One of my closest friends has a son just a year older than mine we have all been friends since the boys were young about 9 years. Her son got busted selling pot at school- they go to different schools- and is suspended for the next three months because this is not the first time. He called my son last weekend and wanted to hang out to be honest I wasnt thrilled. I told my son he could hang out but they were not to leave the house. My son said that I was just being paranoid and just because his friend was stupid does not mean he is. But I am still leery although I have known this kid most of his life and I am very close friends with his mother, would you restrict your son from hanging out with this boy?
And how do you explain that your friend?
PS- they did not end up hanging out because of my sons sports schedule but the question stands for next time.
to be honest this didn't sound as ridiculous in my head as it does when I read it. Of course I don't want my son hanging out with the drug head, just because he is one of his oldest friends doesn't make that okay. And of course I need to tell my friend why she is reasonable person. Maybe I should have thought that through a little before I wrote it down. Maybe I just wondered how I tell my friend I don't trust her kid. Thanks for reading
He is not Nine- the boys are 15 and 16 they have been friends since they were about 7 and 8- the trouble boy is older than my son
I would say no. You don't mention if he has been in rehab. If he hasn't been, then I doubt his problems are over, and I wouldn't want my son to be near him at all.
The only way I would allow them to hang out would be at MY house and not leave MY house. They would just have to play video games or watch a movie, play football in the yard or whatever but would not leave my house to get into trouble. YOU are who you hang around. He may not be influenced as of now, but it only takes one time to get him hooked into some mess of trouble....protect your son and keep a tight leash on this relationship. If your friend asks, be honest-say you aren't thrilled with the behavior of ________ and you value the friendship but need to be careful for your son because he is easily influenced. She won't like it, but its true.
M
"I understand you must be having a hard time with (insert her son's name here), I will do everything I can as your friend to support you. If you need me I am there for you. At the same time I can't let (my sons name) hang out with (her son) right now."
Your child takes priority over friendship. Support your friend, protect your child. If she can't understand your need to do that then she wasn't a very good friend in the first place.
Nope, sorry. My son isn't allowed to hang out with known drug dealers.
Did you say how old your son is now? I want to make sure I understand... They have been friends since they were nine???
So I have this saying with my kids....
If you are standing on a chair and someone is standing on the ground...
It is harder for you to pull them up than for them to pull you down.
That being said...
I totally trust my daughter and the drug thing is not a thing I worry about with her so it depends on what you know about your son....
I have to say that I have kind of been in the same situation.
My best friend and I have been best friends since we were babies and my daughter and her daughter since they were babies and we were all just months apart! Her daughter did the mountain top drug program and still is not doing too well. My daughter has been kind to her daughter but after they were in High School didn't have a lot in common because of the drugs though we would get together once a year at least and I kind of felt like I didn't want to put my daughter in a compromising position but she too assured me that she could handle it and I had to trust that she could and she shared with me a few things that happened and she did handle it as she assured me she would and I never had to compromise our friendship or theirs.
I heard an analogy one time and it is so true so I am going to tell it here.
When someone is cooking a Lobster they start out in cold water, the Lobster doesn't think anything of it, just another aquarium to him. Pretty soon the water is a little warmer, ahhhh, nice and comfy. A little more time passes and the lobster is getting used to the warmer water, floating around checking things out. Then he's not doing so well, it's too hot. Soon it is boiling and the Lobster is cooked.
This is the way things are with people. The first time I saw a thong on a Soap Opera I was shocked. Isabella was in Bed with John Black and her thong insulted me, I never watched Days again. Today it's common to see this type of attire on just about any show. We see images on TV, we hear things on just about every topic that should appall us. We have become used to seeing just about everything that 10 years ago we would have been shocked to see or even be caught doing. We are the Lobster in the pot of warming water. We are getting used to things that would normally appall us and we are continuously getting used to the hot water a little more bit at a time.
Your son will be around this type of behavior and soon he will be used to this lifestyle and it will be what he feels is normal. If he is a strong willed young man that knows his boundaries and is comfortable saying no then I might consider letting them hang out at my home, never anywhere else. And maybe not anywhere but the living rooms and other public rooms of the house.
no-I would not let my son hang out with a dealer.
It depends on how much you trust your son. Will he be a good influence on this boy?
No. The only way I would say yes would be if it were at my house or at a public place and I was with them, and I mean in the same room with them 100% of the time, like exactly how I would watch a 2 year old. NO WAY would that boy have any time alone with my child. If that doesn't sound like fun to your son, tell him he'll be granted more freedom with his other friends who have not proven so untrustworthy.
Nope, I wouldn't let him. My brother has always been a pretty good guy, but he got into a little bit of trouble in high school because he was hanging out with a guy who smoked pot.
If you aren't around peers who do drugs, you are less likely to get talked into trying it yourself. Peer pressure is tough.
I LOVE lovemym&ms answer. It makes it clear to your friend that you are there to support her however you are NOT allowing your child to be around that influence. Honestly I wouldn't even let them hang out in my house. This is not the first time this child has been caught dealing and I guarantee without the proper help it will not be the last. I wouldn't want my child associated with that lifestyle. Kids are so easy influenced by "easy money" especially in this day and age. The last thing I would want is for my child who has to earn her spending money doing chores to suddenly be offered the chance to make easy money dealing drugs. We can tell are children it is wrong. We can teach them the right thing to do and hopefully ingrain our moral code into them. But why knowing allow that temptation to be present. By all means stand by your friend and let her know you fully support her efforts and will continue to do so but not at the expense of your own child.
A 9 year old dealer, who already got caught, this is not his first time. He will do it again. AND he can get busted by the cops too. So will your son, if he is hanging out with this boy. Association.
This is not about being 'smart' or not, it is illegal.
Your son needs to know the difference.
Being around a Dealer, well your son will learn vicariously, too.
Do you want that? For your son?
What a bad 'influence.'
ONLY hang out at your house.
Not theirs.
If anything.
You tell your friend, honestly.
selling drugs?
Sorry, but I think your friend SHOULD understand why you do not want your son hanging out with her son.
If the shoe were on the other foot...
I think it is time to allow your friend some time/space to handle her problems with her kiddo, let her know that you are there for her but you do not want your son to be around as a consequence of his actions. He chose to be involved in pot thus choosing to NOT be around your son. It is as simple as that. Tell her that once things are going in a better direction for him then he can have his friend back but until then this is a consequence of his actions and explain this to your son as well. And explain to your son what being WITH someone in possession is facing as well.
