Only Child - New York,NY

I only have one child and she is now 10 yrs old. My husband and I have always wanted another child, but it never came to be.We tried with fertility drugs, ect. but it didnt work. I still have some guilt over not trying harder or adopting a child to give my daughter a sibling. I asked my daughter not too long ago how she felt not having any brothers or sisters and she told me she was fine with it. I explained to her why she is an only child and she was great with understanding. I am SO greatful for having her. Hopefully as she gets older she will still understand why. We have a very large family and she has lots of cousins which helps. I know right now that i feel a lot worse about it than my daughter does.

my advice to you is just to wait a little while. Your daughter is only one so you have plenty of time for more. When my daughter was one(she' now 2 1/2) I felt the same way you do, but now I have decided it is definite that I want another one. But i also know people who waited and decided definitely, NO. So just give it a little time. And also give your hubby time, if he really doesn't want one he may change his mind as your little one grows and it's really only right to let him want to have one as well. Good Luck.

My husband and I are only children and god willing when the time comes we are hoping for another child. We both desperately wanted siblings while growing up. I have always admired and wished for the close sibling relationships within my family and group of friends. We have both had some hardships within our immediate family and it would have been alot easier to deal with if we had support and help from other siblings. I wish u the best of luck with your decision.

im not sure of your age, but seeing as your daughter is only 1, i dont think either of you should be making this important life decision now. i would suggest you not agreeing to anything to keep the subject opened. at one, your daughter is a baby, she still needs lots of attention, and those hard baby months are fresh in your mind. as she gets older, things may change in your mind, and you may find yourself wanting another. dont make this decision now, just wait and see.

i must tell you, to watch your children interact with each other is amazing. i love listening to my 3 yr old talk in her high baby voice to my 5 month old. i love watching my 5 month old follow her sister's every movement around the room smiling ear to ear. it really is amazing how you could have just as much love for your second as you did for your first.

also, i watched a couple that lost their only child at age 20. in that moment, they lost not only thier child, but they were in essence no longer parents. they lost the chance to ever be grandparents. and i can only think of the sadness when one of them passes on, leaving the other behind alone. seeing that firsthand, i personally would never have just one child.

but i still think any decision made while your daughter is so young might not be your true feelings in the future. good luck

My husband and I were together for 9 years before we married, and we KNEW we wanted 2 kids, for all the right reasons. A few months after our daughter was born, we both (guiltily) admitted that maybe 1 would be plenty. 3 years later, we don't even feel a twinge when we see our friends welcoming their second children to their families. There are many many good reasons to have an only child, and many many good reasons to have more. I definitely agree it's a decision that should wait a few years. But since you asked, here are all the reasons we decided that our daughter completes our family:

She was born a "high-need" child. My own just-to-myself, never-share-this-with-anyone term for her was "intensely unhappy". This was true for 8 months. Yep. 8 months of intense unhappiness. Just imagine waking up every day to an intensely unhappy housemate. One that demanded, demanded, DEMANDED attention, holding, distracting, food, clean diapers (24+ a day for the first week! 12+ a day at ONE YEAR!!!). She screamed in pain every time she peed. She cried when I made eye contact (too stimulating). She could nurse-sleep for 4 hours straight, but could NEVER nap unless in my arms. I held her during naps until she was almost 1, then I had to give up. I put up with even more night time screaming as a result. She still nursed 3 to 7 times each night at 18 months. I was a zombie.

Fast forward 3 years. We survived. We're stronger. We're never doing it again. We are just starting to get our own lives back, each of us having one night a week to get out and do something with friends. She is big enough to do some really fun stuff now, and we're having a lot of quality family time as a result. Yes, we work hard to give her social opportunities. Yes, she struggles with taking turns and sharing. Yes, she still cries when I let Grandma babysit. But we'll get there. And this IS the right decision for us.

So, if the child described here resembles your child, you may be looking for a light at the end of a tunnel. But if your child gave you more joy than headaches for the first year of life, maybe you should think twice about the only-child idea. In the end, it's your family, and your choice.

My oldest child is 12 he was an only for 9 years,

he was very lonely and found it difficult making friends and things.

I now have 2 more children both boys ages 2and 3
they are always playing and happy.

Its really a personal choice.

I find that my younger 2 are much more grounded and well rounded.

My oldest demands alot of my attention, ect...

Neither way is better than the other, so rest assured your lonely only will be fine.

M

Hi T., I do not have advice but I wanted to tell you I recently lost both my mother and my father and I could not imagine going through that without my sisters. We depended so much on each other and without them I think I would feel very alone right now. I think about that a lot because I have a 3 year old only child. My husband and I want another and after a miscarriage it just isn't happening. But either way you need to do what is right for your family. 2 children are a lot tougher than 1. Studies also show that only children tend to be more successful than children with siblings- maybe all the attention they get. good luck!

I don't really have any adivce, I just wanted to say that I have similar concerns. My son is also 1 year and my boyfriend says he doesn't want more (this one was actually a big surprise). If my boyfriend was interested in having more I am pretty sure I would want to as well, but given his opinion on that matter I am not sure what will happen. I used to think that I SHOULD have another so that my son would not be an "only" but now I don't really think that that is reason enouph to have a child. I myself was an only child (because my mother passed away)and I always wished I had siblings and still do, but it certainly is not a horrible thing and has its own advantages. So for the time being I am just going to wait and see what happens.

You have lots of time to figure out what is right for you and your family! Best of luck!