Obsessed with Friends

Sounds like she has a tad of depression possibly. She's assigning her happiness to these girls, and that's not good as you know.

One of my sons who was going through a bit of a rough patch in middle school, kept saying how high school will be better. Can't wait for high school. I sat him down and explained that school experience is what you make it. The common denominator is you - so if you aren't happy, school isn't going to change that. It seemed to sink in - that he's responsible for enjoying himself. He did see a therapist for a few sessions to help him with this. It was worthwhile.

Honestly, I'd be tempted to take her phone away during the school day because it's really enabling her obsession. I don't know about your school, but in our district, kids aren't supposed to have it out during the school day at all. It is supposed to stay in the locker, and only be used before school starts and after school ends (to call parents for pick up after sports practice, etc).

Mom of a teen girl here.

It's very late in the school year-- has this clinginess and constant contact with the HS friends gone on all school year long? Or has it increased as the end of the school year is approaching? If the latter, then your daughter may be feeling unsure and insecure about leaving MS and going on to HS. But if this has gone on all year, and especially if your daughter has not made her own friends in MS because she's only marking time until she "catches up" with her old friends--that's a bad sign. She is setting herself up to be very hurt if she gets to HS and finds her gang there has lots of other friends and hasn't been waiting and pining for her as much she has been for them. She may find that she is only one friend among many, for them, when she turns up at HS expecting them to be her entire social world. That isn't going to happen and she'll be let down.

Does she have any extracurriculars? Something in school where she has met some kids? Can you suggest she ask one or some of those kids to do something outside school? Even better would be if she has an activity unrelated to school where she meets kids who share an interest of hers-- does she have such an activity? And what is she doing over the summer? I would steer her to some structured activities based on her interests so she is not just hanging around all summer trying to see the old friends. Yes, she should keep up with old friends but she needs a wider world than that, too. Work with her to find something that is not merely social--for example, if she's into arts, there are great art or drama camps for teens. If her thing is computer coding, yes, there are teen workshops in summer for that....let her feel she is getting the power to make a great, fun choice. She may not make friends who last forever but she'll learn there is more to do than pine and text.

When school starts, be sure she gets involved right away with some interest-based and service clubs at school.

Clubs and camps aren't the answer in themselves but the idea is that she needs to get outside this tight circle. Do NOT say anything negative about her old friends, though, and do not say that you want her to do activities in order to meet new kids; that will only make her defensive and resistant, understandably, as she will feel you're pushing her away from her friends. You're actually not doing so, but expanding her circle, but she has to play a part by trying some new things.

I may have a chat with her about what qualities and behaviors will make someone a less attractive friend. Clingy is not attractive. Nor is whining about being miserable and missing people so much who she actually does see many mornings plus nearly every weekend. She's already younger than them, and she's giving them reason to see her as less mature. This is hard to watch because you can't force her to change which people she focuses on. You can't force her to befriend other people, but you can encourage her.

Her friends will get sick of her very quickly if she is constantly texting and face timing. Since the majority are already in high school, she will feel left out( probably already does) and try even harder to continue with them. Which, is not very healthy. I'd find her some kind of outlet, and also take that freaking phone away for awhile. I swear to God. We never had this when we were growing up. I sometimes wish that the cell wasn't invented. It's such a distraction , and seems to cause a lot of issues in terms of social skill building and proper communication with people.

Have her involved in something outside of that circle. Have her in therapy.

In my sons school - what she's doing would be a misuse of her device (phone).
They have Red zones (no phone use permitted) and Green Zones (when it's permitted).
She's insecure - what 13 yr old isn't?
She's already 'too clingy' - and 'driving them crazy' means it's already out of hand.
If this has been going on all year - school is 3/4 of the way through - so there's only 9 or so weeks left.
A bit more focus on her grades and future would be good - because what is she going to do when this group graduates high school and heads off to college while she's a senior?
High school is 4 years - but it goes by faster than you think it will.
It is VERY possible - even probable - that 'the squad' will break up.

I might have a sit down with her and explain that how she's behaving is not how friends treat friends and she needs to get herself together before her 'squad' dumps her.
THEY are not responsible for her happiness or lack thereof - and NO high school group of friends should have to be guilt-ed about if she goes into depression or not.
If my son told me about a friend treating him like this - he's not qualified to deal with their insecurity - I might talk to a guidance counselor to give them a head up about this other student so they could step in (and my kid could step out - I don't want this stress sitting on his shoulders).
Some therapy for your daughter might be a very good idea.
I would've started it by last Thanksgiving, but better late than never.

Your daughter should be focused on her school work and middle school experience. She'll be in high school soon enough and wish that she had fostered friendships to take with her to high school in her own class.

Your daughter has FOMO, Fear of Missing Out. She is being insecure. Honestly, this is not healthy, but it does seem to be normal these days that many kids are in constant contact with each other for much of the day on their phones. Have you had a talk with her about how she is driving them crazy and may drive them away? Really, you can't do too much about this except encourage her to make other friends and stop obsessing so much. Yes, she may have a friendship that ends one day...especially since it sounds like she has a difficult personality being so obsessive and focused on friends like this. If this happens it is something she has to learn how to deal with...it is a part of life unfortunately. I would not encourage her behavior in this obsessing. Next year she will see her friends at school, so hopefully she will calm down some.

Next year it will be better. She's left out and it's showing a great deal.