whatever makes you happy. As for the reconnecting part, start going for a walk or maybe sign up for a yoga class at the park & rec center (I highly recommend yoga for clearing the junk from your mind). You may also want to join one of the local mom's clubs and join one of their playgroups or hooking up with the other mom's at the park when it gets cooler.

I've come to realize that you can't give what you haven't got. Having two kids so young can be very difficult (mine were 14-months apart so I know just what you are probably going through) but it's really important that you start putting your needs at the top of your list somehow.

Wishing you all the best!

L.

Dear G.,

You just answered your own question, post partum depression, overwhelmed and lonely and want to be a part of the world again.

Well, honey, you just found out that this is no longer like high school and the 20's bunch of friends - this is real life and a lot of people are mean. Just move on and go to church, you will meet some nice people there, go to the library, go for a walk, take the kids to the park you will meet nice mommies there. Your bad temper and sharp tongue will disappear. Laugh at the bad times and when things don't go just right, it works. Things get so bad with me that I just sort of make a 'black' joke and my husband gets more relaxed. He hates for me to be depressed because men do not know what to do, and then they get mad. Ahhh so!

Sing play time songs to and with your babies, those songs are good for the soul for mommies too. Don't worry, things will just get more complicated and worse ...enjoy it and learn from it.
C. N.

G.,

I totally understand what you are going through. It is hard when you have young ones and it seems like no one else understands you. I don't know how you are with going to groups, but I have been working out in a stroller fitness group and it totally works. My outlook on life is totally different on the days I go to Stroller Strides, I like people more and I am around moms that understand what I am going through. I get a good workout which is great for post-partum and I get to bring my kids with me and they have fun too because we sing to them and get them involved. You should really see if there is a Stroller Strides near you, it can really change your life.

Best of luck to you!

B. :)

You might also try mothersandmore.org

Hi G.! I am a bit of the opposite when it comes to friends, but right now I feel like nobody likes me because I am pretty negative! I used to have a lot of friends, but everyone started having kids and then I became pretty lonely! I am a SAHM with two kids under 2 1/2 and enjoy people who are real and authentic, funny and care about others then themself, but right now, I have little in me to care about anyone else then myself and kids- survival ya know?!

Besides, I am not seeming to keep the great friends I have and that could be because I am so desperate to have other company besides my little ones.

A Little about me: I am 39 SAHM who moved to OC from Nor. Cal after my daughter was born ( three weeks old.) I have a 2 1/2 year old boy.

You have to BE a friend to HAVE friends... check how you treat your children's mothers , neighbors .. join a church group, book club and try to treat others as you would like to be treated. If you weren't sweet before, it isn't postpartum.

My husband has to be a saint to put up with my bitchyness the first year and a half of our baby. It was so hard and i was so tired and stressed all the time. I didn't even work the first ten months. Luckily we survived and most people understand. I don't think things will ever be the same for my sister and law and me. I know how you feel and i think it just gets better and more managable as the kids are not so demanding and sleep better and can tell you why they are crying for hours without all the guessing. Hang in there and maybe join a moms group. Mothers understand and have good advise too. I hated unsolicited advise too but when i ask it helped to try things.
Good luck

You should check with your Doctor just to make sure you're not suffering from post-partum depression just to rule it out. Some people get it and they don't realize it. After ruling it out, why don't you take a class, something you're interested in. It will keep your mind busy on something new and interesting and you may meet a friend there. Best of luck to you.

G. T.

G.,

I'm sorry to hear you are feeling that way about life right now. I hope your outlook changes soon. If the negative feelings persist you may want to check with your doctor. I would like to suggest that you contact www.momsclub.org to see if they have a chapter local to you. Moms Club is an international organization that is directed towards supporting SAHM and their children. The fee to join is minimal - it was $20 for the year where I am. They do play dates, zoos, parks etc. so the activities are kid friendly. I started going when my son was 14 months old and he's loved it ever since. I've also found women who I like to be around that I can bounce things off of and get advice from. I found that when I became a SAHM things changed for me. My friends and family who work have much different lives than I do now and they don't have to plan their day around naptimes, feedings, etc. Even my husband doesn't entirely understand what it means to be a SAHM. I needed to find people who I could relate to and I found it there. Take care. A.

Hi
Sounds like you need some support. I highly recommend:
http://www.momsclub.org/links.html
www.babybootcamp.com
Good luck

Hi G.,
Sorry you are having a rough time. You sound a bit like me. I always feel like no one really likes me and spend too much time analyzing eveything I do trying to figure out if I am being the kind of person some one would like. Feel free to e-mail me if you would like to talk. YOu are not alone.
J.

Well, I would definately say that the problem does begin with you and the feeling you are putting out to people who first meet you or come in contact with you! That is something very easy to change, even when you aren't feeling "peppy" or outgoing at that moment. If you want to make new friends or have people to talk to, you genuinely need to try. Sometimes you may feel like you are being fake, but eventually the good vibes will be very helpful to allowing people into your life. We don't all just get along perectly, but you have to make an effort in order to get to know other moms or people to just be friends with. You may want to start by joining a moms club through church or your neighborhood. You can do it if you want:)

I know how you feel but I just don't take it as hard. I have my family which I at times don't get along with and really friends that live far away. My husband and I spend all our time together and our 8 month old daughter makes us so happy. I am also pregnant and due in Fed 09. I will also have two children under two like you! Where do you live? Just hang in there. You are probably tired, overwhelmed and it is hard for others not in the same situation (2 under 2) to understand. I may be feeling more of this too in a year or so.......

You may have to go out of your comfort zone to make new friends. I have a tendency to appear unfriendly so I go out of my way to be friendly. I know this because if people get to know me they tell me their first impression of me and then say they are really glad they got to know me better. Really it is just shyness. Usually I get friends through my husband who is ULTRA friendly and I become friends with the wives.
I also have alot of friends from my childhood still and I do not think they would still be my friend if I was that bad. I do not live around any of them any more so I am forced to make friends with people out here so I go out of my way to be friendlier then I actually would be.
Get involved with a few groups like Mom's Club-my friend got many friends through them and they all have young kids so they understand where you are at and they help each other out and have events that are fun. My kids are too old at 17 and 21.Church works well too. Don't become too opportunistic that will make you feel more like a burden.
Best of luck-everyone needs friends.