Pre-School Agressive Behavior Witnessed -- Too Early?

Updated on April 17, 2012
J.R. asks from Washington, DC
5 answers

Dear All, My son is 3 1/2 years old. Up until now the children in his pre-school class have all gotten along with only some pushing and so forth. Nothing extenuating.

This week, I witnessed 2 events and need your input processing them:
1. One child tried to strangle another with a scarf during free play yesterday morning. I was just dropping off my son and witnessed this. i was a bit shocked. The teacher told the boy who was strangled "What do you say..." but did not discipline the 'strangler' which was a bit odd. I heard from other mothers later that their children talked about it at home, and some imitated....

2. In the park yesterday, two of my son's friends were telling my son and another little boy not to join them and that they were not their friends..... and started pushing and kicking. I was surprised as the 2 boys are my son's friends and just last week they played nicely together.

I do not want to interfere in the pre-school teacher's work. I am trying to give my son space to live his life :) But I do want to know what I should reasonably expect from a pre-schoolers behavior at this stage.

Thank you.
Jilly

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More Answers

T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

So the teacher didn't say anything to the boy who strangled? That seems odd, she should have said something like, we don't put our hands on our friends, or what you are doing is hurting your friend, something like that. I would ask the teacher about it directly.
As far as the kids in the park, yes that's normal, but again a teachable moment. I hope YOU said something to them, again, something like, we don't hit/kick our friends, or it's not nice to exclude our friends.
As long as adults are continually correcting and guiding children's behavior they WILL learn. That's a BIG part of preschool, learning what is appropriate and how to get along with each other and solve conflicts.

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T.M.

answers from Philadelphia on

The teacher should have put the child in time out, she could have also explained to the kids how wrong it was.

On the playground, kids are your friend one day and not the next. This happens up into highschool. I talk to my kids and they know to shrug it off.

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J.H.

answers from San Antonio on

I would be contacting the school about the strangling and the teacher's reaction. That's just ridiculous. Even if the kid who was strangled did something to instigate the reaction, the teacher should have done something to the child who attempted to strangle him.

As far as the second situation goes, I would let it go. Your son needs to learn that not everyone wants to be his friend all the time. I would say something to him about the fact that the boys kicked and pushed him. Something along the lines of him not wanting to play with people who treat him like that anyway. (But in words he can understand.)

HTH

3 moms found this helpful

M.L.

answers from Houston on

Both sound totally normal. The teacher NOT disciplining the child who strangled the other is not normal. I would contact the school administrator and let him/her know those concerns.

2 moms found this helpful
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L.E.

answers from Provo on

#2 is not unusual, but #1 I would speak with the teacher about.

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