Understanding Being a New Mommy Again

I'm with some of the other ladies here... I went through much the same thing when my husband and I moved to the US from Germany the beginning of this year. Talk about a big change! I had no friends, no family, and a one-year-old boy, and my husband's job took him everywhere, so we were alone most of the time. I found myself getting tired, not wanting to do the most basic things (like cleaning house and calling friends), and I slept whenever I could. Then I found myself getting short tempered with my son--that was the worst part.

I wound up going to the doctor and explaining my symptoms. She put me on an antidepressant, and it really helped. Now, I have energy to do what I used to do and my concentration is better. I didn't even have to take it for very long, just long enough to get back into the swing of things. Now that I have a life outside the home and a great babysitter, things are looking up.

Good luck. I hope this helps.

If you have a family doctor, go see that doctor. You are already took the first step in realizing there is a problem. Thank God, my mother wasn't the kind of person that would say, "You'll be fine". She made me go tothe doctor immediatly when I showed the same signs that you are now. I didn't recognize it as depression, only that I felt very overwhelmed and lost.
I have only one child but I had to go back to work after 6 weeks and still run my house as if I did not just give birth.
If you need help, you now know were we are.

Talk to your doctor, sweetie. You're in a rough patch. I have a 2 1/2 year old who makes me nutty sometimes. I can only imagine how tough it is w/2 little ones - - they both need/want you 100% of the time. Talk to your doctor and know that you're not alone and can get through it... Baby steps! :)

Best of luck to you!

D.,
I agree with the others. Please talk to the doctor about postpartum depression. It will make all the difference. If you don't get the answers/ help you need don't be afraid to talk with a different doctor. The adjustment to a second child is difficult, let alone being away from family. Many women go though this, I know it doesn't make it better, but it usually helps me to know I am not crazy! I am in Michigan with our 2 girls, 5 and 7 mo., waiting to sell my house so I can move to NC/SC with my husband and his job or I would offer to help. Hopefully, you can meet some friends here who are willing to exchange help. Everyone seems so kind at Mamasource. Hang it there, you'll get there! And know that whatever gets done is good enough! We Moms expect way to much of ourselves. You are doing a great job!
Hang in there!
P.

D. -
The transition from one to two is hard. We went on to have 4, but it was tricky each time.
I agree with the other responses -
See your doctor
Ask your partner for more help, or hire/barter some help.
Find a moms group. MOPS.org is a wonderful organization that may have chapters in your area. They usually meet twice a month and have child care on site.
A.

I understand the feeling of overwhelming and easily getting angry, we have five children and trying to please everyone is hard. I have not had the depression but look into talking to your Doctor. I have found that if you clean one room a day that it takes some of the pressure off and you don't have the whole house to clean. We do have a set of three yr old twins and they like to help, even when they were two, try involving your two yr old with helping pull sheets to the laundry and so forth, they also learn that cleaning is something you do and it helps with them not asking for so much while you are doing it. I wish you the best and wish I could help a little more but try to take time for yourself, which I know is hard. Good Luck!

It sounds to me like you might be suffering from post partum and you need to go see a doctor. It is a stage, but if you don't get it taken care of it can get really bad. there is nothing wrong with the way you are feeling and it is probably harder because you are dealing with two little children who are demanding all your time and you are finding it hard to spread everything out and make it all come together and that is not wrong. But you need to see a doctor and get help with the depression, nothing about the situation will change but you will have a different perspective. And get out of the house even if it is for just a couple hours. Find yourself a sitter, or a part time daycare, I know we have a place in Greenville called A Place to Play that charges by the hour and they are geared specifically toward moms who need to get out, parents who want to go on a date, etc. They are bonded and licensed so that should bring some peace of mind. you need to make some time for yourself. Go for a massage, join a book club, donate some time to a organization that you love, just something that you enjoy. There is nothing wrong with not spending every moment with your children and it is better for them when you are not so stressed it will make your time better.
1. make an appointment with your OB/GYN and tell them that you are suffering from some depression and you need to see the doctor that way they will get you in quicker, and since OB's see a lot more of PPD they will be able to help you better.
2. Get a part time sitter and get out, go shopping, take yourself out to eat, go to the movies, just do something that you enjoy.
3. Give yourself 30 minutes everyday where you sit quietly, and just be still. Don't worry about what needs to be done, let your mind rest.
4. Talk to your husband and let him know how you are feeling and he might need to pitch in more when he gets home for a while so that you can adjust better.

I wish you the best and my prayers are with you.

Hi D.,

I felt the same way last year in August when my daughter was born and already had a two year old boy. I went through the same emotions and when I went back to for my 6 week post partum check up, I told my doctor. He said that it was very likely post partum depression and called it baby blues. He offered to get me on some medicine, but I decided to stick it out only because I had full support of my family so I didn't entirely feel alone. I just felt overwhelmed, I had distorted thoughts, I felt like I would never get my house clean again, like I couldn't give my oldest the attention he needed, like I wouln't get the whole breastfeeding down, and like I was so extremely exhausted. It took me a few months until my hormones were more stable. Just hang in there find the support you need from your loved ones and make sure you do let your feelings known to someone, anyone. But you will make it through.

Take Care.

C.

D.--just having a two-year old can make a mommy feel like she's going crazy sometimes! And on top of that, you have a new little one, who needs alot of attention. I know when I went from having one child to having an additional newborn, I thought "it can't be that hard". But when we brought our youngest son home, I soon became overwhelmed. Its a big change, going from having one child to two. I did have postpartum depression, both times around. The second time, though, I was able to easily recognize it, and earlier. So, I was able to get help sooner. I was placed on an antidepressant and it helped. I would encourage you to see your dr, and talk about if medication would be helpful for your symptoms. And just because you are placed on medication doesn't mean you will have to take it for the rest of your life. You don't. When you're ready, your dr. can help you slowly stop taking the medicine. Its best to wait at least 9 mos before deciding to stop it, though. That's IF medication is right for you.
If you have someone who can help you with the kids, ask for a break. Or, if you work, take a day off from work just for yourself, even if all you do is stay home and watch tv all day! Everyone needs time for themself. By taking time to give yourself some rest, you're able to take better care of your family. I live in Pinnacle with my husband and our two sons. We moved from WVa to NC, and we have no family here, either. It definitely takes time to find good friendships!

I am a mother of 5 kids....I went through exactly what you are going through right now. Have faith things will change. I always tried to play some upbeat music to lift my spirits. Also try to rest when ever you can get a chance.

hey, D.! do you work outside the home? i have been having a SUPER hard time with depression, too, which is one of the main reasons i joined this group. i realized part of my problem is that i don't have any friends anymore. let me know if you want to talk further about all this...i think we are close geographically, so maybe we could help each other out (?) also, i've had to start taking medicine for mine, but it isn't helping yet...

B.

Hi D. -

Your message doesn't say where you live, but I would suggest that you find a good church. You'd get support there and be able to make friends in a family friendly environment. Plus ask for prayer! I'm sure many people would be happy to pray for you. I will pray for you. God bless you.

You need to schedule time to be by yourself. It does wonders –even an hour or so. Hire a babysitter and just go out (you don’t need to do anything but you do need to step out of the house). If you have relatives in the area, ask them to watch your kids for an hour or two. It will strengthen their bond with your kids and give you some sanity! After your time away, you will be recharged and missing them and ready to plug back in. Talk to your friends about how you feel. We all feel overwhelmed at times. You can get through this!

Hey D.,
I am a mom of one....(he wasn't planned. We had just moved to a new town and I was a little depressed as well. I meet someone who was a member of a Mom's group, So I went....and It has been so Great!! You should look for a group in your area...try calling churches. This group was at a church on tuesday morning and they provided child care. Most are stay at home moms...with the same problems and same situations. I found it to be a great place to talk and feel better every week. It dosen't matter about what church you go to..or even if you don't go to one. It is there to help moms cope with motherhood.
good luck~
~R.

I agree with others, talk to the doctor, I'm in the same boat with a two year old and a three month old. I started taking zoloft, and it has really helped, I wanted to try not to take medicine and was scared of taking it, but it has helped a lot. I've always been a perfectionist and this had helped me with a lot of the anxiety issues as well. I just think of it as a running start to help myself manage issues one at a time until I can work through all of my issues. Also, I wanted to invite you to join the meetup moms group, I'm a member and that might help you meet some new people, I understand b/c we just moved here right before my second was born. These women are great, and even though I can only manage to make it to an event every once in awhile, we always have stuff going on. Just go to Meetups.com and search for them. That goes for anyone else as well who would like to join a group of moms. They have diffenrent groups in different locations. It really helps to get out of the house some as hard as it is to do so. Also, B vitamins and omega-3 acids help with the hormones, folic acid as well. Especially if you're nursing, these nutrients can be really depleted from pregnancy and nursing and taking them will help a lot! Enfamil makes a LIPIL supplement that I take-it's expensive but is a concentrated version of the DHA omega acid that you need restored to your body. Hope this helps!