Post Partum Baby Blues

((Hugs)) R., I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. I had a horribly emotional time after the birth of my second/last child, and then felt awfully guilty because I felt like I should be so happy all the time because I had this beautilful new baby, so why was I crying all the time? Hormones and emotions can make life so difficult. I'm so glad you have such wonderful children and a supportive husband to help you through this. It's hard being a woman. The good news is that it IS going to be okay. I hope you feel more like yourself soon.

R.,

I had baby blues after my first son was born. And then again after my second, but much worse than the first. I actually entered counseling after my second, because I felt I needed to do something, I was miserable and felt so guilty for feeling that way. Remember to take time every day for yourself. Fresh air can do wonders. And don't be afraid to ask people who around you for help, if you need it. Sometimes we have to take care of ourselves first :)

N.

My heart goes out to you!! I know how you feel because I've been there. It's TOTALLY normal to have crying spells, feelings of inadequacy, guilt, and even hopelessness. As long as it's only every now and then and you are not having any bad thoughts about the baby or your other children. You are a great Mommy and wife and you are loved by your family not matter how much you cry in the next few weeks! You can't control it, so don't try. Just hang on tight because it could be a bumpy ride!

Hi R., I undestand what you are going through from the perspective of having rough pregnancies and therefore not wanting anymore kids. I also had hormone related depression, but mine was in the midst of my pregnancies and related to really poor nutrition (constant nausea/vomitting and complete sleepless nights due to other complications). My hormones were in control and I was completely run down...an easy target for the depression. After my first was born (after 9 straight months of literal hell), I knew I never wanted to be pregnant again. But God had other plans ;) and I was preganant - despite our many protective measures - when my son was 7 mos old! It was another brutal preganancy identical to the first, but the worst of it only lasted until month 6 this time. I was blessed with two healthy children. A boy and and a girl that were instant best friends. Still, it made me sad that I was "done". But we could not handle another one of my pregnancies, it honestly "took a village" :)
As time went on, I still felt sad about only having my two/not giving them a baby sibling (both my husband and I came from happy big families and so we had always imagined a larger family for us). But I struggled with my sadness because I knew we were also SO lucky to already have the family we did. It kept me up at nights trying to find a way to feel ok about it all. We decided to not do anything 'permanent' (though we talked about it) because we always felt like it was so 'final' and we were still young. Scared to pull that trigger I guess, and my motto had always been 'if/when there's any doubt...even a little bit...then don't'. So we didn't. And as it turned out, we decided five years later that there should be one more little one running around in our family, so we did it! It was the best thing for OUR family. But I will tell you that I had another brutal pregnancy. So now I am at an age where pregnancies are riskier, and after 3 brutal pregnancies...but 3 beautiful bleesings...we felt like we had to thank God and be satisfied with how fortunate we are. So my husband just recently got a vasectomy, but I'll tell you that it still doesn't stop me from feeling a little sad that we are done.
I guess my two cents (after that longwinded personal background) is that bringing babies into this world...no matter how challenging the journey may be...is so incredibly amazing for a woman, that it will always be a sad thing to see the "option" of it be put to a final end. And with all of the UNDERSTANDABLE crazy changes your body is going through right now, don't make yourself (or your husband) go through anything so final permanently take that "option" away just yet. Give yourself time to adjust to your 'new' family :) and your body time to recover (a c-section adds a whole other level of recovery to the postpartum experience!), and revisit this whole issue down the road. And when you are in the middle of crying and feeling bad these days, just allow yourself to....because your body is in control right now so just roll with it and wait to feel better momentarily. IF, however, you don't feel better momentaily or the crying spells are coming more frequently, definitely tell your OB. True clinical PPD is more than the baby blues and something that even the healthiest, normally-happy women can get struck with. And it is nothing to feel self-conscious about, but instead something that should be talked about. Believe me it took a lot for me to confess I needed help during my pregnancies because I had enough common sense left that I woyld try to tell myself I could/should snap out of it. But I am proud of myself for also having enough common sense left to also realize "it" had become bigger than me for that time being and I needed some help temporarily.
So while you are going through this, call lots of friends for support and happy distractions, get lots of support during your recovery/next few months adjusting to new family, ennjoy and love that new little baby up, and know that you are not alone! Keep an eye on yourself and know that this will only be temporary! Hang in there R. :)

Hi R.
Yes you are ok. I went through it too. I remember nursing my newborn while trying to play with my toddler on the floor (they were 14 mos apart) and crying the whole time, in part because I was absolutely exhausted and overwhelmed. It is tough, because yes you feel so blessed to have 2 happy, healthy children, yet so much seems to be missing...
It will be ok. However, remember, if in a week or so its not getting easier talk to your OB! Don't continue to suffer from the crying spells,...

Best wishes

:( Poor thing. I was soooo sad when when my hubby went to the doc. to end fertility... I bawled. My baby was a few months old. I was mad, so mad at him. I wanted to have one or two more children (baby is our number 4), he did not. Well, I thought I'd always have the baby itch after that, after all, they grow up so fast. I love newborns and that is what I'd miss, and of course being pregnant.
Fast foward to crawling...
And now the verge of walking...
And almost a year old and still in my bed not sleeping through the night...
And trying to spend time with my older 3 children, who by the way are homeschooled, to complicate this all the more! :)
The day my man went to the doc. I prayed so hard to not resent him, and to accept his decision (I was for it after my babe was born b/c man does it hurt to have a baby!!).
Now I am glad to have no more. God has completely taken away that "I want a baby" thing and gave me peace. I love my littlest son so much, but grateful he is the last one. I am too old for more... I say I should have had him when I was younger (I am 25!)
So, Turn to God for peace in the what you guys choose. I am so glad I am not resenting this and looking forward to being able to watch my kids grow up, and not be slowed down by baby after baby (not that babies are not worth it, and I love infancy, it is just hard to go to oh say a doctors office with a babe who crawls and gets mad if he isn't put down to do so, or anywhere else)
I think your feelings are normal. But if this is right, you will feel peace.
God's blessing to you and your little miricles!

You feel like that because your hormones are crazy! If it continues, see your doctor. I loved my zoloft! Also, I think every woman has that sense of loss when they decide not to have more children. I still feel that way and it has been two years since I had my tubes tied. We are made to love our babies and want to nurture them. It is only natural to be sad when we are done, even if is it completely irrational. Good luck and God Bless!

You feel like this because you're body is trying to make sense of all these hormones floating around and get them regulated again! I crashed like that at the hospital, i started having panic attacks. It was terrible to feel that way and know that it wasn't based on reality, just hormones. I had an ideal birth experience and it worked out better then I could've planned, and better then I was afraid of. I would feel so guilty reading stories about women who gave birth to babies that had severe deformations or complications. What right did I have to feel so bad when I had a beautiful healthy child, who was growing and breastfeeding fine (my first wouldn't and had a weight loss crisis at 5 weeks). I got so irritable with my family who'd traveled long ways to help me out. I just wanted to disappear!

However, that lasted about 2.5 weeks and even before it ended it was getting better. I was on 2 low doses of Xanax daily and in a few days was able to drop the morning dose. It took the rest of the time to drop the evening one, but it did go away completely! And the Xanax did not cause the baby to be too drowsy or inhibit my milk supply.

I also had the same feelings of wanting a tubal initially and then feeling bad about not having another child. Unfortunately I can't have another child, its very risky as my daughter's and my blood crossed at some point and now I have rare antibodies in my blood that would make things very complicated with the risk of miscarriage and deformity. We'd planned to stop at two, so initially it wasn't a big deal, but I did have to deal with and grieve the loss of having another. And my husband the loss of not having a boy. I was surprised that I felt sad about it, since it was part of the plan.

Hang in there. It gets better. One thing I found that helped me was talking to friends and family. See if one of your friends could drop by daily to check in on you, boost your spirits. Try to get out of the house, go to the mall or somewhere you can relax and see people walking around. Get some fresh air, maybe bundle up and jog around your house once or twice, it will boost your energy and mood. Focus on doing one chore a day around the house, that helped me a lot, feeling useful! See if your community has a PPD support group. I didn't go to one because it was a very long drive from where I lived, but I think it would've helped! Connect with your friends via social networking sites, that helped me a lot as I was new to the area (4weeks before baby) and didn't have people to check in on me and family lived 6+ hours away.

You'll be in my prayers, PPD is really tough and I don't wish it on anyone, but you can get through it! There is light at the end of the tunnel and you'll start feeling like your old self soon!

Oh honey, it's completely normal! I cried for 2 weeks after my beautiful babies were born and I had no idea why. I wasn't really feeling depressed, just couldn't stop crying. Your hormones are going crazy and there is a lot to deal with in adjusting to new little ones. I was freaking out about getting the older kids to school and the younger ones to nap while dealing with painful boobs and a flabby belly and my husband not wanting more kids. And it's exhausting! Take care of yourself as much as you can - rest, eat well, take a bubble bath. And just let yourself cry if it feels good. It will get better! This time passes so quickly - before you know it your little baby will be sleeping at night and will fit right into your routine. Enjoy her sweet little face and ask your hubby to take care of everything else.

I never experienced baby blues or post partum depression, but when our 2nd daughter was about 9 months old we decided that we don't want any more kids, and my husband had a vasectomy. As we left the office the day of his surgery i started to cry. It was real no more kids, i loved being pregnant and never had any difficulties, but even though i was sad i knew it was the right thing. even now my kids areal most 7 and 3 there are days i just want to cry, and it makes me feel better when i do.

R.,
I felt like this with my first and third. Make sure that you are getting enough calories, that can help soo much! I also write in a journal and count all my blessings I can think of for the day. Its ok to call your doctor too. They will be able to give you some advice and know what is normal and when it has been to long, that you might need a bit of help getting over or through it. If you can try to get out once a day, even if it is just to drive around a little and go back home. It is totally normal, just make sure you have someone to confide in. If that person is your husband, let him know beforehand that you need listening, not solutions. That way he will not try to "fix" the way you are feeling, he will just listen.
Good luck,
E.

During pregnancy and shortly after giving birth your hormones are up and down up and down , plus your body is exhausted from being pregnant , giving birth and having a little one to look after , and you also have a child , accept as much help that is offered , if you need help do not be afraid to ask for it and try to rest when you can , housework can be left for now (or this is where asking for help would be useful). It is normal to be tearful , I started crying in the middle of a supermarket after my first was born!

The #1 thing is that you recognize that this is a normal hormonal flux (even though it didn't have the same time frame as your other baby blues) and it is almost impossible to have rational thoughts about major decisions (such as getting your tubes tied, etc.)--much less minor decisions.

Allow yourself to feel sad and cry. Don't fight it. Just give permission for your body to readjust as best it knows how. Think about it: every one of your biological systems has been affected by the pregnancy and birth; it needs time to heal. It isn't logical, it's biological. :)

Also, let your husband know how you are feeling and why. My husband was so supportive of me because he knew that the crying and crazy stuff I was saying (it was pretty crazy--like let's change the baby's name OR maybe we should give the baby up to a better mommy, etc.) was the hormones talking. He just remained a calm, non-anxious presence. We look back and laugh now, but at the time, I was devastingly sad/crazy.

It just makes sense that the body has to adjust to such a drastic change: we have 9 months to slowly create a baby, and then in just a few minutes or hours--boom--all is changed! Just take care of yourself (drink plenty of fluids and get as much sleep as possible), and don't be hard on yourself. Call your doc if you feel blue after two or so more days. Good luck!

Hi R. - your hormones are all crazy at the moment and I remember feeling just the same after having my second child - we were only planning on two. I think it's good you didn't have your tubes tied.......you can always have it done much later. Also, hold off on your husband having a vasectomy until you are absolutely sure. I had no plans of having a third child but when my kids were older 9 and 6 I found I was pregnant by accident - I cannot tell you the joy our little one gives the whole family. You don't say how old you are, but if you aren't that old I would wait to make this big decision. In the meantime, just try and focus on the gorgeous new baby and other child you have - and just don't think about any more babies - Alison

Congrats on your new baby!

I would say what you're experiencing is in the category of "normal" given all that you've been through in the last 2 weeks. You've had some MAJOR life stresses recently (even if they're positive things, they can still cause us stress!) and you need lots of encouragement & support.

I would definitely start and continue what you're already doing: talking about it - with your husband, your OB, a family member, friends....women who have delievered recently, etc. Have them "keep tabs" on you and your emotions & moods, to note any changes and to see if things are improving or not. If it continues, then you should seek medical attention just to be on the safe side. No harm in reaching out!

I will say that I had a harder time with baby blues with my 2nd baby, and he was also delievered in the winter - which to me, personally, is a difficult time of year to deliver!

(((Hugs))), and hang in there, Mama!

warmly,
B.