Pooping on Potty

My son was the same way. Pee trained well before 3, but not poop. He'd asked for a diaper when he had to go poop. We battled with him for a long time and then decided it wasn't worth it and he would eventually go on the potty. He was 3 years 5 months before he was ready. He just decided he wanted to use the potty for poop and has ever since. He was always going to win the battle so to us it wasn't worth fighting over!

Pooping took longer to master with both my kids and they each would hold it in and become constipated. I snuck fiber into their diets to try to combat that. For my daughter, we found out that she had somehow bonded with her poop, so we made up some kind of story about it going to a party in the bowl and would come back to see her next time she pooped on the potty. A combination of that, finding a treat that she liked (ho hos) and putting a small potty in front of the TV in the living room (gross, but it is funny the lengths we will go to to get them trained) and she got to call daddy on the phone when we went. For my son, he usually liked to go in the evening or early morning when the pull ups were on and we weren't around. I really needed him trained for preschool but since he liked to go when he liked to go, it wasn't an issue. As long as he didn't go in his pants, I didn't care. Then we got the Where's the poop book and it sparked an interest, a long with the treat that he wanted (his choice of candy rotated by the week). Both of them were close to 3 1/2 before they got the pooping down. You could stop fighting him because it is a power struggle now, let him have his pull ups for the poop as long as he goes into the bathroom to do it. Then after a week or 2, put the pull up on but insist he sit on a potty (try a little one on the ground--some kids have to have the ground under their feet to push on). the cut a hole in the pull up and sit him in it on the potty. Eventually he will get it. and find the reward that he wants--figuring out that mystery helped lots with both my kids.

Have you tried letting him sit backwards on the toilet? Like a cowboy on a horse...or something like that? Switch it up a little?

You may need to try some tough love. Put him in real underwear and tell him he's a big boy now and that poop goes in the potty. If he has an accident guide him to get the poop in the potty and flush it away, try to clean himself and then wash out his underwear. Compliment him and encourage him throughout this clean up process. That's what I had to do with my daughter. Once I put the responsibility in her hands, it was just too "gwoss" for her to continue doing it. The mistake I made, which I will urge you not to do, is at one point I went back to pull-ups in the day briefly. She regressed big time. Best of luck to you and your little guy! He WILL eventually get it!

late post..just thought I'd throw my two cents in...
I dont know if it has anything to do with why your son has to lay down to poop, but when my 2 and a half year old poops on the potty he has to but his bottom so far in the toilet his little buttcheeks touch the water sometimes. Eww, I know, but he wont stop lol I guess its what works for him. The only reason I can figure why is: when adults go, they say leaning forward or putting your feet up could help/make it more comfortable/easier to go. Adults butts usually dont fit in a toilet, nor do we want them there, but kids butts do and I think he found he could poop easier that way.

I have a friend who dealt with this with her daughter. She was terrified to poop in the toilet. She would go get a pull up when she needed to poop and put it on a squat behind the couch. When they finally quit getting onto her about it - one weekend she just decided she was done w/ pull ups and started going in the toilet. Since you have until September to accomplish this I would not worry too much. The more you push, the more he will push back. Just relax and it will happen.

My son had exactly the same problem and would even end up holding the poop, which is quite dangerous (encopresis). I talked with the pediatrician about it and here is what we did:
- give him extra fiber (to avoid constipation)
- have him sit on the potty immediately after each meal, reading a couple of books for about 10 minutes (without pushing the issue of pooping, just saying that these are the potty books that we read on the potty). It seems that the body wants to expel poop just after meals, so this gives a good habit
- the potty dance for each poop on the potty
- no more pull-ups or diapers
- no scolding him for accidents

I also explained him that it may hurt a little (he was restraining himself because he was scared it would hurt) but if he wouldn't let go it would hurt a lot later.

After a few days and a couple of potty dances, it worked!

Good luck!

We never really pressured my son to potty train, I always heard boys were later and wasn't going to really push him till 3 1/2, which is about when it really kicked in for him and now we have very few accidents. We had switched his preschool around his 3rd birthday and they wouldn't let him move to the 3 y/o room till he was completely potty trained, well that was a disaster, he just wasn't ready, so we moved him back and they just worked with him. You'll also probably find that peer pressure at school will help. But they have total control over you on this, so if you try to force him and he doesn't want to, it's just an exercise in frustration for all of you. Trust me, poop in pullups is a lot better than poop in undies! Just be patient, once he is ready, he'll do it. Good luck!

Stick to your guns and be firm. You have to poop on the potty. I think rewards and bribes are great. When a friend of mine was having this problem I dropped off a wrapped present for her little girl, it wasn't much just some markers. She told her she couldn't have the present until she pooped in the potty and it worked. I would give him a little Miralax or Karo in his milk to keep him from getting constipated.

Good Luck!

J.,
I'm sure you've heard this a thousand times before, but each child "trains" at different time frames and levels. You, as you've already learned, know that kids don't understand bribes let alone rewards when it comes to certain biological functions. Have you considered that it hurts him to poop? When my boys were younger we dealt with the potty training issue and in the case of our oldest, we discovered that his poop was rather hard so caused him pain when being passed. I don't remember him needing to lie down, but I do know that he too became constipated. This went on into his elementary years and had to cut back on his milk intake for a while as that was one of the causes.

It may also be pyschological in that he's just not yet ready even though we are. Remember that he's only 3 and we're impatient adults who buy into what all the other adults in our lives believe and not so much as to what's right for our child.

Our youngest son totally potty trained himself with little input from us. He just wanted to go on the big potty and did. One time my husband looked right into the dark bathroom and didn't even him sitting their doing his own business. Took my husband about 10 minutes before he finally saw Josh sitting their in his own personal glory. It's all timing and understanding each childs needs and yes personality.....I'd worry less about what the preschool or other adults want and focus on his needs - I'll bet you'll all be a whole lot happier in the long run.....

Good luck,
J. in Kansas

I tried rewards and it failed miserable. I finally asked him why and he was afraid he would fall in even with a child seat. For about 6 months he would strip down and squat with feet on the side of the toilet seat to go poop. This eleviated the fear he would fall in with out giving in to diapers. Daycare threw a fit, but for me it was a step in the right direction. He also learned quickly how to get himself dressed and un-dressed quickly.

I don't know how much help this is going to be for you but hope it does. my son is almost 4 and he's just getting the hang of going poopy in the potty. he would do the same thing laying across the bed or something. He was being pressured by dad and grandparents really bad and I think thats why it took him so long, but every kid is different so if your son isn't ready he will be on his own time. this is what worked for my son and yes it took awhile before it soaked in but finally he tried. I told him that your poop isn't a part of you, theres nothing to be afraid of. it's just the food that you ate. I explained that you eat your food and it goes down into your tummy where it keeps the stuff it likes and gets rid of the things it doesn't like, in your poopy. I also told him that if he poops in the potty we can flush it to the fish who are very hungry. gross I know but it worked. another thing we did at 1st was if he pooped in a pull up we took it to the big potty and dropped it in and he got to flush it to the fish. also making them put there dirty diapers in the trash helps too. if you can find the video or book "once apon a potty" joshua is the little boys name in the book, that was my sons fav video it was on youtube but has been removed. well I hope this helps good luck and give lots of praise. we tried treats and cars but a hug and your such a good boy went a lot further. good luck and I hope everything works out soon.

Get rid of the Pull-Ups.

He needs to get comfortable using the toilet to poop. Taking away the Pull-Up is a start. My experience with children is that Pull-ups are confusing: kids think they are some kind of magic underwear and *not* a diaper. Being very clear that he either needs a diaper or to use underwear will help immensely. (With our son, we gave the choice of cloth diapers or underpants. He chose the underwear!) The feeling of defecating into real underwear, and the mess it makes, is actually very instructional to children. Yes, it is a big gross mess to clean up. *However*, it is more helpful to them to feel the big gross mess than to not feel anything other than "a bit of poo comes out".

This is, ultimately, his challenge to deal with. If it were me, I'd offer foods with plenty of roughage, so he's less likely to be able to self-constipate. I'd also suggest checking through the list of assessment questions on this site to see if there are any missing pieces of the puzzle.

http://www.betterkidcare.psu.edu/AngelUnits/OneHour/Toile...

There's more information, too, which can give you some guidance and encouragement.

Using the toilet for #2 is a pretty common stumbling block. Please do not pressure your son about this with preschool, either. He sounds like he's already a bit frustrated, as are you, I know. But the pressure of not being able to do something 9 months from now (which is FOREVER for a child) is just confusing to him and distracting from what you want him to do: relax.

Ina May Gaskin has a great book called "Guide to Childbirth". One of the concepts she explores is what she calls "sphincter logic", which suggests that when we relax our bodies, we allow our natural tendencies to birth to work better. She even has some techniques for this in the book, in the appendices, so if you can check it out from your library, please do so. I found it revelatory, and used these methods birthing my son. Along with an absurdly short labor for a first child and quick dilation, I also used these methods in the days *afterward*, when (ahem!) everything was painful coming out. They helped immensely, or I wouldn't even be writing about this.

All this to say, helping him relax is important too. Give him some time... this is a very common challenge for young children using the toilet.

Best of luck,
H.