Overnite Parenting Time for an Infant in a Divorce

hi,
I've been through the exact same thing!! My husband and i divorced when my son was an infant and it's one of the hardest things to get through. Even harder is when you feel you have no choice but to let him have him for an overnight. my son is now four years old but we have been divorced almost the full four years. My ex takes him at around 4pm til the next day at noon. I didn't want my son to feel like I was just passing him off at night- i wanted him feel comfortable with his father before bedtime and also let my ex know what it was like to put him to sleep, be up all night, and still function the next day! Hopefully your ex will take the boys together so at least he still has his brother there with him. also, take the time and go see a movie or enjoy a massage at the spa. You'll feel refreshed when your boys come home. Hope this helps!

The first thing the judge should know is how involved your ex is/was in the day-to-day care of both children...does he feed them, does he bathe them, does he get up in the middle of the night with them? If he hasn't been an active father, that will work in your favor.

By having a baby overnight, there will be very little bonding time with the child, as he will be sleeping for most of that time. Why not counter offer with two day visits a month (12-5 every other Saturday or Sunday)? That will show the judge that you are willing to compromise and offer the father a chance to get to know his child. If the father is only doing this to get "points" with the judge or cause you stress, that will show also.

You could also (if it isn't already in your custody arrangement) offer "Right of First Refusal" to the father. That way, if you have plans or need to work, you will offer him the opportunity to spend time with his children before you call a family member or babysitter.

If you are nervous about the father not knowing how to put your son to sleep, or your son adjusting to having someone else put him to sleep you can start transitioning him. Before he starts sleeping at his father's home, have your ex come over and put him to sleep at your house... that way he can see the process and your son will be use to him putting him to sleep. What do things say about it not being good for him to have overnights at a young age? I'm surprised, I would think that since for the rest of his life he will be living between the two of you, it'd be good to get him accustomed to it early.

your best bet is to send you baby with his brother that way you can make sure the little one is really looked after as well as unless your breast feeding like you attonmey said he'll get it my step-sister unsed to have a dad like that picked her up from late at night to early the next day so they literally have a sleep overand with those hours the baby will be asleep most of the time they should be fine not to mention a couple of nights of a baby crying for mommy and he may not want to do it anymore I wish you the best I'll be in your shoes soon. And remember that even if you think the child can't hear you they do so talk nicely about their father even when you don't want to they need to know that your ok and that they are safe they are funny like that.
god bless,
A.
____@____.com

Hi I really feel for you and your situation. I went thru the exact same thing with my ex-husband. My youngest daughter had no idea who he was when he came back around and I still had to let her go visit for 1 night when her sister went for the weekend. I think the 6:30pm to 9:00 am is good. He will go to bed soon after that and then wake up the next morning and be right back with you. I know it is hard, just hang in there. Just remember that what you are doing is for your chlidren and it is nice for their dad to still want to see them and be there. Also have you maybe recommended supervised visits with the baby at first till you know he can handle it or making him take a parenting class. Alot of times in this situation the judges will agree. My ex had supervised visits at first till I felt comfortable that he knew what he was doing and out youngest daughter got to know him better. If you wanna talk more let me know because I have been there.

S.

what's the research? I'm just curious. Wouldn't it give your son more exposure to his dad by letting him sleep over...maybe it should be more then once a month. That way you don't end up with a toddler that doesn't really know his father...and as he's adjusting to all these new things, he'll be just starting to sleep over daddys. make it part of his routine now! You just made this quest. sound like the father of your children really wants to be involved and you're making it difficult for him. I don't understand...you're divorcing your husband because of problems you and him have had...it has nothing to do with your kids, right? I mean, if I'm wrong, I'm wrong I obviously don't know the whole story...and what's the question about times the baby should go over....the same time as the 3yr. old son seems like an appropriate time. Are you going to send your older son over earlier then like right before bed send your baby?? When will your ex-husband have any bonding time??? I'm so irritated by this quest. maybe I'm reading your comment/quest. wrong. ANNNDD, I just read the advice from other mothers. I don't want to sound rude or anything...this is ubsurd how you are all talking down about the fathers. way to stereotype! You are only hurting your kids. you have no right to keep your kids away from their fathers becasue you think it's best. you don't know that! It just makes you feel better. unless their fathers are losers (no job, no support, treats kids badly...whatever else) otherwise, give these decent fathers a chance...so what it didn't work out with you two, let your children get to know his OTHER parent. Put your differences aside, be civil to the fathers, let them see THEIR kids, and let them know that you'll be there to help out if they need it while they're watching your kids. suppervised visits?!?!? what an insult...how awkward for dad and his kids to have someone sit there with them...watching over them. You ladies wouldn't appreciate that. Whew, this is extremley upsetting.

The judical system can work for u or against u which does not seem fair but here is my suggestion. I had a girlfriend that had the same problem but since she had a routine the judge stated the her son had to be home by 7:15 so he was kept on his schedule.
You can request that he has to have him back before his bedtime. So if his bedtime is 7:30 then request that he have him back by then but the Judge may allow him to take him on the same day as your other son so he may keep that time frame.
Good Luck I hope this helped.

If he's not hurtful to the children and you arne't being divorced for say domestic violence it might not be a bad thing that he wants to be so involved, your feelings about him aside. unfortunately in divorce we have to put our emotions aside and focus ont he kids which can be hard in the beginning, when all the decisions are made...

That aside, it is likely the judge will grant it, so I'll just focus on the options in control here...

Times, I would ask be flexible and given in email ro written form on a bi-monthly basis, to be in the best intersts of the infant. This would require civil speaking terms, which with kids is a needed thing anyhow. This way allows flux in a developing child's schedule... I know my child went from sleeping earlier in the evening to sleeping late at night to a more middle ground time.. so.. this cna help until say age 3 when they get more into a steady bedtime and routine... and then you cna visit it every 6 months. Most judges will see the value in this if explained how it is best for the hcild..as waking a baby at 6 pm for a transfer may be silly but they could go over on a Saturday night at 4 pm or later one night at 7 pm ... within reason to the other parent's schedules as well.

I really hope you find a good solution.. it's hard... and I'm sorry you have to go through this. Divorce sucks, plain and simple

Hi F.,
I'm sorry about your situation. My boyfriend and I went through a rough patch shortly after our daughter was born. It ended up with me moving out. We are together again, but live seperately. I don't have much advice, but I have a question for you...
Are you breastfeeding? If so, maybe your attorney can use that as leverage. I mean, I'm sure (if you are) the judge could just reason that you can pump and send him off with saved breast milk, but your attorney can argue the bonding time during...I don't know, maybe I'm wrong. If you are, look into it. Good luck!

Hi as a divorced Mom of 2 and now a stepmom 1 and a new parent of 2more. I would never let my little ones overnight anywere even with there father
they are men no father in this world can have the sense a mother has
and just so you know that my husband know had the same issue with his ex and the judge denied him overnight stay because he was to little and he was two, the judge also denied full custody because the kid was still to young
Keep your babies as close to you as you can, they will always be there for you in years to come.
Trust me you don't want a man trying to raise your boys they'll just become them

I am not quite sure what is inappropriate about the situation? Has this man been abusive to thekids? has he had issues with other kids? Are you nursing the baby and he doesnt take bottles? Other than that- I dont see the detriment in the baby spendig the nite with the father. when my daughter was 6 months old I left her for the weekend with her daddy (we are not divorced) and they both did fine. As long as your baby is not in any physical danger,a dn the father is loving and responsible - it might actually be good for the bay - and for YOU - TAKE THE TIME TO HAVE A LATE NIE OUT OR SOMETHINE! LOL!

As for a right time - well, its best to work around the baby's schedule. You dont want him picking him up in the middle of a nap or dinner - Adn you dont want to interrupt the schedule when picking him up.. to make this as seamless as possible try to coordinate wiht the baby's schedule.

Good luck!!!

When I was going through a divorce and my daughter was about 6 months old, my ex got 1 weekend day every other week from about 9am to 7pm. I didn't allow overnights, and my attorney fought for that. I, personally, don't think it's appropriate either. If you are breastfeeding, that should be on your side as well. If your attorney is not willing to fight for you, I'd probably seek other advice from someone who is going to go to bat for you. Once my daughter got older, she spent weekends with her dad from Friday evenings until Sunday afternoons. Now she's 14, and decides when she wants to see him.

For appropriate timing, that all depends on you I'd think. Will it be a weekday or a weekend? What works for you? If it's a weekend I'd probably say 24 hours would suffice, right? Maybe noon to noon? I don't know. Do what feels right to you. Best of luck to you.

Hi F.,

I don't have any experience with divorce but I will try my best. I am first trying to figure out why you don't want to give your son to his father once a month for overnite (if he is a good and responsible farther, putting aside your maybe bitter feelings towards him). You say you feel it is not appropriate. What do you mean by this? I feel you should talk to him about your concerns and see how he responds. Like you said at the end you have no choice because you can't afford to go further with this. The way I see it if he is good, responsible and caring father you should give him once a month. This will allow you more time with your older son or maybe some quality time to your self.

Do the Overnight the same time the 3 year old is there! And then go to the SPA...