Not an Easy Baby

yes I agree a sling - I use hotsling as I have a child similar but its easier now sometimes - he is 11 months today.

My first daughter was colic too so I know what youare going through...... they do outgrow it does take awhile with some... hang in there.

A.,
My 2nd son was colicky too! He cried for his first year it seemed. I feel for you, but please don't let anyone make you feel you are doing anything wrong. Babies are all born with thier own personalities. I have 5 boys and son #2 was the only one who was like this! We carried him around all day, and slept with him at night too. It was just easier on everyone to do things that way. He just needed me to be very close, after a year things got much easier. The more mobile he became the less clingy he was, so things will get better!

I always thought of it this way. Even tho it was hard and frustrating at times, (not to mention exhausting) I always looked at it as an investment in his emotional well being. I was never one to let any baby "cry it out", if they wanted to be carried, or rocked, or nursed, or even to sleep with us, thats what we did. You only get one shot at doing it right, and that means listening to your gut and ignoring advice and comments that go against that! You will never regret that you did things your own way.

Sounds like you are a great mom and are doing a great job! Just rest assured this won't last forever! God bless.

Yes, i too was gifted with an intense, sensitive, high need baby. I learned a lot that first year and changed a lot of my pre-baby beliefs! Our daughter never used our pack n play and many of the baby accessories that we saw other babies use. I seriously couldn't comprehend or understand how any baby could get that flat head problem as our child was never out of our arms... She hated the car seat, never enjoyed strollers and only would nurse herself to sleep. After some research and lots of reading, i found my way to the attachment parenting style and got myself some baby carriers and thru necessity, we co-slept. I now am an advocate of all those things and my intense daughter is 3 and very secure and I wouldn't change a thing about what we did. You can never spoil a baby and it really did help me to read up on attachment parenting as well as some fantastic books about how culture & biology shape the way we parent--"Our babies, ourselves" was one book that allowed me to truly trust my inner instinct and know that responding to your baby is what your baby needs. It is a shame that 'crying it out' is such a mantra in our society. Unfortunately past generations and many current people fully believe in it. anyways, you are not alone and i do think once your baby starts getting around and especially when she's walking, things will get easier! My second baby is like the typical baby that you hear about although i still try to wear/carry her as much because she does love it. Best of luck and don't let your inlaws let you think you are responsible for her high needs or any of that! Also, i recommend the "Baby Book", by Dr. Sears.

A great wrap can be found at www.mayawrap.com/ it is lightweight, ergonomically correct, and washer safe. I am also only 98 lbs (soaking wet) and used it to nurse my children when they were little (and my son was a CHUBSTER!). Believe me there will come a time when she won't let you hold/kiss/snuggle her anymore and you will yearn for these days!!! Just enjoy her and tell your 'rents or any others that you aren't spoiling a baby by responding to her and that you think parents who have the ability to "ignore" their children are nothing short of child abusers. (I mean could you ignore that knife sticking in your chest every time she cries even if you wanted to?? It's called instinct for a reason, my dear) You are a GREAT mom!! Keep up the good work.

I know EXACTLY what you are talking about! I have a 5-month old son who is 20 pounds and he is the same way! I can not put him down without him screaming. It makes it hard to even fold laundry. My back is really sore and in spasms so I bought a back support brace, which may help a bit. Sounds like our babies are the same!

My daughter was the same way... I have no advise but I feel for you:)

My 19 month old boy wants to be held all the time, too. Needless to say, I can't carry him all day long! In your case, I really think you'll see a difference when she starts moving on her own. Hang in there...soon she won't need you at all... :(

L.

PS...I have hip trouble from carrying him, too...so you're not alone!

In short yes... I had a difficult baby... There are no guarantees.. this child may be difficult forever.. or maybe once she can crawl and walk she will be happier and play nicely on the floor.

My duaghter is now 2.5 and mostly easy..

She was better once she could crawl and walk and she does play on the floor by herself.

Hi A.!
Aeden wouldn't let me put him down til he was a year old it seemed. He wouldn't stop crying if I put him down either. I knew that he wouldn't stop crying and I wasn't able to let him cry.

You might consider reading Dr. Sears books and looking up attachment parenting. The philosophy is that babies cry because they need something.. closeness with mom, food.. whatever so it's good to hold them and essential!

I'd consider buying a sling. I have a padded sling I LOVE called an ERGO. I used to wear Aeden in it hours in a day and he would fall asleep and was happy. I got housework done and other things and he got to see what I was doing. It also helped my body wear. Just think though what kind of muscles you'll have!!

You're not far from me so if you want to Pm me we can meet up and you can try the ERGO if you'd like.

C.

I had a similar little girl! I used to think it was me spoiling her because everyone suggested that. They also said to just set her down in a pack and play for independent play time (yeah right). Well, I have baby number two now and I've discovered it just depends on the kid's personality, it's nothing you're doing! Do what you have to do to stay sane. My daughter is 2.5 years old now and wonderful. Not a fan of strangers, loves mommy (and daddy), loves her little brother, and is too smart.

Hello A.,

could she not be feeling well? have you ruled out any diet issues? how are her bowel movements? or are there any other problems that may explain her behavior? is he achieving her "milestones"....if you're concerned, talk with your pediatrician too. I don't think she's spoiled. there is something she cannot tell you. good luck and keep looking until you get the answer YOU and your daughter need. ~Carmen~

I believe kids come into this world with an agenda all their own. You are doing nothing wrong. Don't let anyone tell you different. You can not spoil a 6 month old child. They need what they need. They are not capable of munipulating yet. She just feels really safe and content in your arms and feeling safe and content is what we all are looking for. Don't deny her of that if she needs it.
I know it must be really hard on you. What if you got one of those wraps that hold the baby right next to your body while you did your daily routine or perhaps a backpack that she could ride on your back. This shall pass I promise.
My child rarely leaves my side even at age 7yr. But these types of kids are so reliable, responsible and trustworty early on. My child asks permission for everything. Any time a friend comes into the yard he will come ask me if he can play with them. He asks me if he can turn the TV on if he can have a snack...etc. etc. I have never ever in his short life asked him to check with me on everything. It comes from his own personality, his own being. It cracks me up most of the time but it does make things easier.
You are doing a great job. Don't let anyone tell you different. Stick with you gut and your mommy intuition and you will be just fine and maybe having the baby closer to your body in a wrap will ease the stress on your back.

You have on your hands a child that is probibly very interested in what is going on around her. And what better way to experience it than from a higher vantage point.
Track down a back carrier. A light weight hiking pack works best they have a kick out leg that helps putting it on and taking it off by yourself.
This way she's right with you, mobile, active, high, and you can still use your hands and arms to do stuff. And the pressure of her weight isn't on your front and arms, but your back.
Responding to your baby isn't spoiling it... IMO you can't spoil anyone younger than 12 months.

My daughter was that way and she still is (She's 7.) Things got better when her fine motor skills improved. Now she will color or do crafts, read books. She always has to be busy with her hands. She does not do imaginative play very well so she could never play by herself. She never wanted to sit still to watch a movie. She continues to be very clingy, but will venture off a little more. Everyone told me it was because we co-slept with her, etc. Then my son was born. Very easy baby, slept in his crib, enjoyed the exersaucer, etc. My third will play alone too.

It's just who they are. You didn't "create" this behavior. What I found that worked the best for us was a hiking type backpack. I found that all she wanted was to be at face level, up where all the talking/action was. That backpack has been a lifesaver with all 3 of my kids.

It is hard. I ended up with pneumonia and pleurisy because I wouldn't let others help me out. I felt guilty letting her cry or leaving her with others to "endure" what I was going through. In my mind, if her own mom got frustrated with her, how would others feel? (Would they get frustrated and harm her or close her in a room to cry?) I got extremely tired, worn out and then very sick. I learned that I needed to leave her with someone and leave for 1-2 hours to take care of me. We both benefited from that! Take care of yourself and it will get easier!