Phone Calls to Father

It's not about the kids. It's about her doing the bare minimum to comply with the order, no more, no less. If there isn't a set timeframe for the calls, he could try to get one, so he's home. Or offer another number if work or cell would be a better number. You didn't say how old the kids are, but depending on their ages, he might want to sit down with them and talk to them about the calls and see if THEY will take more responsibility to talk to him. Do they know he calls back?

We've been through this. The only thing you can do to prepare to return to court is carefully document each call - time, date, duration. Courts want to see real evidence, not accusations or assumptions.

It's not clear from your post how their current agreement is written. Can he call anytime? Are there specified times he can call? Is she always supposed to do the calling? You can try to get specified call times, or periods of time, that he is allowed to call them on any day.

In the end, though, there is nothing you can do to guarantee phone contact between him and his children. She can prevent this access, and there is nothing you can do about it. What we started doing was sending them more things in the mail - letters, postcards, little gifts.

When the children are old enough to pick up a phone themselves, her involvement will be reduced and then eliminated. I would suggest that he talk with them and gently tell them that he would like to talk with them on the phone more, and he will truly try to do that, but reassure them that he thinks about them always, and tell them that they can ask their mother to call him...

Phone calls are not that difficult, making time for your children to talk with their father is not that difficult, unless you are holding a grudge and withholding contact with his children to get back at your ex...

Hi B.,

You don't say how old the kids are, and that will make a difference. But it sounds like they are on the younger side? I agree that set times are the way to go. My ex didn't want to have set times - he just wanted to call whenever he wanted and she should just drop everything (dinner, movie, homework whatever) and talk to him and it made it REALLY difficult to do anything and then he would scream at me that I was withholding his daughter from him. So, I get it from that angle, but I know plenty of mom's who play games the other way around and there are dads out there that really do want to be involved.

Phone calls are difficult because throughout the week there is only a couple of hours between pick up after work and bed. And that's almost completely taken up by homework, dinner, bath and bedtime routine. A 15 minute call isn't a 15 minute call if it interrupts dinner or homework or there are emotions involved and she has to ramp down and then focus back to what she was doing.
Now - I ABSOLUTELY think a dad deserves to talk to his kids. My opinion is whenever... I think 2x a week is not enough if they are going to be an involved parent from out of state. But, it always seemed like the call came right in the middle of dinner, or right when she had started homework.

I also know that he would want to call sometimes and say goodnight and that is the WORST time because she was tired and it would get her all worked up. So, he would call every couple of weeks for a 30 second call at 9:00 and then she would be up in tears until 10:30. So, I had to say no to that, except on weekends when her bedtime wasn't as firm.

I finally, with the help of our mediator, got him to 'agree' to a 7:15pm call. I picked her up at 6 so we were done with dinner. She talked to him at 7:15 on Mondays and Thursdays and we made sure to work ahead on homework the other days so that she didn't have any and could spend as much time on the phone as they wanted. Usually they were off by 7:30 or so and she could do reading or homework and then start the bedtime routine around 8 with bath etc. That worked for us.

What made a WORLD of difference was when I got her a cell phone and I could just remove myself from the picture - except that I made sure she checked messages and missed calls and whatnot.
They also text a TON now - I would say it's their primary form of communication and it's probably daily, whereas they will only talk on the phone occasionally.

I would definitely say he needs to keep records of how often he is calling. And definitely for him to call back often. If he calls and leaves a message and they don't call back he needs to call back several hours later and again and again until he sets the expectation that he will get a return call.

I would have your husband call and call and call. Annoy her so much that she let's him talk to the kids. Also, make sure to get phone records stating that he has to call repeatedly just to talk, and she is not trying to return communication.

How often does their father call them? Does he only return calls and then happen to return them at a bad time Do you know what the other mother's schedule is like with having to take care of the kids without their father? That's why it might be difficult.

To avoid some of this problem, we had it set up so my daughter's father could call on a specific night at a specific time. I always had her available to take the call. If we had another engagement on his "phone night", I made arrangements in advance to do it a different night.
More often than not, he didn't call and when he did, he always said he was waiting for a pizza and after being on the phone for a little while, he would say he had to go, that his pizza was there.
I documented the times he called and the times he didn't because he tended to say that I refused to let him talk to her, which wasn't true.

Anyway, I think having specific times so the calls aren't hit or miss is the only way to go.
Your husband could write her a letter or text her and say that he'd like to arrange something like that so he won't miss their calls. Don't do it for him because it shouldn't be coming from you.
He needs to keep a copy of whatever he sends her and if she doesn't respond to it, then bring it up next time in court. Phone call priveleges and specific times were a part of our order.

Document everything.

Best wishes.

Why is it difficult? Because she is angry, that's why. That is the crux of the matter, not scheduling or anything else. And there is nothing you can do about that except encourage your husband to make every effort he can to let his kids know he loves them, is always there for them and wants as much contact as possible. And not compound her anger with anger of your own. A tall order, I know. The high road is not the easiest one to travel, but it is still the best way to go.

I didn't read your prior responses but the court docs need to be VERY specific. Ideally a day and time that they can talk. That way, if she is not calling, you can call the cops and have it enforced or at least get a police report or two that says she is not allowing dad to talk to the kids. File a modification to be more specific on the calls. Good luck.

How old are the kids?

My sister is in the process of divorce and her soon to be ex is being a real jerk - In my opinion - when it comes to speaking with their son, so he has a cell phone of his own. Its a little peanut phone and with family plans she pays $10 a month for it. Everyone can call him without having to interact with the parents. Perhaps getting the kids their own phone so the mother is not involved may work. Schedule times slots if possible.

Im betting its bitterness and/or jealousy that will take a long time to go away, if ever! I know I was always heated when the court would tell me I 'had to' do anything! The court would say I have to bring the kids to him for a visit, I have to let them call him, I have to..etc.. you get the idea. Im like why should i do anything for him? He kept disappearing, still owes a ton of support and more. Hate is very powerful and you never know how angry you can get until your in that position. Eventually it sorta went away for me when I remarried, or maybe not lol.

Its harder as a step parent, I know when my kids tell me their 'step mother' (they are not married) said this and that I get annoyed, like what the heck does she know? Or how can she say that? My son tells me shes now in the same predicament with her older childs father that I was in and Im sorry but I dont feel for her and my son tells me he said the same thing to her since he lived it as a kid growing up. Its really hard for a kid to have an absent parent and then to see that parent start a family with someone else and be there for the new family but not for the kids they left behind. Kids are really aware of everything going around them. My kids are 18 & 17 and they text and call him often these days but I have no idea how much since they have their own phones and all. Their father has a child with this woman and hes been there for the child since birth. It still angers me but it is what it is.

Id say keep track of everything with records, paper evidence and suggest getting the kids a phone of their own. Ive seen 6 year olds with phones so unless they are toddlers your husband should be able to get them a phone.

Good luck