Poll - Visit Someone in the Hospital Even If They Won't Know You're There?

My friend in high school was in an auto accident and in a coma for 9 months. We all visited him routinely. When he woke, he remembered everyone that visited and even some of what was said. The first thing he said to me was "I'm sorry you and Paul broke up"...that had happened 4 months in.

So, yes, I would/have visit someone even if they are seemingly unaware.

I agree with you. FYI: Hearing is the last sense to go, so even though someone is unable to respond to you they most likely still hear you.

I've heard this over and over - that it's not practical to visit somebody who can't really visit.

Nevertheless, even if sick Uncle Bertie doesn't know I'm there, I know he's there! The same applies if Uncle Bertie is in a care center with Alzheimer's. He may not know who I am, but I know who he is.

I've had all these situations. I visit even if they're heavily sedated. I wait when someone close to me has surgery. I sit in the room with them while they're still in and out of consciousness.

It's somewhat different but along the same line...my father was at home for hospice until mid-February and the nurses and social worker told us the last week or so that we couldn't know what he was aware of, and to assume he could hear us just fine (hearing is thought to be the last sense that goes.) He was on morphine and anti-anxiety medications, in and out of a coma, yet 2 days before he passed he knew I took my grandson in to say good morning, as I did every day, and stirred ever so slightly without opening his eyes and said, "Baby, oh, baby..." That same day my mother went in to sit with Dad while the hospice chaplain was here, and she spoke a few words softly to Dad. He didn't open his eyes or turn his head or try to speak, but his hand came out ever-so-slowly from under the covers to touch hers. It was the most profound act of love I have ever seen. The chaplain was astounded as well, and said, "Isn't that amazing, he can't respond and is in a coma, yet he knew his wife was there." And that night when one of my brothers played his guitar softly and sang worship songs for him Dad reached his arms out and was saying something so I bent down to hear him, he was saying, "Thank you, Father." This was the man who had been comatose moments earlier and went back to that state moments later.

I myself have been heavily sedated after surgeries and heard visitors, even though I couldn't rouse myself or speak. Knowing they were there meant so much to me, and I let them know when I was more alert. So as a rule I always go to see people regardless of their apparent state of awareness, because I know that they CAN know I'm there and feel comforted and loved.

My ex-husband had a 4 bypass heart operation Nov. 12, 2011, after having chest pains at home on Nov. 11. After the surgery, he was heavily sedated for a week so he could get some needed rest. Regardless, I still went to see him in the hospital, as did other family members.

Although he was heavily sedated, the nurses would come into the room and see how he was progressing. There were times when his eyes were open although not fully awake.

I found out later, that by our voices, he could tell someone had been in to see him. When he appeared to be awake, the nurses would give him more medication as he wasn't ready to be taken off the medication (for 7 days).
The family member will be somewhat confused at first--due to the heavy sedation and it takes awhile for it to wear off.

Definitely visit the family member--they can tell by the sound of your voice. If they can't at first, it may be a day or so when they will recognize voices. Leave your name with the nurse--as certain people are allowed to visit the patient after such an operation. The nursing staff will have a list of persons authorized to visit. Best wishes and go ahead and visit. Don't listen to what other family members tell you. Do what's in your heart. You know the right thing to do. If something should happen at the hospital, talk with the nurses. They see family members daily.

It depends on the situation and who is visiting.
When I had my firstborn, I was in the hospital for a week. I had a string of visitors, wellwishers who wanted to make sure I was OK and the baby was OK, of course to see the baby.
THe only people who I really wanted to be there were mom or dad. Giving birth is not a life threatening situation. So in this case I would wait a week or so and would not visit any new mother in the hospital, unless it were my own daughter or DIL.

If it were an extended stay and the person were in and out of consciousness then yes, I would go. Then they should have someone with them during visiting hours. I would also bring CD's of the family members reading to the sick person.
If it were an "easy" surgery, in and out in one day, someone should be there at all times, but it is not necessary for an entourage of people to wait for Grandma to have cataract surgery.

i think you are right on both counts. not sure what hubby's family is thinking...sounds a little cold hearted to me. of course he was happy he went, because it was the right thing to do. it always feels good when you do the right thing. so that answers that question, no debate needed.

as far as the surgery thing, what if something goes wrong? shouldn't someone be there? i mean, sheesh. sometimes those things take longer than they think, sometimes shorter, what if they woke up and no one was there? i don't understand their logic. but to each their own. yes, if it's my family, i would be there. and if it's me in that bed, you dang right there BETTER be someone there! lol!

In our house? you go. Sedated or not. If the person is special to you and close to you? You go.

It helps out in MANY ways. The spouse or significant other can take a break...go get a cup of coffee or take a shower....etc. as well as the level of care will go up when people are there because questions are being asked and people are paying attention. (not to say that hospitals don't care - they do - they are busy!!)

I would go. With or without my husband, this man is family. Go.

If the patient has expressed their wishes before hand, you go by those. If not you visit. When my mom was in ICU and unconscious you might have thought she wouldn't know who was there-- but if my dad was in the room her vitals improved! So even if they don't know, they know!

OTOH, when I am sick I do NOT want company! I'll probably be having surgery this fall and I don't WANT anyone until the next day....or until I'm awake and alert enough to call and ask them to come

Here is the thing - it is situational. If it were my mother, sister, child etc then I would be there for the surgery and recovery. When it comes to a long term situation of "not being there" mentally such as alshiemers/demensia like with my grandmother - I would visit for MY benefit but it came to a point where it was no longer benefiting her. So, there is no clear cut answer here, but you have to decide who your visits are benefiting the patient or you and your conscience (sp).

For starters, (many) men avoid situations and especially hospital situations.

As well, not everyone handles hospitals visit and death the same. When my husbands grandfather passed, his mother said it was not necessary for us to go out there...WHAT? Yep, she said no. I offered everything I could for my husband to be there, but she said no.

In my family, we stick together during these tough times and that is all I know. It is hard for me to see this other side. My husband finally went to visit his granny and step grandfather before they go. I have been bugging him about that since November. She called the other day and left a message on his phone. She is very hard to understand and I could hear her saying great grandchild and I told my husband she wanted to talk to our daughter. He never called her. He said she is too hard to understand. I told him it didn't matter, she would be happy to just hear her voice...nothing.

Everyone is different.

I absolutely would!

Please visit. Just the presence of family can make all the difference in the world. Maybe take the paper and if he is a sports fan read the stats? Something, I am sure he can hear things still and could be in and out of it whether anyone knows it or not.

I wish him well, Take care.

We visit.

Also, we tend to call each other, email others and really work to keep in touch and keep everyone up to date.

Each family, however, has their own dynamic, their own way of working and dealing with things. There's no single right way -- whatever works.

I think the person knows you're there as many have already said. The hearing is the last thing to go so if the person is alive they can hear, unless death of course. So I would go and also I think what you said about not receiving the same care if you or family aren't there is so true. I think you almost have to care for the person yourself these days or watch for things they need, etc. Sad but true. I always stay with someone as long as possible and always wait during a surgery.

Yes, you should still go even if they are out of it. My dad was put in an intentional "coma" after his complicated surgery. The whole family brought him early in the morning, waited in the waiting room and went into recovery to see him. Of course we were there incase there was news to share, and you hope there is not.

My mom visited him everyday while he was in this coma and left at 6. We didn't know if he knew if she was there or not, but she checked on him, making sure he was getting good care, asking questions on his behalf etc. When my dad came out of it, he told us had dreams about her being there and he told her he knew she left at 6 each day because he "dreamt" it.

You can support other family members and if you bring flowers or something they will see it when they wake up and they will know you were there and that you care.

I personally would go. It can be hard, though, to have that memory as your last memory if someone is not going to survive, but sometimes it's good for them to hear you or feel you hold their hand. Frankly, I wouldn't want to be alone in my last hours even if I was sedated. You also have a point that if no one is there, no one advocates for you. You can't speak for yourself under certain conditions. Someone in my family always waits during surgery. We might go down to the cafeteria and get some lunch, but someone is always in the building. No, we aren't WITH the person but...I don't know. It makes us feel better to show the support and get updates and such.

When my grandfather had no idea WHO I was, he still knew someone cared about him.

It is hard for some people to go when there doesn't seem to be a point and sometimes you don't want to go because hospitals are scary and you feel helpless. But I haven't regretted a visit. Even if he doesn't go, you should go if you feel that you should.

i know i go and see them at least once. when my husband had surgery i left him at the hospital because of my child. also when i had surgery i told my husband to drop me off. we both had out patient surgery which is different then what your husbands family member is going through. how i see it though is if they are having major surgery and you are in driving distance to see them do it because what if something went horridly wrong during recovery and they pass at least you can say you got to see them before they died :)
the only way i would stay at the hospital is if my child was having surgery. also i know i come out of annestsia way clearer and coherrant then my husband does. so when i had surgery i was able to understand my home care instructions. where my husband would not have a clue if i wasnt there to get the info for him.

Yes, you and/or other family members should be there as much as possible. The sick person gets better care if a relative is there to advocate. My grandmother would have died a few days post surgery if relatives had not been there advocate and catch a mistake with medication. If the person is not aware then they especially need relatives looking out for them because they can't speak up for themselves.

oh, i dunno. i think it's very situational. in this case i would plan to go, but just to say hello to anyone else there visiting, and to pray and send energy at the bedside of the patient, but i wouldn't make it an extended visit.
unless the patient makes it clear that he or she WANTS to be distracted and kept company, i don't stick around long. part of it is my own discomfort with hospitals, and part of it is being sensitive to my own preferences when i'm a patient, ie i don't want a lot of visitors. i always feel as if i have to put on a happy face and 'entertain' when people are visiting, and if i'm sick enough to be hospitalized, i just want to focus on recuperating and get the hell out.
i realize that's not a particularly common feeling and try to be sensitive to what the patient wants. if i have my druthers, i'm more like your husband.
however, in a case like your uncle where an advocate is needed? yes, i'd be there for that.
khairete
S.

Yes please visit whomever it is, I would. I was in a coma 9 years ago and thankfully my family came daily to visit me. I believe with all my heart that just because someone may not be consciously awake they will know you are there. For instance, when my mom hugged me or told me she loved me the monitors beeped and pressure was quite different from when my husband did the same thing; to me that means that subconsciously I knew even if I could not show it. I will always visit anyone who is in the hospital so long as I am able to no matter their state of awareness.

Well, I would say there are times where the visit is more for the visitor than the visited. And for the family. Is this O. of those times?

GO! My son had open heart surgery at 11 days old and was heavily sedated and on life support for 9 days following surgery. My husband and I were there around the clock! We read to him, touched him, talked to him, etc. I know there is a difference between your own child and your uncle, but I really think they "know" you're there. How would you feel? Would you want people to visit if you were laying in the bed? Go!

I think that if you'd like to go then you should absolutely go. Perhaps bring a plant (no smelly flowers, though) and sit for a while. Ask the nurses how he has been. I think it will mean a lot to him and his family to know that you cared enough to go by. Even if it's for 10 minutes.

I think it's very nice.

I fall on the side of visit when they know you are there. I dont see any point in it otherwise unless it is to console other members of the family that may be distraught.

Yes, I completely agree with you about visiting and someone also being there while surgery is in progress. And just a note ... when I gave birth, I was in the hospital for 24 hours before my baby arrived. It was a long, challenging and laborious time. My mom went home during the evening, but my MIL stayed the ENTIRE time. In fact, she was the first person to be able to see our daughter since she was there the whole time. My parents had to be called after the fact. I will never forget that my MIL was there for me the whole time, when my own mom was not. Just something that sticks with me. My MIL became like a second mother to me after that. I love that woman!

In most cases like this even though the person is heavily sedated they know you are there. Yes, you need to visit. Yes, you need to hold that persons hand and have a conversation with them.

Also, even though the medical history and what's been happening with the patient in the past few days is all in the charts, very often the medical staff doesn't take the time to read everything. It helps to have someone there who can answer questions on behalf of the patient.