Overwhelmed SAHM/WAHM with Newborn and Almost Three Year Old

P.-

I'm with Stephanie, you need some support and if you are in Maricopa there is a MOMS Club right here. They are a wonderful group of Moms just like you. All most all are SAHM but some some work from home, while others outside. To find out more here is the email address for the Maricopa chapter of MOMS Club ____@____.com Tell them that a member sent you and tell them what you have said here. You do have support and it is so close.

Hi and congratulations on the birth of your newborn. Did you have an epideral and/or pain medication during labor? The itching may be an effect from those medications. I remember after my daughter was born, that I had terrible itching in my legs for quite awhile after giving birth, where if I allowed myself to scratch I would end up with bruises where I had been scratching, because it was such an intense deep itch. I never found out for sure if it was from the epidural, but it's just a thought. As far as feeling overwhelmed, don't beat yourself up! Do as much as you can and each day will get a little bit better and easier. It takes your body awhile to adjust from giving birth and having a toddler to care for in and of itself is very draining without adding the demands of a newborn and breast feeding. You are doing a terrific job and it sounds like to me your husband is wonderful as well! Just remember these days will be a memory before you know it and you will have it down to a system before long. Enjoy those precious moments and don't worry about the rest! It will all come together when it needs to. God Bless!
L.

I had a similar story when I had my only son, the first issue was that I was trying a new birth control that seemed to prolong my postpartum, and I had extreme fatigue because I found out that I had a thyroid problem. So make sure you are going to the Dr. and keeping up on your health first and formost. Don't worry about the housework and stuff everyone understands, what a womans body goes through after giving birth is tramatic to the body and takes a lot of healing mentally as well as physically.

Yes it can be overwhelming but just take it day by day. If you can take some time out for you. I actually had a newborn a 1 year old and 2 year old all at once plus a husband that didnt help much at all. Even though i stuggled i always remembered that i had to take it day by day and not let little things get to me. If you don't have any friends or family around make it a point to get out and make new friends in the area get to know and trust them. Believe me a god friend could be just what you need to help you through tough times. It always helps to know you have someone there when you need them.

From Busy Mama

I would see a doctor about the itching. I had that occur with me and it goes from itching to hives in no time flat. I had the itching for about three or four weeks then overnight it went to completely out of control and I was in the ER with my girls. NO fun at all. I just want you to get it checked out and try to give yourself some of a break. you just literally had a baby. You will get your energy back up and be helping more when you can. Meanwhile make sure your partner knows how much you appreciate him and how you feel about it all. He may not understand it but he is really great in the way he is supporting you all. Way to go for choosing such a great partner for you. Love yourself through this it is alright. You are perfect.

I have 4 kids, and had similar things happen afer each one. Hormones can play mind games, and effect your body. Where do you live? I am in Avondale, with no family, except my husbands side, and they are great. Anyway, I have a 10yr b,6yr g, 3yr g, and a 7m b. We could do some play dates and talk. I know what it's like to be tired, but you also sound a little depressed which is so normal! Let me know whAT YOUTHINK ABOUT a play date.

I think what you are feeling is normal but you should talk to your dr about it, she could prescribe some medication to help with the transition. Also, have you considered hiring some help during the day? It would help with your exhaustion and the feeling of being overwhelmed. Remeber it will get better and don't worry about the housecleaning, you'll be able to get more done as the newborn sleeps more etc. Good luck

I will try to offer advice since I cannot relate to your situation. I don't know if it's true that potty training takes longer with boys but it's more about the consistency you put into it. It seems to me that you are focusing all your time to the kids and also to your stay at home businesses as well. My very humble advice is that you need to hire a babysitter to go out with your husband on Saturdays and go take care of yourself on Sundays. Maybe you can go take a massage, go to the fitness center, go shopping or visit a girlfriend.

P.,

What you need is some good, friendly adult conversation and a place for your son to run around. I highly suggest you looking into the moms club in your area. The Moms Club consists of SAHM who meet 2 to 3 times per week at various places with the kids. Once a month, they offer a moms night out, but all other events are during the day and with the kids. It is a great way for you and you kids to meet people and make friends. Also a great source of advise. You can find the chapter nearest to you by going to www.momsclub.org then click on Chapter links at the bottom of the page. You can scroll down to find the one in your area. Good luck! I know that I would be insane by now if I had not joined the moms club. I too am a SAHM with two boys ages 2 and 3.

No wonder you id yourself as overwhelmed. I, too, was a single parent, raised three girls and had no help, financially or otherwise, for many years. I suspect your itch is emotional and who could blame you? You need some R&R. Is there anyone who could relieve you for even a few hours here and there? Maybe someone has a child who could be a play partner at the other house. After you adjust to things, you can be the hostess. You need a break so you don't break. Good luck.

Hello P.,

I know that the first months are difficult. Don't worry you'll feel better & everything will be better. Your body needs time to recover too, so take it easy.

Are you taking vitamins? Maybe that'll help you feel with more energy. Also try to eat something before brestfeeding. And drink a lot of fluids. Sometimes dehydration makes you feel with no energy. I know that probably is because you don't sleep enough. But maybe the other things will help you.

Smile you have 2 beautiful angels, they are a lot of work, but it's worth it, isn't it?

Have a wonderful day,

Sylvia

Hi P.,
My name is C., I know exactely how you feel my daughter was 2 1/2 when my son was born and I was just so drained from it all. I breastfed him for the first week and a half (would have continued but he got sick) and trying to take care of my duaghter and give her equal time while running a household was very overwhelming, I can't say it gets better but I guess after a month or so things will start to fall into place, the new routine will kick in and your son will get used to having a new baby to share mommy with. I wish you the best of luck. If you ever want to meet, become friends I have lived here a year this month and also have had a rough time making friends. You could call anytime, even if you just needed someone to vent to, my number is ###-###-####. I have a 5 yr. old daugher and a 2 1/2 year old son.

C., El Mirage.

I know what your going through. You are so lucky to have such a supportive husband. When I had my third daughter my other two were 3 and 4. I felt very overwelmed and the one thing that every one kept telling me is the cleaning can wait, you don't want to run yourself thin. Doing too much this soon after you had the baby can be harmful to your health. Just remember it will gwt easier as time goes on. I promise. I have three girls 5,3,and 9months, by the time my youngest was 3months it had gooten a lot better. As for you itching, talk to your doctor. That could be caused by any number of things. Well I hope this helps.

Hi P.,
I completely understand and I'm in the same boat. I am exausted and stressed. I have a son who just turned 3 april 1st and a daughter who is 9 months. Right after my daughter was born my husband was put on "Kayden duty". He managed my son so I could focus on healing from my episiotomy and adjusting to our new baby. It helped a lot, but my son is VERY energetic and I have a hard time keeping up with him. Now that my daughter is older and more mobile and wanting more attention (some days she doesn't want to be put down and only wants mommy) I feel overwhelmed and wait for my husband to walk through the door so I can hand off the kids to him. If I could afford to hire someone such as a nanny or sitter I definatly would but we are just not able to at this time. I know that there are times that I need my kids to just stay a night or two at a friends or family members so that I can get a break, but trying to get it all situated isn't always easy. My daughter still breastfeeds so she isn't ready to stay overnight yet, but my husband doesn't seem to get how draining it is to take care of the two of them, and never get a break. If you need a night out I can completely understand, and if you are nearby I don't mind watching the kids for you. Maybe we can even take turns so we all get the much needed break. I live on the eastside of Tucson. If you are interested just message me back and I'll give you my info.

Lets start with the itchiness. Go outside in the natural light with your husband and have him look at you very closely especially the whites of your eyes make sure your not yellow. When I had my son 5 mos ago my gallbladder went bad causing me to be jaundice. I was literally ripping my skin because I was so itchy. It was horrible. I was also scared because at first we thought it was hepatitus so I stopped breastfeeding thankfully it wasn't and we are both fine.

My best advise is to join a mom's group. They have all been there and understand. Don't worry about the house but try to get time out. Also try to trade off with your husband so that you each get one on one time with the children. I understand my daughters want my attention and my son needs my attention. It rare for me to get a break. My biggest thing that i can tell you though is that when you get too overwhelmed walk away, call a friend just take a few minutes for yourself. Then go give your kids a big kiss and a hug.

HI P.,

I remember feeling the same way. It's definately overwhelming/exhausting. The lack of sleep alone makes it hard to function. Your body is still working on getting back to normal (hormonally too).
A mom's group or MOPS will be helpful too. Although for me early on even getting out with 2 little ones by myself seemed more overwhelming than it is worth.

Just remember: this too shall pass. It gets easier and better. Sleep as much as you can. If you need somebody to talk to feel free to contact me.

About your itching you may want to check out a condition called "cholestasis". I have had it with all three of my children. Here is a website to help you out www.itchymoms.com