Potty Training - West Chicago, IL

Updated on January 19, 2008
L. asks from West Chicago, IL
6 answers

Hi moms,

I have a situation I'm hoping someone can offer some options for. My 3rd child, a boy, is 3, turning 4 in March. He has not shown ANY interest in potty training up to this point (we started putting the potty seat out around 18 months, just so it was there). Unfortunately, the optimal time for training him would have been last summer, but we had a baby in the middle of summer, so I didn't want to undo any work we did prior to that and it was impossible right after she was born. SO! Here we are, we've been working on this for about a week and a half (I know, not very long yet). I use the method of old fashoined cotton training pants or pull ups and set a timer for every 30-45 minutes. When the timer goes off, I say "It's time to try the potty" or something like that and he RUNS to the toilet. Sometimes he produces, sometimes not. He gets a chocolate chip as a reward for going potty, 2 chips for stinkys.

Here's the problem: he doesn't ever tell me he has to go. He doesn't seem to recognize the feeling of having to go, yet most of the time he can hold it between the times of the timer. Here's the kicker, if he does have an accident, he can tell me exactly when he went in his pants. How do I get him to become more aware of the feeling of having to go, so he recognizes when it is time to go, and not RELYING on the timer? I'm open to any thoughts anyone might have. My oldest son is 14, so it's been awhile. My next is a girl whose 5.5, and she trained completely (nighttime and all) in about 5 days when she was just under 3 years old. Thanks so much for reading this and offering your experience/advice!

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K.G.

answers from Fort Wayne on

Check out the book, "Toilet Training in Less than a Day." We used it with our son, and although he didn't train in a day, he got the whole concept down, and was trained very easily at 29 months old. We had originally tried at 27 months, and then let it go for two months when he showed no interest. When we tried again at 29 months, he was telling me he had to go the first day.

We just tried with our daughter, who just turned 2, and she isn't physically ready yet, but we're hoping having taught her the basics will make it as easy as it was with our son.

I checked the book out of the library, and found it at Amazon for about $7.

Good luck!

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H.L.

answers from Chicago on

You did exactly the right thing. If you had trained him while you were pregnant it is very likely he would have regressed after the new baby came home. This is common. Then he would have felt a sense of failure. it is also common for boys to take waaaaay longer than girls to potty train. It will happen, it always does eventually, don't pressure him. Also I think you should nix the timer. listening for body signals is the most important thing. My son is like a camel. Literally he takes two man-sized tinkles a day and that's it. if we had done the timer with him it would have dirven him over the edge. Good luck, and try not to let it stress you out.

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J.H.

answers from Chicago on

I don't know who told you to set a timer to train a child. They must be out of their mind. Children don't "go" on demand, they go about 10 minutes or less after drinking. Don't offer them liquids "all day long". Breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner and 15 minutes before bedtime. When it's a baby boy, fathers help is best! He needs to be involved 'big time" to "show" the child what to do. When you're doing the training, shhhh the child so he can hear the tinkle with you and really make a big deal out of him going (it helps for him to hear you go first). Show him in the otty and then he gets a treat; a sectioned graham cracker or something healthy...not chocolate that could bind him up. You'll just end up with the child struggeling to go. If there is pain involved for him, he'll hold it as long as he can. Ouch! My daughter was trained at 10.5 months and my son in 13.5 months. You should have gotten him out of diapers before the little one was born..to much work for just mom. Treat him like a big boy now and reward him every time he helps you with baby (acknowledging that he's a helpful "big boy" for mommy....they love praise.
Good luck honey.
J.
Elk Grove Vlg., Il

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S.R.

answers from Chicago on

I know this feeling having gone through it recently too. I realized that it does take time. If you're having trouble after one month, talk to your pediatrician, but I think that time will tell.

Good luck!!!!

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B.C.

answers from Chicago on

One of my good friends is a teacher in a 3's room at a preschool and does a LOT of potty training. Her usual recommendation is that you never use pull-ups during the day (kids understand the difference between awake time and naps/sleep) and expect messes. You might want to stop using the timer at all so that he has to think more about if he feels like he has to go... The timer is keeping him from having to listen to his body. When he has accidents, and clearly he will, make sure that he is involved in cleaning up after them and taking responsibility but not in a punishing way, more like "well, you had an accident and that's fine; now we have to clean it up".

My preschool teaching friend's nephew was totally opposed to potty training at almost 4-years-old (he's the youngest of 3). His mom didn't want the mess, but finally listened to her sister, he had to clean up ONE poop accident, said to his mom, "Mommy, this is yucky!" and was done.

Oh! And as to food treats for potty, it's not a good incentive. My nephew was offered jelly beans and figured out how to poop about 10 times a day in order to get more and more jelly beans till my brother finally had to tell him that going to the potty was it's own reward.

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S.P.

answers from Indianapolis on

Dear L.,
I think you are doing just the right thing and should keep doing it longer.
After another week or 10 days then set the timer for a longer period of time.
(You know, the timer is really just to remind you to remind him to try to go.)
I like how you are doing this and I really think you will be successful.

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