Planning Baby #4... Grandparents Not Completely Thrilled...

You sound like you know what you want! His dad's opinion has no relevance. Some people do better with 10 kids than others do with one. Go for it-congrats!

My MIL was pissed when #3 came along- too darn bad. Have a baby if you want and anyone who doesn't agree can screw off :).

Unless the grandparents are responsible for your children's care then I see no reason why they should have a say in the matter. It's your family and your life. I can see where they might be worried or concerned for your health, but as an adult you make those decisions for yourself.
If my third hadn't been so "high maintenance" I may have gone for a fourth myself!

You can't live your life with regrets...

i'm sorry for your loss...if the Nephrologist says it is safe...then don't worry about what others say or think. If you can afford the 4th baby and your dr says you are good - then do it.

Follow the Drs orders and follow your heart...

My husband and I wanted 4 kids as well...it wasn't to be. We have two beautiful boys and three babies up in Heaven...so if the Dr says it's safe - follow your heart!!

So if it's health...I think I'd still be worried even with the OK.
I know someone that didn't listen to their doctor after their 3rd. She had all kinds of complications during that pregnancy, and she still get pregnant again.
During that pregnancy (that she was advised against originally), she had a stroke, lost her vision permanenly and use of her right arm.

With 4 kids under 3.

Just something to consider.

Don't let your FIL make the decision for you. But I might get a second opinion on the health side.

I think your idea to have 4 Or 5 with twins is a wonderful idea.

My father and FIL weren't even thrilled about us getting married, let alone having more than two kids.

My job let me meet many people in the middle class. Kids almost always came up in conversation. How many did you have? are you happy with that many, etc.

What I found is that those that had less than four wished they had had four. If they had one, they wished they had had three more (=4). ETC. The ones that had 5 or more were glad they had that number. The exception was the people that raised their kids to go on to institutions of "higher learning" like San Quentin, or Sing Sing, or Joliet. Then they usually wished they hadn't had any kids.

We had 8. I can't imagine how much worse my life would be if I only had three or four. I am so glad to have 8. Growing up, we had so much fun as a family. Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, birthday parties, were all wonderful times. If you teach your kids to be good citizens, good brothers and sisters and to respect their parents and the rules, yours and societies, you won't regret it having 4 or 5.

Good luck to you and yours.

Go for it! Have fun... we have 4 kids, also.... the first 3 were born within 4 years (August '82, April '84, August '86 .. all girls), and the last one (a boy) was born November '91, so the spacing is similar.

The first and third were "gifts", the 2nd and 4th were "requests" ...... and I love them all dearly! I'm not sure I can imagine what life would have been like if we hadn't had the 4th one. We weren't "trying again for a boy..." we would have been just as happy if it had been a girl, too. (After #3 was born, a neighbor came over and said... "Surely you're not going to try again for a boy, are you?" (Uh.... was it any of her business? You had to know her, though... she was the town gossip!)

Frankly, once the baby is born, he will probably change his tune.... I've heard a few comments about "overpopulation" also, but so what.

I think you are adults, experienced parents, and you know all the risks of becoming parents again. I am sure if anyone had NEW informaiton for you, you would consider it. Good luck conceiving!!

Your mistake was sharing your plans with anyone! Maybe just assume he loves you anad is concerned about your well-being. Also, remember, the last time was a loss for the grandparents too, and this could be scary. Empathize, but don't change such a personal decision for an outsider. If he becomes difficult, tell him to butt out. But for the most part, let him know you aren't making this decision lightly, and thank him for his concern. Then drop-it. He will love his new grandchild.

Your family, baby, and YOUR life. You choose. Not your FIL. You don't have to ask your parents or your husband husbands permission for things. If he's not on board, he will eventually get over it.
Enjoy getting pregnant, the pregnancy and have your beautiful baby. Call it good when you feel like your family is complete.

Are you asking the grandparents to support you financially? If not, then I say GO FOR IT!!! First of all, you don't EVER want to have regrets down the road that you didn't try when you had the chance; second of all, give them 10 seconds after they meet that baby and every doubt in their mind will be gone; and finally don't forget it may not happen...just because you try doesn't mean it will happen. You know the risks based on your past, but it sounds like you're willing to accept the possibility of more...ultimately it's your decision. Don't let anyone talk you out of it. Good luck to you and your family...

Girl,why are you even asking this?You don't need us to validate your feelings for you just because your FIL doesn't back you up or people may judge you!It's your life,your family,your decision.And if you and your Husband both want another kiddo..go for it!

I agree with previous poster, if you are not going to ask your in laws (or your parents) to baby sit or be responsible for your brood...then go for it. Also if the pregnancy doesnt' consitute any threat to your health, why would you not have the baby?

You go girl! If I even thought I was awesome enough to handle more than two and not loose it then I would do it as well! My MIL was so not thrilled after she found out we might be pregnant with #2 but as soon as she saw the ultrasound she was over the moon. They'll come around, especially when it's a fact and not some idea off in the future. Good luck!

I think if you and your husband both want another and you have medical clearance then go for it!! :) Best wishes!
I don't think it is your FIL's decision. I can respect that everyone is concerned for your health, but it is ultimately up to you and your husband.

I'm sitting here stressing telling my mom that we are expecting number 5. I'm about a 3rd of the way there already and haven't said anything. She was against number 4 and while this one was a total oops, it happened and we are thrilled.

You can't live your life for other people. It's your life. And having done it, 2 is a lot harder than anything that comes after. (I hope that doesn't change with 5, lol).

Good luck!

It's your decision...My thing is if you are completely healthy and minimal risks then do it!! Otherwise, think about the three you have. They don't want to lose their Mom :)

I wish you and your family ~~ Nothing but the BEST!
Hope you ALL have a Happy, Healthy wonderful future :-) xoxo

i think it's your decision and no one elses. who cares what his dad thinks. he isn't going to be raising it. if you can afford the child, it shouldn't matter to anyone. if health isn't an issue, which it isn't it should be perfectly fine for you to do what you want. going from 2-3 or 3-4 children isn't going to make a big difference. good luck

Your decision. Who cares what they think? Unless they're taking care of your kids 100%, why is their input part of the decisionmaking process? The only reason I'd use their opinions is if the DOC wasn't on board with going forward with #4.

Change can freak people out, especially when you get older, so maybe that's it. I'm sure when the bundle of joy shows up, grandad will be slobbering all over it :)

I have four and would have another if I could.
It's your family.
Good luck.

kidney dr. is called nephrologist! it is your life-----they are leading theirs, feel free to lead your how you see fit!! good luck

I can't imagine our family without #4! I firmly believe each couple knows when their family is complete. Ours wasn't complete until #4. Maybe yours isn't either. Best wishes with making this decision!

It is you and your husbands decision. If you are finacially, emotional and stable enough for another child then go for it. Unless your father in law is helping make the baby, paying for it or raising it then it does not matter what he thinks. You two are the ones making the sacrifice (and a joyous one) so no one elses oppionion should matter.
Best of luck and let us know what you decide

If having a 4th is what you & your hubby want & it's OK w/ your dr. then it's a no brainer. I know it's hard not having support from your father-in-law, but he's not raising your family YOU & your hubby are. I totally get the whole pregnancy & kidney issues too ~ I've got kidney problems & had to really be watched during my pregnancy's. Actually as a child, my urologist told my parents I'd never be able to have children b/c of my kidneys. Good luck & have fun w/ baby #4!

Sounds like you've done your homework on this one by seeking a Dr's opinion first. If you haven't seen your OB/Midwife, it'd be worth a copay to have their opinion as well. Before you start trying, use these months to get in the best shape of your life (healthy diet, regular exercise, ideal or near ideal weight) to give yourself the best chance at an uncomplicated pregnancy, take those prenatal vitamins, and HAVE FUN ditching the contraception! Grandparents aren't raising your kids, so I think they will adjust to the news in time. Best wishes to you and yours! Midwife Mom of 3

Your life
Your family
Your babies

My friends had 4 children - all very close together after being told they would have trouble conceiving just one - hmmm, guess God planned differently than the Doctors.

Many people where aghast at their having 4 babies - they both worked, both went to school, she just finished her Master's and he just got accepted to a Doctorate program.

They love their life
It was their decision
These are their babies

Go for number four!!!!!!

Okay, I'm going to be the only one who sounds harsh, here!

Yes, it is your decision, and you can have as many as you want. But you have asked for opinions, and here is mine.

The world is overpopulated as it is. It doesn't matter if you can provide for 4 kids or 20 kids - the EARTH cannot provide for all of us!

I think it is totally irresponsible for people to have 10 or 12 kids or 18 or 20, because "they'll keep havin' them as long as the good Lord gives 'em to them". UGH!! So infuriating! But, I guess it DOES get them on TV, doesn't it?

Well, the good Lord asked us to be good stewards of this earth and take care of it. Overpopulating it is not being a good steward. And I know, you don't want 10 or 12. You only want 4. But as I said, the earth is already overpopulated.

I wanted 8. Always. From the time I was little, I wanted 8 children. 4 boys and 4 girls. But when I became an adult and more educated about the state of our world, I realized that was selfish of me. For the greater good - the good of the planet and the future of our children - we stopped at 2. Now we are looking at fostering and/or adopting. There are plenty of children who need good homes, and not many good homes are open to them.

Well, obviously you are going to try.
I hope it all goes well!
If it were me, I'd be too worried about health issues and I wouldn't want the kids I already have to possibly end up motherless.
I'm just a worry wart.
It will probably be fine.
You have a kidney Dr who will monitor for problems and can hopefully head them off before they get to be too much of a problem.

It's your and your husband's decision.

Do what you feel is best for your family and let the rest of them feel the way they feel - they may have their opinions and their concerns but you almost sound like you want everyone's universal approval. It's not their family (at least not directly) - it's YOUR family and YOUR life. Stop worrying about what everyone else thinks. Just make sure that this decision makes sense medically and you are not taking any unneccesary risks.

I think Grandpa is fine to have his opinion and his concerns about your health. However, try not to let his opinion effect what is a decision between you and your family and don't dwell on his negativity. Also, 4 kids is perfect for some, not all, so great for your urologist, but consider your circumstances and if it's right for you.

Best of luck to you!

Who cares what he thinks? Just don't talk with him about it any more. If he makes a negative comment, call him out on it - tell him it's hurtful etc. If he brings it up - tell him it's not up for discussion and change the subject.
Congratulations on #4. I envy you so much! My husband will not even consider for a split second having more than 2, all because of $$$. And he is probably right.

I think that nobody can answer the question, or even has one speck of a right to, except you & your husband! I think if you both agree that it's what you want, it's in the best interest of your family, financially you're all set, then you should go for it. I think anyone who tells you otherwise should mind their own business, especially someone who takes it personally as if it has anything in the world to do with them. You're not throwing a kink into anything except your own lives!

I guess I don't understand why your FIL is so against it. What is his stake in it? If you are doing well as a couple and a family, and are capable of raising another child, why not? I am of the opinion that, based on your description of your family life, you are EXACTLY the type of people who SHOULD have a large family. Families are the backbone of America, so a strong and large family means good things for our Nation. (Sorry, but I disagree with anyone who says that the world is overpopulated--I am sure you will get at least one person tell you that you've already had more than your "fair share.")

When my husband and I married we decided we wanted either two or four kids we'd decide after we saw what having two was like. My husband was a middle child and was largely ignored so he was against having an odd number of kids. However we cannot conceive children; after 11 years of heartache though, God blessed us with a son, and soon a daughter, through kinship placement. We hope to pursue permanent custody after the first of the year. So we are probably stopping at two at least for now but if you can afford another child, your husband and children seem from your.post to want number four, then go for it! Gramps will either come around or he wont, and if not he misses out on your newest miracle, but. I'm betting he will be excited to meet the new addition once its on the way! Good luck!

Updated

When my husband and I married we decided we wanted either two or four kids we'd decide after we saw what having two was like. My husband was a middle child and was largely ignored so he was against having an odd number of kids. However we cannot conceive children; after 11 years of heartache though, God blessed us with a son, and soon a daughter, through kinship placement. We hope to pursue permanent custody after the first of the year. So we are probably stopping at two at least for now but if you can afford another child, your husband and children seem from your.post to want number four, then go for it! Gramps will either come around or he wont, and if not he misses out on your newest miracle, but. I'm betting he will be excited to meet the new addition once its on the way! Good luck!

Updated

When my husband and I married we decided we wanted either two or four kids we'd decide after we saw what having two was like. My husband was a middle child and was largely ignored so he was against having an odd number of kids. However we cannot conceive children; after 11 years of heartache though, God blessed us with a son, and soon a daughter, through kinship placement. We hope to pursue permanent custody after the first of the year. So we are probably stopping at two at least for now but if you can afford another child, your husband and children seem from your.post to want number four, then go for it! Gramps will either come around or he wont, and if not he misses out on your newest miracle, but. I'm betting he will be excited to meet the new addition once its on the way! Good luck!

I have horrible health issues with each of my pregnancies --- there is some risk to both mother and child each time -- and it is no one's business, even if they are concerned. Yes, each time I said I was having another, and another, and anther etc., I would get the feeling that people disapproved, but they are not the ones going through the pregnancy, and they are not the ones who are planning a family. You have to do what is right for your family. I know people who are having their first, and think it will all be OK -- and turns out their child is born with horrible health issues. There is no guarantee. If your doctor says ok (and mine ALWAYS did) then go ahead! I would not do it if a doctor told me not too, but otherwise would not listen to anyone other than my own husband and my own heart.

if your health is good, and ya'll want another baby and are happy and excited about it, then do it!!!! it doesnt matter what other people think!

It's your family to plan, no one else's. And ultimately it's up to God if you were meant to have another. If the only thing holding you back from trying for #4 was a health issue and now the doctor has okay'd another pregnancy, then commence with your original plans. If you and your husband are both on board for #4, then go for it! Every pregnancy is different, so you may find that you have a smooth pregnancy next time. It's nice to have your parents' blessing in all your decisions, but parents do not always make the best decisions for you once you're an adult. Go for it and good luck!!!

Good for you! It's not your parents' decision, it's YOURS! We have a 4 1/2 year old boy and almost 3 year-old boy/girl twins and contemplated a 4th, but because of my age they'd have had to be close together, and personally, didn't want to have one at 40. I had great pregnancies, but was concerned about the fatigue, etc the first 14 weeks and keeping up with the other 3- so we decided to count our blessings with our three healthy children. Most days I'm content with the idea that we have three- on top of everything else on our plate (owning two of our own businesses, me being an independent consultant for a clothing designer, etc) we thought 4 might be pushing the limits. I'm hoping we never regret NOT having a 4th... Your kids are nice ages so you'd have lots of helper, etc- and quality one on one with your baby. Bottom line, you have to listed to your heart... if you have no hesitations, it should be YES! Good luck to you!

If you are willing to take that chance & feel healthy enough I think you & your hubby should go for it! We had 2 boys & really wanted a girl. When we told our family we were pregnant my mother in law was less than thrilled. It was hard for me to see her harsh reaction because we got our wish & now have a healthy baby girl :) We couldn't be happier & finally feel our family is complete. I'm sure if you do decide to go ahead your father in law will be just as happy to welcome a new little one. It may be hard for him to see that now since it seems he has his concerns. Good luck with whatever decision you decide is best for you & your family, not everyone elses opinions.

You sound responsible and loving. You obviously want good relationships with your family and feel supported or you wouldn't have written the post. But, the truth is that everyone lives their own lives. If you father in law puts in his two cents or advice and you and hubby think about it and still want another, then you should have number 4.
I bet your FIL will come around in time. He's grampa!

I think you should have as many children as you want. Once the baby comes your families will be happy and love them too.

If you and your husband want a fourth, if you can afford a fourth, if you're healthy enough to have a fourth, why *wouldn't* you have a fourth? It's a personal decision and it sounds like you really want another little one. Who cares what grandpa says (actually, does he REALLY say your third is one too many? to your face? in front of the child?! he REALLY thinks your third shouldn't exist? his own grandchild?). Grandpa is NOT the best judge of what's right for your family, YOU are. Go ahead and have your fourth. Good luck!

I can't begin to imagine why you are telling all the grandparents that you are thinking of trying for another baby several months down the line. I'm not sure why people need to know that others are trying to conceive or thinking of trying to conceive or anything other than already pregnant. TMI. If you tell people things beforehand, they think that you are asking for approval. Are you? You don't need anyone's consent or blessing if you and your husband (and doctor) are on board with this idea.
If you have kidney health issues, you should be seeing a nephrologist. That is a kidney specialist. Urologist is about peeing, the bladder and the urine's route out of the body.
Good luck and if you do have another baby, I hope that you have a healthy and smooth pregnancy.

Since you and hubby are both on board, plan away. Since when did Grandparents have a say in becoming Grandparents?

Since you had difficult pregnancies, if you were me, I might consider fostering or even adopting. It has no health risks for you, you get your #4, your not 'adding' to the population as mentioned below, and you answer a child's wish for a forever family.

Good luck.
M.

For me in your situation... No way . BUT I was completely fulfilled with my one and only, now 16 yr old daughter.

HOWEVER......

It is Your family. Unless someone else takes responsibility for your finances ( other than the government) it is your business.

My saying when someone critizes me.... Until you pay my mortgage and I am in debt to you... You have no say in how I choose to live my life.

We do live debt free and our 1 and only is well cared for, not a brat but this works for us... Only you know what works for you.

I think some concern from your relatives is in love due to your health and. New baby's health.

unless your parents pay your bills, they should butt out! If you all can afford another baby and want one, go for it! They'll love the baby when it gets here.

If you want a fourth baby, go for it! What a blessing.

Have fun with the baby making :)

My only question is the kidney issue your only problem? Sometimes kidney problems are from diabetes. So outside that you have no other contributing health issues? My sister is pregnant with number 1 and is a diabetic and she never should have gotten pregnant in the first place. It has been stressful on everyone the entire time and we still hope that our niece/nephew grows up with her mother. We already know she will need dialysis in 5 years. SO if you are healthy overall then do what is right for your family. I have 4 kids and I never planned one of my kids. My youngest was a complete surprise and my biggest blessing.

I would ask him why he is not supportive, against it, or thinks it's a bad idea to have another child. There's a reason for everything and I'm sure he will give you many years of wisdom to ponder.

My husband and I have a platelet incompatability which causes antibodies to destroy my baby's platelets just as fast as he can make them. I have to have IVIG treatments weekly with plasma. I have to have C-Sections. I had a tubal ligation after my 2nd child and reversed it after 3 years. Then I had 3 more kids and 1 miscarriage after my reversal. I have to see a specialist because of my problems and all the C-Sections caused me to have a hernia... Anyway, I have 5 kids now (17, 16, 10, 8 and 15 months.) We all survived, including our extended family. I wouldn't listen to your family. This is between you and hubby and doctor. When I got prego with the first, everyone thought we were too young, with the second, it was too soon, with our third, it was too much, with our 4th, we're either stupid or crazy, with our fifth... well everyone about passed out. But we're a happy family with happy healthy kids.... I wish you the best!