Potty Training Help - Dallas, TX

We had problems with my 3 year old until recently. We switched from using the "big" potty to using a kiddy potty. We also use the incentive of cars, if he goes #2 he gets a brand new car, if he goes in his pants, he gets a few cars taken away. He started with half his cars taken away, but last week (when we switched seats) he started going on his potty and learned that he gets the new one. It has been 4 days and no accidents. Good luck, we have been struggling with this for months.

Hello K.,

do you know if your daughter is constipated? milk products can constipate. anyways, I'd suggest increasing her fiber and water intake to make it easier for her to go. for a few days let her go without saying anything. however keep track of what time she goes... then put her on the potty around that time. our bodies get on a schedule. you can also give her a teaspoon of milk of magnesia (mixed on something) the night before and then in the morning it will be easier for her to go. ask her if it hurts when she goes. and ask her why she doesn't like to use the toilet. she may have a valid reason (whatever might have been valid when she was 3 years old but the mind is a funny thing). ~C.~

Typically, this starts out as a physical issue tha turns into a psychological issue. They typically get severely constipated and they have a painful stool that makes them afraid to go potty. Then, the more they hold it in, the more painful that it becomes. There are major medical issues that can come from holding it in too long. As far as being tough - I would take the exact opposite approach. Any time that a child has a physical or medical issue which starts a problem, trying to correct it by punishment typically creates a MAJOR power struggle. Not the intended or needed effect. If it were me, first of all I would take her to a GOOD pedi gastroenterologist. I think it is important to know the extent of any physical damage that might have been caused before you can decide appropriately how to proceed. This really goes out of the expertise of your pediatrician. Then, from there, they can help you with medication and great ideas for dealing with the psychological aspects. My son had a similar issue with food after he was critically ill and I was amazed at the WONDERFUL advice and support that the gastro doc gave me to help him ease back into eating again. Sometimes the psychological is more difficult than the physical - but I would not punish her for this. I wish you much luck and I hope that she and you find relief from this issue soon! We use Dr. Ogunmola in downtown Fort Worth (he is with Cook's) as our pedi gastro doc and he is absolutely fabulous! It is the one doctor that my son loves to go to! Goodluck!

If your daughter is afraid of the potty, you could try what my son's pedi. told us to do. Have her sit on the toilet, lid closed, fully dressed at the same time each day(a time when you know she might need to go) and read her a book she really likes. No pressure. Just sit and listen, no talk of using the potty at all. After at least two weeks of this, see if she is willing to sit on the potty, lid closed with pants off, underware on and listen to a story. Gradually move towards sitting on the potty with underware off, lid open. This worked with my son who wouldn't go number 1 or 2 until he was 4. Recently, he got constipated and it was painful to have a BM. After that it was 2-3 weeks before we could get him to go number 2 again on the potty. We used Miralax, too. Good luck!

I'm assuming you may have tried the reward bit if she goes, and what helped at my house was letting them sit there reading a little book, and they would go when they weren't thinking because of being interested in looking at their books. Otherwise , at this age, you may try tellilng her she has to clean up her own mess, and stick to it. Of course this will mean you have to be prepared for a (mess) but tell her she has to dump her own panties, and rinse them out etc. until she can go potty.
Good luck.
I just read your bit in response, so want to edit what I just said. I didn't realize she was constipated. My daughter had problems that way, and it hurt to go etc. And a Dr. said her last intestines secreted too much water, and that was why her bowl movements were so hard, and said a laxitive wouldn't be good, and gave her a blow softner, colice. And this did the trick.

Well I have a 4.5 son who won't poop in the pot either so you are not alone. I don't have the problem of my son resisting because when he has to go, he puts on his pullup and does his business, and of course I have to clean up the mess. I, too, am exasperated as well. Even though we've presented incentives to him and told him to use the toilet, he still refuses. However, my therapist said this is a battle I need to let go. I used to get all upset because he wouldn't/couldn't poop in the pot and I still do from time to time but it's really not worth it.

Have you asked her if she is afraid? My son says he's afraid he would fall in the toilet and get flushed which is impossible to us but very real in his mind. His argument is if Rita and Roddy (Flushed Away movie) can jump in and be flushed, then he could to.

Maybe her mind is not mature enough or perhaps she is constipated and it hurts to do it. One mama on this site suggested putting benefiber in her son's drink and has done it since he was 3 years old; he's 9 now.

The other thing that I would hate for my son to experience this but perhaps it's the answer to all this, is he would poop in his pants while we are out or better yet, when he starts kindergarten. The embarrassment alone might change things.

All I know is he is not ready but I am but it's something my son has to figure out on his own as does your daughter.

Barb

Good luck! It sounds like you're on the right track, but there are a couple of things I didn't see mentioned in the other posts that might be helpful. If the constipation is an ongoing issue, you may want to consider a pediatric-sized glycerin suppository (my pedi explained to me that while fiber/laxatives are useful for keeping things moving, that they won't make it easier/more comfortable for the stool that is already in there...hard & dry...to come out). Another thing I found helpful was learning how ergonomics can play a part! In the days before indoor plumbing, people squatted when relieving their bowels (you'll notice toddlers doing this, too!). The pressure from the thighs on the abdomen apparently makes it easier to go. Obviously a young child sitting on a grown-up potty loses this advantage. I recommend the Baby Bjorn potties. I found them easy for the children to use and easy for me to clean (VERY important!). Once my children were comfortable going on the potty, I purchased a Baby Bjorn potty seat for the toilet. It is the only one I found that adjusts for different sized toilet seats, giving a secure feeling to the child (both that they won't fall in and, unlike the others I've seen, that they also won't fall off!). If you can find a step-stool that will allow her to position her feet so that her knees are above her bottom when she's sitting, that may help, too.

Good luck to you! She's blessed to have you there helping her. :)

I potty trained in the daycare setting for years.

I have 2 suggestions for you:

1. Put a TV tray in the bathroom for her to have a surface to do activities in the bathroom. It can help her to relax if she is not just "thinking about it". Have coloring books and crayons handy (also, puzzles, books, etc. that can be done on the small table). This way she may sit longer too. Set a timer for about 15 or 20 minutes and tell her that when the timer goes off she can get up, but she can "play" there until then. Take the timer out of her sight so she is not compelled to look at it (if it doesn't beep when you push the buttons, you may want to add a couple of minutes when she isn't looking if she is sitting well).

2. Do you have a potty training doll?

I used to use it to show the kids how to poop. Get some tootsie rolls (without her knowing you have them or it will ruin it since she is old enough to understand things that a younger child might not). Hold the doll over the toilet. Without your daughter realizing it, drop a few tootsie rolls into the toilet behind the doll. Get excited when you hear it drop into the water. Get her to look and see that the doll has gone poop.

It may or may not work with her at this age, but it is definately worth a try.

I know this may sound "gross", but since kids learn by example you may even want to allow her to be in the room when you go (once or twice) maybe while she is in the bath (so she won't leave the room). Just a thought. I had my husband show our boys how to pee, but it may work for poop too. Shrug.

Good luck!

P. <><

My daughter (when she was three) did the same thing, and I asked her peditrician about it. She said that not only was it a fear thing, but also because of the new baby (she was completely potty trained and doing well with it until our baby was born, they are two and a half years apart). Give her a reward everytime she sits on the potty and pees (our daughters was a mini tootsie roll) and if she pooped on the toliet she could pick anything out of the large prize jar, stickers a larger piece of candy, small toys, etc. She was so excited for the positive attention around her going to the potty she actually sat on it herself a few times to try to poop. Bottom line... she is getting "negative attention" when she poops her pants which is attention nonetheless and you need to turn that into positive attention. Don't make a big deal about it if she makes a mistake, but over praise when she does well. Alot of it has to do with the fact that you have a baby too.

I am there with you. I have an almost 4 year old son who just won't go poo in the potty. He gets constipated and he also holds it. DRIVES ME NUTS! I have six kids and he's the only one out of the 5 potty trained that does this. We've gone the miralax route and it hasn't helped either.

I know he's not affraid to sit on the potty (and fall in) because he is willing to sit on the potty to go pee. He'll start to scream his stomach hurts and he'll pass gas and I'll know he needs to go to the bathroom, but he just won't go when I put him on the potty. I've tried rewards and punishment...nothing works. If he does go in his pants I make him clean it up, I don't know if that helps him...but I'm tired of cleaning it.

I know it has something to do with his constipation, but I haven't found a doctor who has given me any advice that has worked. And miralax isn't working.

I had another son do the same thing, but he was two. And then when he was three his two year old sister started potty training and I guess competition won out and he started pooing in the potty just like his sister.

So, though I can't give you any advice, I can atleast tell you that you are not alone!

I have a son (who is now 5 1/2), and he did the same thing. I finally found out that he was having a problem with constipation and that it was very difficult for him to have a bowel movement and so he dreaded going to the potty. I put him on Miralax(1 teaspoon every morning in his chocolate milk) and w/in a week he was going poop in the potty. I haven't had a problem since. I'm not sure if if this is what your daughter is going through or not, I just thought more information is better than not enough. Good Luck!!!

My 3 1/2 year old will not go poop in the potty either and I have a younger daughter who is not yet potty trained. Someone suggested to me to put the diaper on and have her sit on the potty. I haven't had any luck though. Good Luck.

Have you tried "poopy presents" yet? I went to Wal-mart and picked up a bunch of different presents that I thought my son would like (toys, games, etc) and came home with them in a bag. I thought about wrapping them, but never got around to it. I didn't spend over $20 on them, either. When I got home I told him I had special presents that he could choose from after he pooped on the potty (one per bm). He had really been resisting doing his business on the potty for over a year, so I know the presents helped. Sometimes he'd go twice a day just to get a present that he'd seen in the bag that he wanted to get. The presents only lasted about a week and now he's a pro at going all by himself. Not sure if you tried it yet, but I do believe they worked for us.