Hello,
I am 33 weeks pregnant and for me, it has been a difficult pregnancy. While I was not on bed rest or anything like that, the fatigue has stunk (being 41 with a 6,4, and 2 year old adds to that! LOL), and the whooping cough I got towards the end of second trimester also didn't help...followed by virus after virus, with a few good days in between. Our temps here overseas have dropped drastically and I am now coughing again (which I hear is normal for whooping cough...that lots of things can re-trigger it and it can take months for it to disappear), stuffy nose, and just generally feel run down, like a shadow of myself.
My older two kids are really great when it comes to imaginative play, crafts, etc...turning music on and spending 30 minutes dancing, etc. I loaded the freezer with ready-made meals on the days I felt I had the energy to cook, around the week before I am due, plan on doing a major grocery shop with easy stuff that I know my husband and kids like. But, as with all new baby's, there will be an adjustment period for us all...and I want to have some things on hand that will excite the kids and give me some quiet time. I should mention that all three kids are out of the house until around 2 each day, so I will have some down time...bedtime is around 7:30, so we are looking at a five plus hour stretch. My husband works from home and will help when he can.
Ideas? I saw on Amazon.com, My First Mosaics and Perler beads...and there are always Legos, which they are just starting to get in to, but I would love to hear other ideas besides screen time.
Thank you!
One thing I did that was helpful was set up a long series of regular play dates for my son. I had friends who wanted to help in some way and this was great. They would take him for a while and he would have a lot of fun with his friend.
You've had such a tough time of it, and it sounds like you really feel that you are on your own here, in every way. You feel lousy, but you are cooking/freezing, planning grocery runs, and researching toys. Yikes - you've got to rest!
You say you are overseas, and I don't know what kind of situation you are in. Military, unfamiliar neighborhood, friends/not so much, or what? You say your husband works from home so he's probably not military. So does he get parental leave? It would be great if he could do more than "help when he can."
I feel like the "It takes a village" mentality might help you, if you can swing that. Moms, especially those who have been so sick and who have new babies, just need a break from supervising and being the program director as well as the referee (because even the nicest kids say "I"m bored" or "It's not fair!"). So, can you get a very part-time nanny, a group of neighbors/friends who take shifts, a teen who can supervise the basics even if you are there for overall safety? Even a 13 year old can put out train tracks and puzzle pieces and clean them up (or get the kids to help doing it). I think it has to NOT be you all the time. If you have a network of friends, see if they will make your "baby gift" a gift of their time - not onesies and diapers, you know? If 4 friends each gave you 3 hours a week (Friend 1 takes Mondays for 4 weeks, Friend 2 takes Tuesdays for 4 weeks, etc.) and your husband took the 5th day, you'd have guaranteed afternoons to take a nap (especially if the caretakers take the kids elsewhere) or just not have to be in charge, letting you get your strength back for the first month. Maybe, without the stress of the baby on your body, it would get stronger again. And maybe someone else can take over all the cooking and reheating - that takes a strain on your, even just the planning.
You seem like such a go-getter, from all your posts, always trying to do more. I wonder if you really need to do LESS and just reach out for help because you WANT help and not because you have to justify whether you NEED help! Think about it. I'm not good at it, either, so I get the "I can handle this" mentality. But recently I had a family crisis and just had to ask friends for help - and you know what? They were THRILLED to have some way to help that would really help. Everyone says, "Let me know if I can help" but we don't always believe them. I found out that some people will and some won't, so you use and cherish those who will.
I think I would hire a "mother's helper". A high school or college age student who could help you at odd times. Is there someone in your neighborhood who has a responsible child who could step in here and there? I'm sure they'd be thrilled to have the money and you could rest for a few hours.
Train sets and Lego and a costume dress up area were what saved me. And having dad pile them up in car to go to park or out back. Or he'd take them to Home Depot and do an errand.
We still use the old train sets. Right now it's taken over my sunroom. Little ponies go for rides on the old geotrax set.
Playdough was a good one. I'd give them bowls and potato masher to change it up. Sometimes they'd decorate it with pasta. I made my own in big quantities (easy) and I didn't care if it got gunked up. Takes me 4 mins to make a batch. They'd get to pick what color they had.
My kids were into cards (pokemon, hockey, etc.) so they would trade those and sort and compare for hours. Even the little ones would have a few so they thought they were in on the action.
The best thing though was we had two long Ikea type lightweight couches in our old downstairs. I'd give them a sheet, flashlights, and they'd play fort (dressed up like cats or pirates) for hours. I'd just bring down snacks and they'd pretend they were having bonfires.
Wishing you good health for the rest of your pregnancy :)
I would not get into Perler beads. That will take a lot of your own time. While I have not have a problem with the things falling apart, they get ALL OVER the place. It is like Easter grass--you find it months later. With a new born and 2 yr old, I would skip it. Legos, Mega Blocks, Duplo are all great time takers in my house. My 4 yr old loves them, my 7 yr old likes to come up with a whole bunch of new designs. I wish they still sold the huge buckets of pieces instead of the kits.
You could also buy large beads and string to make things. The 2 yr old would probably just string and unstring repeatedly, which is perfectly fine. Plus, they can count the beads, learn colors, patterns etc. And if they are large beads, easier to find if dropped on the floor.
You could also buy glue dots instead of having a messy glue bottle with the younger ones. Oriental Trading company has them and a lot of ideas for crafts.
You are one brave lady!!! I'm sorry to hear of your difficulties. I've never had the courage to face this situation so I'll make some, what seem to me to be, practical suggestions. The first thing that comes to mind is this -- do you have anyone to act as a mother's helper even just for a few hours a day? All you'd need is a responsible tween/teen to step in to either hold the baby while you give your other ones some attention and/or the other way around when it's naptime for you and the baby and they need tending. I would imagine the 6 year old at least is in school. I know my son's school publishes and annual list of kids who work as mother's helpers, drivers, errand runners, etc.... Try your neighborhood association or send out an email or post on social media what you're looking for and I think you'll be surprised with the response.
And specifically to the Perler bead thought. With all due respect, I would take a pass on them. They require the use of a hot iron and are not kid friendly to construct. If anything, they will make more work for you if you don't have someone who can run a hot iron for you. Further, they tend to fall apart and you don't need all those tiny pesky beads all over your house with a 2 year old and a newborn. I know mine went through a huge origami phase around 6ish and boy do I have the Chinese throwing stars to prove it. I recall finding some good books on that on amazon.
Perhaps an outing to the $ store or the craft store and they can pick out some things for themselves. You don't have to break the bank to make them feel loved and taken care of. You will all get through this and clearly this isn't your first time around this track. Thoughts to you for a safe and drama free delivery and adjustment period.
S.
Both of my kids loved the mosaic kits. Your 2 year old might need a little help at first.
The Crayola markers that only work on special Crayola were great when I had a 2 year old and a newborn. I didn't have to worry about art work showing up on the walls.
My kids also loved sticker books. See if you can find some with reusable stickers. They don't last forever, but they didn't feel like as much a waste of money.
We got a lot of use out of a battery powered bubble blower. I didn't have to blow the bubbles, I didn't have a 2 year old frustrated with trying to blow bubbles, and we didn't need to worry about spills.
My kids lived at their water table too. We had it on the deck and they would spend hours there.
Some big cardboard boxes! I remember playing with them when I was a kid and my kids loved playing with boxes.
Blanket forts! We bought a kit (I think Discovery Kids brand) that you use to build a framework for blanket forts. Two kits makes a bigger fort and if you use sheets or receiving blankets it doesn't get too heavy and collapse.
Lots of books!
What about preschool type board games? My two kids used to love them! (boy and girl 2 yrs apart). When my DD was just a baby, I taught my two year old son to play candy land. I would sit on the floor and play with him while baby sis was close by with baby toys or even while I was nursing/feeding her. The when she got a bit older she would "play" as my partner against big brother and would help me flip the cards and learn her colors. I'm a big believer in this modern tech world still!! lol. teaches all sorts of things, subject matter and taking turns, being a good winner and loser etc. I would suggest find some simple games that your 6 and 4 yr old can handle well and they and you can help 2 yr old along (maybe you and 2yr old on team?) while baby is close by. Kids also of course liked playing house/kitchen and also grocery store which kids of any age can have some sort of role in. :) good luck!!!
Dot paint, mosaic tiles kits and bubble blowing saved me when I had a newborn and needed my 2 year old to enjoy some quiet time. I also had her play with a water table, help with dishes (wish they still loved it as a pre-teen), walk to the park often, indoor play gyms, library story time and craft time, help me garden and help with other chores. Oh I almost forgot dress up time! Gather up some old halloween costumes, beads, accessories for various themes. Your older kids might also enjoy face painting.
Is there an indoor playground pool or gymnasium nearby? What about an outdoor one? My five year old can easily entertain himself with little more than a swing or a slide for over an hour. A stroll is nice too. The six year old can push the 2 year old in a stroller. You can push the newborn and the 4 year old can hold your hand or ride a scooter.
A bit of outside time makes everything easier at home.
If you can't outsource child care, consider outsourcing meals, cleaning, laundry etc.
Best
F. B.
