Recently our daughter has been saying that she wants to be sick and wants to have owies. She has also been saying that she doesn't want to grow big, even if she can't do the things that go along with it, like going on the water slides and riding a bike, and says she wants to "grow little", and that she is her brother and he is her. I know this is understandable, with her little brother taking alot of time away from her, and also with the pressure of potty training and becoming a "big girl", but where is this desire to be hurt coming from? With halloween passing, she also wanted the wear the scariest, most gruesome costume available, and this has us a bit worried too. What is happening to our daughter??
Most of you said that she is probably just looking for attention, which I figured. I was laying on the bed with my son next to me and my daughter next to him and said to my daughter, "If you want to be close to mommy and cuddle sometimes, that's OK, you just need to tell me. Do you want to cuddle?" She said yes right away and crawled next to me to get a big hug. It was so sweet it almost brought me to tears! Thank you so much for all of your help and suggestions. I know that she may not always think to ask so I will make an effort too. Thanks again!
We went through this too - my kids are almost the same age except the baby is 6 months. It must be normal!
My daughter, 4, is also going through this wanting to be little again phase. Her brother is 1 and I think she wants the best of both worlds. She's even told me she doesn't want to eat her veggies b/c she doesn't want to grow big and strong, but wants to grow little. I think a lot of kids go through this, especially once a younger sibling comes along. Also, she probably gets extra attention and cuddling and comfort when she gets an owie and that may be why she want more of them.
She probably wants some attn just for herself, no sharing. When she does get "owies" I am sure you pay more attn to her. And of course, you are on the right path when she is saying she is her brother. It sounds like she wants more attn which is totally understandable. If possible, make mommy and me time, with you or with dad. A little each day or half a day on the weekend may help a lot. You could do something taht big girls get to do so she sees that babies are not the only ones that get lots of attn.
J., I can understand your concern and you probably will not feel at peace about it until you tell your pediatrician and have your daughter see a mental health professional that he/she recommends.
It sounds like some normal sibling envy. Try to look at the up side of the situation. Personally, I would be floored if my five-year-old daughter was even a fraction of how articulate and self-actualized your three-year-old is.
Good luck!
Tell her that she does not need to have an owie in order to get hugs, kisses & snuggles from mommy. Tell her that when she wants this attention all she needs to do is tell you that she needs a snuggle. When she does this, you need to stop what you are doing & cuddle her. Even if you are feeding the baby or cooking dinner, etc. The baby can continue eating after your big girl gets her "mommy fix". I would also try & set aside some mommy daughter time. Try & do some grown-up things like going & getting your nails & toes painted (you can ask the place to just paint them, not a full mani-pedi). Then go have lunch or ice cream. Try & find the book "I'm A Big Sister Now". It's a great book. Your big girl just wants to know that she is still your baby. I still tell my daughter (she's 8) that she will always be my baby girl even when she is all grown up with chidren of her own & that you are never to old to get snuggles from mommy.
I really wouldn't be too worried. I understand why you are concerned but try to show her how much you care without paying too much attention to her "morbid" tendencies, if you want to call it that. Most likely, she is just trying to get attention. You are right, becoming a "big girl" can have a lot of pressure attached! Good luck.
She is needing more attention. Set some special time aside for just her. If she can't get the attention in a positive fashion, she will do what it takes to get it.
Have a Mommy /Daughter outing. Will be good for both of you.
She is just going through a normal phase and she needs a little extra attention. Maybe you can have a special activity for the two of you where you emphasize Big girls only...to make being the baby look less appealing.
As for bandaids...that goes through kindergarten, sorry to say!
I don't know what kind of owies she she wants, but occasionally my kids go through this as well. For us I think it has more to do with the routine....either I kiss it and make it better or they want bandaids. After my daughter just had her shots my son had owies everywhere and also needed bandaids. Sometimes they just want the extra snuggle after they're "hurt". With the new baby and being a big girl maybe she just is looking for some extra loving!
If it's something that's really bothering you, maybe an exposure to something that you're afraid of for her, then get your pediatrician to suggest a child psychologist to do an evaluation.
Otherwise, if you can't see any chance of outside exposure, just keep positive and try to make potty training fun (right?). It may just be childhood jealousy, but you never want to take it for granted.
Hi J.,
She is looking for attention. My 4 year-old son has been going through this lately too. He was formerly the baby of the family, and is now the middle child. He did pretty well adjusting to our 12 week-old son until about 3 weeks ago. Now he's doing obnoxious things to get my attention, making a bunch of noise when the baby is crying, and even hurting himself intentionally.
Your daughter is saying she wants owies because she knows you would drop everything and pay attention to her if she's hurt. Just try to spend special time with her whenever you can, and when you're busy with the baby, tell her that you have to take care of the baby, but when you're finished you will play a game with her, read her a story etc... and then stick to it so she trusts that you will make time for her.
My son did this recently, saying he wanted to grow little. I think it was all because I had said he couldn't do something because he was too big for that now. Also, now that he's been in preschool he's picked up a lot of different behavior and sometimes language that isn't necessarily bad, but somethings I've never told him or anything. It's just a part of him being around others and picking up things. They are growing up as hard as it is sometimes.
Not sure what's going on in that little mind but your daughter seems to be reaching out. She is looking for attention and when she hurts herself you show lots of attention to that owie. She is just looking for that special time with mommy or whomever. She has a baby brother that is getting all or most of the attention now and that's why she wants to be him and him her so he won't get the attention or at least that much. Have her help you more. When little brothers and sisters come along the first born feels left out. Not sure why she wants the gruesome(ist) costume but that could be just an attention getter too. You might have made a comment or something about one or even made a big deal about something really gruesome and yet again that was extra attention you paid to something. Give her more mommy time because a little is not enough for her.
Do you have cute band aids for 'owies' or maybe a special cold pack ( ours was the Booboo Bunny) that comes out when someone gets hurt? Or she may have realized that when she has an 'owie' baby brother is just not so important anymore, and she is suddenly the center of attention!
This sounds PERFECTLY normal to me. I would not worry too much about the 'owie' thing- at her age I would say it is a common way of being sure she gets attention- not a desire to actually be hurt in any way.
Also, as far as the Halloween thing goes, sometimes little kids like to sort of confront things that scare them. Dressing up as a ghost or a vampire or monster is a good way to make those things seem LESS scary. At age 3 , she may have just REALLY figured out that blood is inside us- it comes out in owies, at Halloween people have these costumes with this neat new stuff that she has just discovered... I think she is just exercising her natural curiosity.
My son is almost 10 and he has ALWAYS loved 'scary' stuff. Seriously, even when he was your daughter's age, he also loved 'monster' Halloween costumes, skeletons, etc. He is in every way a perfectly normal, happy child with lots of friends and excellent grades, etc. he just has always liked scary stuff!!
As long as you keep it age-appropriate For example, even now, my son is never allowed to wear anything 'bloody' or gruesome, or serial killer, death etc. he has been a pirate, a zombie pirate, a vampire, a werewolf and a mummy so far!
I would not worry about your daughter. All these things sound really normal to me. Not all little girls want to be princesses and cheerleaders- maybe you will end up with a doctor instead!
this is completely normal! She doesn't want to be hurt she wants you to give her more attention and this is a fun way to do it. Bandaids are the most fun thing in the world to a 3 yr old!
